The Pre-Teen Question: What am I Good at? from the Parent Powerline

The Pre-Teen Question: What am I Good at? from the Parent Powerline
Sunday, May 3, 2026 by Becky Cerling Powers

Categories: Parent Powerline

parenting teenagers “What am I good at, Mom?”

Like a musical refrain, the question began coming up as, one by one, when each of our three children turned 12 or 13.

It was a signal.

Our kids were stubbing their toes on the threshold of adolescence.

Adolescence is an insecure time, an in-between time of life when kids are trying to figure out who they are. So they want to know how other people view them, hoping to catch a glimpse of true reflection in the mirror of others’ opinions.

Who am I?

Am I really O.K.?

What is special about me?

What is my purpose?

What should I decide to do with my life?

All these concerns are wrapped up in an early teen’s poignant question, “What am I good at?”

So, by the time kids start asking this question, you need to be able to give clear answers.

You need to know your child’s natural bent.

If you spend your child’s early years trying to impress your relatives and friends with what a great parent you are, you probably won’t be ready for the question.

You need to spend your child’s early years recognizing and encouraging your child’s natural abilities and trying to provide lessons, coaching, or whatever is required to give them training in those specific skills (again: not providing lessons, coaching, and whatever it is you think is required for social approval points).

When that question starts popping up, you need to be able to say confidently, “You are athletic. Look how well you played soccer last Saturday,” or “You are really good at playing strategy games, and you like science.”

Your focus in the early years needs to be discovering your unique child.

Then you can reassure blossoming children of their strengths.

And then you can encourage them to compensate:

to counterbalance their weaknesses by focusing on their strengths.

Yes, of course they need to work on weak areas.

But strong confidence in their areas of strength can give them courage to push themselves forward in their areas of weakness.

Parents cannot make their kids choose to compensate instead of choosing to wallow in self-pity or escape into sex and drugs. But parents can provide their kids with tools, back up, and encouragement for compensating.

They can expose their kids to a wide variety of experiences and listen to the observations of teachers and coaches who work with their children. They can observe their children themselves and then encourage and provide them with instruction in one or two areas of interest and ability.

Strong interest in a particular area often indicates strength in it better than how a child’s efforts look at first.

The “novels” our daughter diligently wrote when she was 10 were awful. But after three years of writing stories nearly every day in her free time, it was clear that she was a gifted writer…and no surprise that she became a published fiction writer and then a successful publisher to boot.

Holidays like Christmas, Mother’s and Father’s Days and Valentine’s Day are especially rich with opportunities for kids to discover interests by trying new activities.

Holidays also offer parents many possibilities for encouraging children with special talents to develop their genius through holiday projects.

Young artists can make one-of-a-kind cards and gifts for birthdays and holidays, help design holiday decorations, or team up with a sibling writer to illustrate an original book of poems or stories for grandparents.

Budding actors can read aloud dramatically to younger children, make story videos & podcasts for gifts, and create plays or puppet shows for family celebrations.

Aspiring writers can keep a family journal, compose poems for gifts or holiday greeting cards, write a family newsletter, or team up with an actor sibling to create an original drama to be performed and/or videotaped, possibly with musical background supplied by a musician sibling.

Apprentice carpenters can make toys, build bookshelves, and put together “assembly required” furniture and toys.

Beginning musicians can practice holiday music to perform for family gatherings or church programs.

Future cooks can bake cookies, pies, and other special recipes for family gatherings.

These activities also give kids positive outlets for their feelings and positive ways to build the healthy relationships they long for and need.

So now you know. When you look for your children’s unique gifts to the world and do all you can to encourage those embryo gifts to flourish, then you will have good answers to give your kids when they start asking, “Dad, Mom, what am I good at?”

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Becky Cerling Powers blogs at www.beckypowers.com. She is the author of the nonfiction novel, Forbidden Orphanage Outside the Forbidden City, the children’s picture book Wherever I Go: Psalm 139 for Kids, and the parenting insight guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. You can find her books on her website or wherever books are sold.

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