Lighten Up: insights from the Parent Powerline

Lighten Up: insights from the Parent Powerline
Wednesday, August 16, 2023 by Becky Cerling Powers

Categories: Parent Powerline

healthy family laughter I was driving in the car listening to the radio with my 14-year old son Matt, Back in the Day, when Ricky Nelson’s recording “I’m a Travelin’ Man” came on the oldies station.

It’s a real true Oldie, a bragging song of the 1960s about a guy traveling all over the world, romancing women every place he goes, “loving” and leaving them behind in various parts of the world.

I sent up a quick prayer

“Lord, this guy is bragging that he’s cool and manly because treats a woman like a sack lunch. I don’t want to let a message like that go by with no comment. But if I preach a sermon at my son, it’ll turn him off.”

Inspiration came as I continued to listen to the song, and when Nelson started singing his chorus – “Oh, I’m a Travelin’ Man…”

I joined in with Ricky, singing my own version of his chorus:

“Oh, I’m a Really Big Jerk…”

Matt glanced at me sideways and grinned. “Yeah!” he agreed.

No sermon needed.

A sense of humor can be our best ally in the daily ups and downs of raising our kids. (Or getting along with our marriage partner.)

A short joke often gets the message across better than a long lecture.

And jokes can make the family feel closer.

Studies show, social worker Richard Park says, that laughing together helps make people more objective about their problems, reduces their sensitivity to pain, and even increases their physical fitness.

A 10-second belly laugh, Park says, has the same effect on the heart as 10 minutes of aerobic exercise.

Laughter in the family can be healthy or unhealthy.

Mockery and sarcasm are unhealthy kinds of laughter, he said.

Mockery and sarcasm undermine trust and block intimacy. Healthy laughter is laughing with someone, not against someone.

So, what are some ways that help families lighten up and laugh?

First, back off, watch your children, and just enjoy them.

I remember the time our 4-year-old and his playmate visited the backyard playground in graduate student housing where we lived. Unknown to us, a repairman had dismantled the merry-go-round, and the two children showed up at the back door smeared with thick, black axle grease – arms, legs, hands, faces, necks….

“Look, Mom!” Erik announced proudly. “We painted ourselves.”

The only thing to do was laugh and get out the camera. (Followed by a big bar of soap and the hose.)

Write down the funny things your children say and do.

When kids say or do something funny, grab a pen and paper and jot it down. Dump it in your purse if you’re not home. Then keep a file folder somewhere in a specific place and drop in the scraps of funny stories. Type up your collection from time to time, and in later years the family can have a lot of good laughs together reading about the past.

Look at photo albums together.

The pictures will bring up lots of laughs along with the memories.

Collect and share jokes.

Keep joke books around for kids to read and retell. Take time to listen and laugh.

When people send me good jokes online, I print them out, three-hole punch them, and keep them in a binder. When I’m having a bad day, I page through the binder for a little perspective and sometimes I share it with the family.

And don’t forget to share jokes soon after you hear them, along with funny tapes and videos you discover. I collect funny GIFs about babies and animals. My 7- and 10-year-old grandsons think they’re hilarious and like watching them with me.

Remind yourself that it is OK to be silly.

“When things get too serious,” Park says, “nonsense makes the most sense.”

Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com

Becky Cerling Powers is the author of the nonfiction narrative, Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and the parenting guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive.

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