I started drinking when I was 14. I worked in a restaurant and with the money I got from tips I would ask friends to get me beer. I don’t know why. It’s just that the beer would call me: “You need beer. You need beer.”
My son was born in 1983, when I was 33 years old. I was a single mom. Gradually I started drinking more and more.
When my son was 13, I went through a really bad depression, and I thought what would heal me was to drink and smoke and not care about anything else. Before I started to work, I’d smoke two cigarettes and drink three beers so I’d feel OK.
After work I would buy another six- pack, sometimes wine and whiskey. To me it was a good feeling. But I wouldn’t take care of my son, and I was hurting my body.
I worked at a country club. When I’d get a break, I’d go to the bathroom and steal a beer to drink. The manager finally realized it and said, “You better stop or we’ll have to fire you.” The club warned me three times, and then they fired me.
I started going every two days to the bank to get money and buy beer. I wasn’t eating, just drinking. I passed out and my mom called an ambulance. I was in a coma and dreaming three days.
In my dreams I prayed, “My Lord, I beg of you, help me.”
Then my Lord said, “Daughter, everyone loves you and needs you, especially your mom and your son. I want you to make up your mind whether it’s heaven or hell.”
I was having seizures because my heart was so weak from all the alcohol and smoking. Then my dad and mom died, I got congestive heart failure, and I had another big depression.
My neighbor, Tola, would visit me and insist for me to go to her church, but I wouldn’t go. Sometimes she’d see my house really dirty, and she would clean it.
In 2008 I saw two beautiful little girls, 12 or 13 years old, at the park. “Miss!” they greeted me. And they invited me to go to their church.
So, I started going. I prayed, “My Jesus, I want to change.” After that when I went to church, it was like getting a gift from the Lord, like when I used to get dolls and toys at Christmas.
One day a year later I started choking, and my whole body was shaking terribly. I started seeing things blurry and black.
It was their sixth time to come for me. When they came, they said “We’ve never seen you this bad.”
At 8 p.m. in the hospital, I closed my eyes and didn’t wake up until 10 p.m. the next night.
For two days I would see my good Lord standing with his hands open, looking at me saying, “¡Hija, que todas te quieren!”
When he told me “Daughter, everybody loves you,” my body felt light. It was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. The doctor said I woke with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face.
The nurse said, “Ay Señora, it must have been beautiful where you were!”
I had my EKG and they said “You’re doing great!” Then they sent me home.
I died at the hospital. I was blacking out in my house, but when I got to the hospital, that’s when I collapsed and went up there. He took out all the bad inside me, all my loneliness.
Since I saw Jesus at the hospital, I don’t worry anymore. I live one day at a time.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). And Jesus taught “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).
Today’s Prayer
I cry out to you, Jesus, to help me in my trouble. Change my attitude until I seek you with all my heart. Amen.
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers, updated 2025
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: Quick Reads for Helping Kids Thrive, a Bathroom Book for people who want to be better parents but live such busy lives that they hardly have time to figure out how.
I started drinking when I was 14. I worked in a restaurant and with the money I got from tips I would ask friends to get me beer. I don’t know why. It’s just that the beer would call me: “You need beer. You need beer.”
My son was born in 1983, when I was 33 years old. I was a single mom. Gradually I started drinking more and more.
When my son was 13, I went through a really bad depression, and I thought what would heal me was to drink and smoke and not care about anything else. Before I started to work, I’d smoke two cigarettes and drink three beers so I’d feel OK.
After work I would buy another six- pack, sometimes wine and whiskey. To me it was a good feeling. But I wouldn’t take care of my son, and I was hurting my body.
I worked at a country club. When I’d get a break, I’d go to the bathroom and steal a beer to drink. The manager finally realized it and said, “You better stop or we’ll have to fire you.” The club warned me three times, and then they fired me.
I started going every two days to the bank to get money and buy beer. I wasn’t eating, just drinking. I passed out and my mom called an ambulance. I was in a coma and dreaming three days.
In my dreams I prayed, “My Lord, I beg of you, help me.”
Then my Lord said, “Daughter, everyone loves you and needs you, especially your mom and your son. I want you to make up your mind whether it’s heaven or hell.”
I was having seizures because my heart was so weak from all the alcohol and smoking. Then my dad and mom died, I got congestive heart failure, and I had another big depression.
My neighbor, Tola, would visit me and insist for me to go to her church, but I wouldn’t go. Sometimes she’d see my house really dirty, and she would clean it.
In 2008 I saw two beautiful little girls, 12 or 13 years old, at the park. “Miss!” they greeted me. And they invited me to go to their church.
So, I started going. I prayed, “My Jesus, I want to change.” After that when I went to church, it was like getting a gift from the Lord, like when I used to get dolls and toys at Christmas.
One day a year later I started choking, and my whole body was shaking terribly. I started seeing things blurry and black.
It was their sixth time to come for me. When they came, they said “We’ve never seen you this bad.”
At 8 p.m. in the hospital, I closed my eyes and didn’t wake up until 10 p.m. the next night.
For two days I would see my good Lord standing with his hands open, looking at me saying, “¡Hija, que todas te quieren!”
When he told me “Daughter, everybody loves you,” my body felt light. It was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. The doctor said I woke with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face.
The nurse said, “Ay Señora, it must have been beautiful where you were!”
I had my EKG and they said “You’re doing great!” Then they sent me home.
I died at the hospital. I was blacking out in my house, but when I got to the hospital, that’s when I collapsed and went up there. He took out all the bad inside me, all my loneliness.
Since I saw Jesus at the hospital, I don’t worry anymore. I live one day at a time.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). And Jesus taught “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).
Today’s Prayer
I cry out to you, Jesus, to help me in my trouble. Change my attitude until I seek you with all my heart. Amen.
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers, updated 2025
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: Quick Reads for Helping Kids Thrive, a Bathroom Book for people who want to be better parents but live such busy lives that they hardly have time to figure out how.
What did Jesus mean when he said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit”? What does it look like for somebody to be “poor in spirit”?
The story of King Ahaziah in the Old Testament gives us hints.
Ahaziah was one of the kings of ancient Israel during the time of God’s prophet Elijah.
One day, he fell through the second-story railing of his house to the ground below. He was severely injured.
So he sent messengers to Baal-zebub, the god of the people of Ekron, to ask if he would recover from his injuries.
Elijah met the messengers on their way.
“Give the king this message,” he told them.
‘“Why are you going to the god of Ekron? Is there no God in Israel? Here is what the Lord God says to the king: “You will not be able to get up from your bed. You are going to die.”’”
The messengers went back to the king and told him what happened.
“What did the man who stopped you look like?” Ahaziah asked.
“He wore a hairy garment with a leather belt around his waist,” they said.
“I know who that is!” the king said. “That’s Elijah!” And he ordered one of his military captains to take 50 men, arrest Elijah, and bring him to the king.
The captain and his 50 men located Elijah sitting on top of a hill.
“Man of God!” the captain yelled. “Come down here right now! I have orders to bring you to the king!”
“If I really am a Man of God,” Elijah said, “may fire come down from heaven and consume you all!”
Just then, a ball of fire dropped from the sky. It landed on the men, and they all burned up.
So, the king sent another captain with 50 men to arrest Elijah. They, too, found him on top of the hill. “Man of God! The king says, ‘Come down at once!’” the captain yelled.
“If I am a Man of God,” Elijah said, “may fire come down from heaven and consume you all!”
Once again a fireball fell from the sky & killed all the men.
So – can you believe it? – the king sent another captain with 50 men to arrest Elijah.
But this captain was different. He climbed up the hill and fell on his knees at Elijah’s feet.
“Have compassion on me and these 50 men!” he begged. “We know what happened to all the others. Fire from heaven fell on those two captains and their 50 men. Now, please, spare our lives!”
The angel of the Lord told Elijah, “Go down with him to the king. Do not be afraid.”
So, Elijah went to the king with the captain and his 50 men.
He gave God’s message to the king: “The Lord God says to you ‘Do you think there is no God in Israel for you to consult? Is that why you sent messengers to consult with Baal-zebub the god of Ekron? Because you did this, you will never be able to get up from your bed. You will surely die!’”
So King Ahaziah died as God said. He was king of Israel for only two years.
Being poor in spirit means realizing you are poor—you do not have what you need.
It also means realizing you are powerless. You not only don’t have what you need, but you also have no power to get it.
To be poor in spirit toward God means that you come to him for what you need, realizing that you can’t bribe him to help you, that you can’t manipulate or trick him into helping you, and that you can’t force him to help you. All you can do is ask nicely.
A prayer for us all
Lord I am poor & You are rich. I can’t bribe You or pay You to help me.
All the power on earth is Yours. I cannot solve my problems today or force You to help me.
You are too wise for me to trick You into helping and certainly too wise for me to advise You on how to help. Have compassion on me, Lord. Please help me in my need. Amen.
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers, updated 2025
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: Quick Reads for Helping Kids Thrive, a Bathroom Book for people who want to be better parents but live such busy lives that they hardly have time to figure out how.
All Things Bright and Beautiful by the Irish poet Cecil Frances Alexander is a Christian hymn that explains part of the Apostle’s Creed in poetry for children.Maybe Cecil Frances hid her poetry under the carpet because she thought her father would disapprove.
She was a timid nine-year old girl in Ireland in 1827, and her father Major John Humphreys of the Royal Marines was a stern man.
But her father saw the bulge in the rug in the back room of their house.
When he investigated, he found his daughter’s poems, and something about them must have touched him. Perhaps, he thought, his little girl had talent.
So he sent the poems to his friend John Keble, who was a clergyman and a poet. Keble wrote back.
Young Fanny, as the family called her, was a gifted writer, he said. She should be encouraged.
So Fanny’s father enlisted the family in encouraging the little girl. The next Saturday he called the family together and read Fanny’s poems out loud. Then he showed the family a box with a slot in the top.
Whenever Fanny finished writing a poem, he explained, she should put the poem into the slot. Then when the family came together the next Saturday, she would read the poem.
The family encouraged her with helpful remarks.
When Fanny grew up, she married and became well known as a writer of hymns.
One day Fanny was sitting next to a sick child trying to explain The Apostle’s Creed, which begins “I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth...”
The child couldn’t understand the way the creed was phrased.
So Fanny wrote children’s poems to put the meaning of the Creed into simple words children can understand. Here is one of the poems she wrote:
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures, great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.
Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colors,
He made their tiny wings.
The purple-headed mountain,
The river running by,
The sunset and the morning,
That brighten up the sky;
The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one.
The tall trees in the greenwood,
The meadows where we play,
The rushes by the water
We gather every day;
He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty
Who has made all things well.
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures, great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers - Story
Cecil Frances Alexander’s poem is in the public domain
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: Quick Reads for Helping Kids Thrive, a Bathroom Book for people who want to be better parents but live such busy lives that they hardly have time to figure out how.
Do your kids need to review basic math? Develop reading readiness? Figure out how to reduce fractions?
Cooperation Concentration is an easy game for parents to make themselves and use to help their kids learn, review, or reinforce all kinds of basic skills.
You can get the hang of Cooperation Concentration by playing it with a deck of Old Maid cards or regular playing cards. After that, you should be able to make up your own sets of cards to help your children review particular skills.
If your Old Maid deck has shrunk, that’s OK. Just be sure you have 14 to 20 pairs, plus the Old Maid odd card.
If you’re using regular playing cards instead of Old Maid cards, use a Joker for the Old Maid.
Any number can play this game, but you must have at least two players.
The object of the game is to see how many pairs the players can find together before someone turns up the Old Maid.
Shuffle the deck and lay the cards out in rows, face down.
Player 1 turns over two cards. If they are a pair, he lays them aside, face up.
If they are not a pair, he replaces them face down again, and everyone tries to remember where those particular cards are located.
Player 2 then turns up another two cards, trying to find and keep a pair.
Since this is a cooperative effort, players keep the pairs in a common pile and help each other locate pairs.
When someone turns over the Old Maid, the game is over.
Count the pairs you collected as a team and start over.
Try to see if you can collect more pairs next game, before the Old Maid shows up.
Suppose you have a first grader who needs to review the alphabet. Make alphabet cards from pieces of cardstock cut into the same size or use a stack of 3-by-5 index cards.
Make two A’s, two B’s, etc. Then make two Time cards: write the word Time or draw a clock picture on two cards.
Now play the game the same way you played it with Old Maid cards, using the Time cards to end the game like an Old Maid odd card.
Since this game has more pairs, it has two odd cards instead of one.
So this time, when you turn up the first Time card, you keep on playing, leaving the Time card face up. When you turn up the second Time card, the game ends.
One additional rule makes review and reinforcement possible:
Every time someone turns up a card, he must say its letter name out loud. When he finds a pair, he must name it correctly, or else he will not be able to keep it.
And since this game is cooperative, whenever a child doesn't know a letter, the other players tell him what it is.
If your child forgot the whole alphabet over the summer and can’t remember any of it, for example, don’t waste time making him feel bad because he doesn’t know as much as you think he should.
Just make the game simpler.
The more your child succeeds, the more he’ll want to play. And the more he plays, the more he’ll learn.
To teach the alphabet over from scratch, put most of the cards aside and start out with only five letter pairs and one Time card.
Play until your child knows those letters, then add a few new ones.
Keep adding new letters gradually.
Take as many days or weeks as your child needs with the game to learn the letters.
Add a second Time card when you get up to 15 or 16 pairs.
To review math, you match cards instead of pairing them. One card will show a problem (3 + 7) and its matching card will show the answer (10).
You can review addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division facts this way.
To review fraction reduction, match an unreduced fraction (6/8) with its equivalent (3/4).
For children who are not yet abstract thinkers, always match a picture card to a number card.
For example, review numbers by matching a numeral to a picture showing that many items; review fractions by matching a written fraction with a picture showing that fraction.
You can make matching cards for the alphabet, too, matching uppercase letters—A, B, C—with lowercase letters—a, b, c.
Or you can teach children to recognize cursive writing by matching a printed word with its equivalent written in cursive. Players should say the word or letter out loud in order to be permitted to keep each matching pair.
Just be sure to make a Time card for every 15 to 20 matching pairs in your game. The game ends when the final Time card is turned up.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1994 updated 2024
Use with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
For more insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
Reprint with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers in Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
Our son Erik was a visual learner who picked up the skill of reading quickly as a kindergartner after only two or three weeks of simple home phonics lessons. Once he “clicked” on reading, he read all the easy-to-read books he could find.
I thought he was ready for something harder the summer after first grade. By then he read easy books fluently, and he had a hardy attention span. He could sit attentively for a half hour or more at a time while we read him long children’s classics like C.S. Lewis’s The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe at bedtime.
So I suggested he try reading The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum, a book he was familiar with because I had read it aloud.
Every day, he reported his progress: “Mom, I’m on page 67!” or “Mom, I’ve read 200 pages!!”
Not every child is ready to tackle such hard books at age 7. Two equally bright children may reach reading readiness at different ages—even five or six years apart.
Yet he, too, was reading novel-length books within two years after he began reading.
For both boys, the key to moving on to the hard books was twofold. First, as parents we built up our children’s vocabulary by reading them many stories that were written well beyond their reading level.
Second, as newbie readers, the boys developed fluency by reading many easy books over and over.
Author and educator Ruth Beechick states that encouraging reading fluency is an important step that parents (and schools) tend to skip by pushing children on to harder and harder reading materials.
This is a mistake, she says, because reading lots of easy books helps developing young readers in several essential ways. First, it gives them practice with decoding skills until these skills become over-learned and automatic. It also helps them learn and relearn the common words that make up a large percentage of all books, including difficult ones.
It also helps them develop comprehension, instead of losing the sense of a passage while struggling to deal with difficult vocabulary and decoding at the same time. Finally, reading lots of easy books helps youngsters find out that reading can be fun.
But what is an easy book? The answer varies from reader to reader.
Beechick explains that every child has three reading levels at all times:
· A frustration level
· A learning level
· And a comfort level.
(These levels provide a way to rate books, not a way to rate individual children.)
She says to rate a book, mark off a section of about 100 words, and ask your child to read it to you aloud.
The frustration level
If your kiddo has trouble reading more than five words, the book is at that child’s frustration level. It has so many new words that the child cannot follow the sense of the story.
Avoid pushing kids to read at their frustration level. Set aside the book for a while.
Kids who are pressured to read books at their frustration level become reluctant readers. It makes them want to give up on reading.
The learning level
If your kids miss three to five words in the 100-word section, the book is at their learning level.
This is a book for you to read together. Take turns reading every other paragraph or page. Whenever Junior encounters a problem with a word, you can help him solve it.
The comfort level
If your kiddo misses two words or less in the 100-word section, the book is at their comfort level. It’s an easy book. They can read it independently and understand the story well.
It’s a good book for a child to read alone or to a younger brother or sister. Reading many books at this comfort level will improve a child’s reading fluency.
Here’s how to teach kids to test themselves when choosing library books.
· Tell them to read a page in the book (assuming that a page will have from 100 to 200 words on it) and
· Use their fingers to count the words they don’t know.
· Whenever they run out of fingers on one hand, the book is probably too hard.
If the simplest books in the library are on kids’ frustration level, it means they don’t really know how to read yet.
In that case, you need to back up and figure out whether or not your child has reached reading readiness yet.
(Beechick’s book, The Three R’s, includes information about ways to tell when a child is ready to read.) If your kiddo is ready, you can try to teach them to read using a good phonics program.
However, if your kiddo shows symptoms of dyslexia, such as
writing letters and figures backwards
confusing the order of letters in words
(and look up “dyslexia symptoms” online for a more comprehensive list)
you’ll need more help.
Testing in the schools is uneven. Parents are more likely to obtain the most up to date testing for dyslexia by asking their pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist to address that specific issue.
The Orten Gillingham system appears to be the one phonics reading system that has shown proven success with people who struggle with reading.
Resource: The Three R’s by Ruth Beechick includes a reading section (telling how and when to begin phonics and how to develop comprehension skills) a language section (showing how to develop written language skills naturally) and an arithmetic section (explaining how to teach children to understand math concepts). Beechick explains the reading process simply. She gives directions for providing reading readiness activities, introducing phonics, teaching children to read using real books, testing children’s reading level, and tutoring spelling. ISBN13:978-0-88062-173-1
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021
Reprint with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers in Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
I’ve always loved my sleep. And once I drifted off, I wanted to stay drifted off. I hated being woken up from sound sleep.
But then I began having babies. Who got sick at night. Who fussed. Who needed comfort at inconvenient times.
Being grumpy only made the situation worse, and anyway…
It was especially hard for me the year after our third child, Matthew, was born. We had
two preschool energizer bunnies and a new baby for me to keep up with during the day,
and my husband was frequently gone nights, traveling out of town with his work.
Even when Dennis was in town, we felt I should be the one to get up with the little ones
at night since he had to get to work in the morning. While I, theoretically, could sleep in.
We didn’t realize that an undiagnosed thyroid condition added to my tiredness.
C.S. Lewis advised his readers to be grateful to Jesus during everyday challenges. With his wisdom, I learned to pray when I heard that little wail: “Thank You, Jesus, for dying
on the cross to save me.”
“My little bit of suffering at getting up right now is nothing compared to what You did for me. Thank You for suffering for my sake.”
And then there were the nights – so many of them! – when the baby was sick and kept waking over and over.
“‘All to Jesus, I Surrender’ makes a good lullaby,” she told me.
So, I learned to settle down in the rocking chair with the baby and begin to surrender:
“Jesus, I don’t get many opportunities to praise you at 2 in the morning,” I’d say. “So, I’m
going to take this as my opportunity.”
Then I would sing that old familiar hymn:
All to Jesus I surrender (All? Even my sleep? Yes, Lord, even my sleep)
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
Refrain: I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender,
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.
All to Jesus I surrender,
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power,
Let Thy blessing fall on me.
After I sang the surrender song, I’d begin singing praise songs to the Lord.
Over and over, time after time, the presence of God filled the room.
I lost track of time.
My fussy baby stopped fussing and fell dead asleep in my arms. But I’d keep singing. It was so good to be in the presence of the Lord. To know His peace in my chaos.
I put the baby back to bed, slipped into my own bed, and then – no longer irritated, no longer upset, but still tired – I drifted off to sleep.
Here’s a story/journal prompt for you:
Is there a song that calms and speaks to you? When? Why?
Or maybe there is something that bugs you, something that happens over and over that troubles you. Is this something you need to surrender to Jesus? Would the words to this song help you think through that hurt, habit or hang-up?
Try writing and reflecting on it in a journal or notebook. It might be useful to include the date, turn it into prayer and come back to it one day.
(Note: Judson W. Van DeVenter is the author of “All to Jesus, I Surrender.” His hymn is in the public domain.)
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers, updated 2024
Reprint with attribution only: https://beckypowers.com
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her blog at www.beckypowers.com and her parenting book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
Even when it’s hot, kids love to help out in the kitchen.
These snacks are great for teaching children kitchen skills and kitchen independence. They require no cooking, and they are easy enough for a 2-year-old or 3-year-old to help and 5-year-olds to manage most of the steps with assistance. Responsible older children can make them easily by themselves.
Toddlers need assistance, but it’s essential to let them help and learn when they want to do it. If you keep shooing them away while working in the kitchen, they absorb “Go Away” messages. And that often makes them resist learning to help when they are older. A 2-year-old or 3-year-old can learn safe-cutting skills if you teach them to cut something easy, like slicing banana rounds with a dinner knife.
That said, in these recipes, cutting with sharp knives and using an electric mixer are jobs only for adults and older children who have had a lot of practice under supervision and have proven themselves to be responsible.
Graham Cracker Faces: Spread graham crackers with peanut butter and make funny faces on the crackers with raisins, chocolate chips, carrot curls, coconut, etc.
Apple or Banana Slice Delight: Spread apple and/or banana slices with softened cream cheese or peanut butter.
Ants on a Log: Cut celery in short lengths, spread the cupped side with peanut butter and add “ants” (raisins)
Fruit kabobs: Gather and prepare an assortment of fruit and place each kind in a bowl – pineapple chunks (cut fresh or from a can, drained), cantaloupe or honeydew melon balls or chunks, sliced bananas, and washed grapes with the stems pulled off. Push one piece of each kind of fruit onto a bamboo skewer. Repeat your pattern until the skewer is full.
Toothpick treat: No bamboo skewers? Arrange the fruit on a plate and let kids eat it with toothpicks. Add chunks of cheese, pieces of cooked cold meat, or sandwiches cut up in one-inch squares to make this a whole, balanced meal. Toothpick meals are fun for kids to prepare and eat as a special treat. Somehow, spearing food with toothpicks makes ordinary food special.
Cereal balls: In a large bowl, thoroughly mix ½ cup peanut butter, 1/3 cup honey, ½ cup flaked coconut, ½ cup of your children’s favorite cereal, & any popular extras you have on hand, like raisins or banana chips. Pour another 1 ½ cups of your children’s favorite cereal into a second large bowl. Shape spoonfuls of the first mixture into balls and roll them in the cereal in the second bowl. Chill and eat.
Homemade popsicles: Pour fruit juice into paper cups. Place a clean plastic spoon into each cup for a popsicle holder. The spoon will freeze at an angle, but that just gives juice popsicles a little more character. Freeze. When the popsicle is frozen, tear off the paper, or if you want to recycle the cup, run it under warm water and gently pull it on the spoon.
Let your children experiment by combining juices—cranberry and orange are tasty combinations, for example. You can also try other things, such as chocolate milk-flavored yogurt. A great yogurt combination is 2 cups plain yogurt, a 6-oz. can of undiluted frozen orange juice, and 1 teaspoon vanilla.
Even plain water works in a pinch. It makes a true icicle and cools you off marvelously when the temperature soars.
Frozen yogurt pie: In a mixer, whip together two 8-oz. cartons of yogurt and one 8-oz. carton of Cool Whip.™ Pour into a prepared graham cracker crust and freeze until set. This is especially tasty when made with lemon or berry-flavored yogurt. You can spoon the yogurt and Cool Whip™ mixture into paper cups for lusciously rich popsicles instead of making this recipe into a pie.
Personalized trail mix: Visit a natural food store or the natural food department at a supermarket to buy your ingredients: nuts, dried fruit (raisins, apricots, dates, apples), granola or muesli, and carob or chocolate chips. Mix everything in a big bowl and spoon it into sandwich bags. Take it along on a hike or set it out for a snack. Somehow, trail mix that kids make themselves tastes better to them than what you buy for them already mixed in the store.
Frozen bananas: Slice bananas in half and insert ice cream sticks in the cut ends. Freeze on a cookie sheet or pan and store in ziplock bags. When you want to eat them, allow the bananas to thaw slightly, and dip them into different toppings, such as peanut butter, finely chopped nuts, flavored yogurt, coconut, or caramel ice cream topping.
Frozen banana drink: Peel a banana, wrap it in plastic, and freeze it. Blend the frozen banana with ½ cup half-and-half, 2 tablespoons honey, and 1 teaspoon vanilla in an electric blender until smooth.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2024 Reprint with attribution only https://beckypowers.com/
For more insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
Probably all fathers fail their children to some degree. Claude Powers failed his child, then backed up and tried to make up for it.
Claude started out as a good father. But when his own father and brother died a couple years apart in the late 1950s, he started drinking heavily.
And of course, that affected his son Dennis. Because Dennis, like all children, needed his father to weave three consistent messages of unconditional acceptance into the fabric of his life:
To me you are special.
No matter what, I love you.
You’re part of me; we belong together.
When he was at that age, his dad became a sneaky bottle-hider who told lies, wasted the family income in bars and dumped his farming responsibilities on his son.
So instead of sending his son a father’s reassuring messages of faithful love and acceptance, Claude sent Dennis the message of the alcoholic:
“Alcohol is more important than you are. You will always be relatively unimportant.”
Dennis stifled the pain, avoided his dad, and proved to his small community that he was important after all. He did exceptionally well in school, collecting enough high school credits to leave for the university one year early.
In college he kept in touch with his parents and made sure the family relationship appeared fine to relatives and neighbors. In reality, he buried his anger and walled himself off emotionally from his dad.
A dozen years after Claude’s alcoholism took serious hold, Dennis’s parents discovered Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon, and Claude started sobering up through AA’s 12-Step Program.
At about that same time Dennis began attending church and hearing about forgiveness.
Since the relationship was not damaged overnight, healing did not occur overnight.
Claude worked on his end of the problem by giving up alcohol and making amends as best as he could.
Dennis worked out his part by accepting his father’s efforts and struggling through the process of forgiveness.
But in the end, the really deep healing occurred nearly twenty years later.
And curiously, the only part Claude played in that final act of the drama was to grow old and lose his mind.
Claude became a victim of Alzheimer’s disease. At first, he merely grew forgetful. Then, as his brain cells died in patches, he lost his smile, his charm, his good judgment, and his table manners.
About the time he forgot how to talk, he lost control of his body and had to wear diapers.
Then, every night, Dennis would walk over to his parents' mobile home, lead his 80-year-old father into the bathroom, and peel off his diaper.
Then he toileted him, undressed him, and bathed him.
In this process, somehow, Dennis found his healing.
When the father became like a child, the child became his own father’s father.
For Dennis, forgiveness became complete through the work of his own hands as he lived out the messages of blessing he had needed so much as a teen to receive from his father:
To me you are special.
No matter what, I love you.
You’re part of me; we belong together.
A prayer for today
Dear Heavenly Father, I need your blessing, too. As I read the Bible, father me. Help me hear your message of love, acceptance and grace for me. Amen.
©1991 Becky Cerling Powers Reprint with attribution only - www.beckypowers.com
For more insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
I used to babysit five-year-old Jacob when his mom was at work. One day, when we were popping popcorn, he asked, “Wouldn’t it be funny if you made a pie out of popcorn?”
“Wouldn’t it be funny if people ate the kernels that don’t pop and threw away the ones that pop?” I asked.
Jacob laughed. Yep. He thought that would be funny.
And so we took off on a game of “Wouldn’t It Be Funny If...?”
I had introduced the game to Jacob a couple weeks before when we were waiting in line for a long time at a checkout counter. Waiting around for popcorn to pop must have triggered his memory to try that game again.
Long waits in line or at the doctor’s office, monotonous plane trips, tedious rides through town in the car….
Anywhere Games are games you carry around in your head and use to amuse yourself with a friend during a tedious wait. (Without resorting to screens.)
That way, you can remember them when you’re stuck somewhere with nothing to do.
“Wouldn’t it be funny if...?” is an imagination stretcher that 4- and 5-year-olds especially enjoy. You take turns dreaming up outrageous possibilities like, “Wouldn’t it be funny if people barked and dogs talked?”
“What would happen if...?” is a natural follow-up game. “If people barked and dogs talked, then dogs would take their people for walks on a leash.”
“What’s missing?” is a simple game for toddlers that uses some of the contents in your purse or pockets.
Spread out a few objects, such as a comb, a compact, a pencil, and a penny, on a flat surface like your lap or a chair.
Help the toddler name each item. If she wants, she can touch and handle them, too.
Then, tell her to close her eyes while you remove one item. After she opens her eyes, ask her to tell you what’s missing. Make the game easier by using fewer items. Make it harder by adding more.
“Grab Bag” is another simple game for amusing a toddler.
You play it the same way you play “What’s Missing?” except that instead of telling toddlers to close their eyes, you let them handle the objects they name and place them into your coat pocket or a small bag.
You jiggle the contents, and then they reach into the bag to feel the item, guess what it is, and pull it out to see if they guessed right.
It looks confusing, but the rules are simple.
Each player points to the body part the other player mentioned and calls it something else. The one who gets confused and makes the first mistake loses that round.
Thus: “This is my nose,” he says, pointing to his elbow.
“This is my chin,” she replies, pointing to her nose.
So he points to his chin. “This is my belly button,” he answers.
When both players get good, they can speed up the game with a counting rule. Each player must point to the right place and give it the wrong name before the other player counts to ten.
“Make-a-Story” can be played with two or ten.
Players take turns, each supplying one word to make up a short story. The more colorful and unusual the words, the better the story.
“Once upon a frog, there crouched a giggly purple flea...”
“Twenty Questions” builds the family’s logic and reasoning skills.
First, the players agree on the general category for a mystery subject. The category can be a Famous Person, Something in Our House, An Animal in the Bible, or whatever the players decide.
Then, the first player thinks of a specific item or person in that category. The other players try to guess the object or person correctly by using 20 questions or less.
Their questions must have a yes or no answer. By asking good questions, they can narrow down the possibilities until it is time to make a good guess: “Is it Susie’s engagement ring?”
It’s a good idea to track how many questions have been asked on a scrap of paper to cut down on disagreements.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1995, updated 2024 Reprint with attribution only: www.beckypowers.com
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her parenting book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
How can parents who don’t know English help their kids in school?
Patricia is a young mom who moved to El Paso from Mexico as a teen. Recently, she asked me how to prepare her kindergartner for reading.
“Children need to be able to hear differences in the sounds of words before they start reading,” I explained. “One way to help your daughter is to play rhyming games like this: you say ‘hat-mat.’ She repeats the last word you said and says another word that rhymes: ‘mat-sat.’ Just keep doing that: sat-fat, fat-bat.”
“I can’t think of rhyming words quickly,” Maria said. “It’s hard for me in English.”
“Then play the rhyming game in Spanish,” I said. “You’re training her ear to hear the difference in sounds. If she learns to do it in Spanish, she’ll transfer that ability to English in school.”
Parents like Maria, who are still learning English themselves, usually feel handicapped trying to help their children in school.
But if these parents nurture their children’s essential learning ability, that ability will transfer across language boundaries.
Children without this basic ability will usually have trouble in school, even if they grow up in a home that speaks only English.
So, what parts of a child’s life can parents nurture without knowing English?
A child curious in one language will be curious in English, too. Parents encourage curiosity by taking time when children show interest in something like a bug or plant, responding warmly to their questions, and finding books about their special interests.
Giving kids lots of experiences encourages curiosity, too, like:
Once children understand how to count, add, subtract, divide, etc. in one language, they can perform the same operations in a new language.
All they have to do is learn new vocabulary.
Love of books
Children whose parents read books to them in their native language will be drawn to books in English, too.
Books increase children’s vision of the world and teach them how to use language in general. Books also stimulate their imagination, lengthen their attention span, and help children develop thinking skills. Books are the doorway to an academic education.
Listening to stories builds children’s vocabulary in the storyteller's language. Encouraging children to retell or make up stories develops their ability to express themselves in the language they speak.
However, storytelling and story-making also develop important skills that are not tied to any particular language.
These activities stretch children’s imaginations, build their attention span, and develop social skills.
Some forms of storytelling are better than others for developing kids’ learning skills.
These can be reading, having someone else read to them, listening to stories on tape or radio, or – best of all – having adults tell them stories about “when I was a little girl” or other experiences (as long as the stories are not designed to criticize what a child has said or done).
TV and the internet are full of stories. Unfortunately, these stories are usually shown in shallow ways that keep children’s attention span short. With screen stories, kids tend to respond emotionally instead of developing their thinking skills.
Children who feel they aren’t worth much or aren’t sure their parents love them will often be too preoccupied to do well in school.
Instead of concentrating on schoolwork, they may look for ways to hide their shame and to find love and acceptance from peers.
Does a boy keep going until the job is done, or does he quit easily? Does a girl do chores willingly, or does she grumble and gripe and make everyone around her miserable?
Children’s moral character and spiritual values affect all their relationships, work habits, and work attitudes in school.
Talking with children while working alongside them teaches attitudes and values. Storytelling can be a natural part of that process, as can the all-important development of a child’s sense of being loved and valued.
Did you notice what was missing from this list?
I’ll tell you: screens. Like TV, tablets, computers, phones…
Our world is full of screens, and we’re busy. (And when we aren’t busy, we may be looking at a screen ourselves). We must discipline ourselves to do what’s best for our children’s future instead of what’s easiest for us to do now.
Good parenting is more important for children than knowing a particular language. Parents don’t need to speak English to give their children a healthy childhood and an enormous boost over the language hurdle.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2024 reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers read her parenting book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
Mother Goose was one of the few books I packed on our family’s Great African Adventure in Kenya in 1973.
My husband Dennis was spending six months in charge of a Princeton scientific expedition in northwest Kenya, collecting data for his Ph.D. research. Erik and I joined Dennis during the last three months of the expedition.
I packed only what I could physically carry (there were no wheeled suitcases back then!) while still hanging somehow onto a toddler through the airports of Chicago, New York, London, and Nairobi.
I only brought clothes for Erik and me, a couple of toys, and a few essential books.
Mother Goose amused us on planes, in hotels, in tents, and around campfires as we began our nomadic adventure.
In the first month, nearly every day was different. We drove through forests, mountains, and wildlife preserves, lumbered along beach roads, and lurched into the canyons and over the trackless plains of the desert in our four-wheel-drive truck.
During the second month, we lived in a tent in the North Kenyan desert next to a dry riverbed.
We followed that up by camping for the third month at another desert location near bleak cascades of high rock.
For, no matter what changes we experienced, Mother Goose lent stability to our toddler’s day.
Every day, Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Little Jack Horner never failed to sit in a corner. And you could always count on the spider to sit down beside her and frighten Miss Muffet away.
They were a people straight out of the pages of National Geographic. The women wore skirts made of goat skin and encased their necks in dozens of bead necklaces made from ostrich eggshells.
The men sported mud-pack hairdos and went naked except for a single length of cloth, which they usually wore slung under the left shoulder and tied at the right shoulder.
A young Turkana tribesman wandered by and peeked over my shoulder at the pictures.
I let the young man take Mother Goose to the dining table, where he was soon joined by a bare-breasted teenage girl and two young male warriors carrying long spears.
four half-naked Turkana seriously contemplating the pictures in Mother Goose, puzzling over the cat with his fiddle, solemnly discussing the cow jumping over the moon....
How I wished I could understand the Turkana language for just five minutes!
When it started falling to shreds, I bought another copy for our second child. And then I bought a third copy for child number three.
We seemed to wear out one Mother Goose per child.
A bilingual kindergarten teacher told me that she always teaches her children Mother Goose rhymes because it helps them learn English.
Mother Goose ushers children into understanding and appreciating the English language. It is a foundation for later reading and writing.
Chanting them helps reinforce the meaning of the words. The absurd images stimulate a child’s imagination. The rhymes train their ears to hear phonemes.
The words' color and cadence introduce children to the sheer delight of language. The illustrations and rhymes lure children into an enjoyment of the world of books.
Thirty years ago, 5-year-old Jacob started coming to our house every day during the summer while his mother worked.
When he first came, he had little interest in books and little patience for reading. But soon, he began sitting still for 20 or 30 minutes while we read to him.
And today, with 13 grandchildren, I’ve kept on buying, and I’ve stopped counting.
©2020 Becky Cerling Powers, updated 2024
Reprint this post with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Reprinted from Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
I clearly remember the day that my financial education began.
It was 1956, and I was nine years old.
In our family of 5 kids, Dad doled out our allowances before church every Sunday. We each received a penny per year of age, so at that time, my allowance was 9 cents, and one penny went into the Sunday School offering plate.
But on that memorable day, Dad announced that he had increased my allowance to 40 cents a week.
Then, Dad explained that I now my responsibilities would now increase along with my cash flow. He and Mom would buy my start-up school supplies as usual.
But after that, Dad explained, I would have to buy my paper, pencils and other school supplies throughout the school year.
to buy birthday and Christmas presents for the rest of the family or come up with the cash to get the new bike I wanted.
It made me feel suddenly grown up, in charge, loaded with money and responsibility.
But then of course, new problems also suddenly demanded solutions:
Which store sold paper cheaper? (I learned to scout for bargains, to do comparison shopping, to check the Sunday newspaper for local ads.)
And…what should I say to the freeloaders at school who asked to borrow my paper but never paid me back? Or asked to borrow pencils but never returned them?
Now that I had to take those losses myself, I learned the whys of ethics.
My parents showed me how to use my allowance to develop a plan for spending and saving, but as I grew older my wants (and even some of my needs) grew greater than my parents’ ability to increase my allowance.
So, I developed a babysitting clientele and used the money I earned to buy fashionable clothes, go to camp, and so on. I learned to sew and make crafts to stretch my gift money and increase my wardrobe for less money.
When a child’s income depends on what adults can be convinced to provide, the child tends to learn how to manage people instead of learning how to manage money.
On the other hand, a regular allowance can be a parent’s best tool for preparing children to manage large sums of money on their own one day.
The Consumer Credit Counseling Service at the El Paso YWCA gives these suggestions for teaching money management through a regular allowance:
Kids under 8 or 9 may not have the patience to save money or the emotional readiness to make the decisions required for a simple saving and spending plan.
Help your children keep track of the money they spend for two or three weeks and use that information to estimate how much they need.
An envelope system often works well at first. Show children how to divide their allowance up into envelopes labeled for different purposes—savings, contributions for church or synagogue, lunch money, ongoing school supplies, fun money, etc. The younger the child, the fewer the responsibilities (and envelopes).
Decide together on a safe place to keep the envelopes and explain how important it is to take money from them only when needed.
Children need a regular amount paid on the same day each week—or each month for older children—to learn how to plan. Learning to manage irregular amounts at irregular times is too complicated for children.
So, if the family income is irregular (and believe me, I’ve been there), when money comes in, parents need to set aside the total amount of allowance their child will need for the next several weeks to give it later on schedule.
When children ask for an increase in allowance, they should be able to make an account of how they spend their money now – but not to the penny. It’s reasonable for about 10 percent to be unaccounted for. After kids make an accounting, they can figure out with their parents whether the increase they want is for needs or wants. Then, make the decision based on need and family income.
Re-evaluate regularly as your child’s expenses and ability to handle responsibility increase.
Parents may increase a teenager’s allowance, for example, to include a clothing budget. Their teen is then responsible for buying their clothes and must make decisions about, for example, saving money ahead of winter to buy a winter coat and boots.
Responsible money management is a necessary survival skill. No child should leave home without it.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1995 updated 2024
Reprint with attribution only: www.beckypowers.com
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
I don’t remember how old our daughter Jessica was, or what she did to make me think she needed correction. She was probably about six. All I remember is how shocked I was when my attempt to give a simple, logical consequence produced a shrieking melodrama.
Jessica’s allowance was twenty-five cents a week (back in about 1980), so I thought a reasonable penalty for misbehavior was a three-cent fine. It wouldn’t bankrupt her – just make her think twice next time, right?
When I told my little daughter she had to give me three of her pennies, she reacted like I’d told her I was going to chop off three of her fingers.
She wailed, she sobbed, she set the house vibrating with her grief.
It was genuine distress, too. She was not manipulating me —although I was afraid that if I handled the situation wrong, she’d learn to put on a show like this again next time when she wanted her way.
I also realized I’d misjudged Jessica’s maturity. She was bright. She could count money and she could make change. But, she was not cognitively ready to reason or emotionally ready to understand the meaning and value of 3 pennies. My consequence was not age-appropriate.
So I told her we could make some change. If she gave me a nickel, I’d give her two cents.
Her tears subsided, I gave her one coin, she got two coins back, and I postponed using fines for discipline until she was 9 or 10.
Teaching children money management is an important part of good parenting, and it can start as early as preschool. But to successfully teach good financial habits, we need to understand what to teach and when. Here are a few suggestions from Consumer Credit Counseling Service at the El Paso YWCA for tailoring your teaching to children’s levels of emotional readiness and ability to reason:
They have trouble grasping abstract ideas like money, space and time. Since a nickel is bigger in size than a dime, preschoolers think it’s worth more. They need a simple experience buying items at the store. So, let them hand the money for purchases to the store clerk.
First and second-graders have trouble making choices and are still unrealistic about what money can buy.
It’s hard for them to understand that today's decisions bring consequences tomorrow.
So, give them a small amount to spend. Show them items they can buy with that amount. This helps train them to limit spending to a budgeted amount. Above all, don’t reward begging by giving in to it.
Doing simple price comparison problems with a pocket calculator is helpful for them, and so are parents’ explanations about the why of some of their family shopping choices.
Children this age also can begin running errands, first with an older brother or sister and then by themselves. They can take money in a change purse, and then buy one or two grocery items and bring back the change. These activities are an important step toward being able to shop independently in a few years.
Since preteens can handle greater responsibility, they can start earning money by doing odd jobs at home and elsewhere—which is fortunate because their activities with friends, hobbies, and school activities cost more. They can learn simple budgeting, saving, and even simple investing.
They want to dress like their friends, do what their friends do, and have whatever “everybody else” has. They want to be independent and make their own decisions, but their financial dependence gets in their way.
Responsible independence is the goal. Teens can work on that with their parents. If they show responsibility for handling their allowance, increasing the amount to include a clothing budget is helpful. Teens are more likely to be reasonable about money issues if they have developed experience handling money responsibly since they were small, and if they understand the relationship between their spending and the family’s income.
When kids learn to budget, save, and even invest before they leave home, it can prevent a world of trouble for them later in life in many areas, not just their finances.
My next blog will explore best practices for using a teen allowance to help teenagers become financially independent.
Reprint with attribution only: https://beckypowers.com/
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her blog at www.beckypowers.com and her parenting book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
It’s Countdown to Christmas time. School break will be here, kids will be hyper and excited – with too much time on their hands – and adults are feeling stressed out because they feel like they don’t have enough time to do all the things they want to get done before the big day.
So how do you avoid getting knocked off balance?
Well, now’s the time to give your expectations a hard-nosed reality check.
Take a few quiet minutes (after the kids’ bedtime or before their waking up time) to think carefully about what you are expecting to happen and what you are committing yourself to accomplish these last few days.
Children need more adult attention and companionship the last week before Christmas.
That is reality.
Kids don’t handle marathon shopping expeditions well at all.
Eating lots of sugary food makes kids hyperactive.
(That is what advertising is designed to do – make you dissatisfied, make you want more).
The lack of a regular healthy routine of chores, mealtimes, rest times, and bedtimes makes it hard for kids to settle down. Or to feel secure. This is especially true during times of high stress.
Your world won’t fall apart if you lower your expectations a little and don’t get everything done that you planned to do this year for Christmas.
You and your family will survive the holidays (and life!) better if you accept imperfection.
It’s true that you usually have to put housework on hold while you get ready for the holidays. But it just doesn’t work to let everything go completely while you focus all your attention on kids and holiday preparations.
It’s amazing how soon a family can become paralyzed by a mountain of messiness when they ignore day-to-day chores.
So you just have to learn to recognize your minimum daily requirements for keeping control of clutter and undoneness.
Organization expert Bonnie McCullough recommends that you keep up with laundry and dirty dishes, and decide what to feed the family for dinner by 10 o’clock each day (by 10 a.m. if you are at home during the day, by 10 p.m. the night before if you will be gone).
Then prevent clutter from spreading by spending a focused five minutes picking up daily in each room of the house (10 minutes in the kitchen).
Set up an agreement to babysit a friend’s kids in exchange for having them babysit yours. Then set aside all your adult-only holiday preparations for a full or half day to focus attention on your friend’s kids and your own.
Every year as your kids get older, they will be able to participate in more and different ways. So be on the lookout for things they can do to help and enrich the celebration through their suggestions, abilities, special talents and developing interests.
For example:
Kids can arrange the figures in a Christmas creche and help decorate the tree. Assign one child to display each day’s delivery of Christmas cards on a door, wall, or banister. Show kids how to make snowflakes, paper chains, or different kinds of garlands for the Christmas tree, hallway, doorway or stairway.
(Suggestions for garlands: string white styrofoam packing squiggles or colored marshmallows on yarn, or string alternating pieces of popcorn with raw cranberries.)
If you don’t want the children’s decorations in your living spaces, let them decorate their own bedrooms.
Put up a paper tree on a wall or door and let them make their own ornaments after they have festooned the room with paper chains and garlands.
Set out art supplies for kids to make tree ornaments (if your kids are little, you’ll need to make the ornaments with them):
Using cookie cutters, trace holiday shapes on cardboard, thin foam sheets, or felt. Decorate with glitter, foil, or scraps of lace and other trim from your sewing box. Use ornament hooks to hang sour gumdrop type fruit candies or white-chocolate-covered pretzels.
Make ornaments from cornstarch clay with this recipe: Combine 2 cups baking soda, 1 cup cornstarch, and 1 ¼ cups cold water in a saucepan. Stir until smooth. Then bring to a boil and simmer one minute, stirring until the clay is as thick as mashed potatoes.
Pour onto a tray and cover with a damp cloth until the clay is cool enough to knead it lightly, and mold it into shapes or roll it out on waxed paper and cut it with cookie cutters. Dry and paint.
Look online to find ideas for simple gifts you know your kids can make at their age and level of development with materials you have on hand.
Let them use crayons, magic markers, or printing techniques to decorate personalized gift wrap paper, and make gift tags by tracing around cookie cutters on old Christmas cards or heavyweight colored paper.
To decorate the Christmas table, kids can make placemats, place cards, and centerpieces. A walk outside to find pinecones and evergreen cuttings may be just what kids need to burn off energy before devising a creative centerpiece.
Children enjoy sealing envelopes, sticking on stamps, and making one-of-kind holiday greeting cards using a variety of drawing, printing, and other art techniques.
Some children might enjoy addressing cards (I used to assign that job to my children as a penmanship exercise when we were home schooling.)
Most kids love helping make cookies, candies, fruitcakes, and other traditional holiday sweets. Let them crack nuts, measure ingredients, decorate cookies, etc.
When the treats are all baked, and all the batter spoons licked clean, kids also enjoy wrapping and delivering food gifts to friends and relatives.
Budding actresses and actors enjoy dramatizing the Christmas story or figuring out original holiday skits. Even shy children who don’t care to perform for an audience may lose their bashfulness if they can hide behind a puppet screen to put on a puppet show.
The last day or two before Christmas, when the suspense is becoming unbearable, is a good time for children to use their excess energy practicing skits and songs for entertaining guests.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1995 updated 2023
Use with attribution only [email protected]
For more insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
When my husband Dennis was in graduate school, we had a preschooler, a baby and very little money. I learned to stretch our meager family food budget by making bone broth soup from chicken bones after we had eaten a meal or two from the meat.
Dennis was intrigued to discover how tasty and cheap homemade soup was – so intrigued that he suggested we introduce our friends to the soup making process.
We invited three other couples to look through their cupboards and refrigerators for any leftovers they thought might taste good in soup, and then bring their goodies to our apartment an hour before dinner would be served.
The day of the party, I baked bread and made bone broth from chicken bones, the meat from which had already fed our small family once or twice.
When our guests arrived, the women gathered in the kitchen to inspect and deal with everyone’s contributions. We had rice, macaroni, and an odd assortment of various vegetables, as I recall.
We boiled the rice and pasta in the broth while we chopped vegetables and chatted.
I used the chicken fat I’d skimmed earlier to stir fry the vegetables. Then I dumped the veggies into the pot and served a meal of homemade soup with fresh homemade bread, enough for the whole crowd. It was great fun, and everyone was amazed to realize what a delicious meal we had concocted.
Soup not only feeds a crowd cheaply and nutritiously, it is so versatile you can make it with almost anything you have on hand. And you can easily modify the basic soup recipe for people in the family who have allergies and other special dietary needs.
Bone broth is rich in minerals like calcium, magnesium and phosphorus and it is very high in protein in the form of collagen, which promotes bone and joint health and the healing of wounds. It is especially good for women during pregnancy and while nursing a baby, because the rich supply of collagen aids the development of baby bones and joints.
First: broth. The first secret to making great homemade soup is learning how to make a nutritious broth by boiling bones in water to extract minerals, flavor and unrefined gelatin. You hasten the process when you add salt and a tablespoon or two of vinegar. Vinegar helps dissolve calcium and minerals from the bones, and salt draws out the juices. (The vinegar taste goes away as the broth boils.) When bone broth is properly prepared, it has more calcium than its equivalent in milk.
Broth can be made in enormous batches, but for the sake of flavor and nutrition, only make broth into soup one meal at a time. If you have a lot of broth, use what you need for your soup and freeze the rest to make more soup meals later.
Examples: chicken bones and carcass, turkey bones and carcass (after the whole turkey has been roasted and the meat carved off), hambone, ham hocks, oxtail, beef bones. Of course, you can boil bones with a lot of the meat still on it, but boiled meat doesn’t taste as good as meat that is roasted, baked or fried.
Second: “Filler” Filler gives the soup holding power. It is usually some form of grain or legume, like rice, noodles, dried peas or beans, lentils or barley. I call it “filler” because it’s whatever will fill up a teenager.
It’s easy to modify this ingredient for tailoring homemade soup to special diets.
One of our sons had allergies to legumes, potatoes, wheat and rice. I used barley as a filler when he was home for meals.
Third: Vegetables. The second secret to great homemade soup is to preserve the flavor and vitamin content of vegetables by chopping, sautéing (or stir frying) and adding them to the soup just before serving (instead of boiling them until they are limp and waterlogged and much of their vitamin content has been destroyed by overheating).
Potatoes should boil 15-20 minutes in the broth before you add your other vegetables. Dried beans should soak for 12 hours. Then the soaking water should be poured off to make the beans less gassy in your tummy. After pouring off the soaking water, you can boil the beans along with the bones, if you wish.
Finally, seasonings. You can use salt, pepper, and whatever else your family likes. Look at soup and casserole recipes in cookbooks for ideas on combining seasonings. I usually stick to salt, pepper, and Mrs. Dash. Dennis likes to use lemon pepper. Sometimes we like to use curry. For curry soup, cook the curry spices in oil or butter in the frying pan for a couple minutes, then add in the vegetables for stir frying.
Homemade soup is easy to make from your prepared bone broth. Teens can easily learn to make it. And Thanksgiving is a great time to give it a try because you have a whole turkey carcass to experiment with.
Pour into a slow cooker: 6 cups of water, 2 cups of bones (or the carcass of a whole chicken), a teaspoon of salt and a couple teaspoons of vinegar. Set the cooker on low heat and cook for 12 hours. (If you don’t have a slow cooker, you can use a big pot, get the water boiling, and turn your heat to low for 12 hours. But don’t let your water boil away! Keep an eye on the pot and add water when the liquid gets low.) Pour the broth through a colander or sieve and store the liquid in glass containers. Reheat for sipping or use as stock for soups and stews.
And here is a sample soup recipe:
Boil one cup of barley in two quarts of bone broth and one quart of water. When the barley is tender (usually in half an hour), chop an onion, 3 celery stalks, 4 peeled carrots and a zucchini.
There probably won’t be room in the frying pan to sauté all those vegetables at once, so sauté (or stir fry) the carrots and zucchini in a little butter or olive oil first. Stir them in the hot oil for only two or three minutes, until they are coated and slightly tender. Add them to the soup, then sauté the onion and celery chunks until the onion is clear. Add them to the soup, season to taste, and serve with crackers or croutons.
If you want meat in your soup, chop up whatever meat you cut off the bones before using the bones to make broth. Add the meat to the soup along with the vegetables.
© 2023 Becky Cerling Powers
Use with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of the nonfiction narrative, Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and a parenting guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive.
Our 14-year-old granddaughter’s publication adventure began when she was 5, and her mom found a toad in the yard and showed it to her.
Kendra was excited and curious – of course.
That’s how kids are naturally – curious about the world, fascinated with new things they discover, excited and full of questions.
This was a teachable moment for Kendra, and Fernanda took advantage of it.
She made a little toad aquarium and showed Kendra how to take care of a toad – what kind of place it needed to live, what kind of food to give it, why she needed to wash her hands before and after touching it, and to be careful never to pick it up when it was shedding its skin.
Fast forward seven years to one day when 12-year-old Kendra was playing in the river with her cousin and noticed a bunch of teeny tiny baby toads hopping around.
She brought them home in a container of river water, then made them an aquarium home in a plastic container with air holes punched in the lid.
She put in dirt, rocks, plants and a wading pool, and she made places for the toads to hide.
She fed them by squashing a marshmallow and leaving it out every night to attract ants.
Then she shook the ants into a jar and dumped them into the aquarium. She set up a lamp over the toads’ home so they could sunbathe.
One of the toads started eating more ants than the others. It grew bigger and bigger, while the other toads gradually disappeared, leaving only one toad.
And for two years now, Kendra has been traveling back and forth from her house to ours, often staying with us for several weeks and delighting us with the creative, artistic energy she pours out on Bait the Beloved Toad.
She crocheted strings, attached them to a small plastic box, and made him a swing that he likes using to sunbathe (or at least, lamp-bathe). She bought him fake plants and dollhouse miniatures to decorate his aquarium. She devised a clever hidey house for him by hot-gluing pebbles onto a round plastic lid and building them up into the shape of an igloo.
As Bait became more relaxed with her, she started taking him on walks.
She took photos of him in the flower bed, on a stump with a sunset behind him, in a big pile of dandelion fluff. She strictly trained the family dog to “Leave it!” so she could photograph Bait with the dog.
And then she started creating little hats from colored polymer clay and taking pictures of Bait modeling the hats. When she started posting her photos on TikTok, people began following her.
We all encouraged her, of course. And since I have a hobby of making Shutterfly photo books for the family, I put together some $10 small size, 20-page photo books for Kendra and ourselves, with extras to share.
Our daughter Jessica is the publisher of Catalyst Press, which publishes African authors but also includes a subsidiary imprint of science and nature related books. One night Jessica was visiting us with several of her friends, and I showed them Kendra’s Shutterfly.
They would turn a page, burst out laughing, turn another page, then laugh and laugh some more…until finally Jessica blurted out, “You know, somebody could publish a book like this!”
Then she paused. Thought a moment. And said, “I’m a publisher! I could publish this!”
Thus, Kendra’s book of Bait photos was conceived and born and can now be purchased for $14.95 online and in bookstores.
You never know when they will appear, what they might do, and where they might take a child…or you!
Kids are naturally curious learners and explorers. But tragically, many of them seem to lose that instinctive love of learning on the road to adulthood.
You do have to be alert. Teachable moments usually happen when you are doing something particular with a goal in mind. So you tend to ignore remarks like “Look at the long horns on that cow!” or “What’s that yucky smell?”
And these days, you have to make a dedicated effort to get away from screens whenever you are doing something with kids, like driving, eating a meal or shopping. Or taking a walk – unless, that is, your special kids are miles away from you. That’s when you invite them to go for a video-phone-walk and show each other what you are seeing.
You also need to be careful to avoid over-teaching, because “When you try to teach everything you know about a subject at one time,” educator Ruth Buehrer told me, “it’s like shooting a fire hose into a bucket. Most of the water splashes out. But if you allow water to drip into the bucket from a faucet, the water stays inside.”
Over-teaching is a big temptation, but children retain and use information better when it comes in small doses, she said, when it builds on material they’ve previously learned, and when they see how the concepts they are learning relate to their own lives.
They want to know “It works like this, and here’s how it can affect you for the rest of your life,” Buehrer said.
So, instead of teaching history starting with the ancient world, you begin with mom and dad and grandparents, then move to the experiences of great-grandparents. And it is from there – from the experiences of their own family – that you introduce them to stories about their country and the big, amazing world we inhabit.
Very few single teachable moments directly result in creating a young author, a young artist or a young inventor.
But if you look for and grasp the many, many teachable moments that inevitably come along when you are with kids, you will find that -- long after childhood has passed – you have, in fact, helped to raise up authors, artists, inventors, scientists, mechanics, builders, and innovators of all kinds, some in areas of expertise that didn’t even exist yet, when your curious young explorers were little.
Here’s Bait on YouTube: https://youtu.be/4Tocry3oHpk
And here’s Bait at bookshop.org: https://bookshop.org/p/books/bait-the-toad-jl-powers/19797001?ean=9781733547451
©2023 Becky Cerling Powers Reprint with attribution only – www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of the parenting guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
I was a wildlife officer in Creede, Colorado in the mid-1970s. One day my two-way radio crackled, “Respond to a fire at Blue Creek Lodge!”
I headed out.
As I rounded the curve at Wagonwheel Gap, I saw the canyon below already filled with thick black smoke.
The volunteer firemen had to stand back because the beauty shop supplies, including aerosol cans, exploded like hot ammunition. Containers of cooking oil in the lodge kitchen fueled the hot fire.
Bill and Theresa and their children watched as their home, business, and all their belongings were gone in a matter of minutes.
The family had left their home in Kansas, bought an old lodge and lived in it for less than a year. Only a few people knew them.
I only knew them because they came to a home Bible study group at our house.
If you’re a Bible believer and want a lesson in how not to help, here it is:
As we watched the flames, I stood by Bill and assured him: “All things work together for good.”
With tears rolling down his cheeks he said, “I don’t see anything good in that!” And he pointed to the fire and smoke
My attempt at encouraging him was like going to the scene of a horrific accident and asking a person there who is screaming in pain, “Are ya hurt?”
People who are in terrible pain need someone to compassionately figure out the injuries and try to bring relief.
NOT the time for me to try to wrench someone else’s focus on what I wanted.
I learned a better way from others in the community, like the man who drove down from Creede and, not even knowing Bill, said: “When the ashes cool and your insurance is settled, I’ll come down with my loader and dump truck and haul all this to the landfill.”
Because meeting someone where they are in their real circumstances is the true beginning of compassion and ministry.
Since there was no bank in town, the Kentucky Belle Market immediately set up a special fund for people to donate money for the family. And by summer’s end the Creede and South Fork communities gathered around for an old- fashioned barn raising.
Two experienced contractors using new blueprints led dozens of volunteers to begin building a whole new lodge. Women from Creede and Southfork set up a long table with the finest mountain cuisine of their favorite delicious recipes to feed the work crews.
Bill watched in amazement as youth leaders from a local Young Life Camp, young men and women, old men, and everybody in between began the process of rebuilding.
I was standing next to Bill when a man came up and asked, “Who are all these people?”
In amazement Bill answered, “I have no idea. I don’t know any of them. They just showed up.”
It took several months to finish that beautiful structure. Most of the work was contributed by volunteers.
Years later I asked Bill, “What is the greatest blessing you’ve ever had?”
His answer: “The day our lodge burned to the ground.”
St. Paul wrote: “ We know that in all things God works for good with those who love him, those whom he has called according to his purpose. Those whom God had already chosen he also set apart to become like his Son, so that the Son would be the first among many believers” (Romans 8:28-29 GNT).
People often quote verse 28, but they leave out the rest – that the purpose of God’s kind of “good” is to change us to be like His Son, Jesus Christ.
A prayer for today: “Lord, teach me more about Jesus today, so that I can learn to handle difficulties the way He handled the same kind of troubles. Amen.”
© Glen A. Hinshaw 2018
Reprint with attribution only https://beckypowers.com/
If you liked this story, you can find more of Glen A. Hinshaw’s stories in his books (Caregiver: My Tempestuous Journey; Echoes from the Mountains; Crusaders for Wildlife; The Adventures of a Rancher)
I was visiting my friend Sue one day when her mom phoned. I knew they needed to talk a while.
So I turned to her 8-year-old daughter Charlene and said, “I’ll tell you a story while your mom is on the phone with your grandma.”
It was such a natural way to spend the waiting time, I hardly gave it a thought.
After I told Charlene a few stories, Sue finished her phone conversation and sent her daughter outside to play while we resumed our visit.
A few months later, when I drove into Sue’s driveway for another visit, Charlene saw me. Her face lit up, and she ran over to my car.
The first words out of her mouth were “Will you tell me a story?”
Storytelling is the natural way.
“Storytelling draws people together,” says professional storyteller Joe Hayes.
“While the story is happening,” he explained “the storyteller and the listener are working together in a mutual creation process. The storyteller tells, the listener’s creative process works, and the story comes to life for them. They’re in the same world together. It creates a sense of sharing.”
“And for children, it’s a really secure feeling –
having that kind of attention coming directly from an adult. There’s nothing between whatsoever—no printed page, no machines (computer screen, etc.)”
“It’s one person to another – nourishment for a child’s mind and spirit to receive directly from an adult.”
Besides that, storytelling feeds a child’s natural delight in language.
“All human beings have a real appetite for language,” Hayes said. “Children especially have it because they are acquiring language—acquiring not just vocabulary, but the styles and rhythms and everything that language can do.”
“For children, language is becoming a way people express closeness. When an infant is upset, he gets picked up and held close. In storytelling, you are still touching, but you use words.”
“Language takes the place of comforting.”
“When an adult tells a story to school age children,” Hayes said, “their emotional experience is similar to what would happen if that adult gave them a hug. There’s a basic, secure kind of feeling, so that if you’re a stranger telling stories to kids, it breaks down the strangeness. They will feel like going over and giving you a hug afterwards because of the sense of closeness.”
Children sometimes do, in fact, come over and give Hayes a hug after he tells them stories in public, he said.
So…do you want to tell stories to children?
Here are Joe’s suggestions:
First, look for natural opportunities.
“Storytelling is a real natural thing to do when there is some kind of hiatus, when you have time to be filled, like when you’re walking along, driving in the car, or stuck in the airport waiting for a plane to arrive,” Hayes said.
“That’s why bedtime stories are so popular,” he added. “There’s a space between being awake and falling asleep, a zone in between the two, and storytelling is a natural way to fill that.”
Second, don’t be afraid of simplicity.
Hayes said. “A story doesn’t have to be that much, that elaborate. In our society where there’s so much highly produced stuff, people are afraid that if something is simple, it’s not good enough.
“Be confident that any story you make up or remember about your own experience or your child’s early experience, that makes a wonderful story,” Hayes said.
Hayes’ own love of storytelling began in childhood when his father told Hayes stories about his childhood experiences.
“Feel OK about telling anything in your own words, about adapting it and changing it,” Hayes said. “You don’t have to memorize anything. Tell as much as you remember. Take something like a song you remember and just tell the story in narrative form. Anywhere you can, grab that idea of the story. It doesn’t matter how polished the story is.”
“The important thing,” he said, “is that you tell stories you like, stories that somehow you enjoy and want to share.”
“Tell stories in your own way,” Hayes said. “Part of what you do (in storytelling) is to reveal yourself. You want kids to be attached to the real you.”
So don’t worry about imitating professional storytellers. “The funny thing is, almost everybody sings songs. (Yet) the vast majority of us are not singers. We don’t sing very well, but we still sing. It’s the same with stories. Not everyone can be a (professional) storyteller, but everyone can tell stories.”
Be honest in order To Win a Child.
“Sometimes parents think they should tell certain stories to kids because they teach the right lesson,” Hayes said. “But kids love to hear about the things the parents did that were bad, about their parents getting into trouble.”
“It’s important to realize we’re incredibly flawed beings, and imperfection is part of what makes us human,” Hayes said. “To see that (imperfection) in parents and in ourselves is necessary to honestly understand the struggle of the whole thing.”
P.S. My friend Sue died two weeks ago, and I met the now-all-grown-up Charlene at the funeral. I hadn’t seen her since she was a little girl, but she remembered me immediately and fondly. Storytelling: what a wonderful way to love a little girl and win her heart!
©Becky Cerling Powers updated 2023
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers blogs at www.beckypowers.com. She is the author of the nonfiction narrative, Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and the parenting guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive.
I was driving in the car listening to the radio with my 14-year old son Matt, Back in the Day, when Ricky Nelson’s recording “I’m a Travelin’ Man” came on the oldies station.
It’s a real true Oldie, a bragging song of the 1960s about a guy traveling all over the world, romancing women every place he goes, “loving” and leaving them behind in various parts of the world.
“Lord, this guy is bragging that he’s cool and manly because treats a woman like a sack lunch. I don’t want to let a message like that go by with no comment. But if I preach a sermon at my son, it’ll turn him off.”
Inspiration came as I continued to listen to the song, and when Nelson started singing his chorus – “Oh, I’m a Travelin’ Man…”
I joined in with Ricky, singing my own version of his chorus:
“Oh, I’m a Really Big Jerk…”
Matt glanced at me sideways and grinned. “Yeah!” he agreed.
A short joke often gets the message across better than a long lecture.
Studies show, social worker Richard Park says, that laughing together helps make people more objective about their problems, reduces their sensitivity to pain, and even increases their physical fitness.
A 10-second belly laugh, Park says, has the same effect on the heart as 10 minutes of aerobic exercise.
Mockery and sarcasm are unhealthy kinds of laughter, he said.
Mockery and sarcasm undermine trust and block intimacy. Healthy laughter is laughing with someone, not against someone.
So, what are some ways that help families lighten up and laugh?
I remember the time our 4-year-old and his playmate visited the backyard playground in graduate student housing where we lived. Unknown to us, a repairman had dismantled the merry-go-round, and the two children showed up at the back door smeared with thick, black axle grease – arms, legs, hands, faces, necks….
“Look, Mom!” Erik announced proudly. “We painted ourselves.”
The only thing to do was laugh and get out the camera. (Followed by a big bar of soap and the hose.)
When kids say or do something funny, grab a pen and paper and jot it down. Dump it in your purse if you’re not home. Then keep a file folder somewhere in a specific place and drop in the scraps of funny stories. Type up your collection from time to time, and in later years the family can have a lot of good laughs together reading about the past.
Keep joke books around for kids to read and retell. Take time to listen and laugh.
When people send me good jokes online, I print them out, three-hole punch them, and keep them in a binder. When I’m having a bad day, I page through the binder for a little perspective and sometimes I share it with the family.
And don’t forget to share jokes soon after you hear them, along with funny tapes and videos you discover. I collect funny GIFs about babies and animals. My 7- and 10-year-old grandsons think they’re hilarious and like watching them with me.
Remind yourself that it is OK to be silly.
“When things get too serious,” Park says, “nonsense makes the most sense.”
©2023 by Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of the nonfiction narrative, Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and the parenting guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive.
I used to sit in my junior high English class and think, When I grow up, I never want to teach junior high students. Kids this age are horrible. And later, when I had children of my own, I dreaded the day when they would turn into adolescents.
I enjoyed that time – at least, most of it. There were rough spots, of course. But looking back over it all, our three children’s adolescent years were easier than their preschool years, when we were laying the foundation for what was to come.
One of the secrets to surviving, appreciating and even enjoying a child’s adolescent years is this: you have to grow up yourself first, to prepare.
I’d see our two-year-old pitch a temper tantrum and realize that I had pitched a fit just like that (not as dramatic, not as loud, not as public, but still... just like that) only the day before.
By definition, small children are childish – that is, they are impatient, self-centered and unrealistic. (Just spend half a day with any toddler for an on-site demonstration.) And in varying degrees, most of us parents start out our parenting with these same characteristics of immaturity.
Or we get angry because we want to stay comfortable, and we’re being called on to tend a need instead.
Or we explode when our children don’t meet our (unrealistic) expectations that they “should” be doing things that are actually beyond their stage of development, or they “should” behave radically differently from other children their same age.
Before we can guide a child through the maturing process, we have to work on growing up more ourselves.
But…how do we change?
We get impatient trying to learn patience.
We’re too wrapped up in ourselves to remember that we’re supposed to be learning to think about others.
And we’d rather be mad about our disappointed expectations than face reality.
It is at this point that parents either give up through despair.
Or denial (more unreality).
We need unconditional love because we’ve just proved we can’t meet the conditions for earned love. Yet, along with forgiveness for our failures, we also need the balance of a challenge to do better next time.
And we need people who let us practice loving them that way, too – forgiving us and giving us practice forgiving them. (Getting chances to practice forgiving is never difficult if you’re around other people.)
We need people who show us a better way to handle things – models and mentors. We need spiritual counselors, too, who can show us how to get the power to change.
We need a support system of other adults from family, church and community who will encourage us both to mature and to love unconditionally so that we can be better parents. (Of course, there are no perfect support systems. Most will also provide us with bad examples, too – to show us what to avoid.)
Learning to love our children unconditionally doesn’t mean we like everything they do and let them do it.
Just as can love a friend while hating the cancer that is destroying her life. Which means that, even when we are making our child lose privileges for bad behavior, for example, we can still show affection, still give loving eye contact, still say, “I love you no matter what.”
Loving in a self-centered way means we show love only when our child does something to make us proud or happy.
This seems easier than loving unconditionally – until it dead ends.
In his book How to Really Love Your Teenager, child psychologist Ross Campbell says that children can only reflect back the love their parents give them. If parents love unconditionally, children love back that way.
But if parents show love only on condition (when they judge that their children have done something to deserve it) then children learn to love the same way.
Each party withdraws love and waits for the other one to make the first move by doing something special to earn their love.
And this is true even though no parent loves unconditionally 100 per cent of the time.
The reward comes from this: adolescents have a strong drive to independence. And that drive requires lots of emotional fuel, Campbell says.
So, when parents convince their children that they are a reasonably reliable source of unconditional love during the preteen years, their children will keep coming back to their parents to fill their emotional tanks when they are teens.
And that can make all the difference.
©Becky Cerling Powers 1997, updated 2023
Reprinted with attribution only: www.beckypowers.com.
In the heat of summer, when our kids were preschoolers, I used to give them cheap hardware paintbrushes and a bucket of water so they could paint with water in the back yard. They spent hours happily “painting” – their playhouse, the cement patio floor, the trunks of the trees…
I did – and still do – the same thing with our grandkids when they visit, and they are just as happy. With them I add sidewalk chalk to the mix for a little variety, and they love washing off the chalk marks they make.
It doesn’t require much adult supervision. You just set up the materials, and the little ones find things they want to paint. They’ll spend hours at it, contented, satisfied, and absorbed.
You don’t need to color the water. If little ones decide to paint your fence, the wet part looks different to them from the dry part. And that satisfies them.
And water play isn’t just for the babies. All ages love it.
Here are a few of my kid-tested, summer water fun favorites:
Give kids a squirt bottle filled with water
They can use it to squirt designs on the sidewalk or patio.
They can also practice pouring liquid from one container to another.
(Caution: Stay close at hand. A baby can drown in even a couple inches of water.)
Then show preschoolers how to shake their hands in it to make it bubbly.
Give them unbreakable pots or plastic bowls for “washing dishes.”
Just be sure that preschoolers are always supervised in a kiddie pool.
Let kids cool off in the sprinklers when you water the lawn.
Provide older kids the supplies they need for squirt bottle battles
Save and rinse out empty dish detergent bottles or buy squirt bottles at the hardware store or WalMart. (Homemade squirt bottles last longer than the small squirt guns you can buy, and they squirt more water, too. However, water blasters and pool squirt toys seem to be more durable.)
Warning: Squirt battles require rules. The main two are:
That means no squirting in the house or garage, and if your sister says she doesn’t want to play, you can’t squirt her…and she can’t squirt you!
If anyone breaks one of these rules, Mom or Dad takes the squirt bottle away.
Provide supplies for a family water balloon fight.
Buy a few dozen balloons, fill them up with water, load them into wagons or laundry baskets, and let go with a family water fight on the grass portion of your yard. Or at the beach. Or the park.
Let older kids wash the car in swimsuits.
Either buy or make bubble stuff and bubble wands for your children. (Bubble blowing, like squirt bottle fighting, is strictly an outdoor sport.)
Little kids like to chase and pop the bubbles. Big ones enjoy blowing and connecting them.
You can make your own bubble wands from pipe cleaners, florist wire or any thin household wire.
Here’s the recipe for homemade bubble stuff:
Pour a half cup of dish detergent (Dawn is a particularly successful brand for this) and a quarter cup cooking oil into one and a half cups water. Stir gently before using. Vigorous stirring causes bubble stuff to foam up too much to make good bubbles.
© 2023 Becky Cerling Powers
So, from the time our three children were babies, I kept the cookie jar filled with homemade cookies. But by the time our children were about 15, 12, and 10, my weight was steadily climbing up, up, up.
I decided to stop making cookies and other homemade desserts.
“I eat too much of that stuff when it’s around,” I told the family.
None of them complained.
They just started baking goodies themselves when they got hungry for sweets – all of them, including Dad. So, I found myself in a family of cooks, and I just had to learn to keep my hands out of the cookie jar when they filled it.
Thinking back, this probably happened because Dennis and I encouraged our children to learn the basics of cooking from the time they were little and eager to “help.”
Children grow up, move away from home and live where their jobs are. If they are teens and their parents work all day, it helps a lot if they know how to start the supper meal when they come home from school. Today, cooking lessons need to be a natural part of growing up.So, what is the best way to teach children to cook?
In a cheerful home, children usually begin to show an interest in helping to cook at age 2 or 3. They can help by dumping measured ingredients into the mix and by licking spoons and beaters. Many 4- and 5-year-olds can learn to crack eggs, too.
Primary school children can read recipes aloud as their reading skills improve. And they can learn to measure ingredients.
They learn to measure ingredients and easily grasp the idea of fractions when they help you divide a dessert into quarters or sixths so each one in the family gets a piece. If two children want to eat three cookies, you show them how to divide the cookies equally, so that each one gets 1 ½ cookies.
Everyone spills something sometime. Children spill more than adults because they are less experienced and less coordinated. When children spill, it’s a learning opportunity – an opportunity for you to teach them what to do with accidental spills and mess.
So, show children where you keep the cleaning rags and show them the clean-up process. Then, the next time there is a spill, just remind your child, in a matter-of-fact way, where he can find the rags.
Unless kids are being deliberately naughty or goofing off, treat spills calmly. Accidents are a natural part of life. So…no scolding, no punishment.
For a working parent, weekends may be a better time for cooking lessons with the littles than weekdays.
After children learn to read recipes and measure, they can begin putting together easy recipes, first under supervision and then on their own. When I found a recipe easy enough for the children to prepare by themselves, I wrote very simple directions for it in a notebook that we kept handy in a kitchen cupboard.
Once in a while I assigned a child the task of making a simple entree or dessert by themselves for a family meal. Children need lots of praise from Mom and Dad when they achieve this milestone.
As children’s skills improve, they can tackle harder and harder recipes. Our children were baking and selling bread to a couple neighbors by age 12.
Teaching them how to prepare food for themselves and others is one of the essential tasks of good parenting.
© 1997 Becky Cerling Powers reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of the nonfiction narrative, Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and the parenting guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
A few years ago my husband Dennis and his employee Glen were in Dennis’ home office working, when they heard a dog squealing in pain.
They ran to the front yard where the noise came from and found our dog Dodger hung up on the front gate.
He had tried to escape the yard to go adventuring by jumping up on the front gate to jiggle the latch with his front paw. The gate on our chain link fence closes with a latch held firm by a steel rod that fits into a hole at the base of the gate. Dodger’s paw slipped between the steel rod and the top edge of the gate and got stuck.
He didn’t realize he could lift his paw to dislodge it. So he danced on his hind legs, caught by his front paw and wedging the paw deeper into the crack, pinching it worse and worse. In his frenzy, he was starting to bite at his leg. A panicky dog left in that situation long enough will actually bite off his own leg to get out.
Dogs in pain are dangerous because they instinctively bite.
When Glen tried to lift the paw, Dodger bit Glen’s hand. Dennis thought Dodger might be calmer with him, so he tried next but he got even worse bites in his hand and arm. Finally, Glen found a cardboard box and partially smothered Dodger in it while Dennis dislodged the paw.
As soon as he was free, Dodger started leaping in joy, wagging his tail, wanting to play. He was oblivious to the men’s dripping blood, to the gashes and punctures left by his teeth, to their pain and their need for immediate first aid.
He did not understand what he was doing when he did it. And he was incapable of empathy – of putting himself in their place and realizing their need or recognizing their pain afterwards.
The men did not take Dodger’s attack personally either. They understood his doggie nature.
And they also realized that now, he was reacting instinctively again, out of relief. So they forgave him and moved on with their lives in a matter of fact way, attending to their wounds and visiting a doctor for proper care.
My friend’s teenage son had a rebellious girlfriend. Whenever my friend refused to give her son permission for something the girl wanted him to do, the girl threw a temper tantrum and accused my friend of being mean and telling lies.
I knew the girl was trapped in an abusive situation at home, so I told my friend Dodger’s story, then said “You have to do what is right for your son, but try not to take his girlfriend’s reactions personally…she is in so much pain, she doesn’t know what she is doing.”
When he was tortured and stripped and hung on a cross to die, he prayed “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
To us, it looks different. People were cruel to Jesus, deliberately cruel. Yet He seemed to be saying that even so, at some critical level, the people killing him did not in fact realize what they were doing. They were blind to the spiritual realm and the great, cosmic picture. They were reacting instinctively, caught up in the moment.
When we struggle to forgive, it helps to remember Christ’s attitude.
We need to forgive the Dodgers in our lives. They don’t know what they are doing. Yet, anytime we need to forgive a Dodger, we also need to ask, “Have I been a Dodger myself? Have I reacted in a way that hurt someone?”
Whenever we hurt someone because we were sick or scared or angry, we think people should just understand and let it go. But we are made in the image of God. We are capable of behaving, with God’s help, better than a Dodger. We need to recognize and acknowledge the pain we cause other people
And that brings us full circle: If we want to be forgiven, we need to forgive…If we’re struggling to forgive, we must remind ourselves what we need forgiveness for ourselves.
“Lord, help me today to see when I’ve hurt someone and need forgiveness. And help me to recognize when people hurt me but it’s not personal – they are reacting to circumstances, not to me. And help me to be willing to help people even when they are acting like Dodger. Amen.”
©Becky Cerling Powers 2019 Reprint with attribution only: www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of the nonfiction narrative, Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and a parenting guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
“Dog in Pain” is part of a collection of stories describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the helmet of salvation – that is, thinking with the mind of Christ. To find other stories in the blog series, enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
“No cats,” I used to tell our kids whenever they asked for a kitten. “No cats. Ben would kill it, and then you’d feel bad.”
Ben was our big red Chow Chow. He regarded it as his duty to lay around looking hot until someone came by the gate, or some poor little animal came into the yard. If it was big, human or outside the gate, he barked at it.
When we first moved onto our west Texas property, my husband filled the old chickenyard out back with chickens to remind him of his farm boy childhood and give our kids a taste of the farming lifestyle.
When Ben saw those chickens, his eyes gleamed, and he moved his daily laying around spot close to the chickenyard. For hours every day he drooled and looked hot.
We kept the chickenyard gate shut, but sometimes a chick squeezed under the fence or a hen flew over it. Then Ben would go after the chick or chicken the way he went after wandering squirrels and rabbits.
Next thing I knew, the kids would come tearing into the house, hysterical over finding one of their chicks or hens dead in the yard.
“Take your choice,” I finally told my husband. “The chickens or the Chow.”
So.
That was the end of the chickens.
Whenever the kids brought wistful tidings of another free kitten, I turned myself into a broken record: “No cats. No cats. No cats.”’
Then one scorching August morning, while following a bike trail through the desert, our 11-year-old son heard frantic mewing sounds and discovered a sweet little kitten trapped in a cactus. She was starving, scrawny, sick, scared…
And of course he brought her home.
We took her to the vet for shots. We fed her according to his instructions.
She was soon thriving on her new diet and the family’s attention. Whenever anyone sat down, she jumped into their lap and purred until their legs vibrated.
Vicky, after all, is short for Victoria – as in Queen Victoria.
Vicky set her kingdom to rights quickly. We lived in an old farmhouse with more mouseholes than we could find and plug, so mice were a constant headache. Vicky took care of that problem first.
Within two weeks, all the mice disappeared. (And as long as she lived with us, they never came back.)
The vet had advised us to introduce the dog and cat carefully. “Let the dog know she’s part of the family,” he told us.
“Let him see her with you and hold onto his collar when you put her down outside. If he makes any kind of move toward her at all, punish him.”
So. We tried it.
Vicky arched her tiny back and spat. Ben lunged at her. We yanked him back.
That was too nerve racking for me.
I confined Vicky to the house and the screened-in front porch. She and Ben got acquainted through the screens. Every day she paraded along the windowsills, hissing and spitting at him as he lay around the front yard, looking hot.
But then Vicky started letting us know she wanted her freedom.
Whenever anyone opened the back door, she tried to dash outside.
And every afternoon she turned mean.
She would sit on a high stool in the kitchen and reach out a claw to scratch whoever passed. When none of those antics produced an open back door, she started using the den rug for her litter box.
“If this cat makes one more mess in the den,” I announced one day, “out she goes. She’s on her own with that dog.”
The next morning when I checked the den, she had left two piles.
The kids wailed and worried, but I hardened my heart and tossed her out, ready to make a quick grab for Ben’s collar.
At least, he ignored her while we were watching. The next morning, he showed up for his breakfast with a cat scratch clear across his nose.
Ben was still King of the Yard – as long as he remembered who was Queen.
And they both patrolled the yard for intruders.
But now they divided the royal duties:
He let her wipe out the local mice and lizards.
But she let him deal with all the squirrels and skunks.
Our neighbor’s experience with dogs and cats was dramatically different from ours. She kept her cats inside the house and left the dogs in her fenced yard to guard her property. She didn’t try to train them to respect each other as co-inhabitants.
One day when she opened her back door, two of her dogs spotted one of her cats inside. Before she could hardly realize what was happening, they instinctively darted inside and killed her cat.
Ben and Vicky’s truce reminds me of the prophet Isaiah’s visions of a restored earth:
And the wolf will dwell with the lamb, And the leopard will lie down with the young goat, And the calf and the young lion and the fattened steer will be together; And a little boy will lead them (Isaiah 11:6 NASB).
The wolf and the lamb will graze together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox; and dust will be the serpent’s food. They will do no evil or harm on all My holy mountain,” says the Lord (Isaiah 65:25 NASB).
Resources for you to ponder, journal, and/or discuss:
Videos:
Image of God: https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/image-of-god/
Heaven and Earth https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/heaven-and-earth/
Blog: What Does it Mean to Be Human: https://bibleproject.com/articles/what-does-it-mean-to-be-human/
© Becky Cerling Powers 2023 Reprint with attribution only: www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of the nonfiction narrative, Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and the parenting guide, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
In 1982 we were a host family for the Sus, a Taiwanese couple at the University of New Mexico. When the Sus had a baby girl, they asked my opinion about an American name for their daughter.
Then shortly after that, we moved south to El Paso and they moved north to Washington State. We kept in touch through Christmas cards and notes until finally, a dozen years later, our son Erik started attending graduate school in Washington State. When I flew up on a visit, we drove to the Sus for a reunion.
“I remember how you told us to name her Grace,” Shaw Chung Su recalled.
“SHE named me Grace?”
Gracie was shocked.
“Well, your PARENTS named you Grace,” I said. “They just asked my opinion.
“They wanted to give you an American name, and they asked me which one I liked best: Grace or Olivia.”
“They were going to name me OLIVIA?” Gracie asked.
Another shock.
“Olivia would have been a lovely name for you,” I said. “It sounds like music: Olivia Su. I really liked it, but I liked Grace better because of its meaning.”
“I still have the card you gave me,” Shaw Chung said.
“Grace means a gift from God,” I had written on the card, “a gift so precious that you could never pay enough to buy it or do enough to earn it.”
Once when she little, I tried to tell her this story about Gracie Su and the meaning of grace. But Gracie Powers threw a fit. “I am NOT a GIFT!!” she stormed.
She was four. A total concrete thinker.
But then, grace has been a hard concept to grasp even for this adult abstract thinker.
A hard concept even to recognize – far too often! -- when grace comes my way.
What did I ever do to deserve the flaming beauty of our desert sunsets night…after night…after night?
Could I ever have enough money in my bank account to buy the trust I see in my grandchild’s eyes?
It was not by my wisdom or my wealth or my hard work that I obtained the privilege (along with the responsibilities) of being born an American citizen in good health.
I swim in an ocean of grace gifts. All day and every day.
May the Lord grant me eyes to notice them. Ears to understand them. A mind to recognize them. A soft heart to embrace them. And a voice to name them, giving thanks.
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with Attribution Only www.beckypowers.com
For more stories and reflections for adults and older kids go to www.beckypowers.com
(From Jennifer)
"You can only wear one dress at a time," Daddy said as he examined the three or four dresses in my closet. And then, predictably, he denied my request for a new dress.
Daddy was a good man. He just didn't understand girls and fashion.
But Mom…?
Mom was a great woman. She understood with both her head and her heart. And her creativity could solve just about any problem. She was a mother.
I grew up on a Minnesota farm in the 1950s. During first through sixth grades, I attended a one-room country school with one teacher in one room and about thirty pupils in the six grades. All of these students lived on nearby farms and had clothing similar to mine. No fashion problem there.
But then in the late 1950's I attended junior high school in Pelican Rapids.
There, full skirts supported by net cancan underskirts were the fashion rage. In retrospect, I believe that at least eighty percent of my female classmates did not have a cancan. But the other twenty percent were fashion princesses.
I pleaded my case, "Mom, I need a cancan. Everyone else has one!"
Mom responded, "What do you think your father will say?"
That was close enough to "No" for me, so I put the thought out of my mind.
I remember hearing the sewing machine whirring, but I assumed that Mom was patching jeans until the day she presented me with (you guessed it) a cancan.
This cancan had a problem.
Mom had no net material to make it, so she used feed sacks. She tightly gathered and sewed rows and rows of feed sack material, which drooped because of their weight.
Before presenting it to me, Mom starched and ironed it. The makeshift cancan worked pretty well for a little while ... at least through the bus ride to school and maybe for one or two classes.
But by the end of the day my cancan skirt was heavy and limp.
For a month or two I starched and ironed that cancan daily. After a while, though, I gave up on the fashion craze and returned to my own farm girl style. The cancan was not important to me anymore. But Mom's act of selflessly giving to and for me deeply imprinted in my heart.
I am embarrassed as I recall this story now.
Because I had deliberately played on Mom's sympathy. I knew that Daddy would not approve of buying a cancan. I also knew that Mom would try her best to satisfy my desires.
I hope the pleasure Mom received from giving me her version of a cancan dress offset the many hours of work she put into that gift.
(From Becky)
My friend Jennifer wrote this story in 1998 as part of a yearlong community writing project that placed a daily story in the El Paso Times in celebration of the values that build families and communities. Originally Jennifer wrote it as a tribute to her mom for Mother’s Day, but I think it could just as easily be written as a tribute to both her parents for Valentine’s Day.
Because both parents loved their daughter.
But each one showed their love in a completely different way, from a completely different perspective. And their two different responses worked together to make their young daughter feel seen, heard, and loved – while teaching her a valuable lesson she needed.
Jennifer’s dad wasn’t mean. He didn’t mock, shame, or lecture her for wanting something unnecessary. He was just practical: “You don’t need it. We don’t have the money to buy something you don’t really need.”
Her mom’s responded more emotionally. She thought, Jennifer is a girl, and she longs to look beautiful and be fashionable. So, Mom went to a lot of trouble, with the materials she could afford, in order to give her daughter the gift of a fashionable looking outfit.
Dad was right. Jennifer did not really need the fashionable skirt.
But Mom was right, too. Jennifer did need the fashionable skirt (but in a way the family could afford) in order for Jennifer to realize for herself that Dad was right: she did not really need the fashionable skirt.
With two completely different approaches, these parents did together what their child needed to be done.
They expressed truth she needed to hear and they showed unconditional love.
When St. Paul was thinking about the ways God shows love to people, he wrote this prayer:
So I bow in prayer before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth gets its true name. I ask the Father in his great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through his Spirit. I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love.
And I pray that you and all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love—how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ’s love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with the fullness of God.
With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3: 14-21, New Century version)
Here’s something to think and journal about today:
How has God shown you his love today or this week?
How does his love make a difference in your life?
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with Attribution Only www.beckypowers.com
For more stories and reflections for adults and older kids see My Roots Go Back to Loving in the Bookstore and other posts in this website: www.beckypowers.co
Question: How long does it take to teach a 10-year-old to drive?
Answer: Under 10 seconds, when you are running over yourself with your own car.
I forgot sometimes, though. One morning when I put the van in reverse, it wouldn't budge.
That meant I’d left the emergency brake on.
I jumped out of the van, squatted beside the open door, and probed around under the dashboard, trying to grab the wire to release the brake. But I just couldn't find it and that made me even madder.
After a good deal of trying I finally got that stupid brake to release. The car started rolling backward, and at that moment, I remembered that I had forgotten to put the van in park.
As the right front tire rolled over my foot, I screamed "Aimee! Aimee, put on the brake!’’
The wheel was starting to roll between my legs as Aimee jumped into the driver’s seat and screamed back, "Which pedal is it?"
Fortunately, by that time the van had stopped rolling, with the tire resting against my pelvis. So I changed my demand to, "Put it in drive!"
"How?"
"Pull the handle down to the 'D.’’
She did, the car rolled forward, and I climbed in to put it in park.
My most embarrassing moment came later that morning when the X-ray technician asked me,
"How did you manage to run over yourself?"
So that day I ran myself over in the morning and didn't even hurt myself badly enough to get out of cooking dinner that evening.
It gave me lots to think about though.
I remember the terror I felt when I realized that what I thought I wanted so badly, was really going to hurt me. In an instant I knew I'd made a bad decision, but I was helpless to change the results of my actions. My van rolled toward me like huge hungry monster.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the things you covet most are not the best things for you?
You covet a bigger house, but working extra to pay the mortgage robs you of time with your family.
You covet the clothes, furniture, and cars of our friends but you hate the weight of debt and the arguments with your spouse about money.
Somehow you and I honestly think that “More Stuff’’ will make us happy.
Instead we are run over by the demands “More Stuff” makes on our lives. We have to clean it, put it away, make payments on it, and buy an alarm to protect it.
“More Stuff” eats our time and leaves us starving for meaning in life.
But we can make changes before the monster of materialism devours our family. We can say "no" to over-spending and choose to be content with what we have. We can enjoy things that don't cost money, like sunsets, walks and reading stories.
We can choose a smaller house, an older car and the chance to spend time, not money, with those we love.
We can say, "Greed, you're never satisfied and I refuse to continue to feed you! My children are too valuable to sacrifice to you."
If we do, that monster can roll on by without causing any permanent damage.
The last of the Ten Commandments Ten Commandmentssays, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor’’ (Exodus 20:17)
Here’s a prayer for you and me today:
“Lord, teach me to be content with what You have given me – to notice what I have and to thank You while I’m using it. I want to learn to really see and appreciate what You have given me. Amen.’’
© 1998 Sue Cameron used with permission
Reprint with attribution only: https://beckypowers.com/
“Thumbs in the thumbs’ place,
Fingers all together,
This is the song we sing in mitten weather
Whether they are made of wool or finest leather,
Thumbs in the thumbs’ place,
Fingers all together!”
My mother used to chant this rhyme as she tugged our mittens on in the winter. And to this day, I can’t help a child put mittens on without hearing in my mind the cheerful cadence of those words.
As a child, I loved poetry – the rollicking rhythms, the delight of rhyme, the rightness of a few choice words, the surprise of unexpected imagery. I memorized poetry, recited it, and in grade school discovered I had a gift for writing it. Poetry was joy to me. As a teen it was a much-needed emotional outlet, as well. I could write about what was bothering me, express my griefs or my sense of humor. When I began college, I was still scribbling away.
After I graduated from the university, my life became more complicated. I married Dennis, moved to Germany where my husband was stationed, traveled in Europe, gave birth to a son, moved to New Jersey for my husband’s graduate school, lived in the Kenyan desert with Dennis and the baby while Dennis did fieldwork for his Ph.D. dissertation, returned to the U.S. and gave birth to a daughter…My life was full.
And suddenly one day I realized I wanted to express what I was feeling in words through poetry again. Yet it dawned on me that all these marvelous experiences –falling in love, marrying, going through culture shock, going through marriage shock, giving birth, parenting – all these emotional tides of my new life had produced no poetry.
How odd.
So I tried writing poetry.
Nothing. The gift seemed gone. I couldn’t figure it out. So finally, I asked God why I could no longer write poetry.
And then a memory surfaced: a brief moment I had entirely forgotten. One night while I was in college, shortly before I met Dennis, I felt the Lord asking me to give Him my poetry, to direct it as He chose. I said no. Now the truth was, my scheming heart didn’t really expect God to take no for an answer. I expected Him to keep on bringing up the subject until I finally relented. But meantime, during a Jacob-like struggle, I could keep the gift to myself, for my own purposes.
But God didn’t ask again. And somehow the gift disappeared.
I repented. I asked forgiveness. And the gift of writing poetry came back…but not for publication.
The gift came back as a way to work through and understand important ideas, as a way to put scripture to music, and also as a way to write songs. I had tried songwriting in my college days but couldn’t do it. Now I could, and my prayer life entered a new realm writing scripture-based prayers and songs. Today I often sing my prayers…a special gift in the hurly burly of life, a way to pray without ceasing, singing prayers for people as I work…
When I told my daughter this story, she thought about it and wondered: Was God being mean? After all, when He asked me for something, and I wouldn’t give it, He took it away. Was that spite? Getting back at me? Was he going off in a huff? Was He saying Ha! So much for you, Miss Selfish-Disobedience!
??
But retaliation was not my experience. Through all those years of no longer writing poetry, I experienced God’s love in constant ways. He communicated with me, gave me insights, comforted me, taught me, encouraged me…I learned to recognize His voice, His presence. I grew so much. He never turned His back on me. He never excluded me. He never withheld affection in any way.
First off, I didn’t take either God or my own adult responsibilities seriously.
God gave me free will – the ability to choose yes or no – and when I refused His request, He treated me as an adult. It’s disrespectful to make decisions for an adult. So when He asked permission to get more involved in one part of my life, He respected my choice. I said no, and He accepted that.
Second, I didn’t think through Who God is.
Reality check: how God creates
So God created the cosmos, the universe, the earth and all their wonders by speaking them into existence. God created the cosmos by His Word. When He created humankind in His image, He created us with the ability to speak, write, use body language: to communicate. When God asked me to take my poetry into a new direction, and I said no, I was telling the Word…the Source of All Communication… not to interfere with the poetry part of my life.
So He didn’t.
And then I was surprised that I couldn’t write poetry??!!???
What Jesus said
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
The poor in spirit are those who recognize who God really is -- the Creator of all we have that is good. If we give anything to Him, it can only be because He gave it to us first.
A prayer for me today and you as well, if you wish
I acknowledge, Lord, that my understanding is in the dark. I do not take You seriously. I do not stop to think carefully Who You are, what You have done for me, or how I need to respond in an appropriate way. Help me. Wake me up, give light to my darkness, help me to think clearly and act sensibly. Amen.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2019
Reprint with attribution only: https://beckypowers.com/
For more insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her blog at www.beckypowers.com, her parenting book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive and her historial nonfiction narrative Laura's Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage in the Bookstore
The first time I tried praying with fasting, I was 22 and love-struck. I was dating a man who was, I thought, in the process of becoming a Christian. But when he proposed, I turned him down. I tried to explain that marrying him wouldn’t be loving. It would be subjecting him to a frustrating future of being tied to someone whose values and goals he could neither share nor understand.
Still, I could not bring myself to break off the relationship. What if I crush the fragile blossoming of his interest in Jesus? I thought. Besides, I really want to marry him – if only he will become a Christian. Putting it that way, though, sounded like spiritual blackmail.
“What should I do?” I prayed over and over.
Then the idea of fasting popped into my head.
Going without eating for a day will be a good way to let God know just how earnestly I want Him to tell me what to do, I decided.
That was my first misconception about fasting – that going without food would capture God’s attention and convince him of my sincerity. I was unaware that my reasoning insulted God’s loving character. All I knew was that Jesus and other people in the Bible fasted.
So, I spent a day without eating, and God graciously gave me the help that I needed – not the breakthrough I expected, but the one I needed. What I expected was a clear yes or no answer to my pressing question: should I break up with Dennis?
“Lord, you know I love Dennis and want to marry him, but the real issue is not marriage. It is Dennis’ salvation. So it’s okay if we never marry. All I ask is that you help him to understand that he needs Jesus.”
In the months that followed, God began penetrating Dennis’ defenses, and in time he decided to follow Jesus. And we have now been married for 53 years. I hesitate to tell the story, though, because many young Christians hearing it might conclude that fasting is a kind of magic, that it is a way to get God to give you something you want very much.
Nothing is farther from the truth.
Do “this” and you’ll get “that.” Follow this procedure, say these words, and you’ll get the results you want.
A pagan believes he must give an impressive performance to get God or the gods to pay attention to him. In the Bible, however, God says over and over that he is readily available to his people and always listens attentively to them.
As Christians, our problem is never whether or not we can get God’s attention when we pray. Rather, it is understanding what to do with God’s attention when we already have it.
We tell him what to do, how to do it, what to give and how to give it.
Instead, God has designed prayer as a form of partnership in which we discover what God wants and then work together with him to bring about his will through our requests and obedient actions.
“No matter what we pray for,” wrote the late O. Hallesby in his classic book Prayer, “our prayers should really resolve themselves into a quiet waiting for the Lord in order to hear what it is that the Spirit desires to have us pray for at that particular time.” Hallesby went on to say that when Christians notice that their prayers are hindered, fasting can often help them to align their spirits with God’s Spirit, bringing them to a better understanding of how to pray.
When I set aside eating for a day to focus my spiritual attention on the unseen God, I changed. Fasting was in order at that time, not for God’s sake but for mine. God drew my spirit in line with his Spirit, and then I could truly release Dennis into God’s hands.
Hallesby pointed out four circumstances when Jesus or the early Christians fasted.
First, they used fasting to prepare and strengthen themselves for facing temptations. Jesus fasted 40 days in the wilderness when he was about to be tempted by Satan at the beginning of his ministry (Luke 4:1-13).
Second, Jesus and his followers fasted before making important decisions. Jesus spent a night in prayer (fasting from sleep) before choosing the twelve apostles (Luke 6:12-14), and the early church was fasting as a body when the Holy Spirit told them to set aside Barnabas and Saul as missionaries to the Gentiles (Acts 13:2-3).
Third, fasting helped the early Christians to put themselves completely at the disposal of the Holy Spirit. Jesus often spent long hours alone in prayer fasting from association with people in order to commune with his heavenly Father and hear him speak.
Fourth, fasting brought forth the power needed for certain great and mighty acts. When Jesus returned from the mountain where he was transfigured before Peter, James and John (Mark 9), he found his frustrated disciples lamenting their failure to cast a dumb spirit out of a demon-possessed boy.
The boy’s father brought the child to Jesus, who then cast out the spirit. Later, when the disciples asked Jesus privately why they had failed to cast it out, Jesus told them, “This kind can come out only by prayer and fasting.”
Some mighty spiritual acts, such as the deliverance of this boy, seem to require more spiritual power and preparation than others, Hallesby said.
He compared prayer to a conduit or electrical cable through which power from heaven is brought down to earth. The greater the volume of electricity to be transmitted, the larger must be the electrical cable through which it flows from the power station. In the same way, the greater the volume of spiritual power being transmitted, the stronger must be the prayer cable uniting the Christian’s spirit with the Holy Spirit.
This illustration also helps explain why the first breakthrough that often occurs during fasting is confession of sin and repentance.
Sin creates resistance in the prayer cable and will eventually produce a short circuit.
Part of fasting in prayer is to sit quietly before God and allow him to diagnose the difficulty in our power line. Then we must cooperate with him in repairing whatever needs to be made right. Only then can his power flow freely from heaven to earth through our prayers.
An example of this process occurred when our first child hit the teen years.
I was stalling out, unable to progress in our family relationships, my daily work or my walk with God. So I agreed with the Lord to set aside all “choice food” for three weeks, much like Daniel did in Daniel 10:2, in order to allow God to locate my crossed wires and loose connections.
I’d barely begun my fast when I became awash in feelings of anger toward several relatives. The Holy Spirit kept bringing them to my attention as I prayed, but each time he reminded me of them I got mad.
I was hanging onto old hurts and grudges. Before I could progress to other issues in my life, I needed to go through a tough forgiving process. It took weeks, but it was the only way God could show me how I needed to pray for my situation.
Fasting is not reserved only for emergencies when all of life grinds to a halt. Instead, fasting is an important discipline that keeps our spirits aligned with God’s Spirit. It’s an important step to take whenever our progress is blocked – by a difficult decision, by circumstances or by something mysterious we cannot pinpoint.
I also used to think fasting required large blocks of uninterrupted solitude – something I found in short supply. I had to learn to fast while homeschooling three children and juggling writing deadlines with church, family and community responsibilities. Most days, even my interruptions got interrupted, and whether I ate or not, I still had to prepare meals for the family.
My hunger pangs reminded me to fasten my gaze on God in the midst of my daily work. Today we are empty nesters at retirement age, so my routine has changed. But in those early days of learning to fast, I tried to get up before the family awoke for an hour of quiet prayer time and often retreated to the bedroom to pray during the day when I could grab a few minutes.
I jotted down any thoughts I had in a notebook I kept handy. All I could do about the inevitable interruptions was to entrust them to God, believing that he would protect enough time for me to be with him.
Hallesby’s broad definition of fasting as abstinence not only from food but also from sleep or from association with people has enabled me to practice this spiritual discipline flexibly. For years I avoided fasting even thought I glimpsed its benefits because I had hypoglycemia and could not skip meals without becoming faint. Today my blood sugar levels are high, and I have to eat regularly and carefully to avoid diabetes.
In my 40’s I learned to go without desserts and snacks over several weeks, sometimes fasting one meal only and sometimes spending some of my normal sleep time in waiting, listening prayer. Other times I went without food for a day or longer. Today I fast in modified ways according to my health requirements. Like: no chocolate (my one treat)
All that matters is that I be freed to think, to pray and to listen to God. Fasting loosens our ties to this earth and frees us to recognize, to agree with and to express the mind of Christ in our lives.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1991, updated 2023
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
“Figuring Out Fasting” is part of a collection of stories describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes the use of all occasion prayer. To read the introductory story, enter its title “Family Conflict, Family Struggles” into the Search Bar. To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
I felt overwhelmed.
During the early years of the homeschooling movement, in 1983, after our 6-year-old son Matt came down with pneumonia twice in six months, we started homeschooling to give him a break to recover. After that it seemed natural to let our two older children join our homeschool day whenever they got sick and had to stay home from school, I just included them into our homeschool day. They started begging to be homeschooled, too, so I wound up teaching all three, while helping to start El Paso’s first homeschool support group and spending hours on the phone talking to parents wanting information about homeschooling their kids.
I also started writing a weekly parenting column for the El Paso Times, sharing the tons of stuff I was learning while running a household, parenting and teaching three kids first grade through high school.
“Overwhelmed” became my middle name.
I’ll bet you feel the same sometimes, like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew, or life has too many moving pieces.
I’d like to share with you one my most important parenting/homeschooling lessons for those times when I started feeling Utterly Overwhelmed. It was this: I’d better stop for an uninterrupted (as if that’s going to happen…) Morning of Prayer.
So, I’d pick a morning when nothing was scheduled and tell the two older kids that they could have a day off from school if they kept their little brother happy, answered the phone and made lunch. And they were not to interrupt me unless someone was bleeding.
I learned that to begin, I first needed to prepare my heart to think about what I was doing and to Whom I was praying. Otherwise, I would just rush into God’s presence, tell him what I thought He should do, and rush out again, without even waiting to hear what He might want to say about it.
With experience and a couple good teachers, I came to realize that I couldn’t just assume that the way I saw things was the way God saw them.
He knows how I am made, He knows how the world is made, and He knows far more about my situation than I do.
So, I need to prepare my heart and mind to approach Him appropriately and listen for anything He might want to say.
A good way to prepare my heart was praying the Lord’s Prayer thoughtfully:
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name…”
Who am I coming to? Since Jesus taught us to call Almighty God our Father, that tells me that God will listen to me as any good father would do. So, I can thank Him for being my father, for being completely on my side and for listening to me.
“Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
God’s kingdom and God’s will are the Big Picture. My situation is a small part of that Big Picture. So…am I ready to pray for God’s kingdom to come into my situation? And for His will (not necessarily mine) to be done in this situation…just as it would be done in heaven? If not, I need to confess sin and get my heart right. This has to be done before I can ask for my daily needs:
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Are there sins – debts – I need to confess now, before I go any further? And am I “up” on forgiveness? Or do I need to pray about going through the process of forgiving – or at least being willing to let God help me forgive – someone?
And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one.
I acknowledge that God’s enemy is opposed to His kingdom, and that I want to further God’s kingdom, not the enemy’s. So, I ask God’s protection from the evil one as I pray.
For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
This is another reminder to Whom I make my prayers.
After preparing my heart this way, I’d write this verse at the top of a page in my journal:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7).
“Be anxious for nothing…” St. Paul said. But I WAS anxious. In fact, I was obsessed.
Do you ever become so totally wrapped up in your worries, that praying is no longer really prayer? It’s worrying in the name of prayer? I began to realize that though I would begin: “Dear Jesus,” as if this was prayer, really I was just anxiously going over and over and over my worries, then ending with “Amen.” And that was not really prayer.
So, I’d make an Anxiety List
I’d draw a line down the center of the page and on the left side I’d list whatever I was worried about, leaving a fair amount of space between each item. Then, since St. Paul said to pray with thanksgiving, I’d go back to the top of the list and thank God for anything I could think of about the first item. Then I’d write my request, still on the left side.
I’d try to be quiet and if any thoughts or any scripture came to me, I’d jot that down. Then I’d move on to the second item, and so on down the list.
Over time, I learned two crucial things from this practice.
First: God answered my prayers in surprising – sometimes astonishing – ways. After a month or so, I’d go back to my left-hand list and then, on the blank right side of the page, I’d write down the answers to my petitions along with my thanks.
Wow, that was a faith builder!
Except.
Except that I also came to see that by the time I came back to write down those answers to my prayers, I often hadn’t noticed God’s answers when they came. And that was because I’d become so focused on a next new set of worries.
And it also prodded me into greater awareness and gratitude for what God did for me at the time He was doing it.
The second big pattern I began to notice was that the day after setting aside a prayer time like this, I always felt horrible. I’d think, I had all these things to do, and I wasted a morning praying, so I got nothing done, and now I still have all this Stuff to deal with.
But… over time… because I was coming back to my notes and seeing both the answers to prayer AND the depression that came the following day, I began to recognize the depression as a spiritual assault. I realized that when I prayed – beyond my sight in the world invisible – God began moving. And that made God’s adversaries angry. They could see what I could not.
So, I was suffering a spite attack.
As I learned to refuse these bouts of depression, they lifted over time. I would say, “Lord, I refuse to believe that that was wasted time. Someday I’ll see it was time well spent, so now I thank You in advance for Your answers to my prayers.”
Then I thanked Him again when the answers came.
©2022 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Anxiety List Prayer” is part of a collection of stories describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using all-occasion prayer. To find other stories in the blog series, enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
After my father's funeral in 2021, I collected and brought home to Texas many boxes of old photographs and documents. Within this treasure store, I found a list written in Dad's tiny, neat print with the title "Problem Solution Method."
My father enjoyed having a good problem to solve. He was a licensed structural engineer who was active in church and civic organizations, a skilled carpenter, inventor, musician and craftsman who delighted in his six children, his many grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and a lot of neighbor kids as well.
I think Dad’s list is worth sharing, especially during this season when people reflect on their lives in the past year and their desires and plans for the new year to come. So, here it is:
Note: there’s a difference between a problem and a dilemma. A problem is a situation that must somehow be resolved. A dilemma is a difficult choice between two alternatives, both of them unsatisfactory.
© 2022 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only: https://beckypowers.com/
For more insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
It happened at a holiday gift exchange. We each brought an unmarked gift -- our invitation suggested “the more unique the better.”
I thought it was unique that the Chaplain chose the biggest box only to find it held a six-pack of beer. He spent the night trying to trade it off. Then his wife opened a personal clothing item, meant for a male. She was lucky, though, a kind soul traded with her and she got a year old fruit cake.
That was the other unique thing about this gift exchange
When our number was called we could open a new gift or take one we liked from someone else.
When the Far Side calendar was opened, I jabbed my husband in the ribs, “Get that one,” I ordered.
Ohhh’s and ahh’s went up when the wine with two glasses was unwrapped.
But I didn’t want the wine, I wanted the Christmas mugs holding packages of flavored coffee. “Get me the mugs,” I instructed when my husband’s number was called.
He did and had them for about three minutes before the lady on the couch nabbed them. “Get that Far Side calendar,” I urged my husband. He did and hid it under his thigh.
As the exchange progressed, fewer people opened new gifts as everyone’s favorites were swapped back and forth. It got to the point that we all just stayed seated and passed the best items from one to the other. My hands just touched the mugs when I had to release them again. Drat!
Somehow, during this round robin my husband ended up empty handed. “Something’s wrong,” I warned him. He glanced around looking for the mugs, the popcorn, the calendar. Then he turned towards the unopened presents.
I growled, “No, don’t open an unknown gift.” My voice rose in sharp tones “How’d you lose the calendar? Why don’t you have the mugs?” He glanced at me, then reached for a gift. We got a small pair of plastic elephant piggy banks. I rolled my eyes, disgusted. My husband looked at me, ashamed.
Today, after the party, I’m looking at myself, and I’m the one ashamed.
I yelled at him in front of all those people, just because of a set of mugs. I don’t need mugs. I can’t use the ones I have. I don’t have room on the shelf for more.
Ever notice that what happens to you reveals what’s in you? Jesus said it, “What goes into a man’s mouth doesn’t make him ‘unclean’, but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him unclean.” [Matthew 15:11]
Ouch. Why did Jesus have to say that?
I’d rather think that the problem lies with everything outside me. I don’t like to look inside. To face the truth. And I don’t like what came out of me that night -- greed, pure and filthy. And that’s the truth.
A friend of mine was at that same party, amid the same presents and opportunity. Know what she did when it was her turn? She stood. She walked slowly around the room, searching. “She’s looking for the calendar,’’ I thought.
Nope.
She reached for a box holding a ceramic Christmas tree. The tree was lovely, except it was broken. I watched her gently remove the fractured tree from its box. “I think all the pieces are here,” she said peering into it.
“Do you think you can fix it?” her husband asked.
“I think I can,” she answered.
My friend went home with a real treasure: a heart that sees promise and beauty in broken things.
A prayer for today
Slow me down inside, Lord, during this hectic holiday season, so that I can recognize and appreciate Your hidden treasures and blessings. Amen.
© 1998 Sue Cameron Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
For more stories by Sue Cameron, see My Roots Go Back to Loving in the Bookstore
While driving through a nearby Texas village recently, I noticed several children digging in a vacant lot. The soil in that neighborhood was so sandy that any vacant lot was just a giant sandbox with creosote bushes growing in it. The kids were obviously having a wonderful time. All they needed besides the sand to stay busy and happy all day, I think, was a bucket of water and a few old containers to make molds and cook Sand Stew.
During this holiday gift-giving season, it helps to remember that the best toys and play materials stand up to hard use and keep a child interested even when his interests change.
The best toys are open ended, which means that they can be used again and again in a variety of ways. A molded plastic castle, for example, is less open ended than a set of blocks because, unlike the blocks, the castle always stays the same shape. Blocks not only can be used to form a castle, but can also change into a skyscraper, a zoo, or a road system.
Here are a few simple, open ended toys and play materials that have kept children happily occupied for generations:
A sandbox can be plain or fancy. A well-constructed box with seats is nice, but a plastic swimming pool works, too.
A set of big blocks in a must. These can be expensive, though. You can make your own for less by sawing a couple of two-by-fours into 4, 8, and 12-inch lengths, then sanding them well.
Sturdy cars, trucks, and trains that run on kid power with personalized sound effects are more open ended than the battery driven kind.
Dolls. Buy dress up dolls for school age children and huggable dolls for any age.
Flannel board and flannel graph figures. Half a yard of flannel or felt tacked to the wall or a board or draped over a sofa back gives kids a fine flannel background. Shapes cut from different colored pieces of felt will adhere to the flannel board. More complicated, individualized figures can be made with interfacing from a fabric store. Draw a figure on plain paper, place the interfacing over it, trace the outline, and cut it out. Color it with paints or markers. (Or better yet, let older siblings do it for the younger ones.)
Building sets such as Legos, Brio-Mec, Tinkertoys and Lincoln Logs are worth budgeting for.
Stuffed animals make great playmates and childhood comforters. Avoid products that don’t wash easily or that have small parts that a child might detach and swallow or poke into an ear or nose.
Puppets range in price from reasonable to ridiculous. You can make your own from scraps. Google “easy homemade puppets” online for lots of ideas and directions.
Modeling clay or play dough can be kept on hand and used over and over. To make play dough at home, mix 1 cup water, 1 cup flour, ½ cup salt, 2 tablespoons cream of tartar, 2 tablespoons baby oil, and a few drops of food coloring in a saucepan. Stir on medium heat until the dough leaves the sides of the pan. Knead on a floured board and keep in a sealed Ziplock bag when not in use. (For more sculpting recipes, subscribe to this blog to receive Glorious Glop: save money and delight your kids with homemade art supplies, untidy science experiments, and other messy fun activities )
Art materials: crayons, markers, scissors, glue sticks, glue, paste, colored sidewalk chalk, watercolors, colored pencils (older children will enjoy fine, soft-leaded pencils like Berol Prismacolor), poster paint, paste, construction paper, drawing paper, tracing paper…the possibilities are endless. Coloring books with pre-drawn pictures are fine for a wait at the doctor’s office, but children need the open ended materials for projects at home.
Blackboard and chalk or white board and dry erase markers are important for kids because their small motor muscles are still developing. Writing big helps them. Buy a blackboard or make your own. I bought blackboard paint from a paint store and painted a door in our children’s rooms to give them giant blackboards. You can buy white board and dry erase markers in an office supply department. Or you can buy white board in 4 x 8 foot panels in a hardware store, and then cut and frame it to the size you prefer.
Plastic figures of animals and people can provide hours of imaginative play time. Choose figures that reflect the values you want your children to hold.
©Becky Cerling Powers 2020 Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
This post is reprinted from Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive, by Becky Cerling Powers
My dad sang around the house a lot, and our family used to sing on car trips. One of the songs Dad used to jokingly sing to Mom was an oldie, first recorded in 1926, called “Gimme a Little Kiss” about a boy trying to convince a girl to kiss him. I always thought it was funny and cute.
Years later, though, when I had a teenage daughter, it struck me that behind the fun, this song is actually a nice study in some classic manipulative techniques. Both women and men use these tactics. Sometimes people are unaware, or only dimly aware, of what they are doing – except that, if they’re honest, they’ll admit they’re trying to overcome the other person’s resistance in order to get their own way. People also use these tactics to weasel out of their legitimate responsibilities.
(1) Gimme a little kiss, will ya huh?
(2) What are you gonna miss, will ya huh?
(3) Gosh oh gee, why do you refuse?
(4) I can’t see what ya gotta lose.
(5) Oh, gimme a little squeeze, will ya huh?
(6) Why do you wanna make me blue?
(7) I wouldn’t say a word if I were asking for the world,
(8) But what’s a little kiss between a fellow and his girl?
(9) Oh, gimme a little kiss, will ya huh?
(10) And I’ll give it right back to you!
(1) Gimme a little kiss, will ya huh? (2) What are you going to miss, will ya huh?
Here, the message is: “What I’m asking for is minor.” And the implied message is, “What I want is so trivial that if you don’t give it to me, you’re being unreasonable.”
(3) Gosh oh gee, why do you refuse?
(4) I can’t see what ya gotta lose, oh
These two lines are a mild form of the message, “I feel terrible, and it’s all your fault,” which this guy is really going to sock home hard in line 6. Other implications: “You’re being unreasonable. You’re being unfair to me.”
Until you become tuned in to these messages, they slip past your conscious mind and push your guilty button so that you react by doing what the other person wants before you even know that you absorbed an accusation. From a spiritual warfare point of view, these are the Accuser’s fiery arrows, designed to make you react and drop your defenses.
A manipulator will minimize his request (or demand).
In lines 2 & 4 (What are you going to miss…? I can’t see what you’re gonna lose…) the boy is minimizing his request saying or implying, “What I want isn’t very much…it’s nothing really,” while at the same time the tactics he uses indicate that what he wants is vital to his happiness. (He’ll repeat this double-message tactic in lines 7 & 8)
A manipulator will push, push, push. He will not respect your “no.”
(5) Gimme a little squeeze, will ya huh?
Same request, slightly different words. He wants intimate physical contact, and he won’t take no for an answer. He will nag, he will persist, he will wear this girl down by keeping after her.
And he uses self-pity to dump blame on his beloved.
(6) Why do you wanna make me blue?
Now the guy is really feeling sorry for himself. (“Poor pitiful me…”) The messages underneath are:
The guy is saying, “Poor Me. I feel really, really bad. And you are the one responsible for making me feel this way.” This is a classic, manipulative (and effective) 1-2-3 punch of self-pity plus blame plus pushing off responsibility for one’s behavior onto someone else.
This works best on people who are sensitive, compassionate and conscientious. It twists the truth and uses people’s good intentions against them.
A manipulator uses double messages.
(7) I wouldn’t say a word if I was askin’ for the world,
(8) But what’s a little kiss between a fella and his girl?
In words this guy is saying, “I’m not asking for something big. What I want is really unimportant.” But his actions – his persistence, his use of blame and manipulation through guilt – give the contradictory message: “This is terribly important. You must give it to me because my whole happiness depends on this.”
So which is it? Important or unimportant?
(9) Gimme a little kiss, will ya huh?
More persistence, more nagging.
(10) And I’ll give it right back to you!
If nothing else works, he’ll use wit and charm.
********?
Here are clues to help you recognize when you may be being manipulated:
When you’re feeling guilty after an encounter with someone (or you’re feeling uneasy and defensive), you need to figure out what’s going on. Maybe this is true guilt, and maybe not. True guilt goes away after confession, God’s forgiveness, and, if appropriate, making amends.
If the encounter was manipulative, you’re probably feeling guilty because you’ve absorbed a hidden accusation.
You need to figure out what those underlying accusations were in order to untangle true or false guilt.
For example, go back, look at the words of the song, and see if you can find these hidden accusations embedded in the lines:
You’re most apt to get trapped by manipulative accusations if you believe some of the common Lies That Trap. For example:
Lies That Trap
Truth That Frees
You will begin to be able to recognize the messages when you allow the Holy Spirit to train you to notice the underlying assumptions of Lies That Trap, and when you ask the Lord to teach you to recognize hidden accusations by thinking through your reactions in past encounters.
You’ll be able to think more and react less.
Keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, as the writer of Hebrews told us to do (chapter 12), also helps to set us free from false accusations. For example, if you’re feeling guilty about saying no to a loved one, you can look at Jesus, who sets our standard. Did He ever say no to a loved one? Did He ever disappoint His loved ones? Did He ever do things they disapproved of?
He certainly did. Jesus was sinless, yet he disappointed his loved ones. Therefore, disappointing your loved ones isn’t automatically a sin, something you rightly feel guilty about.
Why did Jesus say no? Or disappoint? Or cause disapproval?
What were His principles, His standards in those situations? Learn from Him.
Of course, all of us are guilty at one time or another of trying to manipulate other people into giving us our own way. Men manipulate women – and other men. Women manipulate men – and other women. We don’t need to be any particular gender to be a manipulator. But we do need to be aware of our own sinful tendency to send these kinds of accusing messages to one another when we want our way.
Jesus, again, is our standard.
He did not manipulate people. He helped them define their choices. Then He respected their clear choices. He did confront people about their sin, which may have produced guilt feelings. But He did this, not to get His own way, but to point out obstacles in the way of their relationships to God and man. We must do the same.
Jesus gave no double messages, saying one thing and doing another. When He said yes, He meant yes. When He said no, that meant no. We must also say yes when we mean yes and no when we mean no, then live out our stance with integrity. We need to respect each other’s no’s and yes’s, learning which issues are negotiable and which are not.
In our flesh, we are worldly and self absorbed.
Our unthinking, automatic response is to try to make people do it our way. Our unthinking, automatic drive is to seek our significance and self worth through ourselves (by making ourselves the center) or other people (by making another person the center) instead of through God.
Paul the apostle taught that we must not be conformed to the pattern of the world (our unthinking inclination) but instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Our automatic responses must be retrained, and that is done through this process of learning to look to Jesus to help us recognize and turn away from false assumptions and false messages.
Lies and accusations are intertwined with what St. Paul called spiritual warfare
People refer to “Satan” as a proper name, but actually, in the original language of the Bible, he is referred to as the satan, a common noun. “The satan” means “the accuser.”
When you recognize an implied accusation, it can be helpful to speak it out loud – not in an accusatory way, but thoughtfully. Mirror the message like this: “So….what I’m hearing you say is ‘You spoil all my fun.’” Then leave it there. Articulating an implied accusation in a matter-of-fact manner brings it out into the open, where it loses the power of ambush and is forced to face up to truth/reality.
Resource: Variations of “Gimme a Little Kiss” on YouTube:
Frank Sinatra https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP-9IMESfwM
Dean Martin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2P8IlbP1Hk
1926 Hits Archive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8Kbl8vbmJc
Gimme a Little Kiss (1926) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2bO-dTA-X4
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
“Gimme a Little Kiss” is part of a collection of stories describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the Belt of Truth and the Shield of Faith to recognize and stand firm during a stealth attack using false accusations. To read the introductory story, enter its title “Family Conflict, Family Struggles” into the Search Bar. To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
Note: Copyright date to Gimme a Little Kiss is January 6, 1926 so it went into the public domain January 1, 2022
I opened a treasure chest of fascinating stories when my mother’s cousin Laura Richards died in 1981. A friend of Laura’s sent my mother a collection of old letters, mostly ones that Laura had sent from China to U.S. relatives and friends, giving information and telling stories about the orphanage that Laura started in North China in 1929.
Some letters raised questions for me, like one from U.S. Navy Chaplain Harold Flood who wrote that he discovered Laura’s orphanage when he entered Beijing with U.S. marines in 1945 to set China free from Japan. He and his men brought food to Canaan Home’s 115 orphans, who included many severely handicapped children and ranged in age from tiny babies to teenagers.
Chaplain Flood said that Laura cared for all the children by herself. I thought he must be mistaken, and later I learned that he was – but only slightly mistaken. When the U.S. declared war on Japan, the Japanese were occupying China, and they viewed Americans like Laura as their enemies. They often killed Chinese people who helped Americans and sometimes killed those people’s families, too. So when the two nations officially went to war, all but two of Laura’s Chinese volunteer helpers stayed to help.
But even with two helpers, how could it be that Laura had kept 115 children healthy, clean, clothed and fed through 8 years of Japanese occupation? She had no modern conveniences like a sewing machine to make the children’s clothes, or a wash machine for laundry, or even indoor plumbing for bathrooms. Coal was scarce for heating buildings in the freezing winters, and money to buy it was even scarcer. And how had she fed the children? The Japanese government confiscated the farmers’ harvests to feed their soldiers. Many Chinese died of starvation. So, even with two adult helpers, how could Laura possibly take care of over 100 children?
In 1990, I found out. I began searching to find people who could tell me more about the orphanage, and one of them put me into contact with some of the former Canaan Home orphans, who sent me long letters from China describing memories of their childhood. They wrote that from the time they were babies, Laura taught them to pray to Jesus for their needs and to work hard at their level of ability, living out the motto she taught them: “The older help the younger, and the stronger help the weaker.”
From the time they were toddlers, the orphans learned to do what they could for themselves and to begin helping others. As they grew, they received more practical training and increased responsibility.
Before Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, Chinese volunteers taught school at the orphanage. At that time, school age children attended school half the day and did chores the other half under adult supervision. After the U.S. declared war and it became so dangerous for Chinese volunteer teachers and child workers to help in an American run facility, all but two volunteers left and the children’s school ended.
Under Laura’s supervision, the children doubled up their workday. Older children supervised younger ones, working in teams of three to six to do all the work needed to keep the family going: carrying water in buckets from the spring for drinking, cooking and doing laundry; sewing, mending, and washing all the family’s clothes by hand; cooking all the meals; and cleaning their buildings, including their outhouses (no indoor toilets!) Laura, who was a nurse, trained the older children to nurse sick children, to make formula and feed newborns around the clock; and to care for the babies, preschoolers and the severely handicapped children.
As much as possible, the orphans raised food for the family. They raised chickens for eggs and meat and goats for milk and meat. They worked hard in the garden to grow vegetables to feed the family, and they ate everything from the garden that they could. Adults and older children ate the leaves and stems of sweet potatoes – food that was normally considered pig feed – saving the sweet potatoes themselves for the babies and a few disabled old men who lived with them. When they ran out of food from the garden, the boys foraged beyond the orphanage ground for wild greens, wild vegetables and tree leaves – anything edible they could find. (Foraging beyond the orphanage gates was too dangerous for the girls.)
The Japanese invaders confiscated the farmers’ harvests to feed their soldiers, so the Chinese people experienced a terrible famine. The Japanese military rationed deflated bean dregs for people to buy for food in the markets. Deflated bean dregs had formerly been used for fertilizer. Sellers adulterated all the millet flour and corn flour with material like ground-up peanut shells. People tried to make their millet stretch by mixing it with sawdust before eating it.
The most destitute people peeled the bark off trees and ate it mixed with clay. By the end of the winter 1943, the trees in and around Beijing were stripped of bark. When the orphan boys went outside the orphanage compound on errands for the family, they saw the dead bodies of people who had died of starvation lying scattered here and there.
The neighbors living near the orphanage kept expecting the children to die, too. But strong family cooperation, loyalty, hard work and God’s answers to their prayers saved the children’s lives during the Japanese occupation.
Today I would say that researching Laura’s story helped me become a better parent in many ways. Most obvious was the inspiration she provided through the example of praying in complete dependence on God for strength and supply to raise her children. But she also inspired me to focus on training our children to work as a team and to develop the heart and the skills needed to care for those younger and weaker than themselves.
© by Becky Cerling Powers 2022
Use with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Resource: You can read more about Laura’s story in Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese Orphanage by Becky Cerling Powers
When our first baby was born, I had the great good fortune to be friends with Ruth, a writer who was a dozen years older than me. Ruth had three big assets for me – she delighted in her four children, she was going through a mid-life crisis, and she stuttered.
Ruth’s practical approach and obvious enjoyment of her kids provided me with a wonderful role model. And because she was going through a mid-life crisis, Ruth was re-evaluating her life and close relationships. And because Ruth stuttered, she did more thinking than talking. When she finally decided to say something, her words were brief but powerful. Her pithy observations gave me lots to mull over.
Ruth was the youngest of 13 children, so she had been able to watch quite a few of her brothers and sisters raise their families before she started raising hers. She said she noticed that her siblings viewed their children as lumps of clay to be molded and formed. But she felt that was the wrong mental image.
Instead, she said, she viewed her family as a mystery garden from God and her four children as little sprouts in the garden. Her task as a mother was first, to figure out what kind of plant each child was. (Was she tending a rose bush or an apple tree? A field of onions or a grape vine?) Her second task was to provide the very best growing conditions for that kind of plant.
So when I saw parents trying to mold their child into a particular future (“My son is going to be a high school football star,” or “My daughter is going to be a nurse”) I realized it was like going into a garden and saying, “I’m going to turn this plant into a pecan tree.” That only works if the plant is already a pecan tree.
If the sprout is really a raspberry bush, parents will be frustrated when, instead of a tall tree with hard, crunchy pecans, they get a prickly bush with soft berries they are unprepared to do anything. They’ll be disappointed with their crop of sweet, luscious berries. And they’ll say stupid things to their raspberry bush like “Why don’t you produce pecans like your brother?” Instead of providing a trellis for their little climbing rose, parents with a molding mindset will punish her for not staying in place.
So Ruth’s metaphor helped shape my parenting.
Perhaps Ruth’s observation made extra good sense to me because, although my parents used different words to express it, I now realize they raised their six children with the same philosophy. And I saw what healthy relationships they had with all their adult children.
“What should parents do to have a good relationship with their kids?” I asked my dad once when I was interviewing him for a Father’s Day parenting column.
He said, “First it’s important to have lots of shared activities.” So my parents did what they loved and included us children. Sometimes we were interested in doing those things, and sometimes weren’t. But either way, sharing a great variety of activities with us made it possible for my parents to do what Dad said was the second important thing: observe your children closely to discover who they really are – what their individual interests and talents are. Dad called this recognizing your child’s natural bent. “Parents,” he said, “need to do whatever they can to help their children follow their natural bent.”
Sharing activities and encouraging special interests
So my parents gardened, and we kids helped bring in the harvest. Mom showed us how to help her make homemade jellies, jams, and applesauce from harvested fruit. Mom liked to bake, so we all learned to bake cookies and cakes. She liked to sew, so she taught my sister and me to hem our skirts, make doll clothes and eventually use the sewing machine. Dad liked woodworking, but none of my brothers showed any interest until they were adults themselves.
My sister liked art and house design, so Dad encouraged her to take a drafting class in high school even though in those days, drafting was considered a class for boys only. My brothers liked sports, so Dad practiced with them and my parents cheered them at their games. They liked science, so Mom and Dad took them to science museums and my dad took them around to his construction sites and told them about engineering problems he had to solve.
Our whole family loved music. We sang in the car on long drives and our parents stretched their budget to give us music lessons. Often after supper Dad gathered us all up to sing while he played his mandolin, I played piano, one brother played bass fiddle and the other brothers played guitar.
They encouraged our interests. I liked to write, so they praised me by telling me specifically what they liked about things I wrote. For example, Mom might say, “I especially like the way you described the dog in your essay. It gave me a vivid picture and made me laugh.” They encouraged me to write to foreign pen pals, and my mom and I wrote to each other when I went to summer camp. I kept a journal, too, and my parents made my sister and brothers respect my privacy and keep my journal private.
In high school they encouraged me to join the high school newspaper staff and write for the school’s creative writing anthology. When a local weekly newspaper invited four students, each from a different local suburban high school, to publish a monthly column about what was happening at their school, my teacher got me the job writing the column about my high school. My parents cut out and saved my columns, showing me their interest in my work.
By my senior year in high school, I knew I wanted to go to college. But I had no idea what to choose for a major. I liked history and literature and psychology. What should I choose? Then my mom saw an article in the newspaper about a brand-new journalism scholarship, and she told me I should apply for it. I was positive I wouldn’t get it, but my mom wanted me to apply, so I did, using the newspaper columns my parents had clipped for the required samples of my writing. And I won the scholarship. So that’s why I majored in journalism.
My parents understood me much better than I understood myself. By steering me toward journalism, they gave me the push I needed to get the right kind of university training for the kind of writer I am.
My folks used the same loving approach with all six of their children. Today my sister is a well-known artist in Houston with her work on display in the Houston airport. I am a journalist, columnist, and author. One of my brothers is a geology professor who is in the National Academy of Sciences and made discoveries that people use in crime labs to solve murder cases. Another brother is a clinical psychologist. My next brother designs computer chips and helped send a spaceship to the moon. And my youngest brother is an English professor. Six different kids, six different professions, all of us enjoying our work and our families.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021
Reprint with attribution only https://beckypowers.com/
This article is reprinted from Becky’s book: Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
When God was getting the Garden Eden ready to share life in the same space with humans, why did He wait around so long to create Eve?
When God separated the seas from the land, He declared it good. And when He caused the land to produce plants and fruit bearing trees, He saw that it is good. When He placed the sun and moon in the sky to govern the day and the night, He found it good. And when he filled the skies with winged creatures and the seas with teeming life, again He declared it good. When he created livestock and wild animals and creeping creatures to fill the land, once more He found it good.
And yet when God created the first earthling, the man Adam – honoring the man by creating him in His own image and placing him in a beautiful garden – for the first time, God declared that something in His new creation was not good.
“It is not good for the man to be alone,” He said. “I will make a helper suitable for him.”
After that jarring statement, anyone would expect God to get busy creating Eve. But He delayed. Instead, He gave Adam the job of naming all the animals.
I believe that God is like the father of my – I realize now – incredibly fortunate childhood. Or more accurately, my father was like God in the sense that Dad saw what his children needed in the future, and then prepared us by working alongside us and building a relationship with us through shared chores and other activities, patiently helping us to develop the skills and character traits we would need for adult life.
To name someone in the ancient culture of Bible times meant saying something true about their character or their nature. God could have given Adam lessons about the animals and directed him about what to notice and what to think. That is usually the way our culture teaches children about animals in school.
But God didn’t do that. Instead, He let Adam explore, observe, and figure things out for himself. So Adam observed the animals closely to give them meaningful names –descriptive names like anteater, woodpecker, grasshopper. And as Adam explored, observed, and thought about what he observed, Adam began to realize something else. Something important. Something that God also let him figure out for himself.
He saw that God created earth’s creatures as male and female, and that when the male and the female united, they produced offspring.
So Adam used the wonderful brain God gave him to think about that. First Adam put his observations into words, then he interpreted what he noticed, and finally, he reasoned that there must be a mate for him as well. So then, as he continued his God-given project of naming the animals, he began searching for his own mate, the one created just right for him.
When God gave Adam the job of naming the animals, He didn’t tell Adam that He was preparing Adam for his future mate – that becoming a good observer, a good communicator and a good thinker would help him to become a good mate.
Walking with God in the garden every evening, relating his thoughts and confiding his hopes to his creator also helped prepare Adam for relationship – for the comforts and the responsibilities of intimacy with his future wife.
God allowed Adam to try to solve the mate problem for himself. Adam searched and searched, but he found no creature suitable to share his life intimately. So then, Adam experienced loneliness. His lonely feelings helped him come to recognize his own need – another kind of preparation for the challenges of an intimate relationship.
Finally, God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, and while Adam slept, God took part of Adam’s side and closed the wound with flesh. Then the LORD God fashioned a woman from Adam’s side and brought her to Adam.
After that, all of Adam’s hours and days of language development training – from naming the animals – paid off. Adam reacted with poetry, the language of romance:
“Now this! THIS is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!
She shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.”
When God answers our prayers, sometimes He says “Yes,” sometimes He says “No” and sometimes He says “Wait.” When God says “Wait,” it may be because we are not yet ready for the responsibilities that go with the gift we long for.
Today’s prayer
Lord, help me to cooperate with You when You determine that I need to wait before You give me the desire of my heart. May I get with the program and learn the observation, communication, and other skills I need to take proper care of the gifts You want to give me. Amen.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1995, updated 2021
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
You can find more family stories from Becky Cerling Powers in Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from “Year of the Family” in the Bookstore
From his baby days, our son Matt was giving us clues about his learning style – the way he learned best. Back then, though, I didn’t know how to read his clues – like the way he loved to feel soft things. He used to crawl into our closet and tug on my flannel nightgown until he yanked it down. Then he’d roll around on it. Or like, while riding in his car seat, he would suck his thumb and stroke the hair of whoever was sitting next to him.
When he cracked his front tooth, his dentist nicknamed him Crash.
Not surprisingly, Matt had trouble sitting still in school until we pulled him out to home school him, and he had a frustrating time learning to read and write. But by the time Matt was a teen, he had grown to be a gifted sculptor and musician, a star athlete, and a terrible speller.
Like Matt, all young children give clues about how they learn best.
Parents who understand their children’s learning styles can work and communicate with them better, making it easier, for example, to teach chores. Like the farmer who complained to psychologist Paul Welter, “My son is disobedient.”
When Welter asked him to explain more specifically, the farmer said that his 12-year-old son did not do what he told him to do. At chore time, he gave his son three or four tasks. Sometimes the boy did a couple of them and skipped the others, and sometimes he did the tasks in reverse order.
When Welter arranged to have the boy tested, he found that the youngster had poor auditory sequential memory. This meant the boy was not deliberately choosing to “forget” his father’s directions. Rather, he was unable to store and retrieve in his memory everything he heard.
This boy was a visual learner who remembered best what he saw, not what he heard. When the farmer began posting his instructions on a bulletin board for his son to read, the boy began doing his chores the way his father wanted.
A visual baby wants to see what is going on. One family said their baby loves to be held, but if you restrict her field of vision by putting her up on your shoulder, she arches her back and lets you know that that is not where she wants to be. She is happy and content, though, if you hold her face outward so she can see everything that you can see.
They usually have an easier time in school than other learners because most curriculum is visual, and most classroom teachers are visual learners who tend to teach the way they themselves learn best. Visual learners are usually “bookworms” who read a lot and express themselves best through writing. They should have their eyesight tested regularly.
Good educational materials for visual children are flashcards, matching games, puzzles, instruction books, charts, pictures, posters, wall strips, and videos. They remember better what they hear if they try to visualize the material, take notes, and write down key ideas, directions and instructions. Color coding material helps them, as well as drawing pictures of new concepts and then explaining them. They may have trouble remembering spoken directions, and they are easily distracted by sounds.
If these children have social or emotional problems, they respond well to reading books about other children coping with those same situations. Parents can give them material to read and then talk about the material together.
Once they learn to talk, they never seem to quit. One mother of an auditory learner told me her daughter went around the house chanting, “I am not a Chatterbox. I am not a Chatterbox.”
Good educational materials for these children are songs and rhymes (like the ABC song), rhythm instruments, podcasts, and audible books. They learn best through verbal instructions from others or themselves. They will remember math facts and spelling words better by chanting them. Reading new material out loud helps them to learn and remember it. They prepare for and perform better for tests if someone reads the test questions to them aloud.
Providing an environment with good music will give these youngsters a lifelong love for music. They are good prospects for music lessons and instruction in foreign languages.
Tactile or kinesthetic (touch-movement) learners are active babies like Matt
They are very busy and they seem to get into everything. They learn best by touching and manipulating things. When they get older, they like to spend their free time building or making things. They are usually the fastest in a group to learn a new physical skill.
These children tend to have the hardest time in school. They don’t focus on visual or oral presentations, so they seem distractible. Besides, if they have to sit still, as children are expected to do in traditional classrooms, it can take all their energy and concentration to learn to do that. Then they have nothing left over for learning the subject matter.
They need physical movement to learn and understand – touching, moving, building, drawing. They need sandpaper letters, math manipulatives, long nature walks, model kits, and textured puzzles. They will learn to write best if they get to write BIG at first, because large muscle actions wire their brains quicker and better than small, fine movements.
Kinesthetic children may manage schoolwork assignments better if they can stand, march in place, walk around, chew gum or rock in a rocking chair while working. When our son got too jittery, it helped to let him go outside and run around the house three times before resuming work.
Tracing words with a finger helps them learn to spell. Using a computer can help them reinforce what they are learning through their sense of touch. One kinesthetic college student reported that his grades improved dramatically when he taped his textbook reading assignments and then listened to the tapes while jogging.
Manipulative materials and a good phonics program can help cure reversals in tactile learners, who are the group most frequently labeled ‘dyslexic.’”
As teens and adults, kinesthetic people will often talk more readily if they are doing something active – going for a walk, driving, or working alongside a companion on a project.
And some learn well in all of them. But most people lean more to one style of learning than another. As parents, it helps to figure out our children’s best way of learning and work with it instead of fighting it.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1997 updated 2022
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers check out her blogs at www.beckypowers.com and her parenting book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
After my mother, Laura Jane Eberhardt Cerling, passed away in 2013 at the age of 91, I found this poem, “Like the Wind,” among her poetry and story-writing efforts. I thought it was fitting to include it in my blog’s reflections on spiritual warfare.
The wind blows.
I see it toss
the birds in flight,
And bend the branches
on the trees.
I hear rustling –
swishing –
whooshing,
and I sniff passing scents…
The fragrance of lilacs
brings delight
a factory stench
makes me turn away.
Once in the night,
Jesus spoke to Nicodemus
of the wind –
the wind
he could not see,
the wind
that blows where it will.
The Holy Spirit
likened to the wind?
A word,
a song,
a voice,
a memory
swirl into my mind
fill it with comfort
instruction …
sometimes rebuke.
Quietly it comes,
insistent as the wind,
or as a still
small
voice.
© 2002 Laura Eberhardt Cerling
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
“Like the Wind” is part of a collection of stories and poems reflecting on the everyday use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the Sword of the Spirit (Word of God). In Greek, the original language of the New Testament, two words are used for the Word of God: logos and rhema. Logos is the recorded, written Word of God that paints the big picture of mankind’s plight and tells the story of God’s plan of salvation. Rhema is God’s instant word speaking specifically and personally to us through the Holy Spirit in a particular situation. The rhema always aligns with the logos.
To locate other stories and poems in the blog series, enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
Lord, You have called me
to joy in spite of pain,
to peace in life's tornadoes
and to wholeness in its flames.
to walk an unseen way,
to heed and follow mute commands,
to blossom in decay.
Lord, enlighten the eyes of my heart
that I may know the hope
to which You have called me.
Lord, You have called me
to volunteer to die,
to help and heal my enemies,
to give up what is mine.
And You have called me
to make the poor my friends,
to recognize an idol
and to nap in lion’s dens.
that I may know the hope
to which You have called me.
Lord, enlighten the eyes of my heart to know Your hope.
©Becky Cerling Powers 1999 Use with attribution only
“I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you…’’ (Eph. 1:18 NIV).
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
“Enlighten the Eyes of My Heart” is part of a collection of stories and poems reflecting on the everyday use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the Sword of the Spirit (Word of God) and the Helmet of Salvation (thinking with a renewed mind). To locate other stories and poems in the blog series, enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
1977 was my year of postpartum depression and my year of learning how to eat the Word of God and make Bible milk.
That previous fall of 1976, as I had pushed myself hard to prepare for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with a two-year-old and an almost-five-year-old underfoot. I was aware that I was tired. But I was unaware that I had an undiagnosed thyroid deficiency. When 8 ½ pound baby Matt arrived on December 8, three weeks ahead of his due date, I was beyond exhausted.
But I began 1977 with my customary New Year’s prayer: Lord, show me what you want me to focus on for this coming year.
I want you to weave scripture into the fabric of your children’s daily lives.
“How can I do that, Lord?’’ I objected. “They are all too small to read.’’
Still, as the days passed, I could not shake the strong impression that God was telling me clearly what He wanted. And then, as I puzzled over the problem, I remembered the Promise Box of Bible verses my parents used to keep on the dinner table when I was growing up.
I realized that simply reading Bible verses aloud would mean little to our preschoolers, but perhaps, I thought, if I drew a picture on a 3 x 5 card to illustrate each Bible verse, the illustration would catch their imaginations and help them understand.
As if to encourage me, a sudden flood of Bible verses filled my mind. The verses were filled with vivid word pictures that would be easy to illustrate. Quickly I jotted down verses like: “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life’’ (John 8:12) and, “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!’’ (Proverbs 6:6)
Although I considered myself no artist, I decided to illustrate one verse each week and read it at every meal.
Nevertheless, Erik and Jessica loved these illustrated verses and begged me for more. So, I began illustrating about three each week.
Sometimes ideas for illustrating a particular verse came to mind as I worked around the house. Other times illustrations in the children’s storybooks reminded me of verses. This was before photocopy shops, so I used carbon paper to trace those illustrations on cards and print the appropriate verses alongside the pictures.
Then I realized that I could enlarge some of these drawings and fashion them into cloth banners to hang on the children’s bedroom walls. Erik and Jessica’s delight with these banners helped keep me going with the project, and Erik was so fascinated with the words on the banners that he used them to start learning to read.
One day I drew a picture of Erik and Jessica surrounded by angels to illustrate the verse, “He will give his angels charge of you to guard you in all your ways’’ (Psalm 91:11).
Later as I did housework, I began to sing those words to a little melody that sprang to mind.
This, I realized, was another way to weave scripture into the children’s daily lives. We could sing Bible verses. So, I began putting verses to music.
Soon I learned that putting our children’s names into these songs helped to make their meaning personal for them:
“He will give his angels charge of you to guard you in all your ways.
He will give his angels charge of you to guard you in all your ways.
God will take care of Erik,
God will take care of Erik,
He will give his angels charge of you to guard you in all your ways.”
The scriptures became personal for me, too.
I was so tired and depressed that postpartum year that I could not sit down to read or study the Bible for myself. Or pray. If I sat down, I fell asleep. My only Bible study was the scripture word pictures from verses that came to mind (from years of past study) for me to illustrate and sing to my children.
My thinking was so muddled from exhaustion. I had to write down every step of my work: wash laundry, hang laundry out to dry, bring laundry inside, sort laundry, put laundry away. With three little ones, I was constantly interrupted in my work, but if I got interrupted during a task, I was too tired and confused to remember what work I had been doing and needed to finish. I had to check my list, or nothing would get accomplished.
Each of our children was born in a different city with a different gynecologist. I reported my tiredness to each one of them after each child’s birth, and each one put me off, implying that I was a complainer. All moms with small children are tired, they said.
But the creative forces in the Bible verse project gave me little energy boosts and light at the end of my dark tunnel of depression. When I sang to my children about the angels guarding them in all their ways, the words gave comfort food to my soul. The words strengthened me, sustained me, nourished me. I didn’t realize that I was learning to savor and eat the Word of God as I shared it with my children day by day.
It happened after I went to a local Christian bookstore and discovered a supply of illustrated verses on cards. Wonderful! I thought. I can save time by using these instead of coming up with my own verse illustrations. So, I bought them and showed them to my kids.
But for some reason, the children seemed uninterested in these beautiful, professionally illustrated verses. They preferred my crude, homemade cards. They wanted me to make more, more.
One day I was listening to the radio and heard a scientist explain that baby formula companies are unable to produce formula that exactly matches breast milk. No two women’s breast milk is exactly the same, the scientist said, and some scientists believe that the body of a well-nourished woman formulates exactly the kind of milk a particular child needs.
The professionally illustrated verse cards are like manufactured baby formula,” I sensed the Lord telling me, and the cards you make yourself are like breast milk, especially formulated for your children. Just as you produce breast milk for little Matthew from the food you eat, so you must digest the meat of My Word and then feed it as milk to your little ones.
We must take the Word of God into our own lives and then tell stories about it, discuss it and explain it to our children at the level of their understanding. This is what my scripture songs and crude drawings did for my children. As I absorbed scripture into my thoughts, my imagination, my work and the way I lived my life, I was digesting the Word of God and turning it into Word-Milk for my babies.
Today I look back on that year and know I should not have been driving with my unrecognized medical condition. But God in His wisdom allowed me to go through the darkness and muddled thinking of that year of depression, keeping us safe in traffic. Before that year, my approach to scripture was intellectual, logical. This 1977 project for our children opened my mind and spirit to the word pictures of scripture…to pondering and praying metaphors and to nourishing my mind and soul with the implications of their messages.
In this way, God met me in His Word. His presence was light in my darkness, food and drink in my wilderness wandering way.
©2019 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
“Bible Milk” is part of a collection of stories describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the Sword of the Spirit (the Word of God). To read the introductory story, enter its title “Family Conflict, Family Struggles” into the Search Bar. To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
When our son Matt was little, he had a lot of ear infections. Finally, one day in January, just after his fourth birthday, the pediatrician said that unless we could curb the infections, Matt’s hearing would be affected. He gave me the name of an Ear Nose Throat specialist and said, “He’ll probably want to put tubes in his ears.”
I took Matt to the ENT, who examined him and said, “He does not need tubes. He needs a tonsillectomy. His tonsils are constantly swollen, and they are blocking his Eustachian tubes.” So we scheduled the surgery.
I’d had a tonsillectomy myself when I was six, so I knew Matt would be in a lot of pain. He really wanted cowboy boots, so we went out and bought him a pair to give him a happy distraction after his surgery.
But then came the tonsillectomy. A whole closet full of cowboy boots could not have distracted our little boy from the pain he felt. For two weeks I sat rocking Matt in the rocking chair, getting up, it felt like, only to go to the bathroom and feed the rest of the family.
At last the pain ended. Matt wore his new cowboy boots everywhere except in his bed and his bath. The ear infections vanished. He suffered only one more infection, a few years later, and that was all. The tonsillectomy cured him.
To me, Matt’s experience gives a picture of God’s healing, not only His physical healing, but His emotional and spiritual healing, too.
Matt kept getting sick in the same way, over and over, so finally we took him to a specialist. Matt’s ears hurt, so logically we expected the specialist to operate on his ears. Even the pediatrician thought the specialist would do that. But instead, the specialist said, “The part needing an operation is his throat.”
He knows how we are made far better than any human doctor. So, when we come to Him with our pain, our disability, our out-of-control condition, it is absurdly foolish to assume that we know more than He does and insist that He do the healing our way.
Putting on the helmet of salvation means thinking the way Jesus thought when he walked the earth. He knew His Father understood the whole situation, so he looked to the Father for where to begin any healing process.
For example, because crowds blocked the door of the house where Jesus was teaching, four men hoisted their paralyzed friend onto the roof, dug a hole in it, and lowered the man through the hole. But instead of physically healing the paralyzed man, Jesus first told him in front of everyone that his sins were forgiven.
Maybe the man had done something sinful or foolish that caused his paralysis, and Jesus realized that his emotional burden of guilt and shame would interfere with his physical healing. Maybe the man lived under a cloud of public shame and needed public affirmation. Or maybe Jesus simply needed to make it clear to his religious opponents who he was: the prophesied Son of Man with – like God – the right and the power to forgive sins as well as to heal physically.
In any case, because Jesus relied on the Father through the Holy Spirit, he began the man’s healing by first declaring that his sins were forgiven. In the same way, we need to trust our Heavenly Father to begin healing our bodies and souls the way He thinks our healing should begin.
Matt’s healing required an operation. After the operation, he experienced more pain than he had ever experienced with any previous ear infection. Besides that, he was in pain for what seemed like a long time to him. But going through that greater pain cured his ear infections and saved his hearing.
When we come to God for healing, we want instant pain relief. But profound healing often involves pain. We need to trust God through the process.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2022
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
“When Healing Hurts” is part of a collection of stories describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the helmet of salvation to think with a renewed mind. To read the introductory story, enter its title “Family Conflict, Family Struggles” into the Search Bar. To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar. (photo: 4-year-old Matt in his cowboy boots)
First let me tell you the end of the story
By the time our three children were all teenagers, they got along great. They liked doing things together, they immersed themselves in lengthy, late-night discussions – sometimes hilarious, sometimes sober – and they could even back off in the middle of an argument and mutually resolve a disagreement. In short, they were good friends.
Our children were each born 2 ½ years apart. Our first-born son resented his baby sister’s competition for Mom and Dad’s attention, and she, in turn, felt squeezed out when a younger brother joined the family.
Sibling Rivalry and Middle Child Syndrome produced a wicked mix. The boys joined forces to compete against their sister, and she salved her hurt feelings by snatching every opportunity fate offered for revenge. They retaliated in turn.
The children’s relationship grew increasingly bitter until, by the time they were 13, 10, and 8, they were turning their lives into a guerrilla war. We were beginning to home school our two youngest children at the time, and they were making the experience miserable.
The name of the miracle was forgiveness. And because forgiveness is a process rather than an overnight achievement, the middle of the story lasted about a year and a half.
In his wise little book Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve, Lewis B. Smedes says forgiveness starts with a critical decision: “Do I want to be healed or do I prefer to go on suffering from the unfair hurt lodged in my memory?”
Once our children decided they wanted healing, Smedes’ book helped us by clarifying what forgiveness is and what it is not.
Forgiveness is not smothering conflict, nor is it covering over pain and pretending it doesn’t exist. Forgiveness does not mean making excuses for people who hurt us, nor does it mean tolerating continued abuse.
True forgiveness is impossible until we face up to our pain from the past. Only when we face the pain and feel it can we grieve what we lost and truly forgive someone for the harm we suffered.
Helping our children through the process of forgiveness meant that we listened to them recount their painful memories, acknowledged their hurts, and encouraged them to let go of their claims against each other, even though it was hard. We also encouraged them to figure out and practice new ways of acting around each other.
We taught our children to go to God for the resources necessary to do the work of forgiving. For forgiveness is essentially a spiritual issue – but then, so is hatred or revenge.
Reconciliation is the most satisfying way to complete forgiveness, although it is possible to heal without that final step. It takes one to forgive. It takes two to reconcile. If only one child had been willing to forgive, he would have healed while the others remained wounded and bitter.
Fortunately, our children reconciled as they forgave. By the time the two oldest were in college, all three of them were so close that their friends were amazed to find out that they had ever been anything but good friends.
Parents cannot nag their children into forgiveness. They can only practice it themselves, then present it as a solution to their youngsters’ pain and guide them through the process.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1991
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Truce for Sibling Wars” is part of a collection of stories describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes “feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.” To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
I grew up seeing myself as a model Christian.
I was the second child of six, and our parents took us to church every Sunday, and at every meal we read a Bible verse and said grace. Our social life revolved around the church, I was president of the youth group, and I helped start the one-and-only Christian Bible club in my high school. I genuinely loved Jesus, prayed and read my Bible daily, and was thoroughly familiar with the religious vocabulary of American evangelicalism.
We called her “Aunt” because she was old enough to be our mother’s aunt, even though they were actually first cousins.
Aunt Laura had founded an orphanage near Beijing in 1929 and rescued over 200 impoverished Chinese orphans. When my mother was a child, her family did not attend church. Almost everything she knew about God came from the letters Aunt Laura sent home about her adventures raising children through famine and war. Pondering the stories about God’s answers to prayer in those letters played a critical role in my mother’s later decision as a teenager to become a Christian.
Then, in 1951, when I was only 4 years old, New China took over Aunt Laura’s orphanage and forced her to leave the country. Her Chinese husband, who was on a Communist Party wanted list, attempted to hide and escape to Hong Kong, but he was captured, imprisoned, and executed.
I saw Aunt Laura as a true martyr of the faith, but I also just enjoyed her visits. Even though her life was tragic, Aunt Laura had a merry sense of humor and seemed to move in an aura of pleasant calm.
I continued my Christian activities in college, graduated, married, and before long I was delighting in the babyhood of our first child, all the while staying in occasional touch with Aunt Laura by mail. My husband began graduate studies at Princeton University and then spent six months on a paleontological and geological expedition in Kenya. I joined him there for three months in the fall with our toddler son and soon became pregnant again.
I was delighted with our new baby and her little brother, and then…exhausted. As the months passed, I kept getting sick over and over. Taking care of two small children overwhelmed me. I couldn’t seem to manage.
But then I thought of Aunt Laura. She had raised lots of children. Probably she could tell me the secret of serene parenting.
Then I waited eagerly for her reply. Surely, she would know just how to help me.
After a time, her letter came. I opened it…and was so disappointed! It was just a general printed newsletter that she had had copied and sent around to her list of correspondents. Except…then I noticed, near the bottom, a single sentence written in a shaky, elderly hand: “I find that I only receive God’s blessing when I depend completely on Him.”
What could she mean?
Other Christians I knew saw me as a “mature Christian,” and I saw myself that way, too. I had been president of my InterVarsity chapter in college. I read my Bible and prayed daily. In the stony soil of the married graduate housing of Princeton University I had started a regular Bible study for graduate wives. Wasn’t all that depending on God?
I’d heard that phrase all my life. I thought that’s what I was doing. Yet, Aunt Laura seemed to imply that I was missing something basic.
I felt rebuked and hurt, and if anyone else had written me that, I would have decided they just didn’t know what they were talking about. But…since it was Aunt Laura telling me this, I prayed about it. I asked the Lord to show me what she meant.
Two things came together to give me a glimmer of what I was stumbling over.
First, I read John 15 and began to meditate on Jesus’ metaphor of abiding in (depending on) Him: a branch depending on the vine for its water, nourishment and growth. Relaxed…staying connected…then, naturally, as a matter of course – and only by complete dependence -- bearing fruit.
Second, I started reading Paul Ehrlich’s best seller, The Population Bomb. Ehrlich wrote that the world was over-populated, and our natural resources were rapidly dwindling. He predicted worldwide famines even in the United States by the late 1970s.
Yikes! This was already 1975!
What would I do if the economy crumbled? What would I do if there was another Great Depression with no work and no food?
I quickly decided that my solution would be to move our little family to Dennis’s parents’ farm in South Dakota. We could grow our own food and manage.
When I felt threatened, my automatic reflex was to protect Me and Mine by relying on my own schemes and resources. So, my real trust, my real dependence, was in myself. If I had been depending completely on Jesus, as Aunt Laura said, then my instinctive reaction would have been “Whew! Thank You, Jesus, that if we ever face a situation like that, You will help us!”
Over the next few days more insight came.
I began vividly recalling the sense of God’s presence I had experienced the year before on my trip to Kenya with our 23-month-old son. We had flown from Chicago to New York, where I learned that our London flight was over-booked, and we must wait for another flight. Then, by the time we arrived in London, we had missed our connecting flight to Kenya. So, I had to get a taxi and spend the night (day) in a hotel; then take another taxi to the London airport, find our gate and fly from London to Nairobi.
All that time I was traveling with a toddler. I couldn’t carry him, because I was already carrying two suitcases (no wheeled suitcases in those days). So, I had to herd him everywhere. Once he tripped and fell when I wasn’t looking, and a man ran over to alert me that I had almost lost him in the crowd.
Throughout that trip, I really had relied completely on Jesus. I had carried on a constant conversation with him, and I’d felt like I was somehow being carried through all the setbacks we experienced. That memory of dependence while traveling gave me a better understanding of what Aunt Laura was saying my everyday life could be.
After that, I went through some very hard times…although I probably would have gone through hard times even without making that request…. because if I had continued trying to depend mainly on myself, or Dennis, or whoever, I would have brought hard times on myself. So hard times aren’t really the point. They come, one way or another. The point is that learning to depend, to trust, to hope in Jesus through each day has been a long learning process for me. And it is still ongoing.
The key for me has been realizing that what God wants us to do is to let Him retrain our instincts, our automatic reflexes, the way the army teaches soldiers that when they hear a gunshot, to drop immediately to the floor.
God has to help us do it.
Yet, it’s not a passive process. Retraining takes an act of will on our part.
© Becky Cerling Powers – 2022
All Rights Reserved - Reprint with Attribution Only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Aunt Laura’s Advice” is part of a collection of stories explaining and describing the use of the spiritual weapons that St. Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the belt of {revealed} truth, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit, and all occasion prayer. To read the other stories in the blog series, enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
Our baby Erik was 20 months old when my husband Dennis had to spend six months in Kenya on a geological-paleontological expedition, gathering data for his Ph.D. thesis. He and his team were working in a remote part of northwest Kenya, in the desert near the Ugandan border. There were too many scientists in the field for me and Erik to come along the first three months, but there was going to be space for us the last three months. Did we want to go along?
On the one hand, this looked like the travel opportunity of a lifetime. And six months seemed too long for the family to be apart. On the other hand, the African desert could be a dangerous place for our baby. There is a deadly snake in that part of Kenya called the ecces, or sand viper. It is aggressive and goes out of its way to attack.
The scientists on the expedition carried a powerful anti-venom with them everywhere in the field because the sand viper’s venom is so potent. If you don't get the antidote within an hour after being bitten, you die. We worried that our curious explorer would tangle with one, and if he did, there would be no hope for his life. He was so small that the strength of the antidote would kill him instead of saving him.
Furthermore, the team ran into two or three sand vipers during their first couple months in the field. One even came into their camp and settled under a table.
So I didn't think we should take Erik into the field. We did decide to use all the money in our savings account, though, so that Erik and I could fly to Kenya for the two-week break between field camps.
After Dennis left for Kenya in June, I drove from our apartment in Princeton, New Jersey to Iowa and South Dakota to visit my parents and Dennis' parents. It was scary driving by myself with a 20-month-old baby. Huge semi-trucks kept speeding past us in the lanes on both sides of our little car.
I started to realize how dangerous it could be for me and Erik in the United States! And I also became increasingly aware of how much the Lord was protecting us on our long drive.
These experiences made me reconsider the Africa question in a new light. Instead of asking "Is it too dangerous?" I just asked, "Does God want our family together for those three months?"
In the end, Erik and I stayed in Africa all three months with Dennis.
It was a wonderful adventure – certainly dangerous, but the Lord was with us in Africa, just as He had been in the U.S. And even though we were out in the remote desert during the rainy season, when sand vipers are normally more in evidence, we never saw one while we had Erik with us. (Our African helpers did kill a small spitting cobra outside the camp, but Erik wasn't involved.)
One of the songs in the Bible says, “I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.’ Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence…for he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. ‘Because he loves me,’ says the Lord, ‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.’” (Psalm 91:2-3; 11-14).
© Becky Cerling Powers 2018
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Safe Amid Snakes & Semi-Trucks” is part of a collection of stories describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the shield of faith & the helmet of salvation (thinking with a renewed mind). To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
Old Buddy races through the yard,
clenching a blackened corpse in his teeth –
the image of triumph.
He stops.
He whips his head from side to side,
seeding the earth with scraps of putrid flesh.
The shaken carcass flips,
its short legs splay.
Its eyes are only empty holes;
the eyeballs have dropped out.
Pheeew!
Even with my eyes closed
I could guess what’s going on.
The air is reeking with decay.
I buried that dead squirrel a week ago.
My dog has dug it up again….
What’s this dead thing my mind is playing with?
The quarrel races through my brain.
Clenching injustice in mental debate,
always I triumph.
My enemy is limp.
He only answers back
when I supply him
with some lines to say.
And then I shake him,
shake him
with my final argument.
Stupid, blind –
he has no insight
till I make him see my point.
Pheeew!
Even with my mind closed,
I should guess what’s going on.
The air is thick with bitterness.
I buried that dead feud a year ago.
Now I have dug it up again….
© Becky Cerling Powers 1999
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage as well as Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Unforgiveness” is part of a collection of stories and poetry describing and explaining the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This poem describes learning to use the helmet of salvation to think with a renewed mind and fitting your feet with the gospel of peace.
Grandmother Eberhardt was 81 when our family of eight moved from Illinois to Iowa, taking her with us to move into the big old house our parents bought. She stayed mostly in her downstairs bedroom-sitting room and the kitchen where we ate our meals. Our parents encouraged us six children to drop into her room frequently to chat.
Her room was beautiful, with wood paneling and a floor to ceiling built-in bookcase entirely filled with her books. We usually sat at the big window seat that filled half of one wall. The window looked out on our front yard and the busy street beyond.
Grandmother herself was a dignified, formal lady with white permed hair. She was not “Grandma,” she was “Grandmother.” And in the world outside, where she seldom went except for hair appointments and doctor visits, she was never “Maude.” She was “Mrs. Eberhardt.” She had a hump on her back, so at home she wore simple housedresses that my mother sewed for her and altered to fit properly. She loved having visitors and welcomed them warmly. At least, until her conflicts with me.
She was intellectually inclined, reading widely, keeping up with the latest political news, and forming strong opinions on a wide variety of topics. She was closed to having any of those strong opinions challenged. In fact, the unwritten rule in her little sitting room seemed to be “You can’t say anything I don’t want to hear.”
At 17, I had strong opinions of my own, and I wanted to argue. I didn’t see why I should pretend to agree with Grandmother’s opinions. But Grandmother tolerated no dissent. So, I rebelled. I stopped visiting her – which turned out to be wrong, too. Grandmother complained to my mother that I was being disrespectful because I didn’t come to see her.
I came, I sat, and I’m sure I acted like I really didn’t want to be there. Grandmother reacted, too, by rejecting me. Which hurt.
But it was all quiet and undercover. Neither of us acknowledged the rift. We dealt with the situation indirectly. Neither one attempted to face our issues or try to bring reconciliation.
I was in my late 20s when our church sponsored a Healing of Memories workshop, causing me to acknowledge my broken relationship with Grandmother. As I prayed and faced my hurt, God showed me that I was the one who had to forgive. And that it had to be a totally one-sided forgiveness. Grandmother seldom admitted that she was wrong about anything.
So, there could be no reconciliation, because that would require bringing up my hurt and bringing into the open how broken our relationship was. Bringing up my hurt would imply that Grandmother had favorites among her grandchildren. Bringing up the brokenness of our relationship would imply failure on her part.
And admitting brokenness meant facing a problem instead of denying it or hiding it or running away from it, as was her lifelong habit.
By now Grandmother was in her early 90s. So, forgiving her meant forgiving someone who would never change. It meant accepting her as a person who would never accept me as I was.
It wasn’t a matter of forgiving her for this thing or that thing that she did.
So, with God’s help, I faced the hurt, allowed myself to feel the pain, and forgave. And God gave me the grace to do it, as well as the insight to recognize and give thanks for the rich legacy of literature, moral wisdom and intellectual curiosity that she had passed on to me and my siblings.
After that, whenever I visited my parents in Iowa and dropped by Grandmother’s room to visit, I gave to her with no expectation of getting anything back. After I visited her a while, she would pick up her newspaper and start to read, ignoring me. But what would once have hurt, hurt no longer. I would sit in the chair across from her, pray silently and let the Lord give me love and tenderness for her. After a while, she would soften and visit again.
She lost track of time, to the point that whenever Mom left her room for a few minutes to tend to the family’s needs, Grandmother felt like it had been hours. So, she would ring her bell for Mom to come. Mom was constantly coming to her room to reassure her during the day and was up with her two or three times every night as well.
And Grandmother refused to allow any other caregivers in to give Mom a break. Caring for Grandmother round the clock became so strenuous that Mom was on the verge of a physical or nervous breakdown. But Mom didn’t realize it because she was too sleep deprived to think straight. Her focus was on just making it through the next few minutes.
I tended Grandmother so Mom could take a nap several afternoons in a row, and once Mom was rested, she realized how precarious her health was. She and Dad began to discuss the need to place Grandmother in a nursing home. And Grandmother realized something was up.
One afternoon while my parents and I were talking, Grandmother rang her bell for attention. I went to help her. “I want Laura Jane!” she demanded.
“Mom is talking to Dad, and they need this chance to talk,” I said, “but I’m glad to help you with whatever you need.”
I will never forget the sense of God's presence that came to me at that moment. My work of forgiving was done. Now tenderness washed through me, and I was just a channel of God’s love and forgiveness flowing out to her.
"I know, Grandmother,” I said, “but I love you anyway.''
"Well!'' she huffed. "I guess there isn't anything I can do about THAT!''
My parents in the next room overheard her, and they had to cover their mouths to keep from laughing out loud.
Forgiving didn't mean I became impervious. My parents put Grandmother in a nursing home, and she blamed me. After the training retreat, when I came to Iowa again to see her with my children, she threw a temper tantrum and shouted, "Get out! Get out! Get out!''
So we had to leave, and that is the memory I have of my last visit with my grandmother: total rejection of me AND my children.
I got that job. But I figured it was better for her to choose a scapegoat who lived far away, like me, than a scapegoat close by who could visit her, like Mom. Grandmother needed visitors. Let her scapegoat be the person who couldn't visit.
Grandmother still had the power to hurt me, and for more than a decade, tears came whenever I recalled that final "good-bye'' – with my little children scurrying out of their great-grandmother's room in the nursing home, scared, bewildered, and with me, devastated. There were tears at the memory, but no bitterness. I love my grandmother still, because God gave me forgiveness and love. Her rejection had no power to take away from me that acceptance, that love.
I could not manufacture it. I could only empty myself to receive it – cooperating with God to remove the stuff inside me that blocked me from taking hold of the forgiveness He wanted to place inside me.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2020 Reprint with Attribution Only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Forgiving Grandmother Eberhardt” is part of a collection of stories explaining and describing the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes walking in the gospel shoes of peace. To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
When Rosebud was 11 months old, her mother had a tantrum and threw her out the back door, injuring her spine. So, a neighbor in her rural community west of Beijing, China carried her to Laura Richards, an American missionary who took in orphans and unwanted baby girls. This was in 1935. (The baby in the chair is Rosebud.)
Rosebud was nearly starved, and it looked like she would become a little hunchback. To straighten her back, Laura tied her to a slanted board with her feet above her head. With the help of Laura’s skilled nursing, prayer, and affection, Rosebud recovered and grew up tall and sweetly helpful.
Fourteen years later, after a civil war, the Communist Party took over every office, factory, school, church, hospital and local government office. They did this by provoking people in each organization to start criticizing and accusing each other until the people destroyed themselves from within.
Communist cadres moved into the orphanage
They made all the children attend indoctrination classes, trying to teach the children to stop believing in God and to serve the new People’s Republic of China. They also tried to encourage the children to complain about Laura so they could accuse her in a People’s Court.
People’s Courts were used to justify mob violence. The new government encouraged onlookers to beat up the accused. Thousands were killed.
In order to find a reason to accuse Laura, the Communists questioned the children one by one. But none “cooperated.” Finally, they called Rosebud.
“When I was a baby, my own mother did not want me,” the teenager said.
“She threw me out the door and hurt my spine so that I was a little hunchback. But a neighbor brought me to this orphanage, and this mama cured my back.”
She paused, then remembering the teachings from her indoctrination classes, she added helpfully, “So now I am straight and tall! Now I am strong and ready to help in the People’s Recovery!”
The Communists dismissed her, red-faced and defeated.
They never could get any of the children to criticize Laura. So they had to figure out a different way to get rid of her.
Rosebud was an innocent child, naïve about the evil that people were plotting against her mother. But she was a Christian child. She chose to speak truth and do what was right and good, to honor her mother as scripture teaches. And so, during this life-threatening conflict – which was political as well as spiritual – Rosebud innocently and instinctively used the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness, which the apostle Paul listed as the first two weapons in spiritual warfare.
Resource: You can learn more about the Canaan Home orphans by reading Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2022 Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Rosebud’s Interrogation” is retold from Laura’s Children as part of a collection of stories explaining and describing the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul lists in Ephesians 6:10-20. Rosebud’s story describes using the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness. To read the introductory story, enter its title “Family Conflict, Family Struggles” into the Search Bar. To find other stories in the series enter “parent reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
My husband, Dennis, and I began our married life in southern Germany, where he was stationed by the Army. At first I was excited to be living in a foreign country.
But it was also unfamiliar and even scary. I was afraid to go anywhere all by myself. What if I got lost? There were no cell phones then. If I wanted to phone my husband for help, I had to use a public pay phone. But the instructions for using the pay phone were in German and I didn’t know enough German to understand them.
It was lonely, too, being so far away from my family and friends. While my husband worked long hours, I was isolated in a German neighborhood where I couldn’t speak to my neighbors. Where I didn’t understand the customs, like bringing a basket to the grocery store instead of expecting the store to give me a plastic sack.
Culture shock hit hard.
Marriage shock hit hard, too. I was used to being independent, living and working where I chose, managing my own schedule, paying bills with money I earned myself. Suddenly every aspect of my life depended on the work schedule, salary, and choices of somebody else.
I didn’t want to tell Dennis that I missed my independence. He’d be hurt. So I felt guilty and disloyal and tried not to think about it.
Actually, in marrying Dennis and moving to Germany, my gains far outweighed my losses. My transition to married life and our cross-cultural adventure would have been easier if I’d known enough to admit the value of what I had lost, so I could move on. Running away from admitting and grieving my losses just kept me confused longer.
Like most people, I thought of grieving as something people only do when someone they love dies. Now I know that life is full of other kinds of losses that also must be faced, acknowledged, mourned, and worked through. Our children shed their childhood and leave home for college and faraway jobs. Our parents age and lose their health. Dear friends get left behind when we move or start a new job.
So instead of rushing on as if nothing important has changed, I need to admit the reality that something valuable has ended. Then I need to grieve the loss – express it, put words to it, cry, or vent my feelings in other healthy ways. I need to tell myself the truth about it.
God has emotions. When He created us in His image, He created us with emotions. And those feelings give us important signals about the state of our souls – about what is going on in our innermost self.
Feelings can be confusing. The week our daughter moved into a college dorm at age 16, I felt very proud of her. But I was a real grouch with the rest of the family. Finally, one day after I blew up at my husband when he asked me to run an errand, he asked, “Is this really about me asking you to run an errand on a busy day, or is it something deeper?”
After a bit of resistance, I realized he was right. I wasn’t upset about errands or schedules. I missed my daughter!
Crying over my husband’s request was unhelpful. Shedding tears over Jessica’s move, though, helped me begin to accept the new situation. Crying helped, but only when my tears were directed at the true source of my grief.
Then I could also recognize and truly give thanks for all the positive aspects of the new situation. We made it! She graduated from homeschool early and could go to college on a scholarship!
When I learned to grieve and give thanks at the same time, it brought me into balance.
Then it became conceivable to recognize and acknowledge the potential in my life for new possibilities as a result of the change. My schedule freed up. My writing stretched in new directions. My daughter and I let go of our adult to child relationship and moved into an adult to adult relationship. In this way, I could move forward with gratitude.
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers, updated 2022
Reprint with attribution only - https://beckypowers.com/
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “New Bride Confusion” is part of a collection of stories explaining and describing the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. This story describes using the belt of truth.
To read the introductory story, enter its title “Family Conflict, Family Struggles” into the Search Bar. To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
Our son Matt was the kind of toddler who was into everything. I used to feel like I spent my days just following him around and putting the house back together. One morning when I went to our bedroom to make the bed, I found that 18-month-old Matt had discovered the basket of clean laundry and strewed clean clothes all over the room.
I picked them up, made the bed, started down the hall and noticed that I had left the linen closet door open. Matt had removed and scattered the contents on every shelf he could reach. I picked it all up and proceeded to the living room, where I found that he had removed all the books from the low bookshelves and scattered them everywhere.
Matt wasn't being deliberately naughty. He was active and curious, that was all. And I needed to learn how to harness that energy, for his sake and mine.
My first mistake was picking up all that laundry myself. What I should have done was to go fetch Matt and show him how to help me put the laundry back in the basket, or sort and fold it -- not as punishment, just as a simple chore for the two of us to enjoy doing together.
Including young children in your work helps keep them busy and occupied in a constructive way -- directing their energy to help instead of hinder and building within them a strong sense of self confidence, belonging, and personal significance.
This is also an important way to affirm and reassure a toddler who feels displaced by a new baby in the family. “The baby is too little to help,” you can point out, “but you aren’t. You are the Big Sister (or Brother).”
"The earlier you start including toddlers in family chores," my friend Rosie Jones says, "the more the concept of helping and being of service in the family sets into their hearts." Rosie should know. She raised eight children.
"What kind of work can a toddler or preschooler help with?" I asked Rosie years ago, when she still had little ones at home and I was writing a parenting column for the local newspaper. Her words are still spot on today as they were then.
Here’s what she said:
"Even our little Joshua, who is 11 months old, helps pick up," Rosie said. "He started walking at 8 months. As soon as they start to walk, you can start teaching them to pick up their blocks, books, dolls, and cars. You make it a game at first. You count 'One, Two' as you pick up."
Folding and sorting laundry is another chore. Andrea, age 2, liked to help her mom and her older brothers and sisters with that job. "At first, toddlers just sort out the underwear and socks," Rosie explained, "then gradually they learn to fold."
"They start by folding washcloths and small hand towels," Rosie said. "They learn to match up the corners, and that builds up their motor skills. Then they learn to fold diapers and carry the stacks of diapers to the bedroom. It's a big help for everyone."
Toddlers and preschoolers can save a lot of wear and tear on Mom's knees by dusting base boards and lower parts of the furniture, Rosie said. "We have a lot of antique furniture, and Andrea loves crawling around with Timothy (age 5) dusting below knee level."
"And the toddlers love to take the throw rugs out and shake them," she said. "It makes them feel big because they can shake all that dirt out of the rugs."
"Preschoolers can help by stripping the beds -- from about age 4," Rosie said. "They help with the pillowcases, too. One holds the case and the other one stuffs the pillow into the case."
Some preschoolers can learn to sweep and mop. "Our Gabriel could hold a full-sized broom when he was about 3," Rosie said. "He loved to sweep, and he would sweep the corners and the edges. To this day he's like that -- very consistent and neat with the work he does." (Parents can also saw off part of the handle on a broom to make it shorters and easier for a toddler to handle.)
"Mopping is another fun thing," she said. "If you want to be that daring, let a 4-year-old do it. Two of the boys mopped the whole kitchen for me one morning while I was changing the baby's diaper."
"First they watch you sweep or mop, back and forth, row by row," she explained. "As a mother, you need to speak out your procedure -- make a little chant or song to a rhythm -- and they learn with that. Then you let them do just a little, not so much."
Young children enjoy helping cook. "They like to get up on the kitchen chairs and help by stirring and mixing," Rosie said. "I get it started, and then all the brothers and sisters take turns. Then when it's done, everyone gets a lick of the batter from a spoon. So there's a reward."
Toddlers like to help parents or older siblings set the table, Rosie said. The older ones count out the forks and let the toddler place one at each plate. Toddlers and preschoolers help with many of the small steps involved in setting the table, like taking plastic mustard and ketchup containers from the refrigerator and setting them out on the table.
Preschoolers can learn to clear their own place after a meal as well. "When they're about 3 years old we have them start taking their silverware and plate to the sink to soak," Rosie said. "They shouldn't carry it all at once. They can go back to get their glass. It's a big help in a big family."
"Little ones love to pull weeds, and that's a good way to teach them the parts of the plant," Rosie said. "You see who can pull the plant from the root all the way up."
"One of their favorite things is piling leaves into the wagons or wheelbarrows and taking a ride in the barrow to the compost heap," she said. "We usually have two or three barrows, and the children have races."
Toddlers can water the lawn with a hose, too, Rosie said. "We let them take off their clothes. They get cooled off and play in the water, but do the watering at the same time."
"Andrea likes to help her older brothers and sister put out fresh water and pour dry food into the animals' dishes and bowls," Rosie said.
From the time children are preschoolers you can begin to observe the direction of their personalities and natural talents through chores. “Some are the more careless type, and others are more precise,” Rose said. “The child who tears into the bathroom and leaves streaks of Ajax all over the sink and mirror is the one who is gifted at going outside and digging up a big hole two feet wide if you need it.”
“Watch and see who they are,” Rosie said. “It tends to come out in the area of chores.”
©Becky Cerling Powers 1994 originally published in The El Paso Times, updated 2022 – Reprint with attribution only (https://beckypowers.com/)
“Toddlers Helping” is reprinted from Becky Cerling Powers’ book, Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. Her other books are Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore.
Criminals took advantage of my friend’s adult daughter with mental retardation and landed the vulnerable young woman in the hospital. “I want to go and beat those people up!” my friend told me. “How could someone do this? I feel like a Mother Bear: ‘Don’t get near my cubs!’ I just want to get revenge on the people who hurt my daughter.”
My friend is a Christian. “Is it wrong to be so angry?” she asked.
I said I believe it is right to be angry at things that make God angry.
Our culture is offended at the idea of a God of wrath and judgment, especially a God who might become enraged with us. Yet at the same time, we all long for a God who will right the wrongs that infuriate us. That’s why we like Superman. He has power. He gets mad at injustice, and he does something about it.
We really want God to be furious and do something about people who rape children. We want God to get angry and swoop in to rescue vulnerable people like my friend’s daughter. And the Bible says that our great God does this – in His own way, in His own time, and with incredible power. God gets angry. And God takes action.
People do things that hurt us, rob us, devastate us and destroy those we love. They get away with illegal activities as well as things that may not necessarily be illegal but are cruel, unfair, and destructive. They take advantage…And we get angry, furious, bitter. We want revenge. A lot of Christians think we’re not supposed to want those things – or feel that way. After all, “Vengeance is mine,” says the Lord. “I will repay.” And didn’t Jesus say we are supposed to turn the other cheek?
So … does that mean we pretend we’re OK? Swallow our rage?
We get really confused about our feelings, so confused that sometimes we just stuff them down and pretend they aren’t there. But they are there, and when we don’t admit them and deal with them in a healthy way, they turn toxic inside us and make us sick. They poison our relationships, too. The Bible tells us over and over to walk in the light, and this is part of what that means: as we make our way through each day, to look at what is, to face and deal with reality. No covering up.
Part of reality is this: God created our emotions, and He knows what to do with them when we do not. So, we need to tell God how it is with us – express to God how we feel, what we want, what we need. We can do it through words, music, the visual arts…in many ways. He can help us express our emotions in ways appropriate to the specific way He created each one of us.
The book of Psalms shows us the way to do this.
For there, mixed with the songs of awe, of thanksgiving, of joyous confidence, we find broken-heart cries of terror, anguish, despair, and fury – what musician and pastor Donn Charles Thomas calls the “Psalms of Disorientation” and others simply call lament:
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Theologically speaking, God does not forget His children.
And David knew that intellectually when he wrote these words in Psalm 13. But he felt forgotten and hopeless, so he said so. And in the process of crying out to God, expressing his true feelings and desires, he was able to get rid of the garbage in his soul and feel hopeful again. He could end his psalm in praise:
But I trust in your unfailing love;
My heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
For he has been good to me.
Once David told God how abandoned and vulnerable he felt, he could then remind himself that God was good to him in the past and that God’s love is unfailing. So, by the end of the psalm David is singing and rejoicing in faith because he trusts that God’s salvation is surely coming.
At an Urbana Missionary Convention for college students in 1993, Thomas said, “Rappers are trying to say, ‘We are hurting.’ Rap comes out of the ‘hood, but its challenge to reality made inroads into suburban areas…. But the one thing rappers do not do, is address God with their problems. They talk to you about their problems, and most of you can’t help them.”
“The Psalms of Disorientation teach us how to worship God and still complain,” Thomas said. “They give us a way to go to God in complete honesty and even express feelings that aren’t ‘nice,’ feelings that a good Christian ‘shouldn’t’ feel.”
Lament is not grumbling. Grumbling complains from an attitude of arrogant entitlement. Lament complains from a posture of humility.
“David knew how to rap, how to use unguarded language to tell God how it is: ‘God, I’m hurting! God, I have enemies and these guys hate me. So, kill them!!’” Thomas said. “In a prayer of imprecation, using unguarded language, I’m hurting so bad I don’t have time to be religious or respectful: ‘Lord, this man has done so much against me, I want You to make his wife a widow and his children orphans!”’
“Your being honest with God is not going to make God fall off His throne,” Thomas said.
“Your being honest with God won’t cause God to not answer you.”
The psalms of disorientation provide a kind of template to write your own cry to God in your own situation, Thomas explained. He described the elements in these psalms in this way:
1) Address to God
2) Plea
3) Praise
So, I gave my friend my notes from Thomas’ presentation and suggested she do this:
Read through some of the psalms of disorientation listed below and let God help her use these elements (complaint, petition, motivation, possibly imprecation, praise) to be utterly honest in expressing herself to God, to bring her into God’s healing presence and help her move into doxology and praise. Writing it out can be helpful.
In spiritual warfare, Paul ends his listing of spiritual weapons by telling us to pray at all times in the Spirit. Praying is something we do while using any of the weapons. Expressing our feelings honestly to God in lament uses the belt of truth by admitting the genuine condition of our souls. It strengthens us to hold up the shield of faith. It protects and renews our minds with the helmet of salvation.
Psalms of Disorientation
Communal psalm (the whole community goes to God): 74
Cry of an individual: 13, 35, 86, 109
Combination (an individual with concerns for the community): 32, 51, 79, 80, 88, 137
Resource: Whitney Willard’s blog, Lamentations: the Volatile Voice of Grief.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021 www.beckypowers.com
Reprint with attribution only
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Complaining as Worship” is part of a collection of stories explaining and describing the use of the spiritual weapons that St. Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. To read the series’ introductory story, enter “Family Conflict, Family Struggles” into the Search Bar. To find other stories in the series enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” into the Search Bar.
Once I had a dream that changed my whole approach to being a mom.
Our four-year-old son Erik and I seemed to be battling constantly. What’s wrong with us? I wondered one night as I drifted off to sleep. Why can’t we seem to get along?
Whenever Erik started to get ahead of me, I became anxious and changed the rules. No matter what, I had to win.
That’s all wrong, was my first thought when I woke up. Erik is only four. He’s a preschooler. He doesn’t know how to play these games. I’m supposed to be helping him learn how to play, not worrying about winning or losing.
I had a hidden agenda: Me First. So, I was setting my little boy up in a power struggle, reacting to him like a sibling rival – as if no matter what, I always had to win (and he had to lose). As if I always had to be right (and he had to be wrong).
The game metaphor in my dream reminded me that being a good parent has nothing to do with competing. A good parent focuses on preparing children to become responsible adults one day. Parenting means helping children become the best they can be – physically, mentally, socially, morally, emotionally, spiritually.
They lack the experience to develop healthy habits, make wise decisions, and understand natural, long term consequences on their own. A four-year-old who runs into the street without watching for cars may get away with it a few times, but eventually he’ll get hurt – possibly killed. Likewise, a child who punches and kicks other children to get what he wants is developing a pattern that will lead to a life of crummy relationships and the emotional problems that result – unless he learns to change the way he treats people.
But even though children need firm limits and consistent, logical consequences, they balk at them.
So, Erik still attempted power plays even after I stopped viewing him as a rival challenging my control and started seeing him as an inexperienced little guy who needed understanding and guidance. The power struggles became less frequent, though, and our relationship became friendlier because Erik sensed that I was really on his side.
In the apostle Paul’s teaching on spiritual warfare in Ephesians 6:10-20, the first weapon he lists is the belt of truth and the last is “praying at all times in the Spirit.” When I prayed for understanding, and when the dream showed me the truth about myself, it set me free. It changed my attitude and, in effect, fitted my feet with the gospel of grace. It changed the relationship, bringing peace.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2022
Reprint with Attribution Only www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “A Dream That Changed Me” is the second story in a collection that explains and describes the everyday use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul lists in Ephesians 6:10-20. The story describes using prayer, the belt of truth, and walking daily in the shoes of the gospel of peace. To find the first story, enter the words “Family Conflict” into the Search Bar.
My dad could be fiercely competitive when he played games with other adults. But when he played with children, the challenge for him changed from winning to figuring out the best way to teach the game. I learned a lot from Dad's example.
He was a genius at modifying games to help us learn how to play well at each child’s level of development and ability. We used to have back yard touch football games that included everybody in the neighborhood who wanted to play, from my teen-age brother and his friends to my 3-year-old brother Lee.
Creative rule modifying can keep the game a challenge for all player skill levels
Normally teens would be expected to refuse to play touch football with a baby on their side, but Dad changed their attitude. He invented a handicap rule: Any time Lee’s team managed to get the ball into his hands, Lee got an automatic touchdown.
Dad’s new rule transformed Lee from a team nuisance to a team asset and it motivated his team to encourage him. As his skills improved, Dad kept on adjusting the rules to keep the game a challenge for him and fun for everyone else, too.
Games provide a wealth of opportunity for children to develop essential learning skills.
For example, Uno, Old Maid, and other card games teach preschoolers matching. Monopoly provides incentive and practice for school age children to figure out basic math problems. Authors and Clue help children learn to reason and deduct. Outdoor sports like softball and soccer help children develop motor skills and hand-eye coordination.
Parents and older siblings can encourage younger children to play games well with a few simple strategies:
Introduce rules and strategies with practice games.
Play with the cards face up all the time with preschoolers, explaining and helping them make decisions as you play. With children who are a little older, play a game or two with the cards face up, explaining as you play and then graduate to face down cards.
Avoid intense competition.
For young children, competition can be “too fierce and emotionally distressing to be enjoyable,” said Lincoln Stein, author of Family Games. “If you shout, ‘Hooray! We’ve used up all the cards,’ instead of, ‘Tough luck, you lose,’ 3-year-olds will be delighted,” he said. “Keeping early play relatively pointless will avoid both the bitter repercussions of letting children win on purpose and the violent feelings that emerge when a family plays too competitively.”
Simplify.
Choose the simplest games for preschoolers, Stein suggested, and doctor the deck of cards, leaving only the Aces, 2’s, 3’s, 4’s and 5’s. “Add cards when children are able to recognize names and numbers, to hold more cards in their hands, or their increased skill calls for more complicated games.”
Stein also suggested that instead of shuffling the cards, children can lay them all on the floor face down and pick them back up in random order. If children can’t hold all the cards in their hands, he said, use fewer cards. Or place a pillow in front of a child and lean the cards against it. Another solution is let children hold the cards as a deck and look through it card by card.
Invent handicap rules.
Modify the game the way my dad did with our neighborhood touch foodball games.
Turn a competitive game into a cooperative game.
Let younger children play with parents or older siblings as cooperative partners. A preschooler can sit on someone’s lap during a game of Uno, for example, and help choose which cards to play.
When families play games flexibly this way, they can accommodate not only the younger children, but also other family members with special needs. My father-in-law developed Alzheimer’s Disease. As he became more confused and disoriented, he could no longer play complex games like Scrabble or Monopoly with his grandchildren. But for a long time, he could still play Uno. And he needed to be included.
In our family, it was OK for one of the kids to look at Grandpa’s hand and gently tell him which card to play next if he got confused. That way we made it possible for Grandpa to stay in the game as long as possible—the game of Uno, and the game of life.
© 2020 Becky Cerling Powers – Reprint with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
This blog is excerpted from excerpted from Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
I hadn’t seen my friend Joann in the five years since we moved to another state, when suddenly she phoned and then showed up for a visit. Joann said that a year or so after we moved, her younger son Scot had become a teen and started to rebel. She suspected he was using drugs.
Then she began noticing expensive new possessions in his room. Late one night, she realized he was nowhere in the house, but his bedroom window was wide open.
He had snuck out.
What was going on? She was horrified, angry, worried, scared.
But, she said, while she was praying for her son one day, the Lord directed her attention to Ephesians 6: 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Scot was made of flesh and blood.
So, she replaced the words “flesh and blood” with his name and made the verse personal: For my struggle is not against Scot, but against the rulers…authorities…powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Well, it sure felt like her struggle was with Scot. But St. Paul said no. Her real struggle was with dark powers that were trying to destroy her son. And her. And her family, if possible. As well as her husband’s ministry…
Joann had been my assistant pastor’s wife, we’d worked closely together to develop a children’s ministry at our church, and we’d had a strong prayer relationship before her husband lost his position in a church conflict. Now her husband was still out of work and their son’s behavior and reputation were hindering his ability to seek a local pastorate. (Of course, as a former pastor’s wife, she was coming under as much criticism for their son’s rebellion as Scot’s father was.)
Joann’s insight from Ephesians changed her attitude, she told me.
Fury and fear gave way to compassion. Scot’s behavior still upset her, but now she saw it in a new light that gave her the perspective to keep on showing Scot loving acceptance and to keep on trying to communicate.
One night Joann said she woke up feeling like Scot was in great danger, and she needed to pray for him. She checked his bedroom. It was empty. She prayed through the early morning hours until he returned home.
The next day the police came to their door.
She and her husband learned that those nights when Scot climbed out his window were nights when he was meeting up with his buddies for drug parties or for breaking into people’s houses, stealing their possessions and selling them to get money for more drug parties. The previous night Scot and his drug buddies had partied, got very high, stole a car, wrecked it, and decided that the best way to cover their crime was to set the car on fire. Then, in a hazy stupor, they all sat down to watch it burn and explode. They could have been killed.
Scot landed in court and barely missed being sent to a detention center. Instead, the judge ordered probation and a big fine. Scott had to get a job to pay off his fine and he had to meet regularly with a probation officer.
I wish I could say that Scot was a model son from then on, but he wasn’t.
When Joann visited me, he was doing better. But it still took many more years before he finally became a Christian, and of course becoming a believer didn’t end the complications and repercussions he and his parents suffered from his years of irresponsibility. However, Joann’s insights on the Ephesians passage and other scriptures kept her strong through the years, able to continue combatting her real enemy, which was not her son but the destroyer of souls. (And meantime, her husband did get a job. He spent the rest of his working life as a chaplain for prisoners and their families at the state prison.)
Joann’s visit came at just the right time for me.
I was going through a painful midlife crisis, dissatisfied with my marriage and feeling like I kept getting thwarted by the same dilemmas over and over. I began praying through Ephesians 6:12ff, gaining insight into the meaning and use of spiritual weapons. My life began to turn around. It took a while, but new insights began giving my husband and me new ways of thinking and relating. We healed, individually and as a married couple. Helpful strategies replaced destructive patterns; difficult family situations and relationships became manageable; and I finally became free to do the research and writing my soul required. I learned so much in that healing process that I often thought I could write a book about it. Maybe I am starting to do that now.
Here is one of many things I learned:
Whenever I was in a conflict, or suspected one brewing, I needed to start my days praying through Ephesians 6:10-20:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for giving me a full set of armor for today’s spiritual battles so I can take my stand against the devil’s schemes.
I acknowledge that my struggle today is not really against __________. It’s against powers of darkness and spiritual forces of evil that are trying to destroy him/her/them/us. Help me, I pray, to put on the full armor You’ve given me and stand my ground, and just keep standing.
I want to put on the belt of truth. I want to give up wishful thinking and give up my personal version of reality. I ask you to show me the truth here and help me see what’s really going on.
Please help me to take off my own self-righteousness, my “rightness” (“He must admit that I am right and he is wrong”) and be satisfied to be covered instead with the righteousness of Jesus Christ. I do, however, want as much as possible to do whatever is right. So…what is my responsibility here? Help me to recognize it and do it.
I also want to walk in the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. I forgive* ________ for ________ Please help me to walk today with a readiness to forgive and reconcile.
You are my shield, O Lord. I trust in You. Your sacrifice covers me so completely that whatever accusations come against me, I am not condemned. If You, God Almighty, if You are for me, it doesn’t matter who is against me. It doesn’t matter who tries to condemn or shame me. Nothing can separate me from Your love.
I want to put on the helmet of salvation as well, to worship You and let You renew my mind so I can think with the mind of Christ.
Now I ask, “What is Your Word for this situation? Show me and help me to wield it properly as a sword in the conflict.”
And finally, thank You that Jesus is praying for me and for everyone involved in any battle. Please help me to depend on You all day long, looking to You and asking You for what I need like a hungry child running to her parent to ask for something to eat.
I ask this in the name of Jesus,
Amen
*forgiving can take more time than this; I might have to pray and say that I am not yet able, but I am willing to become able to forgive; forgiveness for deep hurts requires a grieving process and that can take time
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021
Reprint with attribution only
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com “Family Conflict, Family Struggles” is the first story in a collection of stories explaining and describing the use of the spiritual weapons that the apostle Paul listed in Ephesians 6:10-20. To find the other stories, enter “reflections on spiritual warfare” in the Search Bar
My parents’ neighbor Joe used to beat his live-in partner, Daisy. One day when Joe was drunk and angry, Daisy escaped out a window and ran to my parents’ house for safety. She knocked on the door, panting from her run, her hands shaking.
Mom took her in, then found my dad and told him what was happening. After that, the two women went upstairs to my parents’ bedroom to talk in privacy. But when they got upstairs, they looked out the window and saw Joe walking toward our house, looking grim.
“Oh no,” Daisy said. “I’d better go. I don’t want to bring you trouble.”
“You stay here,” Mom said. “You need to be safe. Bob will take care of Joe.”
Bob was my dad.
I heard Mom tell Dad that Joe was on his way, and I was scared. I was 18 or 19 years old – old enough to know that a drunken man with a history of violence was dangerous. So, I stood in the hallway and nervously watched my dad take up his place at the door to wait for Joe.
My father was a slight man with a gentle manner.
He looked small and ordinary. But he had inner strength. Now, standing there waiting, Dad seemed calm, not nervous, just watchful.
Joe came up the back steps. “Where’s Daisy?” he demanded.
“Daisy has decided to stay here,” Dad said firmly.
I held my breath.
Joe stood glaring at Dad for several long seconds, but Dad said nothing. He neither budged nor blinked. Finally, Joe turned on his heel and walked off. He didn’t come back, and Daisy spent the night in our home. A few months later, Daisy found the courage to leave her abusive partner.
Jesus once told his followers, “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds of flour until it worked all through the dough” (Matthew 13:33).
My parents showed me the meaning of that parable.
As followers of Jesus, the kingdom of God went wherever they went. So, when they moved into the neighborhood, the neighborhood began to transform. Quietly, gradually, and at first invisibly, as they lived their usual lives and related to people day by day, their simple presence changed their environment.
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers – Use with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more family stories from Becky Cerling Powers in Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from “Year of the Family” in the Bookstore
The photograph shows my parents on their 60th wedding anniversary.
My father sang a lot – driving in the car, working around the house, or sitting down to relax. We were a big family with six children, so gathering everyone together to go someplace usually involved 10 or 15 minutes of waiting around time for Dad, who was usually ready ahead of the family slowpokes. While he waited, he would pick up his mandolin or his guitar and sing.
One of the songs he sang most often was “Children of the Heavenly Father” by the Swedish hymn writer Carolina Sandell Berg. Dad would sing it in both Swedish and English. When he died this year at the age of 98, we sang it at his funeral.
Carolina Sandell Berg was one of the first women hymn writers in the history of the Christian church. “Children of the Heavenly Father” was her best-known hymn.
Berg was born in Sweden in 1832.
Her father was a Lutheran pastor, and because her health was poor, she spent a lot of time in her childhood in his study, while the other children were playing outside. Her poetic gift blossomed under his encouragement, and her first book of poetry was published when she was only 13. Many of her best-loved songs can be found in that first collection.
When Berg was 26 years old, her father died.
The two were traveling by boat together when she saw him slip overboard and drown. Her famous hymn describes the love she experienced in her relationship with her heavenly father after her earthly father died.
Berg was a prolific hymn writer. She composed 650 hymns in her lifetime, and 150 were published and sung in Swedish churches.
She is known as “the Fanny Crosby of Sweden.”
Children of the heavenly Father
Safely in His bosom gather;
Nestling bird nor star in Heaven
Such a refuge e’er was given.
God His own does tend and nourish,
In His holy courts they flourish;
Like a father kind He spares them,
In His loving arms He bears them.
Neither life nor death can ever
From the Lord His children sever;
For His love and deep compassion
Comforts them in tribulation.
What He takes or what He gives us
Shows the Father’s love so precious;
We may trust His purpose wholly –
‘Tis His children’s welfare solely.
Many phrases in this hymn are paraphrases or direct quotes from the Bible, such as these:
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young (Isaiah 40: 11 NIV)
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom 8:38-39 NIV)
“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised” (Job 1:21)
(The photograph shows my father Bob Cerling in his late 80s, singing with his guitar)
Resource: Crusader Hymns and Hymn Stories edited by Cliff Barrows
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers
Back in the early 1990s our family business hit a long dry spell. We explained to our three teenagers that we had little or no money for Christmas gifts. Then, as a family, we decided we would try to be creative and spend no more than $5 apiece for each other’s presents.
Our teens spent their money buying stacks of books at a used bookstore (we were a family of avid readers). And Dennis spent a day thoughtfully composing a personal, affirming letter to each one in the family.
For years I had been jotting down stories on scraps of paper recounting the funny or touching things our children said and did from the time they were toddlers. So that December I finally typed up all those stories and put them together into a family journal. Then I made everyone a copy.
That year was one of our most memorable Christmases. We sat around alternately crying over Dennis’s tender letters and howling with laughter over the entries in the family journal. Then we each hunkered down to a pile of “new” used books and enjoyed a good long reading session.
And we were content. Luxuriously content.
The apostle Paul wrote to the Christians in Philippi, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Phil 4:12-13 NIV).
The writer of Hebrews also encouraged believers to “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5).
Contentment is a mighty gift at Christmas time, or any time. But it can’t be bought. It can only be cultivated…and shared with those who value it.
Advertisements are designed to make people discontented with what they have and greedy for things they don’t really need. What are you doing this Christmas season for yourself and for your family to shut off voices of discontentment and take hold of satisfaction and delight?
And what are at least three things you can savor and thank God for – three things that you have received or experienced in the last 24 hours?
©2021 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only: https://beckypowers.com/
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her blog at beckypowers.com and her parenting book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
On Sundays… take a few quiet minutes to evaluate what you are expecting to happen and what you are committing yourself to accomplish before the holidays. Is it realistic? Keep in mind that children need more of your attention the final week before the big holiday. The world won’t fall apart if you lower your expectations a little and don’t get everything done that you planned to do this year.
On Mondays… remember that the lack of a regular healthy routine of chores, bedtimes, rest times, and sit-down mealtimes makes it difficult for children to settle down or feel secure. This is especially true during times of high stress, like the holidays.
On Tuesdays… plan to keep up with your family’s daily minimum requirements for keeping control of clutter and basic needs. Although you probably will have to put housecleaning on hold while you get ready for the holidays, you need to keep up with certain chores like laundry, meals and daily pick-ups. Otherwise, you will become immobilized by a mountain of messiness.
On Wednesdays… it’s unrealistic to expect children to handle big shopping trips well. Do you have friends or relatives who might be willing to watch your kids while you shop? Or can you arrange to babysit your friends’ children in exchange for having them babysit yours? If you can get help, use it. But then, also, set aside adult-only holiday preparations for a full or half day to focus attention on the children.
On Thursdays… keep in mind that the holiday season is rich with opportunities for children to discover new interests by trying new activities. It also offers many possibilities for encouraging children to develop their special talents through holiday projects. So be sure to include children in your holiday preparations.
On Fridays… you can teach thoughtfulness this season by helping your children see that their loved ones have quiet needs. Consider together how to choose gifts that address people’s individual needs and concerns.
On Saturdays… be sure to read aloud the Christmas stories to your children. Then encourage them to retell the stories in their own way through art (simple drawings or more elaborate projects) and drama so that the family heritage of faith becomes woven into the fabric of their imagination and reasoning.
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only
You can find more parenting insights and reflections from Becky Cerling Powers on her website and in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
My mother used to call my father The Pied Piper. He needed no pipe, though, to charm children into following him. He just showed up in the yard, and children began appearing like magic. If he had chores to do, he cracked jokes and talked to us while he worked. If he had time for a break, he played with us.
Outdoors it was basketball, baseball, touch football, badminton, sledding, snowball fights or wrestling. Indoors it was table tennis, card games, board games or musical jam sessions.
Dad was our favorite playmate –
Not that he ever confused being a father with being a pal. Dad was the authority, and he held us to a high standard of behavior. When we misbehaved, the fun ended. A one-sentence rebuke from Dad seemed worse to us than a spanking.
“How does a father build good relationships with his children?” I asked Dad once.
“Shared experiences are vital,” he said.
Looking back, I see three ways Dad used to build a strong foundation of shared experiences with his six children.
Dad shared what he loved.
Dad loved music, so when we were driving in the car, he taught us songs and sang with us. He loved God, so he told us Bible stories and brought us with him and Mom to church.
Dad loved learning, so he took us to museums and exhibits. He loved sports, so he took us to see games and played sports with us, helping us work on skills like batting and shooting baskets.
Not all Dad’s attempts to share his interests were successful. None of us took up his offers to teach us carving or woodworking, and neither my sister nor I ever worked up much enthusiasm for sports. But when Dad failed to interest us in something, he just set it aside and tried something else.
Dad observed his children closely to discover their individual gifts and then encouraged them to follow their natural bent.
My sister was interested in art and house design. So Dad encouraged her to take a drafting class in high school even though, in those pre-liberation days, drafting was considered a class for boys only. Dad encouraged our musical bent by gathering the family together for rousing songfests accompanied by me on the piano, Dave on the guitar, Roy on the bass fiddle, and Dad on the mandolin. (Unforgettable.)
Dad did what he could to fulfill his children’s deep desires.
My brother, Thure, was one of the youngest and smallest children in his baseball-crazy class. He felt terrible when the other boys chose up teams, because they always picked him last. Thure let Dad know how much he wanted to be a good player.
So Dad made a point of spending a half hour every day with him working on batting, pitching and catching skills. After about three months, Thure improved so much that when the other boys chose up teams, they picked him first. He went on to become an excellent Little League player.
My baby brother, Lee, wanted to join the boys’ touch football games. Of course, none of my brothers (ages 14, 11, and 7) or their friends wanted to have a 3-year-old on their side. Dad solved Lee’s problem by inventing handicap rules. He decreed that anytime Lee’s team managed to get the ball into his hands, the little guy got an automatic touchdown. This rule transformed him from a team nuisance into a team asset. Then, as Lee’s skills improved, Dad kept adjusting the rules to keep the game a challenge for him and fun for everyone else, too.
Looking back,
I wonder how Dad spent so much time with us. To make a living, he and Grandpa ran a family construction business, which is far more than a 40-hour-a-week job. He was active in church and community organizations, too.
Apparently, Dad made a conscious effort to spend his recreational time with his children. That choice paid off in the warm relationships he maintained with them to the end of his life.
-30-
Published in memory of Robert Glenn Cerling who passed away November 17, 2021 at the age of 98
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers – reprint with attribution only https://beckypowers.com/
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers, read her book:
Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
Not long after I started publishing a weekly parenting column for The El Paso Times in 1989, I wrote something about our then 15-year-old daughter that embarrassed her.
She protested, and I automatically defended myself. “Everybody who read that knew I was making a joke,” I began.
But then, in the middle of my self-justification, I thought, Why am I defending this? No column is worth damaging my relationship with my daughter, and no column is worth giving her unnecessary pain.
So, I apologized.
And then I gave our three teenagers the right to censor anything I planned to say about them in print. After two of them moved into the dorm at college, I could no longer show them what I had written. So I would read the column draft over the phone or discuss what I planned to convey.
Oddly, they never invoked their censorship privilege. One son even let me tell stories about his potty training!
I knew our kids got teased about their family stories sometimes, but the review policy ensured that they were never caught off-guard. And they told me the kidding didn’t bother them. I had to believe it, because they certainly let me know other things I did that bothered them. (And they still do.)
“Why were they so thick-skinned?” I’ve wondered.
Part of the reason may be that when I reviewed my columns with them before publishing, it did more than merely prepare them ahead of time for being kidded. It armed them with respect. Each time I checked out a potential column with one of our children, I was acknowledging again to them and to myself, “You matter; your feelings matter; you are more important than your mom’s writing career.”
Teasing is easier for kids to handle when they feel secure.
And the hard blows life delivers are less devastating when significant people in their lives, like parents, show them respect. Because showing children respect give the message that they, as individuals, are valuable. They are worthwhile.
Unfortunately, it’s easy (and often more convenient) to disrespect children, to disregard their perceptions and to steamroll over their feelings. It takes hard work, diligence and self-discipline to establish patterns of thinking, speaking, and behaving that demonstrate respect:
Respect for children’s individuality
A friend of mine once remarked that parents need to approach their children with a sense of curiosity and discovery. “Raising children is like growing a mystery garden from God,” she said. “My job isn’t to turn a rose bush into an apple tree. My job is to find out what I’m growing and work with that. If this one is a rose bush, then I need to provide the best possible conditions to grow roses. If the next one is a field of onions, I need to provide what’s best for that.”
Respect for children’s choices
This is hard for me and most parents. Although I know that nothing destroys a parent’s relationship with teens and young adults faster than disrespecting their decisions, I still can’t seem to shake the idea that I know better than they do.
We must struggle against the temptation to try to make decisions for our children, to pressure them into making the decisions we prefer, or to rescue them from the consequences of poor decisions when they need to learn a hard lesson instead.
Children learn to make wise decisions when parents allow them to make choices appropriate for their age from the time they are small, and then expect them to take responsibility for the consequences of those decisions so they learn to avoid mistakes in the future. This takes a lot of effort from parents, but it pays big dividends in the development of self-respect, maturity and common sense.
Respect for children’s privacy
Checking beforehand with our children before I published stories about them was one way I respected their privacy. Other ways were knocking on their bedroom doors (and counting to 10) before entering, reading their mail only with permission, and trying to provide them personal time and space for solitude.
Respect for children’s property
Some parents think of their children as an extension of themselves—like an extra arm or leg. What belongs to the child belongs to them, they reason. I remember a college student telling me how angry he was in junior high when his teacher mother took some of his favorite toys to her classroom for her students to play with.
Teens and parents get confused sometimes about property ownership. Teens’ bedrooms are not their personal property because they are not paying the mortgage or the rent. Just as landlords have the right to inspect – and make rules for – their property rentals, parents get to inspect and make rules for children’s bedrooms.
On the other hand, helping yourself to another person’s property or borrowing things without permission is an act of disrespect, whether or not the person is your close relative. Even if you once gave those things to them as a gift.
Golden Rule Respect
“Do for others what you want others to do for you,” is the Golden Rule that underlies respect.
When we treat our children the way we want to be treated ourselves, and when we teach them to treat others that way, too, we help to establish our children’s personal identities on a healthy foundation of respect.
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers
You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers in her book
Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
On Sundays… if you want the holiday season to have significance to your children, take time to think and decide what is most important for them. What you are preparing to celebrate? Thanksgiving to God for the blessings of the year? The miracle of Chanukah? The birth of Jesus Christ? Something else? Set priorities and make plans with the reason for your celebrations clearly in mind.
On Mondays…it pays off in peace of mind to remind yourself to be realistic in your holiday plans (and other family planning). So try making two lists: Everything I Want to Accomplish during the holidays and Our Family’s Needs. Then choose three items from each list. Parents Anonymous of El Paso says: “It’s a rule. Nobody can do more than six things.”
On Tuesdays… keep in mind that one hour of satisfying a child’s curiosity about the natural world is worth many hours of formal classroom teaching. Really.
On Wednesdays… make daily pickups part of the family routine. If children spend five minutes (you can set a timer) working as fast as they can on their rooms once or twice a day, the weekly clean up job won’t become overwhelming. The holidays will go more smoothly if you don’t let daily pick-ups slide.
On Thursdays… a child’s spirit needs praise like his body needs food. He must have it. So be alert for acts and attitudes you can affirm. Let children’s praise come from you, not a drug dealer or someone who does not have your child’s best interests in mind.
On Fridays… try to keep children busy with holiday projects instead of screen time. Advertisements are designed to make your children dissatisfied with what they have, so that they will pressure you to buy more things. Discontented attitudes add family stress.
On Saturdays… If you give thanks to God at bedtime for three blessings of the day, it will help train you to look at the positive side of life. Then, as you become alert to your blessings and give thanks for them – preferably out loud so the family can hear you – you’ll be training your family, too. Complaining is contagious, so cultivating a grateful attitude instead helps everyone.
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only
You can find more parenting insights and reflections from Becky Cerling Powers at her beckypowers.com website and in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
This week I took a Coin Toss Journey with our 12-year-old granddaughter. We went out the front gate, flipped a quarter (it was heads) and headed left. Then whenever we came to a turning point, we flipped the quarter to get our direction: heads, left; tails, right. We spent a fun hour walking along a highway, meandering into a local business, trudging along a railroad track, then slip- sliding down into an arroyo and muddying our shoes while ducking through a viaduct under the highway. Eventually we wound up threading our way between cactus plants and mesquite bushes through a strip of desert between the railway and the river, and we ended up along the east bank of the Rio Grande.
Money.
Kids are so fascinated with money, families don’t even have to spend it to enjoy it. Kids just like money itself. Pocket change can be just as interesting to the younger ones as $20 bills—sometimes even more interesting.
And parents, fortunately, can take advantage of that fascination to help children learn basic math, motivate them to do chores, or just spend time together having fun—cheaply.
Real money math teaches basic arithmetic
When I first started home schooling our son Matt for first grade, I went to the bank and got about $8 worth of change, plus a couple dollar bills. I kept this hoard in a special place to use as a math manipulative. Before I knew it, the two older children (both still in regular, classroom school) volunteered to join our math lessons! So, I worked with them, too, at a more advanced level in real money math.
At first Matt and I simply counted small amounts of money and did simple addition and subtraction with pennies. Then Matt learned to sort the money into piles of nickels, dimes and quarters. After that he learned to count in multiples of 5, 10, and 25.
Real money can be used to teach kids how to make change.
The older children first learned how to count a pile of money, and then they learned to make change. I learned, along with them, not to do the subtraction problem mentally. The secret to making change is to count from the price of the item up to the amount the person paid you.
On a very simple level, then, if an item cost 7 cents and someone paid for it with dime, you state the price (7 cents) and start counting pennies into his hand (8 cents, 9 cents, 10 cents). For more complicated problems, you use pennies to count to a multiple of five, then nickels and dimes to count to a multiple of 25, and quarters to bring the amount of change to a dollar.
Here’s an example: Someone gives you a $5 bill to pay for an item costing $2.31. You state the price ($2.31), then count pennies into their hand (32,33, 34, 35), then add a nickel ($2.40), then add a dime ($2.50), then count quarters ($2.75, $3), and then use dollar bills to count the rest of the way ($4, $5).
Panning for gold is fun for a party activity or a simple day brightener.
Bury pennies in the sandbox and give your children sieves to find the buried treasure.
You can make the pennies look like new by dropping them into a solution of 4 tablespoons vinegar mixed with 1 teaspoon salt in a soup bowl. For best results, heat the solution 30 seconds in the microwave before you drop in the penny. If a penny doesn’t immediately become clean, stir it around with a wooden spoon. Then drop a little vegetable oil onto the penny and polish it with a soft cloth to make it shiny.
You can also use bright pennies as rewards for good attitudes or completed chores.
Playing Quartermania can help kids cut down on screen time to pursue more creative activities.
The object of the game is to move all the quarters ($15 or $20 worth) from Jar A to Jar B. The children decide beforehand what the family will buy with the money when it’s all in Jar B. Children earn a quarter for reading for half an hour, for example, and they also are rewarded for cutting down on screen time (they get 2 quarters for one hour of screen time, 3 quarters for only half an hour, and 4 quarters for no screen time all day). Parents can also take a quarter out of Jar B and place it in Jar A for bad attitudes and other offenses. (But remember: penalty behaviors should be discussed beforehand).
Playing Coin Toss can serve as an Anywhere-Anytime Game
Show your child how to flip a quarter with his or her thumb. Once children can do this, they can start seeing how high they can toss it into the air before they catch it. (Two rules to this game are that the coin must spin in the air and that a person must catch it in his hand before it hits anything).
For fun together, you can make this a competitive game for two. Or you can flip quarters back and forth for a game of catch. Or you can take turns spinning the quarter and count seconds to see how long the spinner-player can keep it rotating.
Taking a Coin Toss Journey adds suspense to a simple walk.
Let a quarter be your guide around the neighborhood when the weather is nice, and you have an hour or two to spend. As you step out the front door, let one of your children flip a quarter. If it’s heads, turn left. If it’s tails, turn right. Keep going from there, taking turns flipping the coin to decide which way to go.
Starting a basic coin collection is interesting and easy
Show your child the four main kinds of U.S. coins in use today (pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters). Then go through all the change in the house to try to find one coin in each category dated during the last 10 years. Tape each coin to a piece of cardboard and label it. After that, keep track of the change that passes through the household and try to fill in the missing dates and categories.
If children enjoy that activity, they may also want to start collecting the different quarter designs that the U.S. Mint began producing in 1999 with their 50 State Quarters Program. That campaign produced new designs for quarters over a 10-year period, with each quarter honoring one of the nation’s states. The Mint produced each design for about 10 weeks and will never produce that design again. All the quarters display an image of George Washington on the “heads” side and the individual state design on the “tails” side. The U.S. Mint then produced a new design for the District of Columbia and each of the U.S. territories. These ventures were popular, so the U.S. Mint then began their America the Beautiful Quarters Program in which they began issuing new quarter designs picturing national sites and parks.
Finally, don’t forget that foreign coins & bills fascinate kids, teens included.
When grandparents, aunts, uncles and other friends travel to other countries, ask them to collect samples of coins and bills from those foreign places to give to your children.
A Word of Warning:
Keep coins away from small children. They may put them in their mouths and choke on them.
Resource: For American coin information, history and coin collection encouragement, go to the U.S. Mint Coin Collection’s kids’ page
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers on this website (www.beckypowers.com) and in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
On Sundays… Remember that if you don’t get rid of garbage from your past, it’s going to stink up your present. So seek God’s help for resolving resentment, hurt, and anger over past experiences. Insight isn’t enough. Negative feelings and attitudes don’t disappear just by realizing they are damaging. It takes God’s help to get rid of garbage: to face it, feel it, forgive it and allow God to fill the emptied space with love, joy, peace…all His spiritual fruit..
On Mondays…keep in mind that consistency is the toughest part of parenting. Everyone has to work at it. If you can be very consistent with a new routine for six weeks, however, it usually becomes set enough to survive inevitable slack periods.
On Tuesdays… try to calm down the family atmosphere by reducing stress from background noise. When the family is in the car, turn off the radio and talk. At home, turn off the TV and talk.
On Wednesdays…remember that children will do better in school if you train them to develop good work habits at home. So limit screen time, teach children to do regular chores, and set a regular routine for schoolwork, meals and bedtime.
On Thursdays… save yourself laundry by making sure children have enough space to put away their clothes. If clothes are left on top of a drawer in a stack, they fall on the floor, get trampled on, and wind up back in the dirty clothes hamper during pick up time, all without ever being worn.
On Fridays…ask yourself if your children have lots of informal (nonprofessional) contact with good adult role models. Positive social development depends more on adult contact and less on contact with other children than previously thought. Children learn social skills through imitation. So spend time with your children and encourage them to develop friendships with good adult role models through family, church, and neighborhood connections. Children develop maturity by being around mature people.
On Saturdays… work on developing the art of recognizing teachable moments. For example, if your child makes a remark about a field of cows as you drive by, stop the car. Take time to observe, to count, to sketch. Whenever you can, grab the teachable moments to keep children’s love of learning alive.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021 Reprint with attribution only
Becky Cerling Powers is a veteran homeschool grandma and the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive and Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage. She also compiled and edited the faith based stories in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com You can find her books on her website and at Amazon.
What does “no” mean?
It depends on who says it.
I was drinking tea and chatting at a friend’s kitchen table when her 7-year-old wandered in and started taking a piece of candy from the candy bowl. “No, Susie,” my friend said. “No candy. It’s too close to supper time.” And we both went back to talking.
After a couple minutes, the child edged back to the candy bowl and started to take a piece.
“No, candy,” Mom said. “Go watch your TV program.”
Susie wandered off for a few minutes and then came back. Her mother watched her take a piece of candy from the bowl. She rolled her eyes, shrugged, and kept on talking to me as her daughter walked off with a mouthful of candy.
This little girl’s mom didn’t realize it, but she was teaching her daughter that “no” means “yes, if you just keep trying.” And she had just helped strengthen her daughter’s will to “just keep trying” next time.
It doesn’t seem important.
Who wants to interrupt a guest to move the candy bowl high out of reach? Or battle a child over a silly piece of candy in front of another adult?
It is important, though, because the issue this mom and daughter are dealing with isn’t really “No candy at dinner time.” It is, “What does Mom’s ‘no’ mean?”
A child figures out what “no” means by testing.
Do the no-sayer’s actions match their words? If “no candy” actually means “yes, if you keep on trying,” then what does it mean when Mom says, “Never cross this busy street by yourself”?
Children need to lose the contests on the minor, “unimportant” issues like “No candy means no candy even when I have a guest” so that they will be less apt to try dangerous contests like crossing a busy street by themselves after they’ve been told no.
When our children were small, I was tempted to sit and yell at them “Don’t- don’t-don’t!”
But all that did was to make me frustrated (and hoarse). I learned that when children are testing your words, the only effective response is to get up (now!) and match your words with action.
I vividly remember giving myself pep talks when our children were small: “Come on, Becky. Get up off your rear end and deal with this.” It was hard. But it got better over time as we convinced our children that we meant what we said.
A phrase that helped me came from Jesus:
“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No.’” (Matt. 5:37a) He was explaining that you shouldn’t have to swear oaths to emphasize “Now I really mean what I am saying.” Your character should be such that people know they can count on whatever you say. Your life will match your words.
I needed to work on making my yes mean yes and my no mean no for the sake of my own integrity in all of life. And my children needed my yes to mean yes and my no to mean no for the sake of their safety, so they didn’t move their testing into dangerous territory.
They also needed it for their security.
It’s a scary world when you can’t trust what your parents say. The most insecure children are those whose parents’ yes or no means something different every day, depending on the parent’s mood (cheerful or depressed) or the parent’s condition (sober or soused).
Making your yes mean yes can be just as challenging as making your no mean no.
One day my daughter, who was about 14 at the time, asked me to drive her someplace. I didn’t want to do it but had no good reason to refuse. “Oh all right,” I said in an exasperated voice. “Let’s go!”
“But Mom,” Jessica said, “I feel so guilty!”
Her words made me see what I was doing. I was saying yes and then punishing her emotionally for my yes.
That was dishonest. That yes did not mean yes.
That kind of yes undermined my relationship with my daughter. It made her reluctant to approach me and ask for what she wanted or needed.
So I apologized.
Another time our teenage daughter told me a story about an incident she observed at a church picnic where some men were playing softball. A 6-year-old came up with a friend, dragging his bat and asking, “Dad, can we play?”
“Sure,” his dad said. But he winked at the other men.
The dads continued to play at an adult level until the two little boys’ eagerness vanished and they drooped off the field, discouraged. The men finished their game in good spirits.
This dad held a position of authority in the church, and I doubt that he realized that the trick he played on his son with a dishonest “yes” cost him his credibility with one of the church youth.
If “Yes, you can play” really meant” “No, we don’t want to be bothered with you,” then what about the other words he said from the pulpit? Did those words mean what they appeared to mean? Or did they mean something quite different? How could you tell?
The simplest solution was to ignore him.
If parents want their children to pay attention to them, they must let their yes mean yes and their no mean no. It’s that complicated, and it’s that simple.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1997
Originally published in the El Paso Times March 2, 1997
A few years ago, after our own kids were grown and gone, we drove to another city with friends to see a youth musical performance. We arrived at the church early and decided to wait outside in the parking lot because our friend’s very active 5-year-old Jacob was feeling restless from being cooped up in the car for 45 minutes. He needed to stretch and run before having to endure a long bout of sitting still and behaving himself during the performance.
The church yard had just been flooded for irrigation
So a big pool of water stretched along the back edge of the church parking lot, and Jacob said he wanted to throw rocks into the pool.
We had no objections, but I thought he needed more activity than that to stretch his muscles from the long ride and tire him out sufficiently to make him want to sit for a while. So I invented a variation on the all-important game for vacation trips and making other long drives with children….
Tire ‘Em Out.
I made up a rule: You Can’t Throw a Rock into the Pool Until You Run to the Fence and Tag It and Then Run Back for Me to Give You the Rock.
It was an excellent exercise game. Jacob ran all the way across the parking lot to the fence, tagged it, and then ran all the way back to me (his exercise), while I bent over and picked up a nice fat rock (my exercise).
I also cheered him on and told him what a fast runner he was...
and what a big splash he created...and now he was probably too tired—right? -- to try it again.…
He grinned and puffed and threw rocks and insisted he wasn’t too tired and galloped off again to tag the fence until he had managed four or five round trips from the fence to the pool. And then it was time to go into the church, and he was content to sit still for a while.
Why do children cooperate with such adult scheming?
I don’t know. All I know is, Jacob was happy, and my children used to be happy, too, with this sort of game—as long as they had my full attention, as long as I cheered them on as they ran, and as long as their muscles required a good stretch after a long drive.
The Tire ‘Em Out principle works for more than long car trips.
It works for homeschool lessons and pandemic lockdown school lessons, too. For young kids, being active is a reward in itself, so playing a variation of Tire ‘Em Out adds activity to lessons like math and reading drills and makes them fun.
For example, you can start a math drill sitting at the bottom of a big flight of stairs with your student standing at the top. You show the math or reading flashcard and call out the problem. Each time your student gives the correct answer, she gets to hop down one step.
Can she make it all the way to the bottom before you run out of cards?
Later, when she knows her facts better and needs more challenge, you can speed up drills by tossing a ball. You call out the problem, count three, toss the ball, and see if she can say the answer before she catches it.
There are a thousand variations.
Use your imagination.
Have fun.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021
Reprint with attribution only
You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers on her website (www.beckypowers.com) and in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
When I told our 10-year-old grandson that I was writing a blog about treasure hunts, he immediately began an enthusiastic trip down memory lane reminding me about the time I first introduced him to treasure hunts.
His grandpa and I were on vacation in a foreign country with him (age 5) and four other adults, and we had been driving all day long. We were all road weary, and the adults were cross. It was a working vacation for most of them, so when we arrived at our house rental, half got out their computers and started working and the other half started making supper.
Our poor kindergartner had been cooped up in the car all day.
Now he was bored, restless, underfoot and needing both activity and cheering up. I wondered what I could do with him.
Then I remembered what I used to do sometimes on dull days with my children when his mom was a little girl. “We’ll make a treasure hunt!” I told him.
We took paper and pencil and wandered around the vacation rental, drawing sketches of different pieces of furniture. I’m no artist, but since Nesta watched me make the drawings, he knew what all my clues meant. Then he had to go somewhere and not look for a while so that I could hide a treat like a cookie (to eat after supper) or a little memento I’d bought in the markets, and then made a trail of clues to the prize.
He loved that game.
He loved following the trail of clues and finding something special. He wanted to do it over and over, so that’s what we did until the adults were ready to eat dinner.
After that vacation, as the years passed, we kept on playing the treasure hunt game, making the clues harder as our grandson’s reading skills improved.
Making a trail of clues through the house for a family treasure hunt is a fun way to give kids practice and incentive for writing. And treasure hunts are great for cheering everyone up on a sad or a dull day, too.
You can begin by introducing the idea to your preschoolers with pictures.
Take photos or make several simple drawings of familiar furniture – the rocker, the refrigerator. (Printing out photos is easier, but if you have to rely on drawings, don’t worry about poor drawing skills. If your children can’t figure out what you have drawn, tell them what it is. Next time, they will remember.)
Your children can follow the picture clues from the crib in the baby’s room to the rocking chair in the living room, then on to the sofa, and so on, following the clues until at long last they come upon—ta da! -- new underwear. Or two cookies apiece. (Simple things turn into something special when you find them at the end of a treasure hunt.)
If your children are beginning readers, add simple instructions, like “LOOK UNDER THE (picture of keyboard).”
Pretty soon, your children will want to make their own treasure hunts.
Keep a stack of photos or drawings available for preschoolers to arrange a trail of picture clues for siblings. After they begin to read, encourage them to add more and more writing to their clues. Even children who dislike writing don’t notice they are getting practice when they’re making clue cards for a treasure hunt.
As children’s writing skills improve, they may like the challenge of making riddle clues or clues in rhyme (see my grandson’s example).
If children ask how to spell words, just tell them simply.
(No exasperated “You should know that!” comments.) Keep it a fun activity. I did not correct my children’s spelling mistakes on clue cards because I figured that it would dampen their enthusiasm and it might make my Writing-Hater quit one of the few writing activities he loved. In time he started correcting spelling himself because he wanted people to be able to read his clues.
If you don’t have a good prize for your treasure hunt, use dinner.
A treasure hunt meal is usually conducted outdoors to reduce damage from spills. At the end of the first two or three clues, the family finds plates, silverware, a beverage, and another clue. A couple clues later, they discover the salad, and everyone sits down to eat it. The family keeps on following clues and sitting down to eat as they find the rest of the meal, including the final treasure -- dessert.
©Becky Cerling Powers 1992, updated 2021
Reprint with attribution only www.beckypowers.com
For more insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her parenting insight book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
On Sundays… When we see our kids getting hurt unfairly, we need to teach them the art of forgiveness, keeping in mind that forgiveness is a spiritual issue – as is hatred and revenge. So, we can’t nag or preach children into forgiving. Or reason them into letting go of an offense. We can only practice forgiveness ourselves, then present it as a solution to our youngsters’ pain and prayerfully guide them through the process.
On Mondays… remember that children need to have their fathers and mothers weave three consistent messages into the fabric of their lives: “To me you are special. No matter what, I love you. You’re part of me; we belong together.’’
On Tuesdays… we weave the messages while keeping in mind that truly loving children includes setting firm limits. When we deal lovingly but firmly with unacceptable behavior, it helps children begin to develop the self-control necessary for future healthy relationships.
On Wednesdays… make sure to take advantage of children’s tendency to get talkative and reflective when you are putting them to bed. You’ll probably be more patient with the process if you set bedtimes early enough to include 15 or 20 minutes of talk time.
On Thursdays… keep in mind, when faced with your child’s messy bedroom, that in order to teach neatness, you need to eliminate as many organizing problems as possible. So sit on the floor and check the room from a child’s eye view. Maybe your child has too many toys to manage, or perhaps the clothes rod is too high for him to hang his clothes easily.
On Fridays… don’t make the mistake of parents who feel so embarrassed or angered by their children’s social blunders that they humiliate their children by pointing out their mistakes in public. This uses bad manners to try to teach good manners. The heart of good manners is consideration for others. So parents need show their children consideration by taking them aside to explain privately how they expect them to act. (If children still misbehave after that, though, they may be testing their parents’ authority to see if they can flout home rules in public. That situation does require firm consequences -- but not adult temper tantrums.)
On Saturdays… remember that no amount of treats, gifts or special favors will ever substitute for a parent’s undivided attention. And no child can feel loved without experiencing that kind of time.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021 All Rights Reserved www.beckypowers.com
Becky Cerling Powers is a veteran homeschool grandma and the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive and Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage. She also compiled and edited the faith based stories in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family.
On Sundays… remember that yours is not the only family with problems. Every family has problems. It isn’t having or not having problems that shows whether a family is healthy or unhealthy. It’s how families respond to problems. A healthy family gives most of its energy to recognizing, facing, and dealing with problems. An unhealthy (dysfunctional) family pours most of its energy into keeping up appearances and ignoring, minimizing, denying, or running away from problems. So here is a prayer for the month: Lord, give us the wisdom to recognize when our family is having a problem, the honesty to admit it, the courage to face it, and the perseverance to deal with it. Amen.
On Mondays… somehow, in the whirlwind, we must love our children with our time. Focused, undivided attention sends children the powerful message that they are special and worth our full consideration and regard.
On Tuesdays… here’s a tip: grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles are children’s best tour guides for a visit to a history museum. They can allow museum exhibits to stimulate their memories of what happened to them in the past. Then they can relate museum exhibits to children’s own family history.
On Wednesdays… try keeping a list of your family’s sizes in your wallet or purse so you can take better advantage of sales. (Better yet, list measurements for each one’s waist, hip, pant length, etc. and tuck a measuring tape into your pocket or purse. Since clothing sizes vary, you will then be able to avoid mistakes by checking the item’s actual measurements.)
On Thursdays… when you are training children to clean their rooms, inspect their work regularly at a stated time. 24-hour-a-day neatness is unrealistic.
On Fridays…keep in mind that when you play games with beginners (whether preschoolers or teens), the object of the game for adults is not winning. It’s doing a good job of teaching the game to a child. Leave competition for the growth stage when your child is as skilled as you are.
On Saturdays… try to give your kids a good balance between play time and chore time. Learning to play games well is valuable but so is learning to clean, cook, launder and do other family chores. All of it is important for developing problem solving skills and for gaining a sense of accomplishment, self-confidence and community building skills.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021 All Rights Reserved
Becky Cerling Powers is a veteran homeschool grandma and the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive and Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage. Both are in the website Bookstore.
When I met and fell in love with Dennis, he was a hard-core camper. His family used to camp out on their vacations when he was growing up. Then he majored in geology at college and began going on scientific expeditions in exotic places like northern India and the Egyptian desert where he camped with a team of scientists for weeks and months at a stretch.
After we married in 1970 and our children came along, we began taking camping vacations.
Our three children were in Kid Heaven the year we camped for several days near a shallow muddy stream in a normally dry arroyo. The children, ages 3, 5, and 7, played all day every day in that stream—wading, making mud pies, and constructing bridges and buildings from floating debris.
Then there was the time, years later on my birthday, when our tent got flooded in a downpour and we had to flee to a motel. Or the time we forgot to bring any silverware and had to whittle chopsticks to eat supper.
Does your family want to try it?
“If this is your first venture into tent camping,” Dennis says, “try to go with another family who is more experienced. They can teach you some of the in-camp tricks.
And even if you have tent camping experience from your pre-parenting days, plan to camp in one place for a while to gain experience camping with children before trying to combine travel with camping.
Be sure to test your tenting equipment before leaving home.
As a treat for your kids, and as a way to check out equipment, put up the tent in your back yard a few days before your trip. “This will give you a chance to be sure that you have all the parts to the tent,” Dennis says, “and to be sure that you can put it all together.”
If it takes a long time to figure out how the tent rods fit together, mark them so it will be easier next time. If rain is likely at the place where you intend to camp, test the tent with a garden hose to make sure it is waterproof. “The usual problems are along the seams,” he says. “If there are leaks, you can buy material at a sporting goods store to seal it up.”
Once the tent is up, let your children play in it and even try sleeping outside once or twice. It will add to their anticipation and familiarize them with part of the camping experience.
Consider tentless camping.
When we’re just going for a couple days, we often didn’t put up a tent. We put the sleeping bags on top of ground cloths and enjoyed the stars.
Allow enough time to enjoy the camping process and the campsite.
“The Lesson Never Learned,” Dennis says, “is to stop and set up camp early rather than waiting until it’s late because you’re trying to find the perfect campsite.”
You need to stop early enough that the process of setting up camp and cooking dinner can be pleasant instead of stressful. Stop before children are hungry and tired, so they can help set up the tent as a fun project. They need time to explore the site and enjoy it before dark, too.
And remember that flexibility is a virtue.
When you start feeling frustrated, take a good look at your expectations and discard the unrealistic ones. “Camping out is not a time of leisure,” Dennis says, “but it’s a lot of fun if what you’re going for is a different pace, a different setting, and a different focus.”
“You’re not going to do some things the way you do at home because you’re not at home. You won’t have microwave meals, for example. Part of the fun of camping is learning how to cook in different circumstances.”
If you’re camping at an undeveloped site, don’t worry about washing your hair daily.
Instead pay for a shower every three or four days at a truck stop or a commercial campground.
“Also, when you are camping, you can’t go do tourist things until 7 p.m. and then arrive back in camp expecting to feed everyone and enjoy it,” Dennis says. “You need to take short day trips from the camp, do shorter things, come back earlier and enjoy the campsite.”
Bring along guides to birds, bugs, trees or wildflowers so you can learn more about the setting.
And let children bring along a few simple toys like cars and trucks that they can play with in a natural setting, constructing log bridges over a mountain stream or making lean-to houses and garages with twigs.
“Once you get some experience setting up and maintaining camp, it’s not that difficult,” Dennis says. “It’s a good way to have fun with your family if you want to get away from it all.”
Warning: Always check to be sure that making fires is permitted at your campsite. Use a cook stove if fires are prohibited or if there is danger of fire spreading due to windy, dry conditions.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1995, updated 2021
Reprint with attribution only https://beckypowers.com/
For more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
In our files sat the medical reports stating that I would never be able to have a child. Yet against all odds, God had answered our prayers. A little one was on the way. We were ecstatic with joy!
Then six months into this miracle pregnancy, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was immediately scheduled for a radical mastectomy.
At the time we were living in Guadalajara, Mexico, far from our families.
As news of the diagnosis spread among the Christian community, the family of God in Mexico comforted us. These precious brothers and sisters in Christ streamed by our apartment to hug us, weep with us, and pray for us. Never had I experienced such an outpouring of love.
After the last visitor left, Fred and I tried to sleep, but no sleep came. We had too many questions. Would our miracle baby survive? Would its mother live?
Fear held our hearts in a vise-like grip.
As the dark hours slowly passed, Fred and I reminded each other of favorite Bible verses. We prayed and cried.
Then in the wee hours of the morning I opened the songbook to a hymn whose words seemed to have been written just for us in this crisis:
"How firm a foundation, you saints of the Lord
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He has said,
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?
Fear not, I am with you, O be not dismayed,
For I am your God and will still give you aid;
I’ll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie,
My grace all sufficient shall be your supply;
The flame shall not hurt you, I only design
Your dross to consume and your gold to refine.
The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!"
The Lord used these words to steady us through my surgery and recovery.
Two months later a precious, healthy baby boy arrived. We named him Jonathan, which means "Jehovah has given". God gave him to us when we could not have children. And He gave him to us again by miraculously sparing his life through my cancer surgery.
This hymn is based on a Bible passage:
“But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:1-2).
A prayer for today
"Dear God, thank You for being with us in fiery trials and for never forsaking us. Thank You for using hard times to draw us closer to You, to strengthen our faith, and to refine our character. We praise You for Your faithfulness to us in good times and bad. Amen."
©1998 Paula Kortkamp Combs
On Sundays… remember that you are your child’s earliest reflection of God. If you are dependable and trustworthy, your child will naturally trust God. However, if he can’t trust significant adults in his life like parents, he may have a hard time trusting God, too.
On Mondays… don’t forget that children need to be physically close to their parents all their lives, not just when they are babies. Cuddling and rough-house play says love to small children. A touch on the shoulder sends love signals to a teen. And everyone needs hugs every day.
On Tuesdays… keep in mind throughout the week that unless you set aside many other demands, you will inevitably neglect your children’s deep need for your focused attention.
On Wednesdays… make sure you always have an easy reference first aid manual handy to help you know what to do in an emergency. And make sure that children’s caregivers know where the first aid manual is kept.
On Thursdays… check your attitude when you are training children to do chores. If you complain and scold while working, you discourage your children and sap their energy. Your approach to chore training teaches children attitudes toward work in general. A positive attitude can teach them that messes are a part of life, and the best thing to do with a mess is to deal with it efficiently and then move on.
On Fridays… remember that children do better when you tell them what to expect. So explain beforehand how you expect your children to behave in a store, or how you expect them to treat other children as guests in their home. If you forget to explain beforehand, and your children are disappointing you, then call them aside in private to explain what you expect of them.
On Saturdays… remember that you can provide a good foundation for continuing communication in the family if you keep reading aloud as a family activity even after your children can read themselves. Reading good books as a family does more than help children in school. It establishes bonds of shared adventure and experience. It leads naturally to talks about ideas, hopes, feelings, worries, dreams and all the stuff of friendship.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021 All Rights Reserved - reprint with attribution only https://beckypowers.com/
For more insights from Becky Cerling Powers see her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
My mother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1962 when I was eight years old. When she passed away in October 1997, the nurses and doctors at the hospital were amazed to find out that she had had MS for 35 years. They said they didn’t know anyone who had lived that long with the disease. They credited my father for the way he had taken care of her.
Both my parents deserve a lot of credit for the way they handled that tragedy.
Mom was a 1950’s style housewife, a stay-at-home mother who was active in our church and school. She was only 33 and was raising three young children when she started losing control of her legs and arms and was diagnosed with MS.
Today there are drugs that can help control the effects of the disease, but none of that was available then. By age 43, she was unable to use her legs or right arm and had only partial use of her left arm.
She was an invalid in a wheelchair for the last 25 years of her life.
Since Mom couldn’t physically stand to cook or wash dishes or do laundry, it meant that the three of us kids had to work around the house under her supervision. It turned out to be good for us because we all learned how to take care of ourselves.
As kids, we did our share of griping, but Dad told us, “This is the way it is. You can complain if you want to, but this is how it is.”
Mom herself never complained.
She was never bitter and never played on our pity. She did what she could. One of my really good memories growing up was Mom reading to us at lunch time when we came home from school for lunch.
My father was a traveling salesman for an electrical wholesale company. He had plenty of opportunity to cheat on Mom. He could have rationalized it because of her physical condition. But when Dad got married, he made a vow to be faithful “in sickness or in health,” and he meant it. Dad always kept his word, and he was true to Mom.
After Mom became bound to her wheelchair, Dad never wanted to put her in a nursing home. He hired companions to come during the day and stay with her while he was at work. Here in El Paso, it’s easy to find a maid, but hard to find a companion – someone who can lift a person from a wheelchair to the toilet without hurting her. Most the time Mom had good companions who cared about her as a person.
That was an added expense to Dad, but he never begrudged it.
Through the tragedy of Mom’s illness, my parents taught me the importance of keeping your vows and the importance of approaching problems with a good attitude. You can approach them with anger or despair or with their attitude: “Here’s the problem, and there’s no perfect solution, but we’ll do the best we can.”
I keep seeing people who make the worst out of a bad situation, by using drugs or alcohol, always having a bad attitude.
Both my parents made the best out of a bad situation.
When Mom died, my parents had been married 48 years.
What ancient wisemen said:
“A man cannot be established through wickedness, but the righteous cannot be uprooted” (Proverbs 12:3 NIV)
A prayer for today
“Dear God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.”
My homeschooling friend Jane had a little boy named Kenny who was uninterested in reading. When he turned seven, she grew frustrated and started pushing it every day. “He started to stutter,” she said, “but I didn’t get the message.”
Meantime, I didn’t realize what was going on in Jane’s home. I just remembered that she had told me once that Kenny wasn’t interested in reading. So one day when I was in the neighborhood, I dropped off some material about late-blooming readers.
Jane said she felt like my visit was like a direct rebuke from God saying: QUIT PUSHING.
So she quit the daily reading lessons and let her son play with his Legoes, which was what he liked to do. “He started making the most amazing, creative, intricate inventions,” she said. “He quit stuttering, his self esteem went up dramatically, and he just blossomed.” A year later, she tried reading lessons again, and this time they “took.” Kenny learned to read easily.
Many intelligent children, like Kenny, are not ready to read at age 6.
Some of these late bloomers are not merely intelligent, they are geniuses — like Thomas Edison. Why is this so? If a child is smart, why can’t he read?
It’s plain biology. Each child has his or her own timetable for physical development. The pituitary gland controls the developmental calendar, says child psychologist James Dobson in his tape, “The Late Blooming Child,” and no amount of parental anxiety or social pressure can speed up that timetable.
One aspect of growth that the pituitary controls is myelination.
This is a process that insulates a child’s nerve pathways with a white, fatty substance that makes electrical impulses move quickly and efficiently to other parts of the body. First each nerve pathway (or axon) must grow to a certain diameter. Then a myelin sheath begins to form gradually around that axon, like the layers of an onion.
Until myelin begins insulating the axons of a particular body system, electrical impulses cannot pass consistently through the nerves in that system.
It is then impossible for the child to control that part of his body.
His control develops gradually as myelination develops gradually. The last body system to become fully myelinated (sometimes not until age 8 to 10) is that part of vision that allows reading to occur.
Raymond Moore, former director of the Hewitt Research Foundation, compiled research from neurophysiologists, ophthalmologists, psychologists and research psychiatrists during the 1980’s. He said their results consistently show that children learn to read more easily after their vision, touch, hearing, and muscle coordination become more developed, and after they develop the ability to reason abstractly.
When pushed, children can learn to read before they are fully ready, if the axons are partially myelinated.
Children can do it, but it frustrates them because they are working without the necessary tools. Think of trying to flip pancakes with a piece of aluminum foil instead of a spatula, Moore said. You can do it. But you can’t do it well. If that were the way you had to make pancakes, it would be so frustrating, you might decide to quit making pancakes.
When children are pushed into reading before they are ready, he warned, they become frustrated and discouraged. Then, by age 8 or 10 when they have the neurological ability to pick up the skill easily and run with it, they are burned out and have lost their motivation for schoolwork.
The solution for late bloomers, Moore said, is to let them wait.
Instead of pressuring them to read, respond warmly to them one-to-one. Provide an environment that encourages them to explore, create and think. Encourage them to love learning and enjoy books that you read to them. Work on developing their language and thinking skills.
My husband and I stumbled across Moore’s research reports in 1984, soon after we started home schooling our late blooming first grader. Moore’s studies gave us encouragement to back off and allow our late bloomer to follow his own reading readiness timetable at home. Instead of pushing him to read, we read good books to him. We explored the desert, visited museums, drew maps, created crystal gardens, experimented with art media, and made crafts.
And we talked, talked, talked about all the things we did.
Our son developed a wide vocabulary and a strong sense of good grammar and proper English by listening to good literature and engaging in stimulating conversations. This also taught him to think. When reading finally clicked for him at age 10, he caught up fast.
Our three children all began reading when they were ready to read. Our early bloomers learned to read at the ages of 5 and 6, and our late bloomer learned at age 10. Yet by age 13, all three were reading at a college level.
As a nation we are causing unnecessary damage, stress, and wasted effort by being impatient with children’s normal development and pressuring teachers to make all their students learn to read by age 6.
As homeschoolers, we are free to refuse to bow to this social pressure
We can devote our efforts instead to providing the kind of stimulating, literature-rich environment that encourages children to love learning and read when they are ready.
A language-rich environment puts in place the tools children need for using what they read when they become able to read. This environment is good for all children. In our home, we found out that the kind of place where late bloomers can thrive is the sort of place where early bloomers thrive, too.
©2021 Updated from the March 31, 1996 originally published in the El Paso Times
Reprint with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers on her website (www.beckypowers.com) and in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore or on amazon.com
Some of my earliest memories are of sitting with Dad, Mom and my sister Arlene in church. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in 1950 when I was nine years old. Faith and fishing had a lot to do with my destiny. My early childhood experiences in the outdoors gave focus for what would become my life’s work as a wildlife conservation officer.
I started fishing with a stick and string when the water from the garden hose created a miniature stream in a row of our Victory Garden. I caught my first fish at Sloan’s Lake when I was three years old and I had an adult fishing license by the time I was eight, following Dad on the river. Dad showed me how to read the water and cast my line to where fish waited for food to drift by.
Dad always set a good example for me.
He asked for permission to fish or hunt on private land. He had a way of being granted permission; maybe because he had been a farmer and spoke their language. After a successful fishing trip we went to the ranch house and showed our catch and offered the rancher some of our fish. Dad had me give him the fish. As a result we sometimes went home without our full bag limits. We did the same thing when we went pheasant hunting. Dad sent Christmas cards and made friends with many landowners. He didn’t take them for granted. I was learning from dad how to get along with people.
Dad was a postal letter carrier who could walk the legs off a good horse.
I went on my first backpack trip to Rainbow Lake west of Walden, Colorado when I was nine years old. Dad carried all our gear. Our mission was to find high country lakes and streams loaded with lunker trout.
When we reached the lake, we pitched our pup tent, cut fir boughs to soften the ground (no foam or air mattress), and gathered firewood (no gas stove).
We caught fish for supper.
Dad taught me how to build a campfire. When it burned down to hot coals, we rolled our fish in corn meal, salted, and fried them. After supper we washed dishes and went back to fishing.
When a thunderstorm came over the Divide, we got into our tent and talked about fishing and life. When darkness came we crawled into our army surplus sleeping bags. The rain poured down, lightning flashed and lit our tent like a lantern. Thunder echoed off the surrounding peaks and shook the ground.
Dad wasn’t scared so why should I be?
The falling rain lulled me off to sleep. This was the life for me!
As a youth I focused on fishing, but now what I value the most is that fishing was not a matter of catching fish, but more a matter of being with Dad.
I was fortunate to have a dad who was a good role model and loved the outdoors with respect and awe. He introduced me to the great outdoors and I would come to dedicate myself to protecting it. He taught me the hunting, fishing, and woodsman skills that I used and built upon throughout my life. He was also a role model of honesty and integrity, the foundation of sportsmanship: what a man is when no one is watching.
Dads and moms aren’t our only role models.
Big brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, teachers and friends can be good role models, too. Who looks to you as a role model?
A prayer for today
Lord, in my life you’ve given me good role models and bad role models. I pray for good judgment to recognize which is which, to refuse to imitate the bad role models, and to follow and give you thanks for the good role models. And help me remember to be a good role model myself even when it looks like no one is watching. Amen.
Resource: This story is excerpted from Echoes From the Mountains: The Life and Adventures of a Colorado Wildlife Officer, by Glen A. Hinshaw on Amazon
On Sundays… keep in mind that children’s spiritual needs may sometimes be difficult for adults to recognize because they are so intertwined with the child’s physical and emotional needs. So be sensitive to the possibility that your child’s distress may be spiritual, but that he or she may not know helpful words to express the need.
On Mondays… remember to look directly into your children’s eyes when you encourage, compliment, or give “I love you” messages. Many parents unconsciously recognize the power of direct eye contact during negative encounters with their children. “Look at me,” they say before beginning to scold or give instructions. This is OK as long as parents use direct eye contact for positive encounters as well. Otherwise, children will begin to avoid making eye contact, which will hurt their ability to relate to others.
On Tuesdays… don’t quit reading aloud to older children who can read independently. Read a chapter or two of a longer book aloud every night, and take a rousing adventure along on a family camping trip.
On Wednesdays…keep in mind that a parent’s attitude is the most important factor in giving minor first aid. You need to be matter of fact about the pain without dismissing it. By providing a bit of warm nurturing along with a calm approach, you help children develop calmness and patience toward life’s inevitable emergencies. Warm soapy water, kisses and bandages are the standard, tried and true remedy for minor cuts and scrapes.
On Thursdays… when children do poorly on chores, watch your tongue. Don’t criticize the worker. Criticize the job.
On Fridays… remember that perfectionism destroys creativity. So be generous with supplies and matter of fact about mistakes. For example, never restrict a child to one piece of paper. Children need to make many drawings at one sitting to improve their skills. Having to produce perfection on the first piece of paper blocks creativity.
On Saturdays… keep in mind that rules without a loving relationship breed rebellion.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021 All Rights Reserved - Reprint with Attribution Only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
Dennis and I taught our three children through high school, and they all went on to do well in college and graduate school. A lot of people told us that our homeschool was successful because Dennis and I were exceptional teachers with exceptional children. But we have always disagreed because, although neither of our families were wealthy, both sets of parents raised children who eventually did significantly well in a variety of academic or other specialized fields.
So we look at our own childhoods and see what our own parents did that brought academic results. Dennis and his brother were raised on a South Dakota farm and attended a public one-room schoolhouse.Each went on to obtain a Ph.D. I was the second of six children who all attended public school and who all went on to graduate from college. Half of the kids also obtained a Ph.D.
From our own experience, Dennis and I believe that any parents, whether or not they homeschool, can make a huge difference in their children’s academic progress by simply taking advantage of a few home-style secrets of the learning process, like:
The best teacher is one who loves the child.
Young children are natural learners, full of life and curiosity and wonder. I once watched an emotionally detached first-grade teacher quench her classroom’s zest for learning in six weeks flat by publicly humiliating children for minor discipline problems and for not learning quickly enough.
On the other hand, I have been touched to see the lengths to which parents without a high school education go sometimes to locate resources for their special-needs children and to educate themselves to learn how to help their youngsters develop to their greatest potential.
Somebody who cares about a child will encourage him over the difficulties, go to the trouble to locate resources he needs, and find out how he learns best. So parents need to connect their children with caring teachers.
The quickest, most effective way for children to learn most academic skills is through one-on-one tutoring.
Most of us get our ideas about teaching and learning academic subjects from our own experiences with the public school system. We don’t stop to think that public schools are partly set up for crowd control. Something simple and easy to teach to one child becomes complicated if you have to teach it while managing 20 or 30 wigglers at the same time. At home, for example, you can teach first grade in an hour a day.
Children are most apt to retain their zest for learning when they follow a few simple safety rules and then are given tremendous freedom to explore within the boundaries defined by those rules. (See last week’s post: The Balances of Parenting)
Instead of worrying about children’s lack of interest in school, begin with whatever fascinates them and move onto other subjects from there.
Our daughter Jessica was burned out on formal school when she began home school in fifth grade. She had lost her curiosity. She “hated” math and science. But she loved to read Laura Ingalls Wilder’s “Little House on the Prairie” series. So we encouraged her to write her own historical fiction stories, like Wilder.
When she found that project satisfying, we read her Minn of the Mississippi, a fictionalized science book about a mud turtle. Then we encouraged her to model a story of her own on that idea. Soon she was studying science—reading about birds and then writing stories about them. Eventually we gained enough momentum from the motivation she experienced writing in history and science to coax and encourage her past a mental block in math.
If you can’t tutor a subject yourself, find a book, tape, video, computer program, or person (or combination) that can.
Every child needs a good education manager—a facilitator, an encourager, and a resource locator. Although we homeschooled our children, we did not teach them every subject ourselves. We used the services of neighbors, graduate students, and friends; we traded teaching duties with other homeschool parents; we used community resources like classes at the Museum of Art; and we encouraged our older children to teach the younger ones.
We used the library a lot, too. As an eighth-grader, our son Erik knew far more about desert ecology than either of us as his parents. We just let him roam the desert next to the house and drove him to the library every other week to find books on animal tracking and edible desert plants. Then when we took walks with him through the desert, he taught us.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021
originally published in the El Paso Times in 1992 and updated
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You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers on her website (www.beckypowers.com) and in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore or on amazon.com https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Becky+Cerling+Powers&ref=nb_sb_noss
“Why does the van shake around so much in the wind?” our son Matt asked me one day when he was 7. We got around in two vehicles, a VW van and a small VW truck. “The truck is small and weighs less than the van,” Matt reasoned, “so the truck should blow around more. But it doesn’t. Why is that?”
Children have questions—many, varied and invigorating to any adult who picks up the challenge of a child’s natural curiosity. Children are born with a zest for learning, and it’s a sad day when any child stops trying new skills or stops wondering why.
As homeschooling parents, we learned that if we wanted our children to keep their natural delight in learning, we had to provide an environment with balance in a few important areas:
A balance between safety and freedom
A baby needs to explore—to taste, to touch, to smell, to hear, to see what the world holds. But babies don’t survive unlimited exploration without safety features. Toddlers need to run and play, but they also need naps to avoid collapsing from exhaustion.
So parents must provide their growing children with the balance of freedom within safety limits that is appropriate to their ages and stages of development. They must baby-proof their homes, insist on healthy routines, enforce safety rules, model and teach children appropriate ways to vent anger and grief, and provide secure boundaries of discipline with clear guidelines, clear expectations and consistently enforced consequences.
A balance between feedback and pullback
Children need how-to directions for creative efforts like making crafts or writing stories, but too much direction will stifle a child’s inventiveness. Our daughter, whom we started homeschooling in fifth grade, hated art in grade school because her teacher insisted that everybody’s art project had to look as much like the teacher’s as possible to be “right.”
Children need adult encouragement and assistance, yet they also need opportunities to work independently and figure things out for themselves.
When our Matt first started school at home in first grade, he needed my entire focused attention to help him do his academic work. After his reading and writing skills developed as he turned 10, 11, and 12 though, he needed to learn to work independently.
He was very active, so it was hard for him. If I sat at the kitchen table while he worked, he could stay in his seat for an hour at a time, occasionally asking for help. But if I got bored and started doing housework, he wandered off and disappeared. He couldn’t stay on task unless I just sat there—without hovering.
Crocheting provided the solution. If I sat and crocheted while Matt worked, I could be available to answer questions or provide encouragement when he needed it. At the same time I had useful and satisfying work of my own to prevent impatience. After a while, Matt was able to stick to his work whether I was there or not.
A balance between freedom and responsibility
Children need a good balance between play time and chore time. They gain self esteem and a sense of accomplishment from learning to clean, cook, launder, and do other family chores. In order to develop the ability to have good relationships with others, they must learn to give up some of their own space and privileges to allow others their fair share.
A balance between structured and unstructured time, with appropriate resources.
Children need large doses of unstructured time with good resources in order to discover and pursue their personal interests. But they also need structured time to help them learn ways to use their unstructured time.
When Matt was about 14, he tried to teach himself to play our old guitar. The experience was satisfying at first, but then he got stuck. So we found someone to give him guitar lessons and, with his teacher’s advice, we bought him a better guitar.
Matt discovered his interest in the guitar by having unstructured time and an accessible instrument. After he messed around with the guitar enough to decide he wanted to learn to play it well, he needed our help finding more resources – a guitar teacher and a better guitar. After that, our teen spent hours playing his instrument. It became an important creative and emotional outlet, something he did because he loved it. As his skills improved, it also became a social outlet, helping him make friends with other teen and adult musicians – as well as helping to form his spiritual life as he led and played guitar for worship teams.
© 2020 Becky Cerling Powers, updated
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You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
“I don’t know what to do with my teenage daughter,” one of my young mom friends told me a few years ago. ”My daughter is so different from me! She loves lace and frilly things, and I’m just not that way.”
“Back in the 1990s I published a parenting column on that subject,” I told her. “When my daughter was in her twenties, it helped me a lot to re-read it. I’d ask myself, ‘Do I still believe this?’ I did, and it helped me hang in there through a rough ride. Maybe you’d like to read it.”
She wanted it, so I emailed it, and she told me later that it helped her. Maybe some other mother will find it useful, too:
Letting Daughters Grow
When our daughter Jessica was about 11 she went through an annoying phase in which she seemed to be putting me down all the time. “I like to be on time,” she’d say, “but you’re always late.” Or, “You’re always forgetting things, Mom. I’m not absent minded like you are.”
I felt defensive and irritated by the barrage of apparently critical remarks until the day it dawned on me that Jessica was observing, not criticizing. She was looking at me closely, then looking at herself, and then trying to figure out which of us was which.
In a healthy, nurturing home, a little girl identifies closely with her mother.
Mom is her model for what it means to be feminine. But even though she identifies with her mother, she is not the same person as her mother. She has her own tastes, preferences, opinions, interests, dreams, and personality mix. She is unique on this earth.
At 11, Jessica was trying to sort out her identity. She was beginning to try to accomplish that difficult balancing act of a young woman’s adulthood: to separate her own identity from her mother’s identity without breaking the relationship. Jessica loved me and wanted to be like me—but at the same time be fully and uniquely herself.
Once I realized what was going on, I could stop reacting defensively and let my daughter know that it was OK for her to be her and me to be me. I could affirm her with statements like, “You’re right. I have trouble keeping track of details, but you’re good at it. Lucky you.” She needed to hear that I accepted our differences.
If I refused to accept our differences, they would be there still.
When a mother tries to control her daughter’s true personality, refusing to allow her to express any opinions, tastes or interests other than Mom’s, the relationship spontaneously deteriorates.
This process of identifying with each other while separating from each other can get wild and confusing during the teen years, with a lot of conflict remaining during a young woman’s early 20’s, when she is struggling to establish herself as fully adult in the world—and in her mother’s eyes.
How can we ease our daughter’s way—and our own—through the teenage and young adult years? Here are a few possibilities:
Let your daughter know what’s going on.
Tell her about your own struggles with this process when you were young. Simply recognizing this as a normal part of moving from childhood to adulthood makes it easier to handle it with grace.
Take an attitude of discovery rather than an attitude of possession. Savor and enjoy the unfolding of your daughter’s uniqueness instead of trying to make her over into your own image (remembering that only God gets to create people in His own image).
My daughter Jessica’s purpose in life is bigger than I am. She exists for some greater reason than simply to satisfy my ego and make me look good to my circle of friends and acquaintances. I can delight in the discovery of her gifts, her passions, and her purpose as much as she does. In fact, by sharing the discovery process, we multiply the satisfaction for both of us.
Be quick to affirm, slow to criticize.
This is hard. It takes determination and practice. But frequent, petty criticism eats away a young woman’s courage and undermines her ability to withstand the temptation to boost her self- confidence through sex, drugs, alcohol and unhealthy relationships.
Choose your battles.
Stop to think. Sort out the differences between personal tastes or opinions (legitimate) and behavior that is foolish or dangerous (unacceptable). When I waste my energy battling over nonessential issues, I have no energy and authority left for the inevitable battles over essential issues.
Above all, love your daughter enough to let go of appearances.
Nothing distorts a parent’s perspective like fear of other people’s opinions. We cannot recognize and keep our daughters’ true interests in mind when we focus first on making ourselves look good.
Unfortunately, some young women only learn their lessons the hard way. We need to love our daughters enough to endure the trial of looking like failed parents for a time if that is a necessary part of the experience they need to become mature women and whole persons.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1993
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You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers on this website (www.beckypowers.com) and in her book Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
On Sundays… when you pray for your family today, jot down areas of worry or concern, leaving spaces between the items on your list. Then go back to the top of your list and thank Jesus for anything you can think of to thank him for in that situation. After that, sit quietly and write a specific request. (The apostle Paul teaches this thank-and-ask process in Philippians 4:6.) Date your list and come back to it over the next weeks and months, giving thanks and filling in any answers to your prayers. And write down what you’re learning.
On Mondays… remember to avoid attacking children when they need correction. You can train yourself to focus on children’s behavior (“Your dirty clothes are on the bathroom floor”) instead of making personal attacks (“You never pick up your dirty clothes. Blah blah blah.”)
On Tuesdays… keep in mind that children’s education is primarily the responsibility of their parents. Schools exist to help parents with the job. So if your children attend school outside your home, choose a school where school staff are willing work together with parents as partners.
On Wednesdays…be aware that an allergic child will be less apt to rebel against his special diet if he knows everyone in the family is going to work on helping him feel better. So enlist the family’s help. Separately explain to your other children that helping sick people in the family get well is part of ordinary family love. Then describe how they can help, ask for their suggestions, and emphasize that the cook needs encouragement.
On Thursdays… make an inventory of each of your children’s special likes and interests. Then use your lists to come up with ideas for individualized incentives to help them establish good work habits doing their chores.
On Fridays… remember that your neighborhood will look nicer if you take a trash bag along with you and fill it as you go when you take a walk. Doing this as a family activity will help children develop a sense of their responsibility to their community.
On Saturdays… don’t forget that quality time with children usually occurs as an unplanned, happy gift. Most consistently it happens in the context of a relaxed atmosphere and LOTS of time.
Our son Erik was a visual learner who picked up the skill of reading quickly as a kindergartner after only two or three weeks of simple home phonics lessons. Once he “clicked” on reading, he read all the easy reading books he could lay his hands on. He usually read them through several times.
I thought he was ready for something harder the summer after first grade. By then he read easy books fluently, and he had a hardy attention span. He could sit attentively for a half hour or more at a time while we read him long children’s classics at bedtime like C.S. Lewis’s The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. So I suggested he try reading The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum, a book he was familiar with because I had read it aloud to him.
He was ecstatic to find out he could read a novel length book. Every day he reported his progress: “Mom, I’m on page 67!” or “Mom, I’ve read 200 pages!!”
Not every child is ready to tackle such hard books at age 7.
Two children, both equally bright, may reach reading readiness at different ages—even five or six years apart. Our son Matt was a late bloomer who finally “clicked” on reading at age 10. Yet he, too, was reading novel length books within two years after he really began reading.
For both boys the key to moving on to the hard books was twofold. First, as parents we built up our children’s vocabulary by reading them many stories that were written well beyond their reading level. Second, as novice readers the boys developed fluency in reading by reading many easy books over and over.
Beware of pushing children too fast into harder and harder reading materials
Author and educator Ruth Beechick states that encouraging reading fluency is an important step that parents (and schools) tend to skip by pushing children on to harder and harder reading materials. This is a mistake, she says, because reading lots of easy books helps developing young readers in several essential ways. First, it gives them practice with decoding skills until these skills become over-learned and automatic. It also helps them learn and relearn the common words that make up a large percentage of all books, including difficult ones.
Reading lots of easy books helps children read more smoothly and rapidly. It also helps them develop comprehension, instead of losing the sense of a passage while struggling to deal with difficult vocabulary and decoding at the same time. Finally, reading lots of easy books helps youngsters find out that reading can be fun.
But what is an easy book? The answer varies from reader to reader.
Beechick explains that every child has three reading levels at all times: a frustration level, a learning level and a comfort level. (These levels provide a way to rate books, not a way to rate individual children.)
To rate a book, she says, mark off a section of about 100 words and ask your child to read it to you aloud.
The frustration level
If he or she has trouble reading more than five words, the book is at that child’s frustration level. It has so many new words that the child cannot follow the sense of the story. Avoid pushing children to read at their frustration level. Set aside the book for a while. Children who are pressured to read books at their frustration level become reluctant readers. It makes them want to give up on reading.
The learning level
If your children miss three to five words in the 100-word section, the book is at their learning level. This is a book for you to read together, taking turns reading every other paragraph or every other page. Whenever Junior bumps into a problem with a word, you can help him solve it.
The comfort level
If your children miss two words or less in the 100 word section, the book is at their comfort level. It’s an easy book. They can read it independently and understand the story well. It’s a good book for a child to read alone or to a younger brother or sister. Reading a lot of books at this comfort level will noticeably improve a child’s reading fluency.
You can teach children how to use a form of this test themselves when choosing library books. Tell them to read a page in the book (assuming that a page will have from 100 to 200 words on it) and use their fingers to count the words they don’t know. Whenever they run out of fingers on one hand, the book is probably too hard.
If parents using this test find out that the simplest books in the library are on their child’s frustration level, it means the child does not really know how to read yet. In that case, parents need to back up and figure out whether or not their child has reached reading readiness yet. (Beechick’s book, The Three R’s, includes information about ways to tell when a child is ready to read.) If the child is ready, they can try to teach their child to read using a good phonics program.
If the child shows symptoms of dyslexia, however, such as writing letters and figures backwards, confusing the order of letters in words (look up “dyslexia symptoms” online for a more comprehensive list), parents need more help. Testing in the schools is uneven. Parents are most likely to obtain the most up to date testing for dyslexia by asking their pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist to address that specific issue. The Orten Gillingham system appears to be the one phonics reading system that has shown proven success with people who struggle with reading.
Resource: The Three R’s by Ruth Beechick includes a reading section (telling how and when to begin phonics and how to develop comprehension skills) a language section (showing how to develop written language skills naturally) and an arithmetic section (explaining how to teach children to understand math concepts). Beechick explains the reading process simply. She gives directions for providing reading readiness activities, introducing phonics, teaching children to read using real books, testing children’s reading level, and tutoring spelling. ISBN13:978-0-88062-173-1
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021
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You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers in Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
My mother (who would now be 98 if she had lived) used to say, “If you want to do a good job, first you have to make a really big mess.”
She was probably thinking of the creative woodworking projects Dad did or the creative cooking and sewing projects she did, like canning our garden produce or sewing our clothes.
Creativity is messy, and messes are frustrating. Still, most of us want to encourage our kids and grandkids to be creative people. So how do we train them to deal calmly and efficiently with the inevitable messes made by their creations?
We need to take time to think about some of the steps we can take like, for example, teaching them to cut paper over a wastebasket. And besides that, we need to try to get across the idea that cleaning up after themselves is part of the creative process.
Taking time to think through some strategies can help eliminate some of the frustrations of dealing with the mess.
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers
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Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive and Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage. She also compiled and edited the faith-based stories in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
I used to help a single mom homeschool her kindergartner Jacob. Since kindergartners need to understand practical reasons why it’s a good idea to learn math, I tried to include math in our daily routine whenever possible.
So I gave Jacob the job of setting the table for lunch every day. I put unbreakable dishes and plastic glasses in a lower pull-out cabinet that he could reach, and I let him figure out how many people would be there for lunch so he could set the table with the right number of place settings.
The number changed from day to day. My husband Dennis worked from home but he also traveled. My mother-in-law lived in a trailer on our back lot and usually came over for lunch, but not always. Our son Matt lived at home while attending university that year, and a friend of his stayed with us. Sometimes one or both were home, sometimes not.
I quickly discovered that unless Jacob could physically see each person to count them, he could not figure out how many place settings.
At first I tried to help him by showing him how to count people using my fingers: “You (thumb), me (index finger), Dennis (middle finger), Grandma (ring finger) – one-two-three-four – see?”
His face went completely blank. Obviously, to Jacob, a finger could not represent a person.
So I got out some cards.
On each card we drew a picture of one family member and wrote their name underneath (which helped Jacob’s reading readiness, too). After that, we picked out the cards that corresponded to the people who were home for lunch. Then Jacob counted the cards. Then he knew how many place settings.
Although this was a slow way for getting the table set, it was excellent for teaching math at Jacob’s level of readiness.
In order to lay a proper math foundation for children, author Ruth Beechick points out in The Three R’s, parents and teachers need to understand the way a child’s thinking develops.
Adults use three ways of thinking about math: the manipulative mode, the mental mode, and the abstract mode.
They can switch back and forth, using the abstract mode, for example, to figure using only symbols ($50 - $22.48 = $27.52), or the manipulative mode to do the same problem by counting correct change into a customer’s hand.
Young children are unable to switch modes.
They can think only in the manipulative mode. So preschoolers have to see and touch objects in order to understand math concepts like adding and subtracting. Hands-on math is the foundation on which all other kinds of mathematical understanding is built. Lots of hands-on math experiences prepare children to grow into the next two stages of thinking development.
When children are hurried too quickly through this manipulative thinking stage, they feel anxious and uncertain. “Failure (to teach children in the manipulative mode) is probably the greatest single cause of children’s arithmetic difficulties,” Beechick says. “It is why people grow up with Arithmetic Anxiety.”
Children who are ready to move from the manipulative mode to the mental math mode become impatient with counting and handling objects. They prefer to picture objects mentally in their heads because it is quicker.
Pictures help children make the transition from the manipulative mode to the mental image mode.
The child sees a picture of two dogs in a group and four more dogs in another group. If he is still a manipulative thinker, he will need to touch each dog in the picture as he counts out the problem. If he is in transition between the two modes, he can count the dogs in the picture by sight.
According to Jean Piaget’s research on child development, children develop the ability to think abstractly at about age 12 or 13. “In elementary school arithmetic, the abstract mode of thinking does not play a large role,” Beechick says. “You may often think abstractly yourself, but you must guard against trying to push children into this mode before they are ready. Pushing...only leads to anxiety, frustration, (and) dislike of arithmetic.”
Children can “switch back to use a previously learned mode,” Beechick says, “but they cannot jump ahead to use a mode they have not grown into.”
“When we say that a child doesn’t understand something, we usually mean that he is not able to image it in his head,” Beechick says. “The cure for that is to provide more manipulative experience. Try showing something one way and a second way and a third way...Wait awhile and teach it again next month. After sufficient manipulative experience, the child eventually will image the troublesome process in his head. He will understand it.”
“The only route to good abstract thinking in a child’s later years,” Beechick says, “is through lots of manipulative and mental image thinking in early years.”
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers
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You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers in Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
Kindness and compassion…how can we help develop these qualities in our children and grandchildren? Being a good example is obvious. Naming also helps: “I love it when I see you being so kind to your little brother…”
Compassion involves walking alongside someone in their difficulties and doing what you can to help. So…what opportunities do you see for serving others in your community?
Maybe there’s a single mom or elderly neighbors who could use help putting out the garbage can for garbage pick-up…or who need but can’t pay for lawnmowing or other chores.
Perhaps your church or local community distributes food to needy families or helps immigrants become settled into your area.
Kids develop a sense of compassion and community when they work with adults who are serving others. In time, when they work alongside us in showing compassion to others, they will usually begin seeing and taking hold of opportunities by themselves.
© 2021 Becky Cerling Powers
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Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive and Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage. She also compiled and edited the faith based stories in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
My friend Ruth Tsai told me that when the Chinese government allowed her 82-year-old American mother to return to the U.S. from mainland China in the 1970’s, it was her mother’s habit never to speak aloud the name of Jesus or the name of God. Instead, whenever she referred to God, she would silently lift her index finger and point to heaven.
Why wouldn’t Mom speak God’s name?
“People must have thought this old lady is half crazy,” Ruth said. “Why won’t she say ‘Jesus’ or ‘our Heavenly Father’ or ‘God?’”
But Ruth explained that after living for 40 years in China, it took a while for her mother to learn to drop the habits she developed from living in an anti-Christian terrorist state where she needed to protect her loved ones.
Under surveillance whether inside or outside prison
The Chinese government branded Mrs. Tsai and her family with the label of “counter-revolutionary” because they refused to join the state church and betray fellow Christians. Mrs. Tsai’s Chinese husband, son-in-law, and one of her daughters were all imprisoned for being counter-revolutionaries. Only the daughter survived prison.
The government kept such close watch on the family, inside or outside of prison, that for Mrs. Tsai, paranoid thinking was realistic thinking. She really was being watched all the time, especially during the Cultural Revolution, which was still going on at the time she came back to America.
A practical solution
If a Christian believer visited her in her home, or met her on the street, the police would be watching. They might stop the believer five minutes later and grill them. “What did she say to you? Did she mention Jesus? Did she mention God? What were your thoughts about the conversation?”
For Mrs. Tsai and other believers, it was a dangerous business to encourage one another’s faith. The police might arrest the person afterward because of what you said, or they might harass them by arresting their son or daughter instead.
The same day Ruth told me this story, I read these verses in the Bible in Acts 14:21-22
And when they (Paul and Barnabus) had preached the gospel to that city and made many disciples, they returned to Lystra, Iconium (where Paul had been stoned and left for dead), and Antioch (the church that had commissioned and sent them out), strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.” (my italics)
The path to the kingdom of God
“We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God,” Paul and Barnabus said. But this is not the way we in the American church think at all. Through years of religious freedom and economic good times, we have lost this perspective. Difficulties and tribulations surprise us, over and over.
Today’s prayer
Lord, I am asking for your kingdom to come and your will to be done in my life today as it is in heaven. I have this difficulty today: ____________. I invite you to bring your kingdom into this situation, and I pray that I will cooperate with your will in this situation. Please give me the attitude and understanding I need to do your will cheerfully today. Amen.
© 2010 Becky Cerling Powers
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Part of the Tsai family story has been published in Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage by Becky Cerling Powers in the Bookstore or on amazon.com
My father grew up in Elmhurst, Illinois during the Great Depression of the 1930s. His own father, my grandpa, lost almost all his money, and there was hardly any work for him to earn more. The family was poor. They mostly ate beans, bread and oatmeal, with vegetables from the garden during the summer, eggs from their chickens, and meat when my dad’s older brother was able to catch rabbits or pheasants hunting in the 50-acre woods behind the family’s house.
“What happened to that old tree?”
One day when Dad and his two brothers were playing out in their back yard, they noticed something wrong with a box elder tree on the other side of the street behind the house. It looked like a storm had broken a huge branch off the tree and a cloud of angry bees was zipping around a large hole about ten feet up.
“We didn’t realize it then,” Dad says, “but this tree was a ‘windfall’ in more ways than one.”
The three boys ran to find their father and tell him what they had found.
My grandfather told them this was a honey tree.
He showed them how to smoke out the bees to get their honey store. Their mom give them each a broad brimmed hat and an old lace curtain to tie over their heads. Gloves, long pants tucked into heavy socks, and a jacket protected the rest of their bodies. Then they chopped a hole at the base of the hollow tree and set a smoky fire there to drive out the bees.
When the bees left, they cut down the tree and scooped 40 or 50 pounds of wild honey into buckets. They saved some of the comb (it tastes so good on fresh baked bread), but mashed up most of it into buckets. Their mother put her big clothes boiler on the little two-burner range in the basement, and they floated the buckets of honey in the boiling water.
Then they poured the honey into mason jars.
Dad says my grandfather saw this honey as a gift from God for his struggling family in those depression years. There was far more honey than his family could possibly use, so he sent his three sons door to door in their home town, selling that honey.
Money was too scarce to provide allowances for kids in those days, but sale of the honey provided badly needed cash for the family plus a little commission for each of the boys.
What Grandpa did next
After that, Dad said, Grandpa used part of the money they made as a fund to develop a small family business. He made regular trips after that into the country to buy more honey, which the three boys then sold in town.
“My father recognized an opportunity when it came knocking,” Dad says, “and he used it to help the whole family. In that way, he also was showing us children what to do with opportunities: recognize them, work hard to develop them, and then build on them.”
What ancient wisemen said
“Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow” (Proverbs 13:11 NIV).
Today’s prayer
Lord, help me recognize the opportunities you are giving me today and help me to use those opportunities wisely. Amen.
© 1998 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with Attribution Only (https://beckypowers.com/)
You can find more family stories by Becky Cerling Powers in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family, which can be purchased from the Bookstore.
Back in the day when our kids were young, I walked into our sons bedroom one day and noticed our 11-year-old firstborn sitting in his bedroom crying. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
He said, “You always tell me when I do things wrong, but when I try to do everything right, you don’t say anything.”
He had made a special effort all week to do his chores promptly and well. I’d been too busy to notice.
Ouch.
It hit me then: when I noticed and scolded my son’s failures, while failing to notice and encourage his accomplishments, I was defeating myself as much as him. I was actually discouraging my son from trying to do the things I wanted him to do.
It was like trying to raise a garden in the desert by diligently chopping out the weeds while failing to give the plants any water.
Because, it turns out, children and gardens do best when those who tend them recognize and encourage first efforts and small beginnings.
I realized then that it isn’t enough just to try to get rid of our kids’ negatives. First, last, and in between, we needed to be feeding the positive.
I remember what a dramatic difference it made when I switched from a negative to a positive approach in teaching our youngest son penmanship.
When I first began homeschooling our younger son Matt, I marked all his penmanship mistakes in red.
After all, that’s the way my teachers had done it – in order to make students notice mistakes and try harder next time. But our son seemed oblivious to his mistakes. Matt disliked penmanship, and our lessons did not improve his attitude.
Then I read some good advice and quit marking mistakes. Instead, I started drawing a big red circle around Matt’s very best work on a page. After that we talked together about why those words and letters were his best.
Matt’s penmanship started improving, and so did his attitude.
He started looking forward to seeing red marks when they meant success instead of failure.
Although Matt disliked having me tell him why his mistakes were so bad, he enjoyed hearing me tell him why his best work was so good.
After a few weeks of the new positive routine, I asked Matt to circle his best work himself. As he began evaluating his own work, he found his mistakes himself, and his penmanship improved across the board.
It was a real eye opener for me…
Because I soon realized that this positive approach not only transformed Matt’s attitude, it transformed mine. Grading penmanship was irritating when I focused on finding what was wrong. When I focused on finding what was right, though, I cheered up and had more patience.
Family therapist Dick Park has some suggestions for people who want to be positive parents.
Tell children what you do want instead of what you don’t want.
“Parents tend to go through a litany of what they don’t want,” family therapist Dick Park said. “If you tell children what you do want, you distract them from the negative to the positive.”
“You get the behavior you pay attention to,” Park warned. “If you pay attention to negative behavior, you’ll get a lot of it.”
Don’t demand perfection before giving praise.
As soon as children do what you just asked them to do, move in immediately with words of approval -- even if they aren’t getting it exactly, totally right. In fact, even if they are barely doing passably well, move in with praise. Warmly support any positive response.
Through the day, try to catch your children doing the right thing.
Then say something positive and specific about it, like “I love it when you kids treat each other kindly and play so well together the way you’re doing.”
Recognize and praise the small steps a child takes on the way to achievement.
When you praise or affirm someone, take out the history.
“When parents say, ‘That’s great! Why didn’t you do that before?’ that gives a hug and a slap,” Park said. “So, take out the history. Just say ‘That’s great! You got it right.’”
“Give a simple stroke for actions well done and leave it alone.”
For some reason, it’s easier to notice and criticize people’s mistakes and failures than it is to notice and praise their daily achievements and honest efforts.
So, becoming a positive parent takes conscious effort.
It means looking at life a new way. It means changing the way you think and respond. It takes practice. But it pays off for everyone.
©Becky Cerling Powers 1997
Originally published in the El Paso Times
You can find more parenting insights from Becky Cerling Powers in Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive in the Bookstore
I once read about a school district that tried a reading experiment with two groups of kindergartners. (This was in the days before No Child Left Behind, when local schools had the freedom to figure out for themselves what and how to teach and when to teach it.) The district gave the first group a lot of formal reading instruction and gave the second group hands-on science.
While the first group memorized the alphabet and sounded out simple words, the second group played with magnets, grew plants, melted ice cubes and learned about animals. Although teachers read to the “science” group and encouraged them to look at books and pictures, they gave these 5-year-olds no formal reading lessons.
By third grade the “science” children’s reading scores were much higher than the “reading” children’s scores. Their vocabularies and thinking skills were more advanced, and they could understand higher-level topics than the first group of children.
Why did the kids who weren’t pushed to read early do better long term?
My husband and I have discussed this subject, and Dennis calls his explanation “The Velcro Theory of Learning.”
Velcro fasteners, like the ones on children’s shoes, have two parts. One side is full of teeny hooks, and the other side is full of teeny loops. When the two come together, thousands of hooks grasp thousands of loops, making a strong connection to keep the shoes on.
The contents of a good book are like Velcro loops, and a child’s life experiences produce, inside his mind, something like Velcro hooks. The better the book, the more learning loops it has. The more varied a child’s experience, the more learning hooks his mind develops for grasping those learning loops.
Working with a child’s internal development clock
There is an optimum time when each particular child is ready to learn to read, usually between the ages of 6 to 9. All children, however, are ready to learn about the world around them.
In the school district’s experiment, the “reading” group of children spent their time learning skills that were very hard for them developmentally at that time but that would become fairly easy for them to pick up a few months or years later. The “science” group of children spent that same time developing learning hooks.
Later, when the children’s reading material become demanding at the third-grade level, the “science” group of children had a rich supply of learning hooks to grasp the new material firmly. The “reading” group had missed out.
Seeing the issue for myself
Years after reading about this experiment, I had an opportunity to see for myself the results of pushing children into reading tasks before their optimal readiness time. About 15 years ago, I was working as a teaching artist under a special grant, coming to a public school once a week to teach students in kindergarten through third grade and in special education to compose their own poetry. Using what I’d learned as a homeschool mom, I worked with kids at whatever learning level I found them, and the students all became very excited about making up poetry.
I shared an office with the reading specialist. We often chatted and one day she told me that she and the staff could not figure out why, year after year, the school’s fifth graders seemed to give up on learning to read better.
“I think I know why,” I said. “When I go into the kindergarten classes, the kindergarten teachers are telling me how conflicted they feel because the state teaching requirements make them push the kindergartners into learning skills that they are developmentally too immature to manage. It starts in kindergarten, the state teaching requirements demand more and more, the kids get pushed before most of them are ready year after year, and finally by fifth grade, they are burnt out.”
Here are a few tips for parents who want to nourish their children’s love of learning:
Nurture your children. Love them with your eyes, your touch, your words, your focused attention; provide healthy routines and sound discipline; draw them alongside you in your work and leisure activities; talk to them, listen to them, encourage their special interests.
Provide quality toys that stimulate the imagination and help develop motor skills. Examples: blocks; building sets like Legos and Tinkertoys; sturdy cars, trucks, and trains; dolls and stuffed animals; puppets; puzzles; play dough, modeling clay and other art materials.
Take them on trips. Go to museums, parks, libraries, theaters and concert halls, construction sites, fairs and fiestas, ranches, farms and factories.
Give your children an appreciation for reading. Let them see you reading, and start reading them picture books when they are babies. Keep reading to them even after they can read for themselves.
Limit screen time. Spend the time instead playing, working, talking, listening, creating, reading, thinking or inventing ways to avoid boredom.
©2020 Becky Cerling Powers – reprint with attribution only
Excerpted from Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Becky+Cerling+Powers&ref=nb_sb_noss
More parenting insights posts at www.beckypowers.com
Little Frances loved to visit her Grandma Switzer. Now a grandmother herself, Frances Schroeder especially remembers going with Grandma Switzer one day to a Baptist church for a quilting bee.
The ladies’ talked while their fingers flew across the quilt, stitching pieces.
Then a neighbor’s name came up in the conversation.
The ladies’ tongues started flying as fast as their needles as they began talking about the interesting details of the absent lady’s personal affairs.
Suddenly little Frances heard her Grandma Switzer speak out in a loud, clear voice, “I don’t believe our sister is with us today.”
The chattering voices died away.
Silence filled the room.
“The law of kindness was on my grandmother’s lips,” Frances says, “and I want it to be on mine.”
THINK before talking about someone else.
THINK is an acronym that can help you decide whether to speak or keep quiet.
Ask yourself, “Is it…
True?
Helpful?
Inspiring?
Necessary?
Kind?”
What the ancient wise man said
“Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies” (Proverbs 26:20 NIV)
Today’s prayer
Lord, guard my heart, so that my every word might become pleasing to you and a blessing to my neighbor. Amen.
© 1998 Laura Jane Cerling
You can find more family stories from Laura Jane Cerling in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from “Year of the Family” in the Bookstore, as well as in the beckypowers.com website.
When I first started working as a Wildlife Conservation Officer in the Cortez, Colorado district in the early 1960s, I found that one of the best times to contact hunters was in their camp at night after they returned from the day’s hunt.
In those days most hunters were tent camping and had a campfire. When the forest was dry, the Forest Service manned the Jersey Jim fire lookout.
The smoke spotter knew that country like the back of her hand.
She spotted the smoke from campfires and showed me on a map where the camps were and how to find them. I showed up in many a hidden camp and the surprised hunters asked how I ever found them.
I just pointed to the sky and answered, “Someone up there told me you were here.”
What the ancient poet said:
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you (Psalm 139:1-12)
Today’s prayer
Dear Lord, a lot of times I feel like other people don’t really see me or really listen to me. It is amazing that You do really notice me and You do really hear me. Thank you. I want to walk all this day with a consciousness of Your presence. Amen.
© 2021 Glen A. Hinshaw and Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only
Resource: This story is excerpted from Echoes From the Mountains: The Life and Adventures of a Colorado Wildlife Officer, by Glen A. Hinshaw. For all Glen’s books, go to https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Glen+A.+Hinshaw&ref=nb_sb_noss
I’ll never forget the time I hit a grand slam with my dad.
I loved playing baseball as a kid. I always felt extra special when my dad came to the games. One game and one day was particularly memorable. It was Father’s Day. I was in the starting lineup, and it was time to show off. Everything was perfect. Maybe I would go three for three; maybe two for three, or maybe hit a home run and maybe, just maybe, a home run with the bases loaded – a grand slam!
A perfect day gone wrong
But my first two times at bat, I struck out. 0 for 2. I was worried. Would I get another chance to redeem myself?
I did. When I came up to bat the third time, my teammates were on base. It was my chance to get a hit and drive in those runs. But…strike one…strike two…then, a hitter always knows when he makes contact. In that split second, a hitter knows it’s going to be a hit… A hitter also knows a split second later when it’s a pop out…in the infield.
It was an extra high pop out. And it was the third out, too. I had failed to get a hit, had failed to drive the runners in, had gone 0 for 3, and had failed in front of my dad. As I headed to the bench, the players were saying, “Boy, what a major league pop out!”
It was a struggle, but I had to play the infield the next inning. I felt terrible and couldn’t think about anything but the strike outs and the pop out and a perfect day, gone wrong. I was playing third base, wishing I could have another chance and not paying much attention, when the other team’s best hitter came to bat.
The rocket ball
He hit the ball hard on one or two hops toward me. It seemed like a rocket approaching. The ball came so fast to my right, I didn’t have time to catch the ball in my glove. So I caught it in my bare hand. Ouch!
Coach always said, “Throw to first!” As I started to throw, I lost feeling in my hand and started to drop the ball. So I brought my other hand with the glove to keep the ball from touching the ground. Then I noticed the runner from second coming toward me. I tagged the runner out as he slid into me.
It must have looked good, because everyone congratulated me, even the other team’s coaches.
The game ended. I’m not sure who won or lost. I remember getting accolades about the “major league pop out” and “that play at third base.” My only concern was what Dad would say…no home run, no double, no hits.
What will Dad say?
I’ll always remember exactly what he said in the car on the way home: “That was a great play at third base.”
I said thanks.
Dad made no mention of anything except the play at third base. I felt relieved and proud. Dad saw the good thing I did. That day, I felt I had hit a grand slam with my Dad.
Today, 30 years later, my dad has continued to overlook the strike outs and compliment me instead on the “good things.”
Today, I still love baseball and my dad…and respect third basemen. Ouch!
Worth repeating: The Bible says, "Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about" (Phil 4:8 TLB).
Today’s prayer: "Dear God, I’m sorry for focusing on negative things. Help me to look for something positive in hard situations and find something good in other people. From now on I choose to think on things that are lovely and true. Amen."
First © Joe Herman 1998
The story behind Joe Herman’s story:
At his mother’s request, Joe Herman originally wrote this tribute to his father, Don Herman, as a contribution to the community writing project “1998: Year of the Family.” The project published a family-strengthening story in the El Paso Times every day in 1998. Joe’s story was later republished in, and is reprinted with permission from, the book My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family. Don Herman died of cancer three years after his son’s tribute was published.
There’s a family nobody likes to meet,
They live, it is said, on Complaining Street,
In the city of Never-Are-Satisfied,
The river of Discontent beside.
They growl at that and they growl at this,
Whatever comes there is something amiss;
And whether their station be high or humble,
They are known by the name of Grumble.
The weather is always too hot or cold,
Summer and winter alike they scold;
Nothing goes right with the folks you meet
Down on that gloomy Complaining Street.
They growl at the rain and they growl at the sun,
In fact, their growling is never done.
And if everything pleased them, there isn’t a doubt
They’d growl that they’d nothing to grumble about!
But the queerest thing is that not one of the same
Can be bought to acknowledge his family name,
For never a Grumbler will own that he
Is connected with it at all, you see.
And the worst thing is that if anyone stays
Among them too long he will learn their ways,
And before he dreams of the terrible jumble
He’s adopted into the family of Grumble.
So it were wisest to keep our feet
From wandering into Complaining Street;
And never to growl, whatever we do,
Lest we be mistaken for Grumblers, too.
Let us learn to walk with a smile and song,
No matter if things do sometimes go wrong,
And then, be our station high or humble,
We’ll never belong to the family of Grumble!
Have you ever noticed
that when people don’t know what to talk about in a social setting, a lot of them simply start complaining about something?
What the Bible says
“He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God” (Psalm 50:23 NIV).
Today’s prayer
Help me to look for things to be thankful for today even when I am feeling down or scared or irritated. And help me to express thanks because there is always something good in my life. Amen
In 1877, Henry Ossian Flipper became the first African American to graduate from West Point. Being the first meant putting up with a lot of unfairness -- he was lonelier than most cadets, although he did receive a standing ovation from his classmates at graduation.
He accomplished much in his first few years in the Army, which at first assigned him to the 10th Cavalry regiment in Oklahoma, an all-black unit known as the "Buffalo Soldiers." He solved a malaria problem by designing a ditch to drain ponds near Fort Sill. Later at Fort Concho, he helped connect West Texas military forts by wire.
Harassment and persecution
In 1880 Flipper was sent to Fort Davis, Texas, as the post quartermaster. He ran into problems with another lieutenant – who was jealous over Flipper's friendship with a woman – as well as with the commanding officer, who had a reputation for harassing his subordinates.
The commanding officer asked Flipper to keep $3,000 in his quarters for safekeeping. Some of the money was later found missing, and Flipper was accused of embezzlement and conduct unbecoming an officer. In December 1881, a military court acquitted him of the first charge but found him guilty of the other, and gave him a dishonorable discharge. Historians agree the Army's case had little merit.
Dignity despite public disgrace
Flipper went on to have a successful career as a surveyor and engineer. He served as a translator in Mexico and also worked as a newspaper editor. He died in 1940. In 1976, the Army officially vindicated him and gave him an honorable discharge. A bronze bust of Flipper now is on display at West Point.
Henry Flipper’s life is an example to Christian believers of what the Apostle Paul meant when he taught, "Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us" (I Peter 2:12 NIV).
It’s hard to be the pioneer
Whether it was Henry Flipper at West Point, Jackie Robinson on the baseball field, James Meredith at the University of Mississippi — the first people who broke through a racial barrier have faced insults, isolation and accusations. It's not fair, but because they put up with persecution, they paved the way for others.
Today's prayer
Dear God, thank you for people who bravely tore down the walls of racial segregation. What they did was right. We're sorry they suffered for doing so, but we're glad they opened the way for so many who followed. Amen.
Resource
Watch the Youtube video “Who is Henry O. Flipper?” at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i7e0le0IPc
I used to sit in my junior high English class and think, When I grow up, I never want to teach junior high students. People this age are horrible. And later, when I had children of my own, I dreaded the day when they would turn into adolescents.
But when the day arrived, I was pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed that time – at least, most of it. There were rough spots, of course. But looking back over it all, our three children’s adolescent years were easier than their preschool years, when we were laying the foundation for what was to come.
How toddlers can prepare you to raise teenagers
One of the secrets to surviving, appreciating and even enjoying a child’s adolescent years is this: you have to grow up yourself first, to prepare. Our children used to embarrass me into growing up. I’d see our two-year-old pitch a temper tantrum and realize that I had pitched a fit just like that (not as dramatic, not as loud, not as public, but still, just like that) only the day before.
By definition, small children are childish – that is, they are impatient, self-centered and unrealistic. (Just spend half a day with any toddler for an on-site demonstration.) And in varying degrees, most of us parents start out our parenting with these same characteristics of immaturity.
What immaturity looks like
We get irritated because we don’t want to wait for things, or for other people. Or we get angry because we want to stay comfortable, and we’re being called on to tend a need instead. Or we explode when our children don’t meet our unrealistic expectations that they “should” be doing things that are actually beyond their stage of development, or they “should” behave radically differently from other children their same age.
Our own impatience, selfishness and foolishness tell us that we must work some more on growing up ourselves before we can guide a child through the maturing process. But how do we change?
We get impatient trying to learn patience. We’re too wrapped up in ourselves to remember that we’re supposed to be learning to think about others. And we’d rather be mad about our disappointed expectations than face reality. Meanwhile our failures keep hurting our children.
It is at this point that parents either give up through despair or denial (more unreality) or else they use failure as a door to understanding and action.
What we all need most in order to truly mature
What failure can teach us, if we let it, is that our greatest need when we fail is for someone to love us anyway with no strings attached – despite our failure and despite our immaturity. We need unconditional love because we’ve just proved we can’t meet the conditions for earned love. Yet, along with forgiveness for our failures, we also need the balance of a challenge to do better next time.
We need people who love us this way and who let us practice loving them that way, too – forgiving us and giving us practice forgiving them. (Getting chances to practice forgiving is never difficult as long as you’re around other people.)
We need people who show us a better way to handle things – models and mentors. We need spiritual counselors, too, who can show us how to get the power to change. In short, we need to develop a good support system of other adults from family, church and community who will encourage us both to mature and to love unconditionally so we can be better parents. (Of course there are no perfect support systems. Most will also provide us with some bad examples, too – to show us what to avoid.)
What unconditional love is and is not
Learning to love our children unconditionally doesn’t mean we like everything they do and let them do it. We can love them while hating their behavior in the same way we can love a friend while hating the cancer that is destroying her life. That means that even when we are making our child lose privileges for bad behavior, for example, we can still show affection, still giving loving eye contact, still say, “I love you no matter what.”
Loving in a self-centered way means we show love only when our child does something to make us proud or happy. Conditional love seems easier than loving unconditionally – until it dead ends.
For children are love mirrors.
In his book How to Really Love Your Teenager, child psychologist Ross Campbell says that children can only reflect back the love their parents give them. If parents love unconditionally, children love back that way. And if parents show love only on condition, when they judge that their children have done something to deserve it, then children learn to love the same way. By adolescence, parents and children are stalemated because each party is withdrawing love and waiting for the other one to make the first move by doing something special to earn their love.
The special reward for unconditional love
Unconditional love, though, has a special reward for parents of teens (and this is true even though no parent loves unconditionally 100 per cent of the time). Adolescents have a strong drive to independence, and that drive requires lots of emotional fuel, Campbell says. The fuel teens prefer is unconditional love.
So when parents convince their children that they are a reasonably reliable source of unconditional love during the preteen years, their children will keep coming back to their parents to fill their emotional tanks when they are teens.
And during adolescence, that can make all the difference.
©2020 Becky Cerling Powers – reprint with attribution only
Excerpted from Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Becky+Cerling+Powers&ref=nb_sb_noss
More parenting insights articles like this one at www.beckypowers.com
My parents’ neighbor, Joe, used to beat his wife, Debbie. One day when Joe was drunk and angry, Debbie ran to my parents’ house for safety. She knocked on the door, panting from her run, her hands shaking.
Mom found my dad and told him what was happening. Then the two women went upstairs to my parents’ bedroom to talk in privacy. But as soon as they got upstairs, they looked out the window and saw Joe walking toward our house, looking grim.
“Oh no,” Debbie said. “I’d better go. I don’t want to bring you trouble.”
“You stay here,” Mom said.
“You need to be safe. Bob will take care of Joe.”
Bob was my dad.
When Mom told Dad that Joe was on his way, I was scared. I was old enough to know that a drunken man with a history of violence could be dangerous. So I stood in the hallway and nervously watched my dad take up his place at the door to wait calmly for Joe.
My father is a slight man with a gentle manner. He looks small and ordinary. But he has inner strength.
“Where’s Debbie?” Joe demanded.
“Debbie has decided to stay here,” Dad said firmly.
I held my breath.
Joe stood glaring at Dad for several long seconds, but Dad said nothing. He neither budged nor blinked.
Finally Joe turned on his heel and walked off.
He didn’t come back, and Debbie spent the night in our home. A few months later, Debbie found the courage to leave her abusive husband.
When I was growing up, my parents taught me, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” They showed me what that meant many times, in many ways.
The day they protected Debbie was one of the times, one of the ways.
What St. Paul said
“Love…always protects” (1 Corinthians 13:7).
Today’s Prayer
Dear God, we want to be good neighbors. Please show us how to love our neighbors today. Help us to do for them the things that we would like others to do for us. Amen.
© 1998 Becky Cerling Powers
My parents were married 68 years before my mother passed away in 2013. Their affection for each other was so obvious that singles who didn’t even know them would secretly watch them from a distance and comment, “If I ever marry, I want my marriage to be like Mr. and Mrs. Cerling’s.”
Our three children had the chance to see their grandparents up close, faults and all, and by the time they were all in their 20s, they all said the same thing: “Grandma and Grandpa just accept each other. They’re best friends. If I marry, I want a marriage like theirs.”
So in February 1998, the month of sweethearts, I asked my dad to write about his marriage. This is what he wrote then, and I have updated it to include the years that Mom and Dad had together from 1998 to 2013:
When I was a boy, a framed motto on the wall of my room read, “God is Love.”
I often wondered what “love” meant. I knew that my mother and dad both loved me. And I knew that they also loved each other, but with a different kind of love. In Sunday School I heard that Jesus loved me, too…but what was love?
Gradually I realized that love involved commitment – that if you loved someone, you would want to do only the best things for them, no matter what else might happen.
When I met Laura Jane, we dated for about four years, and then we were engaged for another three years. We married during World War II.
Meanwhile, I had been thinking about that commitment.
I realized that there were times when I did not have a strong feeling about relationships, especially if I was tired or sick. Yet at those times, when I was concerned with my own problems, love would still be there beneath the surface.
I decided that when Laura Jane and I were married, I would tell her every day – by word or action -- that I loved her, whether I felt like it or not.
For over 65 years that decision kept me from doing many rash or thoughtless things.
By the time she passed away in 2013 I renewed that daily commitment over 24,000 times, and our marriage was like the wonderful one I saw between my dad and mom.
What St. Paul said
“Love…always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:7)
Today’s Prayer
Lord, make me a channel of Your love, pouring Your love out daily to my spouse, my family, and others. Amen.
©2018 by Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more family stories from Becky Cerling Powers in Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from “Year of the Family” in the Bookstore
Some years ago a campus minister I knew called me for help. He was driving from the next state to give a talk to Christian students near me, but he ran into car trouble. He got off the highway at a nearby town called Vado at Exit 155, and he needed me to pick him up there.
Well, I had a mental map in my head and I thought I knew where Vado was. But unfortunately my mental map was wrong. I drove 25 miles past Vado before I started reading the exit signs and realized my mistake. I had to go back the way I came, and the man was late for his talk.
Doing things right while getting it wrong
On this drive I did a lot of things right. I drove the speed limit. I followed safety rules. I even sang and praised God as I traveled. But the mental image I relied on was wrong, so I messed up.
We all have mental images in our heads about the way the world is and how to get where we want to go in life. If our mental images are wrong, we mess up.
I spent the first 40 years of my life working to do everything perfectly and get the approval of authority figures. I thought it was my responsibility to make life smooth for my family and everyone around me. Mentally I believed in God’s grace, but emotionally I thought I wasn’t worth anything unless I was producing good work and keeping the people around me happy.
Over and over I burnt out.
Finally I cried out to God about my overwhelmed, exhausting, burnt out life. And one day I sensed the Lord drop an idea into my thoughts: “Becky, I love you like you love the baby.”
That simple image cleared my confusion. And showed me grace.
Because, oh how I loved my babies!
I loved their soft little heads, their cuddly bodies, their sudden smiles, their eagerness to figure out how to get places and explore new things….
I didn’t love the baby because he scrubbed my kitchen floor and cleaned my cupboards. He didn’t help with any of my work. He made more work. He slept. He cried. He ate. He pooped. And I loved him, I delighted in him.
At last I understood.
The way I see the baby is the way God sees me. I don’t have to work to earn his love. He just loves me. He delights in me.
With those few words, God transformed my thinking. His word picture did two things. First, it exposed the lie that I was only worthwhile if I did things other people noticed and approved. And second, it revealed the truth about the way God sees me, and the worth He gives me. And since He alone is God, His opinion is the only one that matters.
What St. Paul said
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).
Today’s prayer
Oh Lord, I am frustrated. I keep running into walls, being defeated by the same problems over and over. Please correct my mental map. Expose the lies and reveal the truth that I need today. Amen.
©2019 by Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more family stories from Becky Cerling Powers in Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from “Year of the Family” in the Bookstore
One day when I was 15 or 16, I was having a tiff with my younger sister Jessica in the kitchen while my mom was trying to talk on the phone. This was in the days before cordless phones, so the phone cord kept my mom stuck in the room with the two of us at the kitchen counter arguing in loud voices.
Mom put her hand over the phone and said, “Both of you! I want you to go to your rooms and look up 1 Corinthians 13. Write it out and starting with verse 4, wherever it refers to ‘love,’ substitute your own name.”
I went to my room and opened my Bible.
I came to verse 4 and wrote “Erik is patient.”
Aargh!
Then… “Erik is kind.”
That didn’t work either.
I thought, Is there anything in this list that fits me?
I hadn’t displayed any of those qualities when I was needling my sister and getting her upset.
It was very convicting.
What St. Paul wrote
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
“4 Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
“8 Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
“13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13 NIV).
Today’s prayer
Lord, change me. Help me put aside my childish ways. Help me learn to love. Amen.
©2019 by Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only (www.beckypowers.com)
You can find more family stories from Becky Cerling Powers in Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from “Year of the Family” in the Bookstore
All the experts tell parents, “If you want your children to become good readers, you should read to them often.”
“But, what if my toddlers won’t sit still when I try to read to them?” some parents ask. “What if they lose interest and wander off before I finish the story? Or before I turn the page?”
Read-less reading
That’s where read-less reading comes in. Introducing children to the joys of reading actually begins with first enjoying books without reading the words.
The process is simple. You talk your way through the book. First you label and describe the pictures. Then you begin telling the story in your own words and pointing out details in the pictures.
Moving into “real” reading
As your children’s vocabulary and attention span develop, you ask questions and let them tell you about the pictures. At the same time you move gently into “real” reading—you read bits and pieces of the text until your children become ready to listen to whole stories just the way they are written. From there, you gradually move along to stories with fewer pictures.
Eventually, a grade-school child trained by this process will happily sit still for a half hour or more to hear a rousing good children’s classic without pictures.
Read-less reading is an easy skill to pick up. You just need to know your child and then think up things he or she will like. The possibilities are as endless as the differences in children’s personalities and interests. Here are a few ideas to try:
Labeling pictures and imitating sounds
In general, babies and toddlers like simple pictures of people and anything that makes noise. They like their “stories” with action and sound effects.
At this age, wordless picture books are the best place to begin, for parents as much as children. (Since there is no text, you have to learn to make up your own words.) Also, because a baby or toddler’s attention span is brief, you usually point out only one thing about a picture.
Example: “There’s the baby. Let’s kiss the baby. (Kiss picture, turn page) Here’s the clown. The clown has two funny shoes. (Tap each shoe) One, two. (Next page) Here’s a cow. The cow says MOOO. (Turn page.)”
Expanding vocabulary
As a child’s vocabulary increases, you can begin asking questions about parts of the picture, like “Where’s the doggie’s tail?”
Preschoolers, whose vocabularies are exploding, often delight in learning specialized terminology. A favorite book for many preschoolers is Richard Scarry’s Best Word Book Ever. Each page illustrates and labels many items in categories—types of boats, kinds of work machines, different animals at the zoo.
You can flip through the pages and teach children correct terms for the subjects that most interest them. (You don’t have to look at every page of a book any more than you have to read every word on a page.)
Repeating words, ideas, story lines
Children find security in routine—repeated activities, familiar pictures, stories that remain the same. They learn vocabulary, speech patterns, counting, thinking skills and many other things through repetition.
Playing silly games
Sometimes when parents get tired of reading the same old story many times, they can try reading the familiar words wrong, as a joke. Then their children correct them, and the reading time turns into a silly game:
“Well, let’s see, the name of this story is ‘Little Brown Pear Loses His Toes.’”
“No, no, Daddy! (giggle, giggle) It’s ‘Little Brown Bear Loses His Clothes.’”
Playing question games
Parents can also encourage their children to observe closely through question games, like “How Many?”—a game for children who are learning to count. “How many dogs in this picture? How many balloons? How many cars?”
“Where is it?” is another good game: “I see a mouse in this picture. Where is it?”
Question games are not intended to be tests, but a way to praise children and build their sense of accomplishment: “Good for you! You found the mouse.”
“What if...” is an imagination stretcher: (Looking at a zoo scene) “What if we could get one of these animals for a pet, for Daddy’s birthday present? Which would you pick? Why would Daddy like the elephant? Where would we keep it? What would we feed it?”
Just having fun
It’s fun to turn these games around, too, and let children ask parents the questions.
Read-less reading is more than just a way to keep children interested in books and lengthen their attention span. It builds thinking skills, and it develops observation skills children will need in order to learn how to read themselves later on.
Most of all, it’s fun.
Reprinted with permission from Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
©2020 by Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only
On Sundays…as various situations come up, remind yourself all week to look first at what’s best for children, not at what’s most convenient for adults.
On Mondays…remember that children need to hear love expressed in words. So say “I love you” often. Good morning greetings, leave-takings and bedtimes are good times to say it.
On Tuesdays… if children are ravenous during meal preparation, let them snack on the salad you plan to serve, or else put out a big plate of fruit slices or raw vegetables—carrot and celery sticks, broccoli, cauliflower, green pepper, etc. It takes the edge off their appetites with one of the most nutritious parts of the meal.
On Wednesdays… remember that children do better academically when parents provide them with a rich literary and conversational environment at home. So reduce screen time and read stories daily even if kids can read themselves. Play board games and card games together. Help with hobbies, visit the library and explore local parks and museums. Above all, listen and respond warmly to what children say.
On Thursdays… keep in mind that only one in five children is a natural organizer. Parents need to train and motivate their children to maintain a minimal standard of neatness in their bedrooms the same way they train and motivate children to develop other important habits, like brushing their teeth regularly. You’ll be less frustrated if you accept the fact that it can take years instead of weeks to train children to be neat.
On Fridays…remember it is children’s responsibility to do something about their own boredom. It is parents’ responsibility to provide raw materials and an environment that stimulates and encourages creativity instead of stifling it.
On Saturdays…remember that children’s relationships, work habits, and academic work attitudes are all affected by their moral character and spiritual values.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021 All Rights Reserved
Being a Better Parent…One Week at a Time is a monthly set of tips for parents to post as a daily reminder on the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, or some other handy place. They are designed to help people thoughtfully address their own priorities and their children’s development – physically, emotionally, intellectually, socially, practically, creatively and spiritually. One tip daily to address each area by week’s end, repeated weekly through the month to help integrate that idea into families’ lifestyle.
Becky Cerling Powers is a veteran homeschool grandma and the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive and Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage. She also compiled and edited the faith based stories in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family. She blogs at www.beckypowers.com
Bob and I were sitting in his car the night he asked me to marry him. I heard a voice clearly say, “No, Sharon.” It seemed so strange that I turned and looked at the back seat to see what that was. I’d grown up going to church, but I didn’t recognize God’s voice. I ignored it and said yes.
It was my freshman year at Texas Western College in El Paso. My parents didn’t want me to marry Bob, but we married anyway in March 1967. I got pregnant right away. Bob drank heavily and started hitting and kicking me. Finally, one night in October, when I was seven months pregnant, Bob took me to McKelligon Canyon and began beating me.
He mentioned killing me.
In my head I cried, “God if you’ll get me out of this, I’ll do whatever you want!”
Something seemed to come over him. He stopped, got in the car and drove me home, where he passed out on the bed. I left as soon as the sun came up.
But he heard me leave and started running after me. I knocked on the door of strangers and begged to come in. They hesitated of course. I was black and blue all over. But they let me in and shut the door.
That was the last beating.
My parents sent me to stay with my aunt and uncle. Bob asked my parents to ask me to go to a counselor, but I told my parents I was too scared, and we divorced.
When my baby Terry was six months old, I decided to go to school in Alpine, Texas and let my parents take care of him until I graduated. It was a big mistake. I visited, but of course Terry bonded with my parents more than me. I taught in Albuquerque and El Paso, then took a teaching job in California when Terry was six. He cried for his grandparents every night for a year.
Terry used to ask me about Bob, but I never told him what his father did.
I tried to bury the past and avoid facing what happened to me. I just pushed the guilt and sorrow away. I was always in a low-grade depression from never facing things I needed to deal with. I blamed myself. I didn’t know about forgiveness or grace.
Terry got into drugs, quit high school and went into the navy when he was 17. His drug abuse was like a death, like I saw him dying. I cried out to God, “I can’t go on!”
Then the people in my little church went together to a special conference, and the Holy Spirit began to move. The Word jumped off the page and I was transfixed.
Hope appeared.
I was convicted about forgiving and seeking forgiveness, among other things. I called my mother and everyone I could think of, to ask forgiveness. That conference was the beginning of my healing and my journey into prayer.
I came home to El Paso. Terry got out of the Navy and came back to El Paso, too, still drinking and drugging. It went on for years.
Over 30 years after Bob and I divorced, Terry got a phone call from his father’s brother asking if Terry could come because Bob was dying of cancer. When Terry heard it, he fell into a chair and wept bitterly. I wrote a short letter for Terry to give Bob asking for his forgiveness for my part in our divorce. Then Terry took a plane to meet his father and his uncle. When Terry came back, he brought a letter from Bob. It said he thought about what he’d done so many times, and he asked my forgiveness.
So God helped me resolve the relationship with Bob.
God was gracious to let us both get forgiveness.
Soon after that the uncle called again, and Terry went back. He was with his father when he died. Bob had married and divorced two more times, but Terry was the only one from his marriages that the family could contact.
What Jesus said about forgiveness (The Lord’s Prayer)
“This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
may your kingdom come,
and your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Today’s Prayer
“Lord, do I need to forgive? Or do I need to seek forgiveness from someone? Please help me face the wrong in my life – any wrong done against me and any wrong I’ve done to another. Help me to mourn what I’ve lost, then let go of my grievance and forgive. And help me to ask for forgiveness unless that would cause more harm to the one I’ve wronged or to others. Amen.”
In Sharon’s previous story, she related how God healed her from the trauma of domestic violence and divorce.
My son Terry got into drinking and drugs in high school. I tried to get real strict but that didn’t work. I tried to get help from school without success. I tried everything I could think of. Finally, he quit high school and went into the navy when he was barely 17, hooked on alcohol and drugs. I felt like I saw him dying.
Then I went to a Bible conference where the Word began to open up to me and I received Christ. Finally, I had hope. After 12 years living away from my El Paso home, I returned to start a master’s degree program, still excited about my salvation experience. I read and memorized the Word and went to meetings. As I healed and grew in the Lord, I thought, Oh good, I’m changing and surely now Terry can change too.
But it didn’t happen.
Terry got out of the Navy, came back to El Paso, went to church and received Christ. He was very ill from valley fever, so I needed medical insurance. I dropped my graduate studies and began teaching fulltime. We lived with my mother, and unfortunately my mother and I were not united. Terry got over valley fever, but not over drugging and drinking. He supported his habit by stealing. I slept with my purse under my pillow. I tried to convince my mother to back me up with consequences for his behavior, but she felt sorry for him and gave in to him. Finally, I moved out.
Terry went to jail for forging a check.
My mother developed Alzheimer’s Disease so I moved back in with her. And God warned me that I was going to go through a very difficult time, but He would be with me.
Terry got out of prison and returned to his old ways. By this time, my mother was weaker, so I could practice tough love. I got a restraining order to get Terry out of the house and he lived on the streets for two or three months. Then one day he knocked on the door, dirty and disheveled, and said he wanted help.
I said, “You can come in if you promise to go to Lester Roleff’s ministry in Corpus Christi.”
He said he’d go.
But when it came down to it, there was a huge battle. Finally, he went and spent a year in the program.
He did well there, but after he left, he slid back. He went to the university in Nacogdoches, married, and completed his degree. But alcoholism destroyed the marriage. The divorce about killed him. He loved Joyce, but he wasn’t able to let go of that bottle.
For eight years, he wandered from state to state.
He was in and out of prisons and hospitals; he went from relationship to relationship, job to job. He lived homeless on the streets, there were near-death incidents and emergencies… so many years of sorrow.
I got discouraged, but never gave up hope entirely. All this time I was praying and praying for my son. God immersed me in prayer situations – a group of ladies in my home, church prayer, city-wide prayer groups, regional and national groups… the people in these groups prayed over many things. But many of them had a heart for Terry, and faithfully they prayed for him, too.
In 2003, Terry suddenly came back to El Paso – very low, still battling alcoholism, and feeling despair for the wasted years. He started going to church with me, and his home group leaders took him under their wing.
Terry longed to be married and have a home
But he couldn’t because of his addiction. Then he met Ellen on an online Christian dating program. Ellen lives in the Philippines with her three daughters and her extended family. She speaks English and has worked long hours to help her family out of extreme poverty. Ellen gave Terry hope. They video-skyped, and I was concerned. I could tell Ellen was a special person. I didn’t want her to get hurt.
In 2004, when Terry was 50 years old, he qualified for a monthly VA disability check. He moved to the Philippines and married Ellen. He says God brought him there to buy the family food (they never had enough); to help them leave a cult and join a Christian church; to help two of Ellen’s daughters finish school, and to get Ellen’s parents out of the filthy, dangerous neighborhood where they lived.
The ancient songwriter said:
“God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land” (Psalms 5:6).
Today’s Prayer
Terry asks for prayer that God will use him to help provide for this family that has struggled so long. This is also a good time to ask God to bring hope and healing to someone in your life whose situation seems hopeless.
It must have been 1930 when Inez Stover first began to teach in our town. She arrived in Elmhurst, Illinois full of idealism.
Unfortunately, her first sixth grade class had a crowd of boisterous, rebellious boys. Some of them resented being transferred from the school they had previously attended. They wanted to show who was “top dog.” Miss Stover was their victim.
Their fertile minds devised trick after trick to destroy order in her classroom.
They found her lunch box and locked it in the cloakroom. They caught crayfish from a nearby swamp and put them in the girls’ hair. They captured a huge number of grasshoppers and let them loose in the classroom when it was empty during the noon hour. A cruel comic valentine brought tears to her eyes.
“We did so much stuff to that poor woman, I can’t remember it all,” said my older brother, who was in that class. “I don’t know why we were so mean I really liked her. I learned more from her than any of my teachers. It shows what happens when a group decides to gang up on one person.”
At the end of that first school year, Miss Stover’s doctor advised complete rest if she was to teach again in the fall.
She did return, and when it was my turn to be her student, I also profited from this talented woman. She was intent on planting positive qualities in her students’ lives. She had particularly fine handwriting, and she used penmanship exercises to introduce us to quotations such as, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Years later a chance meeting with Miss Stover changed my life.
She invited me to join her Sunday School class of high school girls. I was too shy to come, but she kept asking until I did. Her persistent encouragement brought about life long changes for me as I learned about God.
Miss Stover taught in the Elmhurst school system for some 40 years before she retired. She lived to be almost 100, living in a high-rise retirement complex in Elmhurst. Many children passed through her classroom, and her former students scattered around the world. They wrote or phoned her, making personal visits when they were in town. Her correspondence list was long, yet she faithfully wrote, sending reminders again of the admirable thoughts she tried to instill in their youth.
Miss Stover’s life showed the truth of these words from the apostle James:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)
A Prayer for Today
“Thank you, God, for putting a people like Inez Stover into the lives of young people. Help me to follow her example of persistence in doing what is right when things get discouraging. Amen.”
© 1998 Laura Jane Cerling
For more family stories from Laura Jane Cerling check out My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from “Year of the Family” compiled by Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only
https://beckypowers.com/
Mother Goose was one of the few books I packed along during our family’s great adventure in Kenya in 1973. At the time, our oldest son Erik was nearly 2 years old. My husband was spending six months on a scientific expedition in northwest Kenya, collecting data for his Ph.D. research. Erik and I joined Dennis during the last three months of the expedition.
I packed only what I could physically carry while still managing to hang onto a toddler through the airports of Chicago, New York, London, and Nairobi. I brought only clothes for me and Erik, a couple of toys, and a few essential books.
Mother Goose entertained
Mother Goose entertained us on planes, in hotels, in tents, and around campfires as we began our nomadic adventure. The first month nearly every day was different—we drove through forests, mountains, and wildlife preserves; we lumbered along beach roads and lurched into the canyons and over the trackless plains of the desert in our four-wheel drive truck. We stayed a few days here, a few days there.
During the second month we lived in a tent in the North Kenyan desert next to a dry riverbed. We followed that up by camping the third month at another desert location near bleak cascades of high rock.
Mother Goose provided security
But no matter what changes we experienced, Mother Goose lent stability to our toddler’s day. Every day, Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Little Jack Horner never failed to sit in a corner. And you could always count on the spider to sit down beside her and frighten Miss Muffet away.
Our African neighbors found Mother Goose appealing, too.
The Turkana of northwest Kenya were a people straight out of the pages of National Geographic. The women wore skirts made of goat skin, and they encased their necks in dozens of bead necklaces made from ostrich eggshells. The men sported mud pack hairdos and went naked except for a single length of cloth, which they usually wore slung under the left shoulder and tied at the right shoulder.
Mother Goose enchanted our neighbors
One afternoon I was reading Mother Goose aloud to Erik under a thorn tree. A young Turkana tribesman wandered by and started peeking over my shoulder at the pictures. I let the young man take Mother Goose over to the dining table, where he was soon joined by a bare breasted teenage girl and two young male warriors carrying long spears.
It was a comical sight—four half-naked Turkana seriously contemplating the pictures in Mother Goose, puzzling over the cat with his fiddle, solemnly discussing the cow jumping over the moon....how I wished I could understand the Turkana language for just five minutes!
That copy of Mother Goose is no longer with us. When it started falling to shreds, I bought another copy for our second child. And then I bought a third copy for child number three. We seemed to wear out one Mother Goose per child.
Mother Goose helps lay an English language foundation
A bilingual kindergarten teacher told me that she always teaches Mother Goose rhymes to her children because it helps them learn English. Mother Goose ushers children into understanding and appreciating the English language. It is a foundation for later reading and writing.
The rhymes are easy to learn and fun to repeat. Repeating them helps reinforce the meaning of the words. The absurd images stimulate a child’s imagination. The color and the cadence of the words introduce children to the sheer delight of language. The illustrations and the rhymes together pull children into an enjoyment of the world of books.
Twenty-five years ago, 5-year-old Jacob started coming to our house every day during the summer while his mother worked. When he first came, he had little interest in books and little patience for reading. But soon he was sitting sit still for 20 or 30 minutes while we read to him. For him, I bought our fourth copy of Mother Goose.
And today, with 13 grandchildren, I’ve kept on buying, and I’ve stopped counting.
Reprinted with permission from Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
©2020 by Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only
https://beckypowers.com/
On Sundays… write a scripture-based blessing for each member of the family that you can pray throughout the year. For example, Psalm 37:4: “May (Name) learn to find delight in You, O Lord, and may You give her the desires of her heart.”
On Mondays…keep in mind that the key to children’s sense of security and intellectual development is a warmly responsive adult. Nothing stimulates children’s minds or builds good social behavior like a warmly responsive, consistently caring parent, grandparent, or other committed adult who responds to kids’ daily needs, encourages creative efforts, sets healthy limits, provides a calm routine and is easily available for conversation.
On Tuesdays… be aware that reading at home is the simplest way to enhance children’s academic performance and encourage their intellectual development. Bedtime is a good time to include reading aloud in the family routine even if kids can read well themselves. Be sure to talk about the stories and relate them to things that happen at home.
On Wednesdays…remember that children learn social skills best by observing and imitating people who are more socially mature than they are. They learn sharing and other social tasks best when they are supervised by an adult who is a good model and lets them know the kind of behavior expected.
On Thursdays… purposely develop the habit of savoring and appreciating what you have at the moment. When you feed discontentment by focusing on what you don’t have, you discourage everyone in the family, including yourself. So look for your blessings, thank God for them, and let your children hear you thank Him.
On Fridays… remember to keep craft, game and project books where children can easily use them. Encourage your children to discover new interests by trying new activities.
On Saturdays… as family annoyances and problems come up, remind yourself to look first at what’s best for children, not at what’s most convenient for adults.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2021 Reprint with Attribution Only
Becky Cerling Powers is a the author of Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive and Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage. She also compiled and edited the faith based stories in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family.
Becky blogs at https://beckypowers.com/
When I was a young mother, my heart’s desire was to write. My major in college was journalism. Since my parents were unable to help me much financially, I worked my way through college by winning scholarships and working at a variety of jobs. Now, married with three small children, I thought I should be using that hard-earned education, right? I should be writing for publication.
But.
But I had an undiagnosed thyroid condition, so I needed a lot of sleep. And my children were young. Needy. Matt was an exuberantly curious toddler with a genius for tearing the house apart. (His pediatric dentist nicknamed him Crash.) Erik was a kindergartner who kept begging me to teach him to read. Jessica, age three, stopped taking naps and insisted on being wherever Mommy was.
I kept trying to retire from the circus to write, but the circus kept following me.
One day, just after I’d scolded Jessica for not giving me a minute to myself, the thought dropped into my head, If you keep telling this little girl every day to go away and leave you alone, when she gets old enough, she’ll do it. Permanently.
At that moment, I realized I didn’t like the mom I had become—irritable, impatient, angry. There are laid-back, healthy women who can balance the frustrations of deadlines with preschoolers gracefully, but I was too intense. I couldn’t focus on getting published and still have patience for the constant needs of preschool children.
My children’s interruptions were keeping me from writing, and my impatience with the interruptions were blocking my mothering. So I wasn’t getting published, and I wasn’t being a good mother, either.
A time and season for every activity and every goal
It dawned on me that the author of the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible was putting his finger directly on my parenting problem when he said, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven” (Eccl 3:1).
When I set my writing goals and made plans to publish, I neglected to consider the season of our family’s life. This was not the season to concentrate on getting published. It was the time to teach our kindergartner how to read—while he was eager to tackle the new skill.
Nor was it the season to start the grinding process of assessing markets, sending out queries, and obtaining writing assignments to launch a free-lance writing career. It was the time to build our daughter’s self-confidence, by accepting her companionship and encouraging her to work alongside me during her short bouts of enthusiasm for housework.
And, although I made the decision reluctantly and with tears, this certainly was not the time to feel sorry for myself. It was the time to retrieve my sense of humor, recognize Matt’s search-and-destroy missions as normal, and let our toddler’s exuberance rub off on my soul.
NO! Although the season for publication was later, there was no need to thwart my writing desire—just to redirect it. Edith Schaeffer’s wise counsel in her book The Hidden Art of Homemaking encouraged me to be willing to lay aside public ambition and develop my writing gift behind the scenes, in ways that enriched the lives of the people in my house and in my heart.
So I kept a journal. I wrote down the funny things the children said and did. I composed letters to relatives and friends, and I used stories about the children from my journal to make the letters interesting. And then, before I knew it, a half dozen years later I found myself regularly publishing for an audience of 100,000, writing family features and weekly parenting columns for The El Paso Times.
Working with the season instead of against it brought rewards
It turned out, unexpectedly, that by working with the season instead of against it, I gained everything in the end that I had hoped to achieve when I tried to focus on publishing instead of parenting. My writing seasoned through my children’s preschool season. Describing the children’s funny remarks and poignant moments taught me how to write anecdotes. Composing chatty letters to loved ones established a personal writing tone. And throwing myself into the task of parenting gave me a wealth of material to write about when the season for publication finally came.
All the while maintaining and growing healthy and loving relationships with my kids and husband.
© 2020 Becky Cerling Powers
Excerpted from Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
Reprint with attribution only
https://beckypowers.com/
When Karyn Henley and her husband play card games with their two teenage sons, the family often finds themselves in the middle of a lively conversation. “Suddenly someone says, ‘Whose turn is it?’” Henley said. Then the family realizes that they have been talking for ten minutes, and they’ve lost track of where they are in the game.
“Playing with children is important for parents,” Henley said, “because it helps make good communication possible.”
How play builds communication
“When I talk about play in my workshops for parents,” she said, “I emphasize that the first principle of communication is listening, and one of the catalysts for listening is play. Play becomes a format. While you’re playing it’s a prime time to listen to your child.”
Henley is the creator of many teaching resources, including a best seller, The Beginner’s Bible. She gives Child Sensitive Teaching seminars to parents and educators.
“When I talk about play that builds communication, I’m not talking about the parent having the idea and saying, ‘Let’s go play this,’” Henley explained. “Instead, it’s asking ‘What do you want to do?’ It’s joining in on the child’s play.”
“If a young child wants to crawl around on the floor and be a dog, you get down, too,” she said. “With older children, the play changes. Instead of getting down on the floor, you play badminton or shoot baskets. It’s still a format for communication.”
Play builds trust and relieves stress
“Playing also builds trust and strengthens relationships,” Henley said. “A bonding goes on when you’re doing something together, for work as well as play.”
“And play can actually be a great stress reliever for parents,” Henley said. “Once you get into the playing, it is very therapeutic. It has an unwinding effect. You leave your cares behind for a while."
“When your children are preschoolers and you’re running here and there, you feel this is going to last forever and all you want is a break,” she said. “But really the time goes so fast, that soon you’re looking back on it. And the chance (to build trust and communication with children) isn’t there.” So, play helps you enjoy your children during the short time you have them with you.
Play also helps establish a child’s sense of self-worth.
“I’ll never forget a letter I read once from a woman whose husband works with troubled teens,” Henley said. “She said they all had been told in words or actions, ‘I don’t want you around.’”
They all felt worthless, the letter said, and when children feel worthless, they act worthless.
This woman’s husband found out that there was one effective way to help these troubled teens, and that was spending time with them. That worked because saying and acting like you want to spend time with children gives them the message that they are worthwhile.
Some parents don’t know how to play
Many parents feel inhibited about playing with their children because they were told not to play, that playing is childish and not for adults.
The first step for overcoming that inability to play is to realize that those messages are untrue, Henley said. “The first step is realizing that play is important and worth your time to do it.”
The next step, she said, is to make yourself available for play. “Just sit down with your child when she’s playing and observe. Young children have a way of drawing you into their play because it’s so natural to them. If you’re just sitting there, they’ll hand you a teacup and say, ‘I’ll pour you some tea,’ and include you in their little game.”
Let children teach you how to play while they are still young
Being honest about your discomfort also helps, Henley said. “Whatever your children’s age, you can ask for help. You can say, ‘My mom and dad told me play wasn’t good. They never played with me. I don’t know how to play.’”
“Most parents who feel uncomfortable with playing would be surprised what that (honesty) would do and how much their child would reach out and help them,” she said.
“It gets harder as children get older,” Henley said, “so it’s better to start when they’re young.”
Reprinted with permission from
Sticky Fingers, Sticky Minds: quick reads for helping kids thrive
©2020 by Becky Cerling Powers
“Oh Helen, please Helen, don’t smile,” I pleaded silently. “If you do, the teacher will just get madder.”
Helen Zenkovich sat directly across from me in 7th grade social studies in Elmhurst, Illinois, back in 1933. I watched her body stiffen and her mouth begin to widen. Sure enough, Helen’s mocking grin emerged, and Miss Larson’s voice became shriller and shriller.
Helen – in trouble again
Helen also roused the anger of our cooking teacher. Each week we were to have freshly laundered aprons, and then Helen was in trouble again. Once, as we left the class, Hellen hissed to me, “She thinks my mother is a washing machine!”
Helen’s parents had recently moved to America from Russia. Helen had flaming red hair, and she was always in trouble with our teachers. When a teacher started scolding her in front of the class, Helen would start to smile. I hated that smile. It came out as defiance, and it made things worse.
She smiled so she wouldn’t cry, I realized later.
Most of the teachers picked on Helen, but two were kind.
An early, heavy blanket of knee deep snow fell that year, and Helen did not appear in classes all week. Then one day our home room teacher Miss Bell spoke to us about kindness and said parents didn’t always have money to buy things for their children. This was the middle of the Depression, and I puzzled over this special lecture about kindness.
Miss Bell’s kind warning
The next day Helen appeared wearing old-fashioned high button shoes that went out in the 1900’s. I decided Miss Bell was warning us not to make fun because Helen didn’t have the zippered “galoshes” (rubber boots) the rest of us had.
Our English teacher Miss White was also gentle with Helen. One day she told us, “Today we have a wonderful surprise. One of your own classmates is going to tell us how they celebrate Christmas in another country.”
Miss White’s kind invitation
Then she said, “Helen, come here and tell us how Christmas is celebrated in the country where you were born.”
I still remember Helen standing proud and tall before the class. A smile lit up her face as she told us of the beauties of a Russian Christmas. And this time her smile was real.
This experience taught me that harsh words can make a situation worse. But kindness will often break down barriers. And later when I grew older and began reading the Bible, I found that St. Paul taught this, too: “Get rid of anger, harsh words…Instead be kind to each other, tenderhearted…” Ephesians 4:31-32 (LTV)
Today’s prayer
Dear God, please give me a kind heart when I meet difficult people. Help me to understand their point of view. Amen.
I remember the Christmas of 1947 like it was yesterday. I was ten years old and living with Mama in a tiny converted garage in East Los Angeles. Although Mama worked 40 to 50 hours a week as a seamstress in a factory, she only earned about $12 per week. As the “man’’ of the house, I sold newspapers, carried grocery bags for viejitas and shined shoes to help out. Mama never complained about the little we had. She made every holiday special because she filled that little garage with love and laughter.
When Christmas Eve came, you would never have known it at our home. No tree, no presents, no goodies. Suddenly I thought, If I could just go downtown to work for a few hours, I know something good will happen. I begged and pleaded with Mama to let me go with my buddy.
“No mi’jito, what if something were to happen to you?’’
I promised that I would be extra careful and that I would be home before midnight.
Finally after much masterful persuasion, Mama consented.
My buddy and I took the trolley and arrived at the big dance hall downtown at 7 p.m. There were no other shoe shine boys around! Business was jumping. My pal and I didn’t stop for a moment’s rest.
Suddenly I thought to ask about the time. It was 11:15 at night, and I needed to rush home. In the trolley, my friend and I were filled with pride as we counted our money -- more dollar bills than our eyes had ever beheld at one time.
When we got off the trolley, I raced to the neighborhood store. It was closed, but right there in the window was a beautiful glass jar filled with fancy soaps. Every time I passed I would say, “Someday I’ll buy that for Mama.’’ Tonight was the night. I knocked on the door, explaining to the old Jewish shopkeeper that I had to have that jar. Seeing my desperation, he opened the door and let me make my purchase.
My next stop was the Christmas tree lot on the next block. I asked the owner how much a tree would cost, and to my surprise, he said I could take any tree I wanted. Naturally, I chose the biggest one on the lot – an eight footer! Here I was, a small 10-year-old, dragging an eight foot tree with one hand, soap jar and shoe shine box in the other, and a grin from ear to ear.
Mama was waiting for me when I got to the door. I handed her all the treasures, including the roll of dollar bills which eventually paid for two months’ rent. All Mama could do was put her arms around me and cry.
Mama died many years ago, but I can still remember her telling the story about Christmas 1947. She cried every time.
The first Christmas
The first Christmas, when Jesus was born, was also a time of waiting, working, traveling, and great joy: “When the wise men saw the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great joy. And when they had come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary His mother, and fell down and worshipped Him. And when they had opened their treasures, they presented gifts to Him: gold, frankincense, and myrrh’’ (Matt 2:10-11).
Today’s prayer
Loving God, thank You for allowing us to experience the joy of giving, and thank you most of all for your precious gift to us – Jesus. Amen.
© 1998 Ruben Fierro and Maria Luisa Navarro
It was the end of the first week of December 1976, and our third child was due just before New Year’s. I was anxious to get gifts mailed to our parents, siblings, nieces and nephews to arrive before Christmas Day. So I wrapped the gifts and headed to the Post Office with our five- and three-year-olds in tow.
Package delivery stress, early delivery baby
Even though we arrived just as the Post Office opened, by the time I got the children out of the car, there was a line out the door. I was eight months pregnant-plus, but no one offered to let me go ahead of them. So I stood in line for an hour balancing my packages and trying to hold onto two active little kids. I felt dizzy. I nearly fainted. And a couple days later I delivered an eight and a half pound boy, three weeks early.
Today I think I was foolish. And I wonder, did I rush myself into early labor in my hurry to put together a “perfect” Christmas holiday? I was heavily pregnant and the mother of preschoolers. Why couldn’t I just accept my physical limits? Make fewer demands on myself?
Rethinking priorities…later
I didn’t have to mail those gifts before Christmas that year. I could have waited until February. Or asked my husband to run the holiday errands. Or skipped buying gifts altogether. My relatives would have understood. Or if they hadn’t…shame on them.
But the holidays were upon me, and I was reacting to the urgency of the season, too busy to think straight about my true priorities.
What’s urgent crowds out what’s important
A successful cotton mill manager once remarked to pastor and writer Charles E. Hummel, “Your greatest danger is letting the urgent things crowd out the important.” The maxim kept coming back to haunt Hummel, and eventually he wrote a little booklet called Tyranny of the Urgent.
Hummel notes that when Jesus prayed to his Heavenly Father just before his arrest in the Garden, he made an astonishing claim: “I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do” (John 17:4).
How could Jesus describe his work as completed? “A prostitute at Simon’s banquet had found forgiveness and a new life, but many others still plied their trade…The blind, maimed and diseased abounded throughout the land. Yet on that last night, with many urgent human needs unmet and useful tasks undone, the Lord had peace. He knew that he had completed the work God had given him.”
Jesus’ solution to the stress of urgency
“What was the secret of Jesus’ ministry?” Hummel asks. Then he points to Mark 1:35 “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Other passages show that Jesus often tried to get away from the crowds to seek the presence of his Heavenly Father.
“Jesus’ yes to the Father’s purpose meant saying no to urgent demands of human need,” Hummel says. “Jesus’ prayer waiting on the Father’s instruction freed him from the tyranny of the urgent. It gave him a sense of direction, set a steady pace and at the end of his earthly ministry gave him the satisfaction that he had completed the work God had assigned him.”
A Prayer
“Heavenly Father, what is important for me this week? Today? I want to lay aside my agenda of urgent tasks and sit with You in silence. Open my eyes to see and my ears to hear what You want me to see and hear. Show me how you want me to respond. Amen.”
Resource: http://www.olemissxa.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Tyranny-of-the-Urgent.pdf
Part 1 Story: The Bible tells a double love story in the Book of Ruth. Ruth loved her mother-in-law Naomi so much that she decided to leave her own people in the land of Moab and take responsibility for taking care of Naomi in Naomi’s native Israel. Both women were widows, and Ruth could have remarried more easily in her native country, Moab. In Israel, people looked down on people from Moab.
The two women were on the verge of starving. So Ruth went to gather leftover barley from the field of one of Naomi’s rich relatives, Boaz. Boaz was immediately attracted to her.
A rich farmer notices the foreign widow
When Boaz saw Ruth gleaning in his field, he asked questions and found out what she was doing for Naomi. He invited her to lunch and then showered her with food to take back to Naomi. Then privately, he told his young men to snap off some heads of barley and drop them on purpose for Ruth to gather. “And don’t make any remarks to her,” he warned.
That evening, Ruth returned to Naomi with a whole bushel of barley. When she told her mother-in-law all about Boaz’s kindness to her, Naomi cried “Boaz! He is one of our closest relatives!”
Naomi explains Israelite customs to Ruth
As harvest time drew to a close, Naomi told her daughter-in-law that it was time for her to think of marriage -- to Boaz, who had continued to be so kind to them. Then she advised Ruth how to proceed according to Israelite customs of that day.
“Dress up and go to the threshing floor,” she said. This is where Boaz would be sleeping that night to protect his crops. “Then lie down at his feet.” Boaz would understand this action as Ruth’s desire for him to marry her, as her deceased husband’s next of kin, to raise children to carry on the family name.
Boaz is charmed but must follow Israelite customs
When Ruth did as Naomi advised, Boaz said, “You are being even kinder to Naomi now than before. Naturally you would prefer to marry a younger man than me, even if he was poor. But you have put aside your personal desires.”
By then Boaz was completely taken by Ruth’s inner beauty and determined to marry her. However, custom decreed that a closer relative of Naomi’s than Boaz had to be offered the first chance to marry her. So Boaz formally went before the city elders to ask this man if he was willing to marry Ruth. Fortunately, this relative already had a family, so he turned down that honor and responsibility.
Boaz marries Ruth
Boaz married Ruth, and the Lord gave them a son, Obed. When Obed was born, the women of the city came to Naomi and said, “Bless the Lord who has given you this grandson! May he be famous in Israel. May he restore your youth and take care of you in your old age. For he is the son of your daughter-in-law, who loves you so much and has been kinder to you than seven sons.”
In time, Obed became the father of Jesse and the grandfather of Israel’s famous King David. Truly Ruth was blessed many times over for her love and her faithful responsibility to Naomi.
Today’s prayer
Thank You, Lord, that as I choose to please you and show love and compassion, You bless me and provide me with every good thing. Amen.
© 1998 Maria Luisa Navarro
The Bible tells a double love story in the Book of Ruth.
During the three hundred years when Israel was ruled by judges, a famine drove a man named Elimelech and his family from their home in Bethlehem into the country of Moab. There his two sons married local girls, even though the Israelites looked down on the people of Moab as heathen.
A poor immigrant widow and her two widowed daughters-in-law
Then Elimelech and both his sons died, leaving Elimelech’s widow Naomi and her two daughters-in-law with no one to support them. This was a terrible situation for any woman, but Naomi was especially impoverished. She was too old to work for her food or marry again. So Naomi decided to go back to Bethlehem, where she had relatives and where the famine had ended.
Ruth throws in her lot with Naomi
Naomi urged her daughters-in-law to stay with their own people, where it would be easier for them to remarry. The first girl agreed, but the second one, Ruth, had compassion for her aged mother-in-law and decided to take responsibility for her. So she refused to leave Naomi. “I want to go wherever you go and live wherever you live,” she said. “Your people shall be my people, and your God shall be my God.”
So Naomi and Ruth made their way back to Bethlehem, where they were soon close to starving.
Ruth worked hard to support her mother-in-law
In the surrounding fields, a fine crop of barley was being harvested. Now, in those days in Israel, the law permitted poor people to follow reapers in the field and pick up stray stalks of grain. So Ruth decided to glean this free grain.
Soon she found herself in a field belonging to a rich man named Boaz, a distant relative of Naomi’s. While Ruth was gleaning, Boaz arrived. “Who is that woman?” he asked his foreman.
“That’s the foreigner from Moab who came with her mother-in-law Naomi,” he said. “She has been working all day and has only stopped a few minutes to rest.”
Boaz treats the foreign woman kindly
So Boaz went over to Ruth and invited her to continue working in his fields, where she would be safe and secure. She thanked him, and then asked why he was treating her so kindly even though she was a foreigner.
“You may be a foreigner,” Boaz said, “but I have heard about all the love and kindness you have shown to your mother-in-law Naomi since your husbands died. I know you left your father and mother in your own land to come here to live among strangers to help her. May the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, bless you for this.”
Intrigued by this woman, Boaz invited her to lunch the next day, hoping to get better acquainted.
(Story to be continued)
The meaning of the word compassion
In Latin, the “com” in “compassion” means “with,” and “passion” refers to suffering, as in the phrase “the passion of Jesus Christ.” So to have compassion means that you lovingly suffer with someone in their difficulties. You walk alongside them. Ruth showed compassion on her mother-in-law. She walked alongside her in her trouble and lovingly suffered with her.
Today’s prayer
Lord, please help me to be like Ruth, being willing to walk alongside people and share their troubles. Amen.
© 1998 Maria Luisa Navarro
(Part One Story: Commander Mitsuo Fuchido was the Japanese pilot who led the attack on Pearl Harbor December 7, 1941, ushering in the U.S. entry into World War II. When the U.S. defeated Japan in 1945, Fuchido’s distinguished military career ended. Allied forces ordered him to testify in war crime trials against Japanese military officers for abusing prisoners of war. Bitterly Fuchido began trying to gather evidence to prove that Americans had treated their POWs no better than the Japanese. Instead he heard stories about Peggy Covell, an American who cared for Japanese POWs with great compassion even though Japanese soldiers had killed her parents.)
Why didn’t Miss Covell hate? Why didn’t she take revenge on our men? Fuchido wondered.
Occupation authorities summoned Fuchido to testify in yet another war crimes trial. Getting off the train in Tokyo, he noticed an American handing out pamphlets titled I Was a Prisoner of Japan. He took one and read the story of Jake DeShazer.
The story changed his life
Jake DeShazer was a soldier stationed in California when Fuchido was leading the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor. When DeShazer heard the news, he was on kitchen duty. He picked up a potato, flung it at the wall and yelled, “Jap, just wait and see what we’ll do to you!”
To DeShazer’s delight, his opportunity for revenge came soon. He volunteered for the Jimmy Doolittle Squadron secret mission: the surprise bombing of Japan from the carrier the USS Hornet. The raid took place April 18, 1942. Since the planes could not carry enough fuel to get back to the USS Hornet, the airmen planned to fly to free China. Unfortunately, due to wind drag from a hole in their plastic windshield, their fuel ran out over Japanese-controlled China. They parachuted out and were captured.
DeShazer was in Japanese hands for 40 months
His captors were cruel. A firing squad executed three of his crew members, and a fourth died of starvation. He suffered beatings, malnourishment, and month after month in solitary confinement. He said later that he hated the Japanese so violently that he nearly went insane.
Two years after his capture, he found out there was a Bible in the POW camp. His captors allowed him to read it for three weeks only. That Bible became his meeting place with the living God. As he opened himself to Jesus Christ during the next two years, his hatred for the Japanese turned to compassion. He learned the language, began treating his captors with respect, and determined that if ever he was released from POW camp, he would go to Japan to introduce the Japanese to the God who changed his life.
Set free in spirit, set free in body
In August 1945, ten days after the U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Americans parachuted into DeShazer’s POW camp and set him free. He returned home, attended Bible college, and moved to Japan as a missionary.
Fuchido pondered Peggy Covell’s and Jake DeShazer’s stories. Their “peaceful motivation…was exactly what I was seeking,” he wrote. A year after reading DeShazer’s story, he bought a Bible.
“In the ensuing weeks, I read this book eagerly. I came to the climactic drama -- the Crucifixion. I read in Luke 23:34 the prayer of Jesus Christ at His death: ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.’ I was impressed that I was certainly one of those for whom He had prayed. The many men I had killed had been slaughtered in the name of patriotism, for I did not understand the love which Christ wishes to implant within every heart.”
Fuchido and DeShazer, enemies no more
On April 14, 1950 Fuchido gave himself to Jesus Christ. In May he traveled to DeShazer’s home and introduced himself. The two men, once bitter enemies, welcomed each other as brothers in Christ. Mitsuo Fuchido lived another 26 years, spending the rest of his life traveling as an evangelist and writing books, including a booklet about his spiritual journey, From Pearl Harbor to Calvary.
In his booklet, Fuchido wrote these words: “I would give anything to retract my actions…at Pearl Harbor, but it is impossible. Instead, I now work at striking the death-blow to the basic hatred which infests the human heart and causes such tragedies. And that hatred cannot be uprooted without assistance from Jesus Christ. He is the only One Who was powerful enough to change my life and inspire it with His thoughts. He was the only answer to Jake DeShazer's tormented life. He is the only answer for young people today.”
What Jesus said
In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers because they will be called the children of God" (Matthew 5:9).
Today’s prayer
Dear Jesus, show me what is in my heart that needs uprooting. Please help me dig it up, get it out, and replant peacemaking love in its place. Amen.
Resource: Youtube has three videos about the story of Jacob DeShazer. Here are the links
From Vengeance to Forgiveness: The Story of Jake DeShazer
WWIl Soldier’s Life a Testimony to Forgiveness – CBN.com
© 2018 Becky Cerling Powers
Commander Mitsuo Fuchido was the most experienced pilot in the Imperial Japanese Navy Air Service when Japan determined to attack Pearl Harbor in 1941. So the Japanese Navy chose him to help plan and then to lead the attack the morning of December 7, 1941.
“Like a hurricane out of nowhere, my torpedo planes, dive bombers and fighters struck suddenly with indescribable fury,” he wrote later. “As smoke began to billow and the proud battleships, one by one, started tilting, my heart was almost ablaze with joy. During the next three hours, I directly commanded the fifty level bombers as they pelted not only Pearl Harbor, but the airfields, barracks and dry docks nearby…It was the most thrilling exploit of my career.”
In two hours Fuchido and his compatriots sank or severely damaged 18 ships, destroyed about 170 aircraft, wounded 1,178 Americans and killed another 2400. The next day the United States Congress declared war on the Empire of Japan.
Escapes from death during the war
Fuchido continued to serve his country throughout the war that followed. Time and again he narrowly escaped death. At Pearl Harbor anti-aircraft fire hit his plane 21 times, but his plane did not crash. At the Battle of Midway an emergency appendectomy prevented him from flying during the U.S. Navy’s decisive victory.
He broke both ankles in an explosion during that battle. This prevented him from continuing to fly, so he became staff officer to Vice Admiral Kakuji Kakuta. The Japanese Navy Air Service indoctrinated its officers and pilots with a warrior code that to die in battle was more honorable than the disgrace of surrender or defeat. So when Kakuta failed to prevent the U.S. from liberating Guam, Kakuta committed suicide.
Fuchido would have committed suicide alongside him, except he was absent. Just before the battle, he was ordered to Tokyo. “Again the sword of death had missed me only by inches,” he told a reporter in 1971.
Escape from death after the war
Fuchido was at a military conference in Hiroshima when Japanese Navy Headquarters ordered him suddenly back to Tokyo for an intelligence briefing. The next day the U.S. dropped the atom bomb on that city. His next brush with death came when he was ordered to inspect the devastated city. He was the only inspector in the party not to die of radiation poison.
The Japanese surrender ended Fuchido’s military career. Bitterly, he went home to the family farm. “Life had no taste or meaning,” he said later. “I had missed death so many times and for what? What did it all mean?”
Collecting evidence against his enemy
Allied forces occupied Japan under the leadership of General Douglas A. MacArthur, who began putting former Japanese military officers on trial for war crimes connected to their treatment of prisoners of war. To Fuchido, the trials were pretense. So the Japanese military abused and tortured their prisoners. So what? War was war. The Americans treated their prisoners as badly as the Japanese, he thought.
When Fuchido was called to testify, he began trying to find recently released Japanese prisoners of war to collect evidence against the American side. In his search, he discovered Kazuo Kanegasaki, his former flight engineer. He had thought Kanegasaki died at the Battle of Midway but instead he had been captured.
The mysterious peacemaker
Kanegasaki said the Americans treated him well, and he told Fuchido stories about a young American woman Peggy Covell who impressed him with her kindness to Japanese POWs even though Japanese soldiers had captured her parents in the Philippines and beheaded them.
Fuchido was dumbfounded. The warrior code demanded revenge. “How could this be?” he asked Kanegasaki. “Why would she come to Japan to take care of Japanese?”
Kanegasaki didn’t know. He could only say, “She said it was because they killed her parents.” (Story to be continued)
What Jesus said
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Matt 5:9). And a while later, he said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matt. 5:43-44 NIV).
Today’s prayer
“Lord God, I want to learn to love even my enemies the way You do. Help me!”
Years ago we had a small mixed breed dog named Shadow who showed me why God doesn’t always answer my prayers for guidance.
Shadow liked to play Fetch, so one night I crouched at the kitchen door and tossed a ball under the kitchen table. Wiggling with delight, Shadow raced after it and fetched it back. I tossed it into the room again. He raced in and fetched it back.
Toss, fetch, toss, fetch…
This went on until I took a second ball and tossed it in after the first ball.
Shadow picked up the first ball under the table and then noticed the second ball. He dropped the first ball to pick up the second. Then, with his mouth full of the second ball, he tried to pick up the first ball, too. But he couldn’t fit both balls into his mouth, so he dropped the second ball to pick up the first.
Suddenly he was blocked
He couldn’t decide which ball to fetch, so he couldn’t play the game anymore.
And that, I realized, was a live demonstration showing why St. James, the brother of Jesus, taught the early church that double minded people cannot get wisdom from God even when they ask for it.
Shadow really, really wanted to play Fetch and at the same time, he really, really wanted to play with both balls in his mouth at once. Unfortunately, the second thing he wanted made it impossible to do the first thing he wanted. And as long as he had to have everything – and was unwilling to give up anything – he was blocked.
We think we aren’t that silly.
But St. James says we are: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do” (James 1: 5-8 NIV).
So… I want unity and I want My Tribe First. I want my spouse to stop picking fights with me and I want to get even. I want to do the right thing, and I want everyone to approve of me. When I make mistakes, I want grace. But I don’t want to admit I need it. I want to hang onto my pride.
I want my situation to change, but I don’t want to have to change my way of dealing with it. I want God to help me AND I want to be God myself – to use Him as my servant to do things my way.
Bottom line:
God doesn’t give wisdom to double-minded people because they can’t receive it. Their hands are too full. Their minds are too distracted. They trust their own understanding more than God’s. They won’t let go of what they are grasping onto in order to be able to take hold of what they need most.
When we find ourselves stuck and unable to find the wisdom we need for our situation, St. James says to do this: “Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded…Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up” (James 4: 8, 10 NIV)
Our best example of someone who was pure-hearted and single-minded is Jesus, who taught us that there is an even greater blessing than wisdom for pure-hearted people. In his Sermon on the Mount he said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5:8).
Today’s prayer
Lord, I am worried about ________________ and I need to know what to do. I admit I’m probably hanging onto attitudes or desires that prevent me from receiving Your wisdom. But I just can’t see it. So please show me plainly and help me to let go of whatever it is. I want to trust Your understanding more than my own understanding. I want Your wisdom for this situation. Amen.
© 2018 Becky Cerling Powers
Probably all fathers fail their children to some degree. Claude Powers was a man who failed his child, then backed up and tried to make up for his failure.
Claude actually started out as a good father. But when his own father and brother died a couple years apart in the late 1950s, he started drinking heavily.
The blessing children need
Then the bottle took over, and of course, that affected his son Dennis. For Dennis, like all children, needed his father to weave three consistent messages of unconditional acceptance into the fabric of his life:
To me you are special.
No matter what, I love you.
You’re part of me; we belong together.
An alcoholic dad
When Dennis was about 12, his dad became a sneaky bottle-hider who told lies, wasted the family income in bars and dumped his farming responsibilities on his son.
So instead of sending his son a father’s reassuring messages of faithful love and acceptance, Claude sent Dennis the message of the alcoholic: “Alcohol is more important than you are. You will always be relatively unimportant.”
Stifling the pain, burying the anger
Dennis stifled the pain, avoided his dad, and proved to his small community that he was important after all. He did exceptionally well in school, collecting enough high school credits to leave for the university one year early.
In college he kept in touch with his parents and made sure the family relationship appeared fine to relatives and neighbors. In reality, he buried his anger and walled himself off emotionally from his dad.
But God heals broken hearts. Fathers and sons can reconcile.
Facing up to failure
A dozen years after Claude’s alcoholism took serious hold, Dennis’s parents discovered Alcoholics Anonymous and Al Anon, and Claude started sobering up through AA’s 12-Step Program. About that same time Dennis began attending church and hearing about forgiveness.
Struggling to forgive
Since the relationship was not damaged overnight, healing did not occur overnight. Claude worked on his end of the problem by giving up alcohol and making amends as best as he could. Dennis worked out his part by accepting his father’s efforts and struggling through the process of forgiveness.
Deep healing in time
But in the end, the really deep healing occurred nearly twenty years later. And curiously, the only part Claude played in that final act of the drama was simply to grow old and lose his mind.
Claude became a victim of Alzheimer’s disease. At first he merely grew forgetful. Then, as his brain cells died in patches, he lost his smile, his charm, his good judgment and his table manners. He forgot how to dress, how to shave, how to bathe. About the time he forgot how to talk, he lost control of his body and had to wear diapers.
Hands on care
Every night Dennis would walk over to his parent’s mobile home, lead his 80-year-old father into the bathroom, and peel off his diaper. Then he toileted him, undressed him, and bathed him.
In this process, somehow, Dennis found his healing.
Blessing restored
When the father became like a child, the child became his own father’s father. For Dennis, forgiveness became complete through the work of his own hands as he lived out the messages of blessing he had needed so much as a teen to receive from his father:
To me you are special.
No matter what, I love you.
You’re part of me; we belong together.
What Jesus said
In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy,” (Matthew 5:7).
Today’s Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, I have let you down and I’ve let other people down. Just like Dennis’ father let him down by neglecting him and withholding the blessing Dennis needed, I have neglected and withheld blessing from family and others who needed my affirmation and love. Now I need mercy. I need forgiveness. I need your blessing. As I read the Bible, help me hear your message of love and mercy and grace for me personally. Amen.
©1991 & 2018 Becky Cerling Powers
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I was 16 years old, with a brand-new driver’s license. It was a beautiful summer day, and Mom and I decided to play tennis. She let me drive the car – our green Packard, my dad’s pride and joy. He kept the Packard clean and shiny, forbidding the dust to touch it.
Full of confidence, I reached our destination. I was sure I could move our big car through the narrow opening by the tennis court.
I heard something scrape the side of the car
Foolishly, I ignored the sound and kept going. Paint scraped off along the entire length of the car, which stopped only when the rear fender hung up on a park post, jacking up the back of the car two feet in the air.
I felt suddenly sick to my stomach.
Carefully controlling her voice and emotions, Mother told me to go call Dad at the Naval Reserve Center he commanded and tell him to bring a saw to the park. I would rather have had a spanking, although I had outgrown them years before.
I had to call my dad myself
Finding a pay phone, I nervously called him. In a tiny, trembling voice, I stammered, "Daddy, could you come to the park right way… and… uhh… could you bring a saw with you?"
Waiting for him to arrive, I imagined the worst possible scenario. He was going to be furious with me and rightly so. I fully deserved whatever dreadful punishment he was going to give me. He'd probably ground me for the next ten years. He might even turn my prized driver's license into confetti. What a horrible, unforgivable mistake I'd made!
Finally, Dad drove up, looking handsome in his officer's uniform. Without a word, he set about the business of sawing off the guilty post. At last his beloved Packard was free, but sadly it was dented and scarred.
I knew I should pay for the damage I caused
Tearfully I told my dad how sorry I was and asked him to forgive me. Not only did he completely forgive me, but he also graciously paid the cost of repainting the car. All I could do was say thanks with a deep realization that he had given me mercy. He didn’t give me the punishment I deserved.
Without being aware it perhaps, my dad modeled our Heavenly Father in this incident. We have all done things that have damaged God’s good creation and the people He loves. We deserve His punishment. Yet not only is He willing to forgive us as His children, but He has also graciously paid our spiritual debt in full. All we can do is say "thank You" to Him for His mercy.
What Jesus said
In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy," (Matthew 5:7 NIV).
Today’s Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your willingness to forgive me for my words and actions that have damaged Your people and Your beautiful world. Thank You for paying the complete cost of my sins. Help me to always model Your forgiveness and mercy in my relationship with others. Amen.
© 1998 Paula Kortkamp Combs
It was the year 1141 and the women of Weinsberg, Germany were in despair. What was going to happen to their husbands and their homes?
For many days the combined forces of Frederick, duke of Swabia, and his brother, the emperor Konrad, had laid siege to the castle of Wolf, duke of Bavaria, at the castle of Weinsberg. Finally, Wolf had been forced to surrender.
Back and forth rode the messengers of the nobility, proposing terms, agreeing on conditions, and making arrangements for the winning army to take over the castle. Wolf and his trapped officers and soldiers now had to give themselves up to their fearful enemy.
“What will become of our men, who have fought so loyally for Wolf?” the wives of Weinsberg asked each other. “And what will happen to our families?”
Finally, the women thought of a plan. They sent a message to the emperor Konrad, asking him to promise that he would arrange safe conduct for all the women of the castle. In addition, they asked him to promise that they could keep for their families as many of their valuables as they could carry with them.
Konrad agreed. He, of course, expected the women to leave the castle burdened under the weight of whatever jewels and gold they could haul. But when the women struggled out of the castle gates, their backs bent under the weights they bore, the emperor began to weep.
The wives were carrying their husbands on their backs!
The emperor was so moved that he promised the women that their husbands could go free. Then he invited the women and their husbands to a banquet, and he gave much more generous peace terms to Wolf than anyone expected.
After that, people called the castle mount The Hill of Weibertreue – the Hill of Woman’s Fidelity.
What Jesus said
In his Sermon on the Mountain, Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy,” (Matt. 5:7).
Today’s prayer: “Lord, open my eyes to see the areas in my life where I need mercy myself – as well as all the opportunities I have today to extend mercy to others. Help me to be as generously merciful to others as I would like them – and You! – to be to me.” Amen.
Resource: This and many other good stories can be found in The Book of Virtues: A Treasury of Great Moral Stories, edited, with commentary, by William J. Bennett (Link to amazon)
When our daughter Jessica was three, nap time became such a hassle that I gave up and let her play. After all, I reasoned, Jessica had never needed as much sleep as her older brother had at the same age. I assumed she had stopped needing a daily nap.
I made no connection between our daughter’s lack of rest during the day and her inability to sleep well at night. I was too tired to think things through clearly partly because of health problems and partly because my own sleep was so interrupted—I was frequently up at night with our new baby or with Jessica.
No daytime nap, poor nighttime sleep, poor daytime behavior
At night Jessica slept restlessly and suffered from bad dreams. During the day, she was often irritable and hard to manage—all symptoms, I realize now, of her lack of a regular, daily nap.
“There is both research and clinical evidence,” said education specialists Raymond and Dorothy Moore in their book Home Grown Kids, “that children (ages 3 to 5) who do not either nap or have at least an hour of very quiet rest time during the day are not able to get to sleep as well at night. Because they are over tired, they...are restless and more susceptible to bad dreams.”
“This poor quality of night time sleep makes them vulnerable to fatigue again the next day,” they went on. “A vicious cycle is established, and then parents wonder why the children are excitable, irritable, hyperactive, and difficult to handle.”
“My kids need naps!”
Claudia Milhalov, mother of three children, ages 6, 4, and 11 months, decided that her children needed a rest time no matter how much they protested. “Kids bounce off the walls the tireder they get,” she said. “I noticed that a lot of times Paul (age 4) would protest and then fall dead asleep. There was no relationship between how much he protested and whether or not he needed sleep.”
Claudia insists on a rest time because “we all need the break. I deserve a down time even if it’s only an hour.” Claudia’s son Paul usually sleeps during the family’s rest hour, but 6-year-old Carrie rarely sleeps. “If she’s cranky or if she went to bed late the night before, I say ‘Please try to sleep today,’” Claudia said. “But otherwise she can read or do something quiet.”
“The advantages are now coming out,” Claudia said. “Carrie is using her quiet hour with a lot more initiative than I imagined. The other day after rest time she said, ‘Look at the story I wrote!’ She thought up that idea herself.”
Carrie recently told her mother, “I’ve decided I like my quiet time because I know then for an hour I’m going to have time that Paul won’t bother me.”
Here are a few suggestions for reducing children’s resistance to nap time:
Be consistent.
Children balk less if parents act like nap time is one of the givens of life, like daylight and nighttime darkness. “You have to have the discipline to arrange your day so you are home at 2 p.m. (or whatever time you choose for a regular quiet hour—you can adjust it),” Claudia said. “Kids resist naps more when the structure of their days is haphazard.”
Provide routine consequences for missed rest times.
“(Our children) soon discovered that getting to stay up longer or even go someplace in the early evening was adequate reward for the regular nap,” the Moores said. “One or two consistent experiences of being deprived of this privilege—the routine consequence of no nap—helped them understand the cause-and-effect relationship. Physical punishment or scolding in such cases is neither productive nor necessary.”
If necessary, help children wind down with a relaxing nap time routine.
When I was regularly babysitting our young friend Jacob, age 5, I helped him relax by reading him a few stories. He slept better if I remained in the room, so I spread a sleeping pad on the floor for him and then lay down on the bed myself. I set the timer for 30 minutes, and I told him, “You don’t have to go to sleep as long as you keep your eyes closed and don’t peek until the timer dings.”
Invariably he fell asleep—and I usually did, too, if I didn’t peek for half an hour either.
Other helpful methods that the Moores suggest: give a back rub; turn on quiet music; “cuddle like spoons” or let the child cuddle up with a stuffed animal each time; tell a sleepy time animal story in a soft, slow voice.
Require one hour of quiet time if children do not sleep.
Set a timer, and provide children with two or three choices for quiet time activities—puzzles, workbooks, coloring books, drawing and writing materials, etc.
Wake children up gently if they tend to sleep so long in the afternoon that they don’t go to sleep at night.
Children who tend to oversleep may feel grouchy when you wake them up, so don’t upset them needlessly by wakening them abruptly. Play a little music or rub their backs as you talk softly and coax them back to the waking world.
© 1996 Becky Cerling Powers
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I had just deposited our 22-month-old son’s breakfast pancake on his high chair tray one morning, when he started singing “Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky...”
I was astonished. Our baby knew the words to “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star!”
Our baby can sing!
Matt’s vocabulary was exploding, but I had no idea that he could carry a tune. Or that he could repeat a whole phrase from a song.
At the time our two other children were 7 and 4. Like most children their ages, Erik and Jessica were fascinated with musical instruments. Whenever I sat down to play the piano, they stopped whatever they were doing, dashed to the piano bench and begged me to play one of their songs.
So, for a few years, I gave up working on my own pieces and learned arrangements to folk songs and children’s songs. I also bought a couple of good song books with pictures on every page so the children could find their favorites themselves. I played and we all sang. They often danced, marched or made up actions to some of the tunes as well. And the baby always included himself in these song sessions.
How many songs does Baby know?
After hearing him sing at breakfast, I started wondering how much Matt had picked up while I was concentrating on his brother and sister’s love of music. So I ran an experiment. I sat him next to me on the piano bench, and over several days I played all the songs we’d come to enjoy together. At some point in each song, I quit singing for a line and listened carefully. If Matt carried on without me, filling in the blanks with the right words, I counted that song as one he knew.
It turned out our baby knew over 50 songs!
Sharing music with kids
Parents don’t have to be professional musicians to share the fun of music making with children, to develop a youngster’s appetite for good music or to uncover a child’s natural talent. In fact, parents don’t even have to play an instrument themselves to expose their children to the delights of music. They only have to begin wherever they are themselves and learn along with their children.
Here are some ways to encourage the family’s appreciation of good music:
Sing. Sing in the shower, and sing as you do chores around the house. Buy albums of children’s songs and your own favorite songs, and then sing along, around the house or in the car driving. As children grow older, teach them to sing rounds. This provides a foundation for learning to sing harmony later. Include songs in your children’s bedtime routine. Break through whiny, fussy times with singing or listening to music.
Introduce your children to music making. Take advantage of children’s natural tendency to enjoy blowing whistles and banging drums. Show them how to clap in rhythm first, and then how to keep time using rhythm instruments. Haul out any instruments you play yourself and learn to play the melodies your children like.
If they ask for music lessons, take them seriously, especially if they are showing other active signs of interest, like picking out tunes on a keyboard. Even if a child only takes lessons for two or three years, the experience will give him a basic understanding that can provide a foundation for a lifelong appreciation of music.
Expose children to a wide variety of music of different forms, styles and cultures. To get an idea what different kinds of music the family likes before buying albums, listen to a broad range of music on youtube.
Listen actively to music with children. Before you introduce a folk song to a preschooler, for example, familiarize yourself with it first, and then prepare him by telling him a little bit about the song. (Example: “This is a silly song about a goat who ate somebody’s shirts. It’s called ‘Bill Grogan’s Goat.’ We’re going to find out what happened to that silly goat.”) Next, listen to the song with him, and then talk about it. This will not only develop his ability to appreciate music, it will also help him develop good listening skills he will need later in school.
Good beginning classical pieces to introduce to children are those that tell a story, like “The Nutcracker Suite,” and those that have special sound effects.
I was unfamiliar with Saint-Saens’ “The Carnival of Animals” until my mom gave me a record of Whittemore and Lowe’s performance with the Philharmonic Orchestra. Each of this composition’s 14 movements represents a different animal. We played the record, I told the children which animal each movement represented, and we mimicked the beast, miming and dancing around the living room. It was great fun—and great exercise. It became one of the children’s favorites, and one of mine, too.
Music enriches all of life. When parents introduce their children to the joys of good music, they are passing along a lifetime treasure.
When we were raising our children back in the early 1980s, we had a neighbor, Mary, who was a good mother to her preschoolers. She fed them balanced meals and established a healthy routine of playtime, nap time, meal time, and bedtime. She kissed their "owies" and dispensed Band Aids with sympathy. She read them stories daily, she limited their TV viewing, she encouraged them to help her dust and cook, and she talked with them throughout the day while she worked, answering their questions and chatting about whatever intrigued them.
Mary taught her children to share their toys with preschool friends who came to visit. She taught her 4-year-old daughter how to cut paper with a pair of blunt scissors and let her 2-year-old son paste, color and paint alongside his sister.
Today Mary would be eligible to send her 4-year-old to Head Start, but back then everyone had to pay for preschool. And although Mary's children seemed to be bright, secure and well behaved, her friends and relatives convinced her she wasn't a good parent because she couldn't afford to send them to preschool.
To fend off the social pressure, Mary found a job to pay preschool tuition. She had no education beyond high school, which meant she had to work more hours for less money. Once she began working, she found she had to earn enough money to cover not only preschool fees, but extra expenses of work -- wear and tear on the car, more taxes, a wardrobe for work...(It takes $3 earned to equal $1 not spent -- so she had to earn $600, for example, to make a $200 tuition payment.)
Sadly I watched this young family's stress level soar. And for what? Mary was not getting a job to meet personal emotional needs or to make it possible for her family to survive financially. She was wearing herself out and complicating her family's life in order to fend off social pressure. Then she paid other people to do something she already did well herself. And liked doing.
That was nearly 40 years ago. Soon afterwards our family joined the homeschooling movement, and I learned about many good home school preschool programs available for parents who, like Mary, lack confidence in their own abilities or prefer a structured plan.
Today, during the COVID 19 crisis, preschoolers have to be at home. But what home schoolers have learned about children and education is available to all parents through a rich variety of educational resources, not only for school age children, but for preschoolers as well. Buying a program is unnecessary, though, as long as these basic elements are present:
A warmly responsive, loving parent.
If a parent is unavailable, a grandparent or other adult can provide what is needed, as long as the adult is committed to the child long term and is there every day. This person is key to the child's sense of security and intellectual development. Nothing stimulates a child's intellect or builds good social behavior like a warmly responsive, consistently caring adult who talks to her throughout the day, responds to her needs, encourages creative efforts, sets healthy limits, provides calm order and is available for conversation almost all the time.
Healthy routines in a healthy environment. Preschoolers need reasonably predictable routines to feel secure. Someone must be sure they eat balanced meals, take naps, do their simple chores, go to bed at a set time, and get plenty of fresh air and several hours of physical exercise daily. If there is no safe yard available to run and play, (and playgrounds are off limits during the COVID-19 lockdown) they need someone to go with them on long walks and play “Tire’Em Out” games. (More on that next week.)
Materials and encouragement to create. Preschoolers need lots of materials available for spontaneous construction or dramatic projects -- a sheet to drape over a table for a tent, boxes, rocks, sand, dress up clothes, scrap lumber. When preschoolers are encouraged to use their own ingenuity to produce their activities, any item in the house can become a toy.
As much as possible, preschoolers need ready access to toys and creative materials. Toddlers will “read” more if there are a lot of hard-to-destroy children’s books around, for example. Preschoolers will draw more if the paper and crayons are kept on a shelf they can reach.
Daily reading. One school district made a bumper sticker: CHILDREN WHO READ WERE READ TO. The best way to encourage children to become readers one day is to read to them when they are small and keep on reading books aloud as a special shared activity after they begin reading themselves.
Rest and solitude.
According to child development researcher Raymond Moore, 3- and 4-year-olds who do not take a nap or have at least an hour of rest daily become overtired and then are unable to sleep well at night. They can then become chronically irritable and hard to handle.
Children at this age not only need a regular rest time, Moore says, they also need a period of solitude, playing alone with blocks or making roads in the sandbox. "This seems to provide the opportunity he needs to work out certain problems and fantasies," Moore said.
“Genius has been shown to thrive with a great deal of parental warmth combined with ample opportunity for solitude,” Moore says.
Positive social modeling and guidance. Children learn through observation and imitation. When they are surrounded by a lot of other children (whose social behavior is naturally immature), they imitate them. Preschoolers learn sharing and other social tasks best when they have only one or two other children to relate to at a time, and when the group is supervised by an adult who is a good model.
Involvement in homemaking activities. Preschoolers develop a sense of accomplishment and positive self worth by working alongside a warmly responsive parent in cooking, dusting, sweeping, kitchen cleanup, gardening, sorting laundry, etc.
Field trips and nature experiences. Preschoolers collect a lot of essential information about things they will study formally later on when they plant seeds and watch them grow and discuss what they see and sense on nature hikes and field trips. A nature hike can be as simple as a stroll through a garden, and field trips can be as simple as a trip to the store or a walk down the block to look at a house under construction.
Freedom from academic pressures. Preschoolers need to collect and make sense out of a lot of information before they are ready to begin formal learning. Too much academic pressure at this stage can result in unnecessary learning problems later.
© Becky Cerling Power 2020
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Kids and spills go together. That was my mother’s commonsense attitude. In our family of six children and two adults, Mom told whoever set the table to pour each glass of milk only half full. “Then if it spills,” Mom said, “it’s easier to mop up half a glass of milk than a whole glass.”
And she taught us to handle spilled milk responsibly and calmly. We all knew where the rag drawer was. If someone spilled, he or she fetched a rag and mopped up while the rest of the family continued their conversation.
How do you clean a mess?
Parents can find many books that list practical cleaning tips for the many kinds of messes that go with raising children. But those books won’t tell them that the physical aspect of cleaning up a mess is less important than their attitude about it. For although parents can remove crayon damage to their sofa in half an hour, it may take a year or a lifetime to remove the emotional damage done to a child by the words that came out of Mom or Dad’s mouth while they were cleaning up the mess.
Messes and dirt are a natural part of family life. Anyone can see that. Yet we get irritated by frequent spills, urine-soaked sheets and multiplying clutter.
Messy attitudes
Sometimes we rebel. We throw temper tantrums. Or we try to push the mess off on our mate. Or else we approach the work in a cloud of self-pity, nourishing resentment. We make the mess go away, but we do it at the expense of healthy family relationships.
Why?
The answer differs from person to person. But whatever our reaction, that reaction reveals a lot about us.
Attitude check
If I look at a colored plastic glass from a distance, I can’t see what’s inside – at least, I can’t unless someone bumps the glass hard enough to spill it. Then I can tell that the glass holds milk or water or something else.
People can’t really tell what’s inside me either just by looking – that is, they can’t unless someone or some circumstance bumps me hard enough to see what spills out. Explosive anger? Tears of exhaustion? Good humor?
Children’s messes give us a good bump. What spills out then shows our real condition and our real attitudes.
Dealing with the mess itself is usually simple. Just mop up the milk. Facing up to our attitudes is hard. Straightening out our attitudes is even harder.
I don’t like messes, and I don’t like picking up. I’ve come to recognize, though, that coping with dirt and disaster is part of my job description as a parent. I’m less apt to feel sorry for myself when Junior throws up on the carpet halfway to the bathroom if I remind myself that this is ordinary parenting, not personal injustice.
It’s just my job.
It’s not only “just my job” to clean up children’s messes, it’s also “just my job” to encourage them to do things that will require me to clean up even more messes.
Children need to be encouraged to paste, sculpt, and build if they are going to develop creatively. Those activities are messy.
Children need to learn survival skills like cooking and cleaning up after meals if they are going to be prepared one day for adult life. Inexperienced dish washers break dishes. Novice cooks burn pans. These activities are messy, too.
One of the redeeming features of children’s messes is that cleaning a mess is just as much a survival skill as cooking. Preparing children adequately for adult life means teaching them to clean up many kinds of messes. Thus, many of the messes children make conveniently provide them with practice for learning how to do something they will have to do all their adult lives -- clean up messes.
If my goal in life, consciously or unconsciously, is to maintain a convenient, annoyance free existence, then I am in for a world of frustration. That’s not real. Nobody gets that, not even childless single people
Kids or Convenience?
Personally, I decided I wanted the challenge and the blessing of raising children more than I wanted a convenient life. Messes came with the package.
A young farmer pointed that out to me once by quoting King Solomon’s words in Proverbs 14:4. “Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of the ox comes an abundant harvest.”
In other words, if an ancient farmer had no oxen, he didn’t have the bother of cleaning out the oxen’s messy stalls or the expense of feeding his animals. But then neither did he have much or anything at harvest time.
Thanks for the mess? Yes!!
So children’s messes are really blessings in disguise. We have friends who lost their 10-year-old daughter to cancer. They’d be thrilled to scrub a gooey oven or mop up a gallon of spilled syrup if that meant they had their daughter back – and in good enough health to make that kind of a mess.
Messes remind us that our children are alive and here. And because they are here, we need to use our heads and change our focus, thanking God for our children and giving him permission to deal with all the family messes, whether inside our houses or inside ourselves.
© 1997, 2020 Becky Cerling Powers
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People can learn a lot from their family stories. The story of how my grandfather handled disaster during the Great Depression of the 1930s, helps me understand what Jesus meant when he said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.”
My grandfather Thure (pronounced Turry) Cerling was the firstborn child of Swedish immigrants living on the south side of Chicago in the early 1900s. He grew up poor, streetwise and ambitious. He determined to make himself a millionaire by age 30. (With inflation, that would be over $14 million today.)
Thure had a long way to go. His father was a struggling carpenter with a wife and three children to support on an undependable income. So Thure attended high school at night because he had to work as an errand boy to help support his family during the day. When he was 16, his mother developed stomach cancer. His family needed even more income for her medical expenses. So Thure had to quit high school. Over the next eight years, Thure worked, completed a carpenter’s apprenticeship, and, during World War I, served in the Navy.
When he came home from the war in Europe, he got down to the business of turning his drive and talent into a million dollars.
Thure noticed that although his father was an expert master carpenter, his dad was usually scrambling for cash. His father didn’t know how to advertise his services or manage his business. He would spend days or weeks looking for a job, do the work and get paid. But then he had no more income until he found another job. To Albert Cerling, advertising, budgets and bookkeeping were all mysteries.
So Thure set up a new construction company with his father and another carpenter as the builders and himself as their business manager. He arranged work contracts, so the two carpenters were busy all the time. He bought their supplies to save them time, and he kept the books. Before long he developed so much additional business that he could hire even more people and kept them all busy, too.
As Thure prospered, he married and built a home for his wife and children in the suburb of Elmhurst. He built hundreds of houses on speculation, and in this way, he reached his goal. By age 30 he had over a million dollars (on paper at least) in stocks and in second mortgages on the houses his company built. So, in 1928, at age 33, he moved with his wife and five children to Texas to buy an orange grove and retire as a “gentleman farmer.”
But that winter his fortune began collapsing like a row of dominoes. First the Great Depression began in the construction industry. So many houses started coming back to Thure from defaulted second mortgages that he had to pack up his family and return to Elmhurst.
Then in 1929 the stock market crashed. Thure’s stock portfolio vaporized. Banks began foreclosing thousands of first home mortgages. So any second mortgages Thure held on houses that defaulted their first mortgage became worthless paper. Soon, instead of having money, he owed money – lots of money.
Thure’s parents were Christians who took him to church every Sunday when he was growing up. Now his childhood faith was being tested. Where would he put his trust? In God, or in his own scheming?
To Be Continued….
Today’s prayer: “Lord, here is my trouble today: _____________. Please show me how to think about it. Please help me want to be right with You more than making a fast escape, more than looking good to other people, more than getting even, and more than feeling sorry for myself. Please help me honor you in this situation.”
Reprint with attribution only
For the next few months I will be posting stories that help us understand the Beatitudes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mountain. For faith-based family stories to share with friends and older children, check out my books: Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore.
Yesterday’s story: My grandfather Thure (pronounced Turry) Cerling grew up poor and scrappy in Chicago in the early 1900s. Although he had to quit high school to help support his family, he was determined to become a millionaire by the time he was 30. He started a construction company and met his goal. But then came the Crash of 1929. He lost his fortune and more. He was over his head in debt. His story helps me understand what Jesus meant when he said “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.”
Thure was 34 years old with a wife and five children. Many businessmen filed for bankruptcy in those days, and Thure could have done that too. But he felt he should pay his debts in full, trusting God to help him. So he set to work with a new goal: to survive with his family in a way that honored God while paying off all his debts. Somehow.
He scrounged for work. During the worst times, he slept in his Chicago office on week nights because he couldn’t afford daily transportation from Chicago to his home in Elmhurst. At week’s end, he walked the twenty miles home.
He made a point not to work on Sundays, though. That was his day for worship at church in the morning and for playing with his children in the afternoon.
His family ate a lot of beans and oatmeal, and they did what they could to put food on the table. They planted a big garden on the vacant lot he owned next door, and they fertilized it with kitchen scraps and ashes from the coal furnace. They raised chickens. They learned to harvest “weeds” like dandelion greens for salads and Lamb’s Quarter to substitute for spinach. Thure’s oldest son – my Uncle Chuck – hunted pheasants, rabbits and squirrels for meat.
During the Great Depression, both my grandparents rediscovered the power of their childhood faith and the importance of passing on sound values to their children. More than once, after her children were grown, Grandma remarked, “It’s a good thing we lost all that money. It would’ve been bad for the boys.”
Grandpa died when I was 18. But ever since my siblings and I grew up and started our own families, watching my brothers relate to their children, nieces, nephews and grandchildren always made me think of Grandpa. The way they joked and kidded around, their pleasure in simple activities and conversations, their easy way of taking firm control when discipline was needed…it all reminded me vividly of the way my dad and uncles and grandpa played with us and kept us under control when we were kids.
My four brothers continue to remind me of Dad and Grandpa in other ways, too. They are hard workers – almost workaholics, except that they do seem to know how to relax and enjoy their families. They’re inventive, adventurous and resourceful -- good providers who do well in their work yet still put the needs of their families ahead of their career ambitions. They all struggle with – or cave in to – perfectionism. Yet they can see the jokes in life and laugh.
Our two sons are the same way. They’ve grown up, married, and given us our precious grandchildren. They relate to their children and us and the world beyond their families with the same values as Grandpa Thure, the great-grandfather they never had the privilege to meet.
A father holds great power to influence his children and his grandchildren for health or for harm. Whether a man accepts this or refuses it, the power remains. His values, his priorities, his choices will shape the lives of generations, as my grandfather’s did.
Today’s prayer: “Lord, I want to leave a legacy of peace and integrity for my children and grandchildren. Please help me be an example to them of someone who hungers and thirsts to be right in God’s eyes. In all I do and say today, direct me to the fulfilling of Your purpose for all of us. Amen.”
© 2020 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only
For the next few months I will be posting stories that help us understand the Beatitudes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mountain. For faith-based family stories to share with friends and older children, check out my books: Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore.
I don’t know where the original idea came from, but when I was a Colorado wildlife officer we started using decoy deer to catch road hunters and spotlighters – people who deliberately shone a spotlight on a deer so that it will freeze in its tracks and be an easy target to kill.
We placed a life-like Styrofoam dummy where approaching headlights would highlight the “deer.” Two of us hid out of sight while other officers waited down the road for us to radio them to stop a suspect vehicle. We usually charged shooters for shooting from a public road or from a vehicle and sometimes for use of artificial light as an aid in hunting.
One night Area Supervisor Jerry Apker and I were hiding in some bushes when a truck came down the road and stopped with the headlights shining on the decoy. The driver got out, stood in the middle of the road, and drew a bead on the decoy. But he lowered his rifle and said, “I can’t do it.”
Usually we’d just let them go on down the road, but Jerry suddenly announced our presence and scared the pants off them.
We caught a few violators, but most hunters were ethical even when they thought no one was looking. Anyone can be tempted and most hunters resisted the temptation.
What Jesus said
At his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” The hunter knew that it was wrong to shoot a deer that couldn’t move because the car’s headlights made it freeze in place. He was tempted to do it, but he didn’t. Finding out the game wardens were watching him was a bad surprise – but it was a good surprise, too, because he had resisted the temptation.
Today’s prayer
Lord, when temptation comes to me today, please alert me to recognize the temptation instead of giving up and giving in. Help me to recognize what is right and do it. Amen.
Resource: This story is excerpted from Echoes From the Mountains: The Life and Adventures of a Colorado Wildlife Officer, by Glen A. Hinshaw
The COVID-19 pandemic is keeping children home from school all over the world. And of course, parents and grandparents worry that their children and grandchildren will get behind. Actually, there are many, very simple things that parents and grandparents can do to help pre-schoolers and school age children with their need to develop academic skills whether or not the children are able to attend school.
One of the most important is this: from the time they are babies, talk with them (NOT talk at them, talk with them). This is because for young children to do well in school – and in life! – they need lots of opportunities to develop language skills through back-and-forth conversations.
If you turn off the radio in the car or the TV at home, there are lots of opportunities to talk. I was driving with 5-year-old Elias one rainy morning on the way to running errands. When we came to a stop light, I pumped the brakes to keep from slipping on the wet pavement.
“Why are you doing that?” Elias asked.
I explained that when the surface of the road gets wet, it’s slippery. So I needed to use a special way to stop, to avoid an accident. “It works the same way at home,” I said. “Do you remember yesterday, when we washed the kitchen floor, and you ran on it when it was wet, and you fell down?”
He remembered. We talked about that, and then we talked about the importance of cleaning up spills right away – especially spills on the floor. People can slip on them and get hurt.
Our discussion on household safety was finishing just as we drove up to the shoe store. Elias and I talked about what to expect in the store and how I expected him to behave – a quick and natural lesson in social skills. Later, as we left the store, I complimented Elias on his good behavior.
After that we drove to the store for groceries. “Look!” Elias said, pointing to a huge number above one of the aisles. “Around and back /On the railroad track.”
“Yep, that’s a 2,” I said. (“Around and back” was a chant we were using to help Elias learn how to make the number 2). Then Elias found other numbers he recognized and read them for me. He read some of the letters he recognized on labels, too.
When I spied a lady at a booth giving out food samples, I coached Elias on what to say: “You can ask her, ‘Please, may I have a sample?’ and then when she gives you one, remember to say ‘Thank you.’”
He remembered, so I praised him. “You used very good manners, Elias.”
Later, in the checkout line, Elias pointed to an Emergency Exit sign and asked, “What does that say?” I told him, and then we talked about what “exit” means, what an “emergency” is, and what kinds of things might happen in a big store that would cause people to need to use an emergency exit.
Elias was fascinated with the idea of emergencies. On our way home from the store, he brought up the subject again. So most of the way home we talked about different kinds of emergencies and good ways people use to handle those situations.
These kinds of daily, natural conversations do many things for growing children. First, warm responsiveness from adults builds children’s sense of self-worth, while at the same time, it encourages them to keep trying to learn the complicated skill of communicating well.
Second, conversing with children on subjects that interest them helps children learn their language. Anyone who tries to learn a foreign language as an adult knows how important it is to hear the language spoken properly and to have practice speaking it to an attentive, sympathetic audience in order to become fluent. In the same way, conversing with children lets them hear their language spoken properly, it gives them vocabulary and phrases for expressing many kinds of ideas, and it offers them a chance to practice using language themselves.
For the first ten years or so of a child’s life, according to noted educator John Holt, developing skill and interest in talking lays a foundation for learning to write well and read well in school.
“A child who does not talk will not have many things that he wants to say, and hence will not know what to write about,” Holt wrote. “When he does try to express his thoughts, he finds it hard, because he has had so little practice in putting words together. “
“Lack of skill in conversation is also likely to make poor readers, at least of many kinds of writing…” Holt said. “The good reader enters into an active dialogue with the writer. He converses with him, even argues with him. The bad reader reads passively; the words do not engage his mind…In courses like Math or Science, in which one must often follow instructions, turn other people’s words into action, the inarticulate child often finds that he can’t do it.”
Being a good communicator also helps children to make friends and get along well socially.
Conversing with children takes a lot of time and effort, but it is one of the essentials of being a good parent, grandparent or special friend to a child.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1997
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No person in American history had a better reputation for honesty than Abraham Lincoln, the U.S. president who freed the nation’s slaves in 1862. Even his nickname was "Honest Abe."
That reputation first became legendary before Lincoln ran for political office, when he was keeping store in New Salem, Illinois. Once he discovered he had overcharged a customer 6 1/4 cents. After closing, he walked three miles that evening to return the money. Another time he realized he had short-changed a customer four ounces of tea, and he delivered the full amount that night.
As a lawyer, he collected debts for his business clients. It was considered normal for bill collectors to keep some of the money, but Lincoln turned over everything.
After he won election for Congress, Lincoln did a report of his campaign finances. Friends had raised $200 for expenses; Lincoln returned $199.25 to them, reporting, "My only outlay was 75 cents for a barrel of cider which some farm hands insisted I should treat to."
In 1850, Lincoln delivered a law lecture. Even then, lawyers had a reputation among some people for dishonesty. "Let no young man, choosing the law for a calling, for a moment yield to this popular belief," Lincoln said. "Resolve to be honest at all events; and if, in your own judgment, you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be honest without being a lawyer. Choose some other profession."
Richard Whately, Archbishop of Dublin, is known for saying, "Honesty is the best policy; but he who is governed by that maxim is not an honest man." (Richard Whately, Archbishop of Dublin)
Everyone has heard the first part of that quote, but hardly anyone knows the rest. Why does honesty need to be more than just a policy? Why did Lincoln consider honesty so important?
In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that a person who longs to be honest and true has a special reward from God: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” (Matthew 5:6).
Today’s prayer
Dear God, we know that you love honesty and truth. Show us any dishonesty in our lives, and help us to get rid of it. Teach us to be honest in all our dealings with other people. Amen.
The most conscientious hunter I ever met during my years working as a Colorado wildlife officer was a man who called me at home and asked to meet with me. He introduced himself and said, “I want you to give me a ticket. I killed a calf elk.”
He explained that he shot and killed a cow elk for which he had a license. He dressed the animal and went back to get help to pack it out. When they returned, they found a calf elk dead lying next to the cow. The calf was already spoiled. He said that his wife had a cow license, but that putting her tag on it wouldn’t make it right. There was no one else around.
A drive to make right what he did wrong
I had never seen anyone so distraught. Having had a similar experience with a hunter years earlier, I probed a little deeper. I told him that the fine for killing an elk was $400. He responded, “That is a cheap price to clear one’s conscience.”
I asked him if he had proof that he killed the elk, and he said no, but he would plead guilty. I knew Judge Wardell would probably throw me out of his courtroom if I brought this man before him.
I sensed a special connection with the man and asked him, “Are you a Christian?” and he answered “Yes.”
How can I make this right?
I asked him if he had prayed about his decision and he answered that he did. I asked, “Do you think God has forgiven you?” and he answered, “Yes.”
I said, “If God has forgiven you then the State of Colorado has nothing against you.”
I told him that if his conscience was still bothering him that he could make a donation to Operation Game Thief, the Division’s poacher hotline. I found out later that he indeed sent a $400 donation.
Resolution requires doing what you can to right the wrong
Moses taught the Israelite people that when you wrong someone God wants you to make restitution (Numbers 5:5-6 NIV) . As much as possible, you must make up for what you did. You must try to right the wrong done.
In this case, when the man accidentally killed the calf elk, he wronged the citizens of the State of Colorado. This hunter's conscience was so sensitive to his relationship with God that he couldn't ignore the fact that his carelessness led to the killing of an animal by accident. He could have put his wife's tag on the carcass and even that wasn't right not only by law, but by his conscience. Rather than cover up his misdeed, he chose to face the music and pay a fine.
I met a lot of wonderful people in my career, but never such a display of integrity and honesty. His hunting party and I are the only ones to know this story. He didn't do it to show off and bring attention to his contrite heart, but he came quietly to me. He didn't know me or anything about me or how I would handle the case. Some officers would have cited him into court, but I think the Holy Spirit intervened for me to handle the case the way I did.
What Jesus said
This man was an example of the kind of person Jesus described in the Sermon on the Mount when He said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” (Matthew 5:6 NIV).
Today’s prayer
Heavenly Father, I pray that You will search me and bring to my awareness anything that is getting in the way of our fellowship. If there is anything that I need to make right, please show me what it is and help me to know what I must do. Amen.
Resource
This story is excerpted from Echoes From the Mountains: The Life and Adventures of a Colorado Wildlife Officer, by Glen A. Hinshaw
Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek.” But who wants to be a doormat? Because that’s what we think meekness is: giving in to the strong because you’re too weak to stand up to them.
Jesus showed us a dramatically different picture. He faced down the religious leaders of his day so successfully that they had to dream up false charges to get him killed. But then he turned around and died for their sins of false accusation and murder.
When the Apostle John told the story about Jesus’ last supper with the disciples, John said that Jesus knew His time had come to die. He also knew that He had come from God and was going back to God. And He knew that hard times were coming for His disciples. He wanted to show them how much He loved them and help them to understand what loving each other looks like in His kingdom. So He did something they never expected.
Jesus took off his outer clothing, wrapped a towel around him like the least important servant, and began going around the table, washing the disciples’ filthy feet.
In Jesus’s time and even in the Middle East today, people thought feet were one of the most disgusting parts of their body. Perhaps that might be partly because in those days, most people either had no shoes or wore sandals. To get from one place to another, they had to walk. Only a few wealthy people had donkeys or horses to ride. Those donkeys and horses made messes in the streets as they went along, and so did the other animals that used those streets, like sheep and pigs. The animals made the roads even more disgusting for people walking through the dung and mud in their bare feet or sandals.
So, in Jesus’s time, when people came into someone’s house or tent, the owner provided water for them to wash their feet. If they came into a wealthy house, the lowest ranking servant washed their feet.
The disciples believed that Jesus was the promised Messiah, and as leaders in training, they expected to take positions of authority and power in His coming kingdom. They kept getting sidetracked into arguments over who was the greatest. The mother of James and John even joined the competition and asked Jesus to give her two sons the positions of highest honor in His coming kingdom.
So, when all the disciples arrived in the room set up for their Passover meal, with no water provided for washing their feet, they all went to the table with filthy feet.
Jesus understood the ambitions of His disciples. He wanted them to understand how different the kingdom of God is from the kingdoms of mankind, and how different a leader of God is from leaders in the world. But instead of lecturing them about the difference, He gave them a picture. He started washing their feet, one by one.
When He came to Peter, Peter protested “No! You shouldn’t wash my feet!”
“You don’t understand what I am doing now,” Jesus said. “But later you will understand.”
Peter refused to believe it. “No!” he said. “You should never be the one who has to wash my feet!”
“If I don’t wash your feet,” Jesus said, “then you have no part with me.”
“Then wash my head!” Peter said. “Wash my hands, too!”
“Someone who has taken a bath only needs to have his feet washed to be completely clean,” Jesus said. “And you are clean – but not all of you.” (He was thinking of Judas, who was plotting with the religious leaders to arrest Jesus.)
When Jesus finished washing all the disciples’ feet, He put his robes back on and joined the disciples at the table.
“You need to understand what I have done for you,” He said, “You call me Teacher and Lord, and rightly so. I am indeed your Teacher and your Lord. Now if I, as your Teacher and Lord, wash your feet, you must wash each other’s feet. The servant is not greater than the master. The messenger is not greater than the one who sends him. I have set you an example. This is how you are to treat each other.”
The men whose feet Jesus washed did not yet understand who Jesus was and is. But now, after his resurrection, we realize that in this story we are watching the one through whom all the universe was created, who is above all, who is the exact image of the invisible God, the one who is fully God, yet fully human like us. There with his towel across his knees, he is holding the universe together.
AND he is also coming close to the very end of his emptying himself, his not-grasping at being God, his complete obedience, faithfulness and meekness that will end in a death that is going to make it possible for these rough men and our rough selves to be covered in his holiness.
Today’s prayer
Dear Jesus, I bow down before you today in awe of your power, your meekness and your love. Help me, I pray, to lay aside my rights like you did and serve with meekness and love. Amen.
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers and Lee Merrill Byrd
Sometimes we ignore what’s right in front of our eyes.
One of my grandfather’s workers saw that happen in the 1950s when the Cerling Construction Company won the bid to build the YMCA in Elmhurst, Illinois.
The company was supposed to build the YMCA on a big lot that had been vacant for many years. The train station was close by, and a lot of people used the vacant lot to park their cars when they caught the train to work every day in Chicago.
NO PARKING
The first task for building the YMCA was to dig a huge hole for the basement foundation in that vacant lot. Of course the workers couldn’t do that if there were cars parked where they needed to excavate the hole. So the day before work began, Cerling Construction barricaded both ends of the alley giving access to the lot, and they posted signs saying “NO PARKING.”
But when the excavator arrived the next morning to begin work, he found that a man had removed one of the barricades and was driving onto the lot to park his car.
“Hold on!” the worker told him. “We’re going to be excavating here today. You’ll have to remove your car.”
The entitled driver
The man was angry. “I have been using this space for many years,” he said, “and I intend to keep using it!” Then he parked his car, set the brake, and walked away to catch his train.
The excavator didn’t argue. He just watched the man go.
Then he used his forklift to pick up the man’s car, being careful not to damage it. He placed the car out of the way of the excavation site and started digging. Then for the rest of the day, as he excavated the big hole for the building’s foundation, he carefully dumped all the excavated dirt into a complete ring around the stubborn man’s car, six or seven feet high.
When my father told me this story, he said he never did hear what happened when the man returned to his car. But I bet he wasn’t too happy.
Taking a gift for granted
All day every day big gifts and little gifts come our way. For years this man received the gift of a convenient, free parking place in an unused vacant lot. But instead of seeing this privilege as a gift and expressing thanks, he took the gift for granted and began to think of the vacant lot as something he was entitled to – something that, somehow, somebody owed him. (Who might that be? He never stopped to think.) So when the gift disappeared, that frame of mind made him get angry and do something very foolish.
Jesus said
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5).
Today’s prayer
Soften my heart and open my eyes, Lord, to see – to really see – the gifts You give me today: those good things that come that I did nothing to earn or buy. Open my heart and open my mouth to give You thanks all through the day. Amen.
©2018 Becky Cerling Powers
(In yesterday’s story, during the desegregation of New Orleans public schools in 1960, psychiatrist Robert Coles was puzzled by the apparent peace of 6-year-old Ruby Bridges.)
A federal judge had ordered that Ruby be allowed to attend a formerly all-white public school. The other parents boycotted the school, and every day, as Ruby attended class all by herself, a mob of 50 to 75 people showed up. They screamed curses, spat, shook their fists at the little girl, and threatened to kill her. The local police refused to protect her from them, so the federal government provided marshals to escort the child to and from class every day.
One day Ruby’s first grade teacher told Coles that she had seen Ruby stop to talk to the people in the mob on her way to class. Later, Coles asked Ruby about it. “I wasn’t talking to them,” Ruby said. “I was just saying a prayer for them.”
“Why?” Coles asked, astonished.
“Because they need praying for. Because I should,” she said.
When Coles kept asking questions, the only explanation Ruby gave was, “Because I should.”
Ruby’s parents over heard the conversation and explained that they told their daughter it was important for her to pray for the people in the mob. Ruby prayed for them every night as part of her bed time routine.
Later Coles learned that Ruby’s Sunday School teacher taught her the same thing, and that the pastor of her church prayed for the people in the mob every Sunday. Publicly.
“I don’t understand why this girl should be praying for those people,” Coles told his wife. “She’s got enough to bear without that.”
“That’s you speaking,” his wife said. “Maybe she feels differently.”
Then his wife developed an imaginary scenario of Coles trying to go into the Harvard Faculty Club through a shouting mob. “What would you do?”
The two of them agreed that Coles would definitely not pray for the people. First, he would call the police. (Ruby couldn’t call the police. They sided with the mob.) Then he would get a lawyer. (Ruby had no means to get a lawyer.)
“The third thing I would do would be to turn immediately on this crowd with language and knowledge,” Coles said. “Who are these people, anyway? They are sick. They are marginal, sociologically, economically, psycho-socially, socio-culturally, and psycho-historically.” (Ruby had no big words like these to turn on the mob.)
After that discussion, Coles asked Ruby again why she should pray for the people who cursed her every day. “Well, especially it should be me,” she said, “because if you’re going through what they’re doing to you, you’re the one who should be praying for them.”
Then Ruby explained that her pastor had told her that when Jesus was beaten and crucified, he had prayed for the people mistreating him: “Forgive them, because they don’t know what they’re doing.”
In the end, Coles concluded, “The great paradox that Christ reminded us about is that sometimes those who are lonely and hurt and vulnerable – meek to use the word – are touched by grace and can show the most extraordinary kind of dignity, and in that sense, inherit not only the next world, but even at times moments of this one. We who have so much knowledge and money and power look on confused…”
What Jesus said
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5).
Today’s prayer: “Lord, I choose to forgive, but I need Your power to do it. Amen.”
© Becky Cerling Powers 1998
Reprint with attribution only
For more of Becky Cerling Powers' stories to share with friends and older children, check out Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore.
It never occurred to psychiatrist Robert Coles that a poor, black 6-year-old like Ruby Bridges might know more about coping effectively with stress than he did. When he watched her, flanked by burly federal marshals, pass through a shouting mob on her way to and from school each day, he assumed that she needed psychological help and that he could give it to her.
It was the fall of 1960. In 1954 the U.S. Supreme Court had ruled that public schools must allow black and white students to attend classes together, instead of segregating them as they were doing. Six years later, a federal judge pressured schools in New Orleans to follow the new rules and allow black students to attend the formerly all-white schools.
So 6-year-old Ruby Bridges started classes at William T. Frantz School, and the neighborhood erupted in angry demonstrations. All the other parents boycotted the school, refusing to allow their children to attend.
Every day, Ruby attended class all by herself. And every day a mob gathered outside the school, screaming curses, spitting at the little girl, shaking their fists, and threatening to kill her. The local police refused to protect her, so the federal government provided marshals to escort Ruby to and from class every day.
Robert Coles had studied stress in children who had polio at the Children’s Hospital in Boston. He had presented a paper with his conclusions to the American Psychiatric Association. When Coles saw Ruby’s daily ordeal, he wanted to study her response to stress, too. He thought he could write another paper and possibly do a good deed as well, helping her cope.
Coles contacted Ruby’s parents through the NAACP and started visiting her family twice a week, looking for symptoms of turmoil. But Ruby seemed to be sleeping fine, her appetite was normal, and she played well with friends in the neighborhood when she came home from school.
Ruby’s first grade teacher said the little girl didn’t seem upset at school either. “I don’t understand this child,” she said. “Ruby seems so happy. She comes here so cheerfully.”
“Well, I’m a little puzzled myself,” Coles said, “but I think that sometimes people under tremendous stress gird themselves mightily , and it can take time to find out just how upset they are.”
His explanation seemed less and less convincing, though, when he watched the way Ruby and her parents carried on as the weeks and months passed.
“Here was a girl who was six years old,” Coles wrote later, “whose parents were extremely poor, were illiterate so that they did not even know how to sign their names. They were going through tremendous strain, day after day, and they did not seem to be complaining, parents or child.
“What a contrast with the well-to-do middle-class people I had seen in Boston whose children, for one reason or another – all of them white, by the way – were having all sorts of difficulties. Now, how do you explain that? I would ask myself. And I did not know how to explain that.”
Today’s prayer
“Oh Lord, I need what Ruby and her parents had. Please help me to take hold of it and absorb it into my own life. Amen.”
Our son Erik was a visual learner who picked up the skill of reading quickly as a kindergartner after only two or three weeks of simple home phonics lessons. Once he “clicked” on reading, he read all the easy reading books he could lay his hands on. He usually read them through several times.
Some bright kids pick up reading early and easily
I thought he was ready for something harder the summer after first grade. By then he read easy books fluently, and he had a hardy attention span. He could sit attentively for a half hour or more at a time while we read him long children’s classics at bedtime like C.S. Lewis’s The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. So I suggested he try reading The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum, a book he was familiar with because I had read it aloud to him.
He was ecstatic to find out he could read a novel length book. Every day he reported his progress: “Mom, I’m on page 67!” or “Mom, I’ve read 200 pages!!”
Some bright kids take a lot more time
Not every child is ready to tackle such hard books at age 7. Two children, both equally bright, may reach reading readiness at different ages—even five or six years apart. Our son Matt was a late bloomer who finally “clicked” on reading at age 10. Yet he, too, was reading novel length books within two years after he really began reading.
For both boys the key to moving on to the hard books was twofold. First, as parents we built up our children’s vocabulary by reading them many stories that were written well beyond their reading level. Second, as novice readers the boys developed fluency in reading by reading many easy books over and over.
It is vital to encourage reading fluency, not just reading harder material
Author and educator Ruth Beechick states that encouraging reading fluency is an important step that parents (and schools) tend to skip by pushing children on to harder and harder reading materials. This is a mistake, she says, because reading lots of easy books helps developing young readers in several essential ways. First, it gives them practice with decoding skills until these skills become over-learned and automatic. It also helps them learn and relearn the common words that make up a large percentage of all books, including difficult ones.
It helps children read more smoothly and rapidly. It also helps them develop comprehension, instead of losing the sense of a passage while struggling to deal with difficult vocabulary and decoding at the same time. Finally, reading lots of easy books helps youngsters find out that reading can be fun. But what is an easy book? The answer varies from reader to reader.
The three reading levels
Beechick explains that every child has three reading levels at all times: a frustration level, a learning level and a comfort level. (These levels provide a way to rate books, not a way to rate individual children.)
To rate a book, she says, mark off a section of about 100 words and ask your child to read it to you aloud. If he or she has trouble reading more than five words, the book is at that child’s frustration level. It has so many new words that the child cannot follow the sense of the story. Avoid pushing children to read at their frustration level. Set aside the book for a while. Children who are pressured to read books at their frustration level become reluctant readers. It makes them want to give up on reading.
If your children miss three to five words in the 100-word section, the book is at their learning level. This is a book for you to read together, taking turns reading every other paragraph or every other page. Whenever Junior bumps into a problem with a word, you can help him solve it.
If your children miss two words or less in the 100 word section, the book is at their comfort level. It’s an easy book. They can read it independently and understand the story well. It’s a good book for a child to read alone or to a younger brother or sister. Reading a lot of books at this comfort level will noticeably improve a child’s reading fluency.
Children can figure out their own reading level at the library
You can teach children how to use a form of this test themselves when choosing library books. Tell them to read a page in the book (assuming that a page will have from 100 to 200 words on it) and use their fingers to count the words they don’t know. Whenever they run out of fingers on one hand, the book is probably too hard.
If parents using this test find out that the simplest books in the library are on their child’s frustration level, it means the child does not really know how to read yet. In that case, parents need to back up and teach their child to read using a good phonics program—that is, if the child has reached reading readiness. Beechick’s book, The Three R’s, includes information about ways to tell when a child is ready to read.
Resource: The Three R’s by Ruth Beechick includes a reading section (telling how and when to begin phonics and how to develop comprehension skills) a language section (showing how to develop written language skills naturally) and an arithmetic section (explaining how to teach children to understand math concepts). Beechick explains the reading process simply. She gives directions for providing reading readiness activities, introducing phonics, teaching children to read using real books, testing children’s reading level, and tutoring spelling. Order the book from Amazon.com, Christianbook.com or special order from your local bookstore. ISBN13:978-0-88062-173-1
© Becky Cerling Powers 1995
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Eileen met her lover the same day her husband Richard came home from work and announced that he had become a Christian. After see-sawing between the two men for a year, she gave custody of her three-year-old daughter to Richard and went to her boyfriend.
When she became pregnant a couple months later, she was unsure her boyfriend would keep his promises about providing for his child. Also, she still wondered if she should go back to Richard and her daughter. Having this child would shut that door and keep her tied to a man she didn’t trust. Besides, she didn’t want to lose her job.
Should I get an abortion?
Her relatives urged her to get an abortion, and she went to counselors who urged her to do what was best for her and her alone. She had decided to abort when Richard called. He said the Lord had told him that she was pregnant by her boyfriend, and that God wanted him to love and care for this child. And again, the night before her abortion was scheduled, he called and asked her not to abort her baby.
But Eileen went ahead with it anyway.
Afterwards her boyfriend gave her some pro-life literature that showed the stage of development of her unborn child. She had been well into her third month of pregnancy. She was shocked by the pictures because her abortion counselor had told her the fetus was just a little blob. She wondered if she would have decided differently with better information.
Guilt and shock
“Partly because the guilt and shock were too much to handle, and partly because I didn’t trust the baby’s father’s motives, I began to block all this out of my mind,’’ Eileen said.
A few months after the abortion, Eileen became a Christian and returned to her husband and daughter. “I found myself loving things that before had seemed so unfulfilling – just being home and being a wife and mother,’’ she said.
“God restored our marriage,’’ Eileen said, but eventually her abortion decision began to haunt her.
Threatened miscarriage
After having three more children, Eileen became pregnant again. During the first trimester, she began spotting and cramping. “I became afraid God was judging me,’’ she said, “ This baby’s due date was the same as the one I had aborted nine years earlier, and I was in about the same stage in my pregnancy as when I had the abortion. I felt God was going to take the life of this one, because I took the life of the other.’’
“No,’’ Richard told her, “God does not work that way. He is full of mercy and grace.’’
After a difficult pregnancy, Eileen gave birth to a healthy girl and named her daughter Hannah, which means “Grace.’’
Facing truth, facing remorse, grieving the loss “This situation forced me to deal with what I had done,’’ Eileen said. “I had to walk out of my denial. Instead of covering up what happened before, I began allowing the guilt, the remorse, and the grief to surface and be lovingly dealt with by my Creator. I began to mourn for that little one and ask God for His forgiveness.’’
Eileen came to understand that God wanted her to be whole, but honesty was required for her healing. She began facing some issues she had never anticipated, such as “How do you talk to your children about this?’’
“My abortion occurred in 1973, but it took eleven and a half years before I came to the point that I could forgive myself,’’ Eileen said. “I had no idea that such a simple ‘procedure’ could have such far-reaching effects in the future.’’
Worth repeating
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4 NIV).
Today’s Prayer
“Lord, give me the courage to face the wrong I’ve done – to name it, to name what I have lost because of it, to grieve and allow myself to feel the hurt I’ve caused You, others and myself. Walk with me, I pray, through this process and reveal the truth that I need to understand to set me free and receive forgiveness. Amen.”
© 2018 Becky Cerling Powers
When our 11-year-old granddaughter Edith came for a two-week visit one summer, she discovered the photo book that our daughter-in-law sent us several years ago showing pictures of our then-three-year-old granddaughter Nora and recounting some of the funny remarks Nora made. Edith laughed and laughed.
She especially liked the story about the day Nora’s swimming teacher gave all the kids suckers on their last day of swimming class. Nora’s mom took the sucker away for the car ride home. When they got home, Nora asked, “Can I have my choking hazard back now?”
I laugh every time I re-read this collection of Nora’s preschool remarks, and her older cousins all think the book is pretty funny, too.
Grandma started it
It has become a family tradition to try to preserve some of the amusing remarks our kids make, a tradition that began with my grandmother who told my Aunt Jean, “Write down the funny and touching things your children say and do when they’re little. You think you’ll remember those things, but you won’t.”
Aunt Jean continued it
Aunt Jean followed her mother’s advice, and when her children were grown, she showed me her collection of stories. I sat down and laughed and laughed. Years later, after Jean passed away and after the advent of photocopiers, I asked my cousin to make a copy for me. In the meantime, I started collecting stories of my own from our own three kids.
And I took their advice
And my grandmother was right. Every time I re-read those old anecdotes, I laugh all over again, amazed at how much of it I had forgotten. I think how much fun we would have lost if I hadn’t written down the children’s funny and touching moments while they were fresh.
For years I kept the stories mish-mashed together in a file folder. About once a year the older children would rediscover the file and spend an hour or more giggling, whooping, and reading the entries aloud to the rest of the family. Then one year I finally typed the whole collection of anecdotes into the computer and made a book for each of the children for Christmas.
It was a hit.
An alternative to the Baby Book
Most baby books have spaces for writing children’s funny remarks, but the pages tend to stay blank, especially after the first child. The book is too intimidating and the space too limiting. Parents don’t want cross-outs and spelling errors in the baby book because it’s a keepsake. So they wait until they have time to write everything neatly and perfectly. When that time finally comes, if it ever does, they’ve forgotten what happened.
Here is an alternative approach that has worked well for me.
© 2018 Becky Cerling Powers
I grew up in Plainfield, New Jersey. When I was in high school, I used to go to a place called the Center for Handicapped Children on Tuesday evenings when the kids who were there all during the day stayed late and had dinner and a crafts hour. A little while later, teenagers and folks in their 20s would come and there would be music, maybe records or even a band, giving everyone a chance to shake a leg, or if that wasn’t possible, to be pushed around in wheelchairs or to just run around in wild circles. The music was always great.
The Center’s Director, Mrs. Raymond, understandably needed volunteers on Tuesday nights to help feed the kids who couldn’t feed themselves and to give a hand with crafts and so my mother volunteered me.
Tuesday nights at the Center for Handicapped Children
At first, I went because Ma said I had to go. But it got to where I really looked forward to Tuesday nights. There was a cute older guy who came there Tuesdays. He had a car he drove with only his hands. His legs didn’t work at all. He stood at the front of the Center with his back up against the counter watching people come and go and it was clear he liked the way I walked in the front door.
There was someone else there I really liked a lot. His name was Joey Carfaro, a sweet-spirited kid with big eyes and muscular dystrophy. He was all bent up in a kind of supine wheelchair, couldn’t raise his head on his own. He liked to tease all the girls who came to help him out. He had an eye for the girls alright and just the right way with words. Everyone loved Joey Carfaro.
Letters from Joey
When I left for college, Joey wrote me letters in a neat printed hand. He missed me, he said. I was his girl. On the envelopes he wrote in big letters: S.W.A.K. (Sealed With A Kiss!)
But, he wanted to know, were there any other pretty girls at college he might like to meet? He liked to play the field, that Joey. He told me about his sister Janet and about his brother Clem and about the gifts he got for his birthday and Christmas.
I saved some of Joey’s letters. I kept them in boxes with other letters. I got married, had three kids. We moved around. Forty-five years passed. About twenty years ago, I got organized and put all my letters into file folders: Letters from Ma, Letters from Susie, Letters from Cynthia. Lots of letters. And there sat five letters from Joey Carfaro in the file folder called Letters from Growing Up.
Reconnection
They probably would have sat there forever except that the Internet came along and Email and then Facebook and in the midst of all this, some of my high school friends connected with me and with old friends of theirs. One connection was with Wendy Wechsler Adams. I had lunch with Wendy when I was in her town. She had recently figured out Facebook and had been contacted by a lady named Janet Carfaro.
I wondered about Janet. Was she Joey’s cousin, sister? I had probably known the answer to that in high school but couldn’t remember. Wendy gave me Janet’s email and I wrote her, asking if she knew Joey and explaining how I knew him.
Joey’s sister
It turned out that Janet was Joey’s sister. He died when he was 18, she told me, on May 10, 1966. And it turned out that one of the letters he wrote me was written on April 30, 1966. So I made copies of Joey Carfaro’s letters and sent them to his sister Janet. And here’s what she wrote me:
Today was an amazing day for me. I received the letters you sent. I must admit, I tried to smell Joey as I read them. I cried my heart out. I also laughed at so many of the things he mentioned. I don’t know how to thank you for these precious memories. I was at my daughter Jennifer’s house with them. She read them too. We both cried. She has heard about Joey all her life, now she feels like she can put a real person to all my stories about him. She e-mailed them to some of my siblings, we made copies for them. I know I will never give up the originals, but they will all get to read and feel them.
Well, the real gift, as you already know, was Joey Carfaro, a lovely, fragile boy, with a sweet smile, a sweet spirit, whose memory hasn’t faded away after all these years. But to those who hadn’t met him, nieces and nephews, he was there in those letters, held on to all these years, by God’s grace, for a later time.
Here’s to you, sweet friend, and to your family.
What Jesus said
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matt. 5:4)
Today’s prayer
Oh Lord, my heart hurts. I can’t see ahead to the kind of joy this lady experienced so many years after her brother died. Help me face my losses and mourn them. I trust you for both my future and my future comfort. Amen.
© Lee Merrill Byrd 2009
For the next few months I will be posting stories that help us understand the Beatitudes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mountain. For faith-based family stories to share with friends and older children, check out Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore.
When my husband was only in his mid-fifties, he began to have problems with his memory. Fred worked for a large industrial company as a chemical engineer. His chemical calculations had to be exact; his financial record keeping for the company had to be absolutely accurate. For some unknown reason, his job was getting harder and harder for him.
Then I began to notice that sometimes Fred couldn’t find his way even through familiar streets in his home town. His driving scared me. Both at home and at work he completely forgot entire conversations, leading to frustration and misunderstanding. What was happening?
Weird world
Two years into this weird world, doctors decided Fred must be suffering from depression. But antidepressants did not help his short-term memory loss or prevent the steady progression of his odd symptoms. It was a puzzling time.
After four years of wondering what his problem could be, I finally received his diagnosis--early onset Alzheimer’s Disease. Fred was barely 60 years old. It was a devastating blow.
At first we did not tell him his diagnosis, thinking the news would be more than he could bear. I grieved in private for months, but around Fred I tried to act like everything was fine. It was a hard act!
How can I manage?
One day as I was pouring out my heartache to the Lord in prayer, I told Him I wasn’t strong enough for this trial. Immediately a Bible verse I had learned years ago came to mind, "As your days, so shall your strength be" (Dt. 33:25 NKJ).
I went on. "But, Lord, I feel overwhelmed. Alzheimer’s is a frightening valley. How can I make it through?" My answer came when yet another Scripture memorized long before came to mind: "The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you" (Deut. 33:27 NLT).
In other words, I would not be walking through this terrifying valley alone. God promised to be with me, providing His strength for my weakness. And whenever I stumbled over problems in my pathway, His wonderful arms would be there to pick me up.
Fred died at the age of 66 in 1999, six years after I learned he had Alzheimer’s. So, because the symptoms were years before his diagnosis, we walked that Valley about a dozen years.
God’s comfort, God’s provision
How else did God comfort me?
The Lord provided precious friends who ministered to me with the priceless gift of listening. And He put the idea in the hearts of a group of retired men at church to take turns taking Fred to lunch or to run errands with them one day a week. Fred looked forward to being with the guys, and it gave me a very needed break from the constancy of care giving. It was a great gift!
One day I was feeling overwhelmed and decided to drive around awhile just to have some alone time. I speak Spanish, and when I got in the car, the radio was tuned to a Christian Spanish station. They were playing a song I'd never heard, "Paz en medio de la Tormenta," (“Peace in the Midst of the Storm”). And I knew that God knew exactly where I was, and what I was feeling, and was ministering His grace, and yes, His peace to me, in the midst of that day's storm.
I had to make many decisions all along the way, for now I was the decision maker. I was very aware of the Holy Spirit guiding me and giving wisdom that I didn't have or bringing someone along who had the expertise needed for the problem.
Nancy Reagan called Alzheimer's the "long good-by." Yes, I know what she meant. For me the mourning started the day Fred was diagnosed and continued until the Lord released him those years later. But I discovered that the Comforter never left me. Unexpectedly, He brought times of great joy in the Valley. In looking back, I remember tears and laughter, frustration and peace, weakness and strength. It was a great lesson in learning to lean on Him.
What Jesus said
On his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).
Today’s prayer
"Dear God, thank You for Your wonderful promises to me. Help me to lean on Your everlasting arms when I don’t know how to go on with life. Help me to look to You each day to replace my weakness with Your strength. Thank You for Your faithfulness to me and Your assurance that goodness and mercy will be with me all the days of my life. Amen."
©2020 Paula Kortcamp Combs
You can find more stories by Paula Kortkamp Combs in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore
I have a wonderful neighbor. Actually, I have a whole bunch of wonderful neighbors, but this story is about just one of them, a young woman whose grandmother and grandfather, mother and father, uncles and aunts, brothers and cousins I have known now for 35 plus years, since we first moved to our house in El Paso.
Her name is Jessica. The thing about Jessica I like is that she is always there, always ready with a quick smile, a hello, an opinion, a thought. You can depend on her. You don’t have to guess what she is thinking—she will tell you.
I can’t say that I know her really well. I know her more out of the corner of my eye, watching her come and go, watching her grow up. I went to her quinceñera. I missed her wedding though. We were out of town. She married her high school sweetheart. She was already in the Air Force, as both her brothers were too. They were stationed in Oklahoma.
Tragic news
After a time Jessica found out she was pregnant. She and her husband wanted a family. Everyone was excited. But then she found out that her baby girl had a syndrome. Some part of her wouldn’t develop and that would cause her to die very shortly after she was born. She might last an hour, not much more.
Jessica and her family are very private people so I have to imagine here some of what they were thinking or asking. There was some sense that, given the circumstances, it would be better to end the pregnancy. But that wasn’t possible. Jessica was too far along and she was too healthy. The pregnancy wouldn’t affect her health adversely and so there was no just cause for such a late term termination.
There was some hope, too, that she might miscarry. Those who loved her couldn’t bear the thought of Jessica being more and more deeply attached every day to a child who wouldn’t live.
Amaris Luz
But that’s not how it all fell out. Jessica was strong and healthy and being the straight-forward girl she is, she carried the baby almost to term and delivered her without a C-section. Jessica and her husband named their daughter Amaris Luz. Amaris is from the Hebrew and it can mean alternately promised by God or God has said. And Luz, of course, is Spanish for light.
To deliver a baby in Spanish is dar a luz to give into the light, to bring to the light. All these things, Jessica and her husband did, bringing their gift into the light, no matter the consequences.
Amaris Luz lived for six hours and ten minutes, bringing light out of darkness. There to be present at her birth were her mother and father, her four grandparents, and a great grandmother. They welcomed Amaris into the world with all the love they held for her, surrounding her with it as her mother had nurtured and surrounded her with her own body, giving her a home and a place in this world for as she as long as she needed.
Jessica faced a hard choice, but I think that her decision to let her pregnancy take its course brought her and her husband comfort, even though their daughter died. I think that’s true because of the name they chose for their little girl, a name that brings glory to God and healing potential to their family.
What Jesus said
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4)
Today’s Prayer
“Dear Father, here is what I lost: _______________. And here is how I feel: _____________. I trust that You love me and You have more wisdom than I do for my life. Show me, I pray the gifts that You are giving me in spite of my losses, so that I can give You thanks. You can transform anything, so I look forward to seeing what You will do. Amen.”
© Lee Merrill Byrd 2009
I used to think it was my responsibility to keep our children entertained and occupied all the time. I wasn’t a good mom, I thought, if they were bored.
Eventually I realized, though, that sometimes children are bored because they are too lazy to do anything about being bored. They assume that it is their parents’ job to think up ideas for things to do and their job to criticize the ideas.
So I changed tactics. When the children complained that there was nothing to do, I said, “Well, I’ll tell you what to do. You just sit right down in that chair and think until you figure out something to do.”
The situation changed quickly once I realized who was responsible for what. It is children’s responsibility to do something about their own boredom. It is parents’ responsibility to provide raw materials and an environment that stimulates and encourages creativity instead of stifling it.
Here are a few tips on what parents need to do:
Provide examples of creativity. Take the time to let children work alongside you when you cook, sew, garden, etc. Let them work on their project while you work on yours.
Also, invite children to help come up with solutions to family problems like, “What can we do for Father’s Day even though we have no money to spend?”
Read and tell stories about creative people. Perhaps a relative was a good craftsman or invented a good solution to a problem. Biographies of inventors, explorers, and artists, as well as historical fiction like Little House on the Prairie, are also good sources for tales of creative people children can emulate.
Supply raw materials generously. Keep a supply of dress up clothes, costumes, and hats for pretend play. Stash materials like empty juice cans in a sack to be recycled into art projects. Provide pens, pencils, crayons, paints, brushes, paper, paste, tape, scissors, modeling clay and other art supplies.
Never restrict a child to one piece of paper! Children need to make many drawings at one sitting to improve their skills. Having to produce perfection on the first piece of paper blocks creativity.
Provide work space. Try to keep a desk, table, wooden chair or some other working surface available for projects. Then store art supplies where children can take them out and use them independently as soon as they are old enough to be trusted with them. (Keep potentially dangerous materials out of reach of toddlers, however.) Children will be less apt to start projects if they have to wait for you to clear work space and get out all the supplies.
Provide house rules. Creativity tends to be messy. Part of being a parent is teaching children how to prevent unnecessary messes (“Do your cutting over the wastebasket so the scraps fall in there instead of on the floor”) and how to deal calmly and efficiently with inevitable messes (“Clean up spills with a rag from the box”). It’s also a good idea to have children ask permission before they use messy art supplies like glue, paint, or glitter.
Limit “creativity robbers” like TV, tight scheduling, heavy loads of structured assignments, sophisticated toys, and a ready supply of “easy money”.
Provide outlets for creativity. Encourage your children to use their special talents for practical purposes. Let your artist make the family chore charts, design birthday cards, and decorate the house for birthdays and special holidays.
Budding actors can give puppet shows, read aloud dramatically to younger brothers and sisters, or make tapes and videotapes to send Grandma and Grandpa. Aspiring writers can keep a family journal, compose poems for the artist’s birthday cards, or write a family newsletter. An aspiring carpenter can make toys, build bookshelves, and put together “assembly required” furniture and toys.
Have patience with first efforts. Criticism (especially criticism of first attempts) withers creativity. Children improve with practice. You can always find something good to say about even the clumsiest first attempt at a new skill: “You sure used a lot of pretty colors that time,” or “What an interesting idea. I would never have thought of that.”
Provide lots of encouragement. Display children’s art projects where people can see them. Express admiration for their efforts. Save and file their best efforts. Find instructors for children who want to develop a special talent.
Creativity is a latent ability in all children. Parents can do a lot to help their children develop and use their unique combinations of creative capability.
© Becky Cerling Powers 1993
Long ago on a mountain, Jesus told his followers: “Blessed (happy) are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” But what does that mean? What does someone look like who is “poor in spirit?”
The story of Naaman gives us clues.
Naaman, commander of the ancient Syrian army, led his troops in a major military victory over ancient Israel. He was a great man, a beloved national who had the respect of his nation and a close friendship with the king. He had a power position in government, too, and great wealth. But Naaman had something else – leprosy, a frightening disease with no cure.
News for Naaman
In his home there was a young slave girl, whom he had kidnapped from Israel during the war. One day she told Naaman's wife about a prophet in Israel whose god could heal leprosy. Hearing that, Naaman went to his king with the hopeful news. Immediately King Ben-Haddad wrote a letter for Naaman to take to the king of Israel, asking him to heal his commander.
The great general and his military aides traveled to Israel. They took with them 750 pounds of silver, 150 pounds of gold, and ten sets of expensive clothes. Naaman was sure that such riches could pay the god of Israel to heal him.
The surprise arrival of the Syrians at the palace upset the king of Israel. How could Ben-Haddad expect him to heal anybody of leprosy? Was the Syrian king looking for an excuse to start another war with Israel?
Elisha offers help
But when Elisha the prophet heard about this, he quickly sent word for the king to send Naaman to him.
Now, the people in Naaman’s country and culture believed that there were many gods and that they could bribe the gods into helping them. They also thought that they could impress the gods with their great importance or good reputation.
Riding in his beautiful chariot, Naaman imagined how the scene would unfold. The prophet would come outside, dramatically wave his hand over him, pronounce some magical words in the name of his god, and the leprosy would disappear!
Soon Naaman was standing at Elisha's door. But the prophet didn't even bother to come outside. Instead, he sent a servant to tell Naaman to dip in the Jordan River seven times.
Elisha offends a powerful foe
Naaman was furious! Didn't the prophet know what an important person he was? Didn't he know how much money Naaman could pay him for a cure? And didn't he realize that the rivers of Syria were much prettier than the muddy Jordan? How dare the prophet treat him like this!
He was about to order his retinue out of the country, when his aide said, “Sir, if the prophet asked you to do something difficult, wouldn’t you do it? Then, Sir, why not try something so simple?”
So letting go of his own idea of how God should heal him, Naaman climbed back into his chariot and drove 25 miles to the Jordan River. Obediently, he dipped seven times in the muddy water. To his amazement, after his seventh dip, his leprosy instantly disappeared. He was healed!
Naaman tries to reward God
Naaman hurried back to the house of Elisha and stood before the prophet. “Now I know that there is no God in all the world except in Israel,” he said. “Please accept now a gift from your servant.”
But Elisha refused. Naaman kept urging the prophet to take a gift, but Elisha would not take anything. So Naaman made another request. He asked Elisha to allow him to take as much Israelite earth as two mules could carry, and then he vowed that he would never again make sacrifices or give offerings to the gods of Syria. He would worship only one God: the God of Israel.
Before God, the rich are really poor
Naaman not only had great material wealth, he had a wealth of demands; he had a wealth of expectations. Not only was he rich in power, he was rich in assumptions, and he had a rich sense of entitlement.
But fortunately, Naaman learned that before the great God of All, he was really poor. So he let go of his wealth in preconceived ideas and he vowed to worship God alone -- the God who has all power and all wisdom and needs nothing so that we cannot impress Him, we cannot bribe Him, and we cannot manipulate Him. We must come to Him recognizing our poverty and worship Him for the great God He is.
You can read more about this Bible story in 2 Kings Chapter 5.
Prayer: "Dear God, help me to let go of my ideas of how You should do things. Please help me to remember that Your ways are always better than my ways." Amen.
Resource: Paula K. Combs’ e-book Bible studies in English and Spanish can be found at this link: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Paula+K.+Combs&ref=nb_sb_noss
©2020 Paula Kortkamp Combs and Becky Cerling Powers
For more stories by Paula and Becky, buy My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family from the Bookstore
King David was Israel’s greatest ruler. The Bible says he was a man after God’s own heart. Known as the sweet singer of Israel, David wrote many of the psalms. But David was not perfect.
Adultery and murder
One evening as he relaxed on the flat roof of the palace, he happened to see a beautiful woman bathing on a nearby rooftop. Secretly, he sent for her to come spend the night with him. A couple of months later she sent word that she was pregnant. Quietly David arranged for her soldier-husband to be killed in battle, and he married the young widow.
Confrontation
God was displeased with David’s secret deeds and sent the prophet Nathan to confront him about his sins of adultery and murder. King David sincerely repented of his wrongdoing. Out of this shameful experience David wrote words of confession and comfort that became included in the Bible and have helped guilt-ridden people throughout the ages to make things right with God:
I admit I did wrong and deserve punishment
"O loving and kind God, have mercy. Have pity upon me and take away the awful stain of my transgressions. Oh, wash me, cleanse me from this guilt. Let me be pure again. For I admit my shameful deed-- it haunts me day and night. It is against you and you alone I sinned and did this terrible thing. You saw it all, and your sentence against me is just.
Help me to be truthful and wise.
“But I was born a sinner, yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. You deserve honesty from the heart; yes, utter sincerity and truthfulness. Oh, give me this wisdom. Sprinkle me with the cleansing blood and I shall be clean again. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. And after you have punished me, give me back my joy again.
Please forgive me and give me a clean heart
“Don't keep looking at my sins-- erase them from your sight. Create in me a new, clean heart, O God, filled with clean thoughts and right desires. Don't toss me aside, banished forever from your presence. Don't take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
Then I will tell others and praise You
“Then I will teach your ways to other sinners, and they-- guilty like me-- will repent and return to you. Don't sentence me to death. O my God, you alone can rescue me. Then I will sing of your forgiveness, for my lips will be unsealed-- oh, how I will praise you" (Psalm 51:1-14 TLB).
God’s forgiveness
David’ attitude of complete repentance shows what Jesus meant when he said “Blessed are the poor spirit.” Because David confessed his evil deeds and truly repented of them, he experienced the wonder of God’s amazing forgiveness. His overwhelming guilt and regret were replaced by joy. God restored David to usefulness in God’s service. Regardless of your past deeds, you, too, can experience the joy of God’s forgiveness.
Today’s prayer
Read aloud the words of Psalm 51, printed above, as your prayer to God.
© 1998 Paula Kortkamp Combs
You can find other stories by Paula in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore
The Hundred Chart is a simple tool that parents can use to help their children learn math. There are more ways to use it than there are numbers on the chart.
The diagram shows what a Hundred Chart looks like. You can copy this diagram onto a blank document in your computer or make your own larger-size 100 Chart on poster board to hang up in the kitchen or wherever your children do their home work. You may want many letter-stationery-sized copies for different math activities. The diagram is repeated at the end of this article to make it easier to copy it into your computer.
Here are a few ways to use your chart:
Beginning Math
After children can accurately count concrete objects like blocks and stones, use the chart to count, first to 10, then 20, and eventually to 100.
Use it to help children recognize numbers. Which is 5? Which is 55?
Make an extra large size copy on cardstock, cut apart the number sections, and ask your child to make a train on the floor, arranging the numbers in correct order. Start with the numbers 1 to 10, then try 1 to 20. Work up eventually to 100, encouraging your child to wind his number line around furniture or down hallways to make it fit. (You can do the same activity by making numbers by hand on index cards.)
Show your child how to sort these number cards by ones, 20’s, etc. This is an activity all by itself. It also can be used to help children make the number train to 100 without becoming overwhelmed. If they sort the cards, it’s easier to make the train.
What is one more than 7? What is 5 plus 2 more? Count forward to work out simple addition problems on the chart. (You can also do this and many other Hundred Chart activities on a home made number line.)
What is one less than 8? What is 5 minus 3? Count backward to work out simple subtraction problems.
Take turns with your children doing problems. Give them the easy ones they are ready for, like 3 plus 4. Let them give you hard problems, if they want, like 59 plus 6. Show them how you figure out the hard problems.
Advanced math
Use white out to make three or four number squares blank in each row. Make copies of the chart with blanks and tell your children to fill in the blanks.
Use the chart to count by 10’s, then by 5’s, then by 2’s.
Tell your child to count and color the chart by 3’s. Then post the chart where children can see it from the dining table, and tell everyone to count by 3’s in unison before they can start eating. Do 3’s one week, 4’s the next week, and so on. Counting number groups helps children learn their multiplication tables.
Count by 10’s, but start on the 4 or the 7. Try starting on other numbers.
Count by any size number you can. Start with any number you want.
Count backwards from 100 by 10’s. Count backwards by 5’s or 2’s.
Add 8 to 5. Add 8 to 15, then to 25, then to 35. This makes a bridge from one row of 10 to another. Try other bridging addition problems.
9 is an interesting number to add because its position is one less than 10. Add 9 to different numbers and try to figure out a rule for adding 9. Then do the same things with 11.
Subtract 5 from 62, then from 52, 42, 32, 22, and 12. Try other subtraction problems with bridging.
Use the hundred chart to figure out hard problems. Use it to figure out homework problems, too.
© 2020 Becky Cerling Powers
I started drinking when I was 14. I worked in a restaurant and with the money I got from tips I would ask friends to get me beer. I don’t know why. It’s just that the beer would call me: “You need beer. You need beer.”
My son was born in 1983, when I was 33 years old. I was a single mom. Gradually I started drinking more and more.
Drinking to escape depression
When my son was 13, I went through a really bad depression, and I thought what would heal me was to drink and smoke and not care about anything else. Before I started to work, I’d smoke two cigarettes and drink three beers so I’d feel OK. Then I’d work. After work I would buy another six- pack, sometimes wine and whiskey. To me it was a good feeling. I wouldn’t take care of my son, and I was hurting my body.
I worked at a country club. When I’d get a break, I’d go to the bathroom and steal a beer to drink. The manager finally realized it and said, “You better stop or we’ll have to fire you.” The club warned me three times and finally they fired me.
Drinking to escape trouble
I had money saved up. I started going every two days to the bank to get money and buy beer. I wasn’t eating, just drinking. I passed out and my mom called an ambulance. I was in a coma three days. I prayed, “My Lord, I beg of you, help me.”
In a dream my Lord said, “Daughter, everyone loves you and needs you, especially your mom and your son. I want you to make up your mind whether it’s heaven or hell.”
My friend Tola
I stopped drinking, but I was having seizures because my heart was so weak from all the alcohol and smoking. Then my dad and mom died, I got congestive heart failure, and I had another big depression. My neighbor, Tola, would visit me and insist for me to go to her church, but I didn’t go. Sometimes she’d see my house really dirty, and she would clean it.
In 2008 I saw two beautiful little girls, 12 or 13 years old, at the park. “Miss!” they called to me.
“What?” I asked.
“What religion are you on?”
“Catholic.”
“Would you like to change and go to that church over there?”
I said “Yes!”
Tola’s church
I started going to Tola’s church. I prayed, “My Jesus, I want to change.” After that when I went to church, it was like getting a gift from the Lord, like when I used to like dolls and toys.
One day a year later I started choking and my whole body was shaking terrible. I started seeing things blurry and black. So I called the ambulance. It was their sixth time to come for me. When they came, they said “We’ve never seen you this bad.”
Beloved daughter
At 8 p.m. in the hospital I closed my eyes and didn’t wake up until 10 p.m. the next night. I had cardiac arrest. For two days I would see my good Lord standing with his hands open, looking at me saying, “¡Hija, que todas te quieren!” It was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me.
When he told me “Daughter, everybody loves you,” my body felt light. The doctor said I woke with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. I felt like I was flying. The nurse said, “Ay Señora, it must have been beautiful where you were!”
I had my EKG and they said “You’re doing great!” They sent me home.
I think I’ll never forget it. I died at the hospital. I was blacking out in my house but when I got to the hospital, that’s when I collapsed and went up there. He took out all the bad inside me, all my loneliness. Since I saw Jesus at the hospital, I don’t worry any more. I live one day at a time.
The Bible says
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). And Jesus taught “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).
Today’s Prayer
I cry out to you, Jesus, to help me in my trouble. Change my attitude until I seek you with all my heart. Amen.
© 2010 Becky Cerling Powers
For more faith-based family stories, check out Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore
I remember one day when I woke up in a crack house with the electricity turned off and people crashed out everywhere and wondered how I got there. How in my journey through life, with all the talents I had, with all of the community support and all of the family love I had, how I could be at this place and think that it was normal?
Throughout my childhood, I was raised in a solid Christian household and blessed with a wonderful family, even with the shortcomings of my stepfather. My own father died of a heart attack when I was four and the youngest of five children. My mother married a few years later, but unfortunately my stepfather’s ex-wife came back to him behind the scenes, and I lost my stepfather to divorce.
Mom, mentors, and teachers supported me
Still, with the strength of my mom, we made it through. I had wonderful teachers who helped me graduate with honors from Eastwood High School in El Paso, Texas. I had wonderful coaches who helped me become all-city in swimming for three years straight. And I had wonderful youth directors in church and Young Life who helped me grow in the Lord.
Losing accountability
I left for Texas Tech in 1981 and moved out of the structured, disciplined environment where I thrived. I no longer had a coach for a daily training program. I no longer had the kind of teachers who cared about my grades and attendance. I had no youth director to be spiritually accountable to. It was a gradual thing, but once I got unplugged, my batteries only lasted so long.
I met a beautiful co-ed. We drank, we got into drugs, we dropped out of college together and we had an abortion together. When that relationship ended, I moved from Lubbock to California to start over. But, unfortunately, I moved out there with myself. Everything that brought me down at Texas Tech followed me to California. I met a lovely lady out there. We drank and did drugs, but this lady decided to keep the baby.
Journey to hopelessness
I ended up moving to Austin, Texas and spent the next nine years drinking and drugging myself, moving from job to job and woman to woman. In November of 1998 I finally checked into a 30-day secular rehab program. They taught me everything I ever wanted to know about drugs and addictions and introduced me to their “Higher Power.” But they wouldn’t let me have a Bible because it was a government-funded program.
I graduated from rehab and moved into a transition home. My suite mate was Chris, a close friend from rehab. He was a smart, sharp-looking 21-year-old kid who had gotten strung out on crack. That January I found his corpse in his room, hanging from an exposed pipe by his twisted bed sheets. His suicide note told of his dark journey back into addiction and said that he was handling it the only way he knew how. That experience shocked me out of my sobriety. I didn’t see any more hope.
Christian rehab or the streets
It took me another ten years to hit bottom and realize it was Teen Challenge (a Christian rehab ministry) or the streets. My mother had been pushing Teen Challenge at me forever, but she is in the recovery ministry and I was embarrassed about myself for her. Here she was trying to help others get sober, and yet her own son was an addict. I didn’t realize that she had turned me over into God’s hands a long time ago.
Teen Challenge in El Paso helped me develop a one-on-one relationship with Jesus Christ. Finally, I had restoration. I know that I’ve been forgiven, although that doesn’t mean God has removed the consequences of all my poor choices. The most important part of my recovery is letting God use me to help give back to others what he has given back to me. Celebrate
Recovery has given me a Band of Brothers, connected and accountable to each other.
The Bible says
“Happy (blessed) are those who know they are spiritually poor” (Matthew 5:3).
Today’s Prayer
Jesus, I admit that I am powerless over my habits, hurts, and hang-ups. I turn my life and will over to you. Please show me the next step. Amen.
©2010 Becky Cerling Powers
What did Jesus mean when he said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit”? What does it look like for somebody to be “poor in spirit”? The story of King Ahaziah in the Old Testament gives some hints.
Ahaziah was one of the kings of ancient Israel during the time of God’s prophet Elijah. One day he fell through the second story railing of his house to the ground below. He was badly injured. So he sent messengers to Baal-zebub, the god of the people of Ekron, to ask if he would recover from his injuries.
Elijah met the messengers on their way. “Give the king this message,” he said, ‘“Why are you going to the god of Ekron? Is there no God in Israel? Here is what the Lord God says to the king: “You will not be able to get up from your bed. You are going to die.”’”
The messengers went back to the king and told him what happened.
“What did the man who stopped you look like?” Ahaziah asked.
“He wore a hairy garment with a leather belt around his waist,” they said.
“I know who that is!” the king said. “That’s Elijah!” And he ordered one of his military captains to take 50 men, arrest Elijah, and bring him to the king.
The captain and his 50 men located Elijah sitting on top of a hill.
“Man of God! Come down here right now!” the captain shouted. “I have orders to bring you to the king!”
“If I really am a Man of God,” Elijah said, “may fire come down from heaven and consume you all!”
Just then a ball of fire dropped from the sky. It landed on the men and they all burnt up.
So the king sent another captain with 50 men to arrest Elijah. They, too, found him on top of the hill. “Man of God! The king says, ‘Come down at once!’” the captain yelled.
“If I really am a Man of God,” Elijah said, “may fire come down from heaven and consume you all!”
Once again a fireball fell from the sky and killed all the men.
So – can you believe it? – the king sent another captain with 50 men to arrest Elijah.
But this captain was different. He climbed all the way up the hill and fell on his knees at Elijah’s feet. “Have compassion on me and these 50 men!” he begged. “We know what happened to all the others. Fire from heaven fell on those two captains and on their 50 men. Now, please, spare our lives!”
The angel of the Lord told Elijah, “Go down with him to the king. Do not be afraid.”
So Elijah went to the king with the captain and his 50 men. He gave God’s message directly to the king: “The Lord God says to you ‘Do you think there is no God in Israel for you to consult? Is that why you sent messengers to consult with Baal-zebub the god of Ekron? Because you did this, you will never be able to get up from your bed. You will surely die!’”
So King Ahaziah died as God said. He was king of Israel for only two years.
Being poor in spirit means that you realize you are poor and powerless. You don’t have what you need and you have no power to get what you need. To be poor in spirit toward God means that you come to him for what you need realizing that you can’t bribe him to help you, that you can’t manipulate or trick him into helping you, and that you can’t force him to help you. All you can do is ask nicely.
Today’s prayer
Lord I have this problem, I have this need: _____________. I’m poor and You are rich. I can’t bribe You or pay You to help me. All power is Yours. I have no power to solve this problem or to force You to help me. You are too wise for me trick You into helping, and certainly too wise for me to advise You how to help. Have compassion on me, Lord. Help me in my need. Amen.
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers
For the next few months I will be posting stories that help us understand the Beatitudes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mountain. For faith-based family stories to share with friends and older children, check out Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore.
Fear is a lousy companion. I know. He lived with me for almost three years. While expecting our son Jonathan, I was diagnosed with cancer. The physical scars from the resulting surgery were nothing compared to the emotional scars. Fear had forced his way into my soul and taken up residence as an unwelcome guest.
After that, the slightest ache or pain sent me running to the doctor, with Fear taunting me all the way. As soon as the doctor said he found no cancer, Fear slunk away to wait for another day.
What if …..?
One of his favorite tricks was a campaign of whispers, "What if ___?" My overactive imagination filled in the blanks. Every time I played this game with him, his old crony, Depression, bullied his way in. Then hours or days passed in misery. I seemed unable to get rid of my dreadful visitors.
In spite of this ongoing battle with Fear, I longed for another baby. I talked to the Lord about it regularly, always adding, "But Lord, if I’m not going to live, I don’t want to bring another child into the world. May Your will be done."
What have you done?
We were thrilled when we learned God was blessing us with a second child. Four months into the pregnancy, I went to Houston for my regular checkup at a cancer hospital. Seeing my maternity clothes, the doctor blurted, "You’re pregnant? You, with a history of cancer?" Then the upset doctor discovered a small lump under my arm. "Go on back to El Paso,” he said brusquely. “After you deliver in five months, we’ll do a biopsy."
I returned home an emotional wreck, with Fear cackling in the shadows. How would I make it through the next five months?
What is going on?
Out of the blue a high school friend I had not seen in years called me from a distant city. "Paula, what in the world is going on?" she asked. "The Lord woke me up last night to pray for you, and I can’t get you off my mind." Amazed, I poured out my story. She prayed with me over the phone and asked God to heal me.
The next morning, I sat down on the couch to read my beloved Amplified New Testament. Desperate for comfort, I turned to Philippians where I came to some favorite verses. In these particular circumstances, they took on a deeper meaning.
Prayers and requests with thanksgiving
"Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving continue to make your wants known to God. And God’s peace will be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace which transcends all understanding, shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6,7 Amplified)
No welcome for Fear
As I read those words, the peace of God mounted guard over my imagination, blocking the taunts of my old enemy. Fear was still yelling "What if?" but now I was safe from his torment, and he left.
Four months later our son David was born, and the lump mysteriously disappeared. God had answered our prayers.
Since that experience in 1974, Fear has returned many times to knock on the door of my soul. I have learned that if I don’t open the door, he can’t get in.
Today’s Prayer
Dear Lord, You know my struggle with Fear. Thank You that I can depend on Your faithfulness. I ask for Your powerful peace to protect me and rule over my life. I turn my worries and problems over to You right now. Amen.
© Paula Kortkamp Combs 1998
You can find other stories by Paula Kortkamp Combs in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore
How is your household coping with COVID-19?
If you run your household on the Crash Crisis system, like I did when our three children were small, then by now – with children home all day, every day – your home has probably unraveled into a giant mess.
The Neglect-and-then-Catch-Up Cycle
The Crash Crisis system could also be called the Neglect-for-a-Good-Cause- System. I would spend a couple days on a special project, like making costumes for a children’s musical, and then spend the next week fighting depression while trying to dig out of a disaster zone getting the household back on track.
Fortunately, before we began our 12-year adventure home schooling our children, I read Totally Organized by Bonnie McCullough, and learned to use McCullough’s Minimum Maintenance (MM) system.
Keeping Up is Easier than Catching Up
The heart of the system is recognizing that “keeping up is easier than catching up.”
“Every house has a minimum daily requirement to keep it running smoothly,” McCullough explained.
Once you know which jobs must be done and which can be skipped, you need to accept your home’s minimum requirement and see that it gets done. You don’t have to do it all yourself, but someone in the household (usually you) must oversee the process.
Minimum Maintenance
For most families, the minimum daily requirement includes
The Focused Five-Minute Pick Up
For me, the heart of MM is McCullough’s clutter solution: spending a focused five minutes tidying each room in the house (10 or 15 minutes in the kitchen) before leaving the house or starting any projects.
McCullough recommends that you use a timer and wear an apron or shirt with pockets. Start by picking up the biggest items first, and then work down to the smaller items that can be collected in a basket or pockets.
Just focus and do it
It’s amazing how much work you can accomplish in five minutes.
“Work fast and don’t clean too deeply,” McCullough says. “When you see jobs that need doing, jot them down on a project list for later, during cleaning time.”
“Never feel so defeated by a tornado-struck room that needs several hours work that you don’t do anything at all,” she warns. “Just a few minutes in the room will keep it from getting worse.”
The First Impression Principle
Begin your pick-up routine by keeping in mind the “First Impression Principle,” McCullough suggests. “This means when you enter a building, if the first impression is one of neatness, you assume the whole building is clean. Most people don’t notice smudges on a windowsill, they notice clutter.”
So decide what a caller at your door sees first, and start by picking up that area first.
Training children to do daily focused pick-ups
This simple routine made a huge difference for me. In our home, with three school-aged children home all day, I gave each child the job of doing a focused five-minute pick up of their bedroom plus two other rooms (for example, both bathrooms) before starting school lessons. (Tidying the kitchen counted as two rooms.)
That way we started lessons in a tidy house instead of trying to work in a mess. When we left the house early for a field trip, it felt good to walk in the door later to a tidy living room.
Don’t expect the house to stay picked up all day
Of course we had plenty of lapses, and the house could get badly cluttered during the day, because everyone was home most of the time.
But MM taught me that when my house felt out of control, I could get fast results and feel much better if I focused on it for even 30 minutes. And if the kids pitched in, the whole house could look dramatically better in only 10 or 15 minutes.
This pick-up time can be modified according to individual preferences and needs. You can set the timer for five minutes to work room by room or set the timer for 30 minutes and run all over the house picking up. If you have small children interrupting, you can do it in five-minute bites.
Houses do need cleaning. You can’t give that up entirely. But throughout the year you can make what you have cleaned stay looking nice longer. And as long as you keep up with your minimum essentials (laundry, meals, and tidying), you can put your house “on hold” for quite a while in order to take time for special projects or get through a crisis like COVID-19.
We were just 19 and had all of life ahead of us – or so we thought. After my good friend Anita Jo and I finished our sophomore year at Baylor University, she went off to church camp and I went to Dallas for summer school.
One muggy July afternoon the phone rang. "Anita Jo was in a car accident in West Texas. She was killed instantly," a solemn voice said.
Death, and more death
The news plunged me into a whirlpool of grief. I had lost three grandparents by then, but this was different. Death had cruelly snatched away a young person with great promise, someone my own age. How could I cope?
A deep sadness engulfed me that summer. I was a student nurse rotating through pediatrics at Baylor Hospital. Many of our precious little patients were dying from leukemia, which in the 1950’s was incurable. Death was all around me.
Survivor’s guilt
In an odd way, I felt guilty for living. Anita Jo was a gifted pianist and vocalist. She was popular on campus and active in many organizations. She had so much to offer the world. I, on the other hand, mistakenly felt I was nobody and had no particular talent. Surely the Lord had made a terrible mistake. He should have spared Anita Jo and taken me instead.
Often I dreamed about my friend being in a terrible car wreck, but she always survived. Sometimes in my dreams she even got up out of her casket.
One last dream
Finally, I dreamed about my friend one last time. As always, the dream began with Anita Jo being critically injured in an accident but living through it. This time, however, the dream ended differently. After surviving the accident, Anita Jo was diagnosed with leukemia and faced prolonged suffering and certain death.
I woke up, sobbing. "Lord," I cried, “it would have been much better for You to have taken her instantly in the car accident rather than let her suffer and die from leukemia!"
After that final dream, I never again questioned God about Anita’s death. Instead I thanked Him that she had not suffered and was now in heaven using her beautiful voice to sing in the celestial choir.
Anita’s Bible
After the accident, the driver of the car in which Anita Jo was killed found her New Testament lying open on the pavement. When he picked it up, he saw these words she had underlined: "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21 KJV).
Because Anita Jo had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, she did not fear death. She saw death as merely the doorway to a far better life with her Lord.
Today’s prayer
Father, there are things in life we’ll never understand, but we trust You anyway. We know You never make mistakes. Your ways are far superior to ours. Thank You for the hope of eternal life through Your Son, Jesus Christ. And thank You for the joy we’ll experience some day when we’re reunited with our loved ones in heaven. Amen.
© 1998 Paula Kortkamp Combs
You can find this story and others by Paula Kortkamp (Harvie) Combs in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore
The dream of every mom is to serve meals that are appreciated to a happy family. Thelma Brown was a good cook, and she knew how to serve a tasty meal. But sometimes one or more of her children came to dinner in a bad mood and made the meal unpleasant for everyone.
She wondered What can I do to make sure that everyone comes to the table with a good attitude?
New rule at dinnertime
So she started to serve “No Complaint Dinners.” She told her family that their conversation at the table had to be limited to statements that centered on thankfulness.
She soon found that when her children’s minds turned in the right direction, it was amazing how many things they could find that made them happy.
Learning to chat
The youngest family members needed help at first to come up with their stories. But this, too, turned into blessing when family members began to assist one another in finding proper “table talk.”
Good food consumed with joy and laughter makes the rest of the day go better.
What the Bible says
“Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife” (Prov. 17:1).
Today’s prayer
This beautiful prayer written by Robert Louis Stevenson in the nineteenth century (and updated in today’s language) is a good prayer to pray for our families:
Giving thanks
“Lord, look at our family altogether here. We thank You for this home we live in; for the love that unites us; for the peace we experienced today; for the hope we look forward to tomorrow; for the health, the work, the food, and the bright skies that make our lives delightful; for our friends in all parts of the earth.
Pursuing peace
Let peace abound in our small company. Purge out of every heart the lurking grudge. Give us grace and strength to forbear with each other and to persevere in our responsibilities. We are all offenders: give us the grace to accept and to forgive other offenders. We are all forgetful: help us to bear cheerfully the forgetfulness of others.
Receiving courage, innocence and strength
Give us courage and glad hearts and a quiet mind. Spare to us our friends, soften to us our enemies. Bless us, if possible, in everything we attempt with an innocent heart. If that is not possible, give us the strength to encounter what comes so that we may be brave when in danger, reliable when in trouble, temperate when angry, and in all the changes of our fortune – even at the gates of death – loyal and loving to one to another.
Just like clay to the potter, or like a windmill to the wind, as Your children we beg You to help us and give us these mercies for Christ’s sake. Amen.”
© Laura Jane Cerling 1998
You can find other stories by Laura Jane Cerling in
My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore
A few weeks ago, my husband and I noticed water under our kitchen sink. The puddle became larger each time we used the garbage disposal. Neither Richard nor I are fond of plumbing projects ... you'll soon know why ... and we avoided the unpleasant situation by putting a pail under the sink to catch the increasing drips.
Calling the dirt cheap plumber
Richard is not exactly stingy, but he does like to stretch his dollars. He has accumulated a list of handymen, electricians, and even a plumber that does good work at discount prices. One day, after emptying the pail, Richard called his dirt-cheap plumber. After a cursory inspection, the plumber told us that the garbage disposal needed to be replaced.
“Do it yourself. It’s easy.”
"I don't have one with me. You can do it yourself,’’ he said. “Just loosen these three screws, twist the disposal to the left, lower it and replace the disposal with a new one. It's really easy. No charge for the advice." Then he was gone.
Was he real or just a phantom? I wondered.
Real or imaginary, the plumber was gone and we were still left with a leaking disposal. Well, maybe it would be easy. Maybe we could do it ourselves.
We did it ourselves
We got our tools, rolled up our sleeves and went to work. We loosened the three screws. Easy. We twisted the disposal to the left. Easy. We lowered the disposal. That was easy, too. After a quick trip to Builder's Square, we returned with a new disposal, exactly the same kind. Installation will be a piece of cake!
It was easy…
Lift the disposal into place, twist to the right, tighten the three screws. We checked it out; no drips, even when the disposal ran. What a great feeling of accomplishment!
Until the next day…
Our puffed-up chests resulting from a self-awarded Nobel Prize for Plumbing lasted only until the next day when I washed a load of dishes in the dishwasher. Water shot into the air like Old Faithful geyser bouncing off the bottom of the cupboards and splattering my African violet that hates to have water on her leaves!
What on earth had happened? We did exactly what the plumber told us to do! But something was clearly wrong.
When we finally had to read the instructions
Finally, we resorted to reading the instructions for installation of the new garbage disposal. Lo and behold, we had skipped step #8 ... "When connecting disposal to a dishwasher, be sure to remove the metal knockout drain plug ... if not done, FLOODING WILL OCCUR."
Everything is working now, dishwasher, garbage disposal and sink drain. There is no water under the sink. But we still hate plumbing projects! Next time we'll call a full priced plumber.
Following instructions in life
Following instructions is important ... for installing garbage disposals, for living life. For best results: in plumbing, follow the written instructions of the garbage disposal's manufacturer; in living life, follow God's Holy Word, the Bible. Don't be distracted from the instructions in the Bible by dirt-cheap advice from those around you.
What the Bible says
"Using the Scriptures, the person who serves God will be capable, having all that is needed to do every good work" (2 Timothy 3:17 New Century Version).
Today's prayer: “Dear God, we praise and thank you for giving us instructions for living. There are many distractions in life, promising pleasures and problem-free living. Help us avoid these 'dirt-cheap' distractions, remain focused on your Word, and live our lives according to your instructions. Amen.
©1998 Jennifer Cummings
You can read other stories by Jennifer Cummings in
My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore
John McNeil was a hyperactive 10-year-old with mental retardation. He had no idea he was doing something dangerous on February 11, 1997, when he climbed to the top of a high voltage electrical power pole.
Deadly tower
The tower was 120 feet high – as high as a 12-story apartment building. If John fell, he would be badly hurt and he might die. If he even barely touched the wires on the tower, the electricity could kill him.
Fear of heights
John’s 17-year-old brother James was terrified of heights, but when he saw his little brother climbing the tower, he climbed up after him to save his life. At the same time, the boys’ sister phoned 911 for help.
Hour of terror
When John reached his brother at the top of the tower, it was too dangerous to try to climb down without help. Stiff with fear, James kept tight hold of his squirmy little brother for about an hour until a rescue crew could save them.
James risked his life to save his little brother’s life.
What Jesus said
At his last meal with his followers before he died, Jesus said: “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13, NIV).
We don’t always have chances to show our love by making a big, dramatic sacrifice, the way James did when his brother climbed the electric power pole. Still, we can make minor sacrifices to show love in small ways.
Today’s prayer
Lord, please show us how to love each other better. Is there something we need to do today to show love to someone as a family, or to show love to each other? Help us to see the need and help us to love enough to make sacrifices to help each other.” Amen.
Note: (This story is retold from the November 1997 issue of Reader’s Digest, “A Brother’s Helping Hands”)
You can find this story and others by Becky Cerling Powers in the Bookstore in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family
(Yesterday’s story: From the time I was young, I dreamed about my biological dad Sam and felt a lot of anger toward my adoptive dad Ron, who married my mom when I was 22 months old. After I married and our baby Josh was born, my dad Ron had a dream that my dad Sam had died. It shocked me into trying to find him. I located him in a California prison, and we wrote for three months until he got out of prison and came to visit.)
The visit
When he got off the plane, we were both crying. He came on a Wednesday and left the next Monday morning. We talked constantly. He had become a Christian in prison, and he kept saying, “Now God can take me because my life is complete. I’ve seen you and I’ve seen my grandson.’’
Plans to meet again
We decided that my husband and I would drive to California to meet the five children from his third marriage on Memorial Day weekend. When I took him to the airport Monday morning, I didn’t know why I felt so depressed. I thought I’d see him in six weeks.
That next Saturday morning, his mother phoned. My dad Sam had died the night before of an embolism. My mom was out of town, so I called my sister Shauna, and she called my dad Ron.
He phoned me sobbing. He kept saying, “I’m so sorry.’’ That was when the truth finally dawned: “He really does love me.’’
Healing in grief
For a year I’d been praying that God would take away the anger that I had toward my dad Ron. Somehow, at that moment, it happened. The hurts and pains I had had inside, and my interpretations of the way things had happened with my dad Ron, all just disappeared.
When my dad Sam died, all that died with him. I realized God had given my dad Ron and me to each other, and it’s been different between us ever since.
Arranging the funeral, meeting half siblings
I had to take care of most of the funeral arrangements in California because my dad Sam was no longer married to his third wife, and I was the oldest child.
It was hard meeting my five little brothers and sisters, ages three to twelve. They were raised differently from me. They grew up in a home where their mom did drugs and had other men living with her after my dad Sam went to prison.
Reliving a dream
At the grave site ceremony, with Josh in my arms and the little kids jumping around, I began to feel a sense of deja vu. Suddenly I realized I was reliving a dream I’d had when I was little. In the dream there were rolling green hills in the background just like these. I was holding a baby, and dark headed kids were jumping around me.
I felt great love from God that day. He spared my dad Sam’s life for a few months so that I was able to see him, and He healed my relationship with my dad Ron. I sensed how much my Heavenly Father cared about me and all of us. I saw that God wants families to be restored.
What the Bible says
“While they are still talking to me about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers’’ (Isaiah 65:24 NLT).
Today’s prayer
Dear God, thank You for Your constant care and faithfulness. Amen.
Resource
This story is published by permission from My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family, which can be purchased from the Bookstore
(Yesterday’s story: From the time I was eight years old and learned I was adopted, I dreamed about my biological dad Sam. I wondered what he was like and why he hadn’t contacted me. I felt a lot of anger toward my dad Ron, who adopted and raised me after he married my mom when I was 22 months old. A year after I married, right after our baby Josh was born, my dad Ron had a dream that my dad Sam had died. It shocked me.)
Starting the search for Dad Sam
I told my parents I wanted to find my dad Sam, and they said they’d help me any way they could. They gave me the name of my dad Sam’s father, my biological grandfather, who lived in El Paso. My biological dad’s father and mother had divorced when Sam was 13 years old.
When I phoned, this grandfather said he hadn’t heard from my dad Sam in ten years, and he had no idea where he was. But the next day, on Christmas Eve 1993, he called to say he had found his ex-wife’s mother’s phone number in South Carolina.
Locating Dad Sam in prison
My biological great-grandmother in South Carolina put me in contact with my dad Sam’s mother, my biological grandmother. She told me that my dad Sam was in prison in California. She also said that he had been married and divorced three times altogether, so I had six younger brothers and sisters.
Writing to Dad Sam
I couldn’t call my dad Sam in prison, but I wrote, and he wrote back immediately. We bonded right away and started writing to each other three times a week. Almost every day there was a letter coming one way or the other. He said he had become a Christian in prison, and he was now teaching Bible studies there.
Answers to questions
I told him all about my life, and he told me all about his. A lot of kids who find their parents are disappointed because their parents turn them away, but he was wonderful. He said he’d been asked by a family member not to contact me until I contacted him. That’s why he hadn’t tried to get in touch with me all those years. He called me pet names like Angel and said I would now and forever be Daddy’s Girl.
Arranging a visit
We started writing in early January, 1994. We wrote for three months, and then he was finally released from prison. He flew to El Paso in early April. I went to the airport with my five-month old baby Josh and stood watching and waiting as all these men came off his plane. The only picture I had of him was from back when he was a hippie, so I didn’t know what he looked like. I felt like God was telling me to really cherish this moment.
To be continued.
What the Bible says
“God places the lonely in families, he sets prisoners free and gives them joy’’ (Psalm 68:6 NLT).
Today’s prayer
Thank You, God, that You know our deepest needs and are able to meet them. Amen.
Resource
This story is published by permission from My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family, which can be purchased from the Bookstore
Since I had the same last name as my mom and dad, I was eight years old before I started to wonder why I was the toddler in my parents’ wedding pictures. When I asked Mom about it, she told me that I had two fathers, my biological dad Sam and the man I knew as ‘’Dad,’’ my dad Ron, who had adopted me and was raising me.
Dreams and surfacing memories
That was a shock. Memories of my dad Sam began surfacing, and I began having dreams about him every couple of months, wondering what he was like. Mom always assured me that he had loved me. She said that I had been the ultimate Daddy’s Girl.
But he had never contacted me after Mom and Dad married. I wondered why he hadn’t even sent me a birthday card. I always assumed that one day I’d meet him and find out.
Childhood resentment
Today, as an adult, I realize that much of the resentment I felt toward my dad Ron growing up probably had its roots in that severed bond. My dad Sam had spoiled me. When my parents married, I was 22 months old, and my dad Ron adopted me. He wanted to be a good Christian parent, and he was.
He saw a little girl who was spoiled, and he was now her daddy, and he wanted to change that. That was something I couldn’t understand until I was older.
Black sheep daughter
When my sister Shauna came along a couple years later, her personality meshed better with Dad’s than mine. I wasn’t jealous of Shauna. She and I were good friends. But my dad Ron and I had a lot of conflicts.
In high school it often crossed my mind that he was not my father. I felt like the black sheep in the family.
Anger at one dad, search for the other
When I married Steve at age 18, I began praying that God would take away the anger I had toward my dad Ron. A year later, our baby Josh was born.
About that time, I saw a TV talk show about finding a parent you’d never seen before. When I told my mom about it, she mentioned that Dad had had a dream that my dad Sam had died.
That scared me. I had always assumed my biological dad would show up some day. It had never occurred to me that he might die before I met him. What if he never saw my baby? I determined to find him.
To be continued.
What the Bible says
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice’’ (Ephesians 4:32 NIV).
Today’s prayer
Dear God, I know that my anger is not pleasing to You, but I do not know how to let go of it. Please help me! Amen.
This story is published by permission from My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from 1998: Year of the Family, which can be purchased from the Bookstore.
Grandma always wore an apron; full length, with a bib to protect her blouse and a gathered bottom to cover her skirt. But could this apron provide protection from what Grandma would face later that afternoon?
Grandma lived with our family in rural Minnesota in the 1950’s. One summer Sunday afternoon we visited Uncle Jack. His farm had wooded areas and pastures in which berries grew wild. Grandma, pail in hand, announced that she was going to pick berries in the pasture.
Uncle Jack’s warning
“Look out for the sheep buck,” Uncle Jack said. “He likes to terrorize berry pickers.”
Undaunted, Grandma headed into the pasture. Soon, in her peripheral vision, she spotted the sheep buck heading her way. He gained speed and came faster, faster!
Grandma uses her apron
Uncle Jack had cut down some trees in the pasture and he left behind some stumps about as high as Grandma’s waist. Grandma calmly walked to a nearby tree stump and covered it with her apron skirt. Then she stood firmly behind the stump, and the sheep buck rammed his target – Grandma’s apron covering the stump.
That sheep buck never bothered Grandma again.
Wisdom, creativity, trust
Grandma’s apron protected against her from food stains but it could not protect from a charging sheep buck. Yet she was not afraid. God had promised to be with her. She used the gifts God had given her – wisdom, creativity, an apron, and the nearby tree stump – to keep her safe from danger.
What the Bible says
“For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, and he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.” (Proverbs 2:6-8, NIV)
Today’s prayer
Dear God, thank you for your promise to be with me and give me wisdom through all of the dangerous and difficult times of my life. Help me to remember and trust in that promise. At the same time, help me recognize and work with what you give me, the way Grandma did. Amen.
©1998 Jennifer Cummings
You can find this story and others by Jennifer Cummings in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family
In the rain forests of Brazil, people tell this story about how the beetles of the jungle got their brilliant colors.
Long ago, when Brazilian beetles were the color of dust, a beetle scurried as fast as he could run along the floor of the jungle. Along came a paca, which is a South American creature like a rat.
Proud paca
“Is that the fastest you can run?” the paca sneered. And he ran round and round the poor little beetle until the beetle was dizzy.
Now the parrot was watching, and he disliked the disrespectful way the paca was behaving. “Friend Beetle! Friend Paca!” the parrot called. “I see you are interested in the subject of speed. I think the two of you should have a race. I will ask my friend the Weaver Bird to give a new coat to the one who wins the race.”
A new coat for the winner
“A new coat?” said the paca. “I am tired of wearing brown with white spots. I want a purple coat, with yellow stripes.”
“A new coat?” said the beetle. “I am tired of being plain as dust. I would like to have bright colors like you, Friend Parrot.”
So they agreed to have their race. The first one to reach the tree at the top of the hill would be the winner.
The paca’s race
The parrot gave the signal to start, and the paca raced away as fast as he could go. He saw no sign of the beetle. His way was steep, running up the hill, but he kept panting and running, panting and running. He wanted that new coat.
Finally he reached the top of the hill. And there sat the beetle, waiting!
How’d you do that?
“How did you get here before me?” the paca asked.
“I flew,” the beetle said.
A new coat for the beetle
Today the beetles of the rain forest are all the colors of the bright parrot – blue, green, gold, purple, red. This is because the beetle won his race with the paca, the people say.
And they say something else as well: “Don’t judge people quickly. A dull coat might be covering up a pair of wings.”
How do you think the paca could have avoided making the mistake he made?
What the Bible says
“Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart.” (I Sam. 16:7, NIV)
Today’s Prayer
Lord, give me eyes to see the way you see. You don’t look at our appearance, but who we are inside. Amen.
Resource
This story is retold from We Like Kids! A Multicultural Storybook compiled by Jeff Brown, GoodYear Books
© Becky Cerling Powers 2019
Eleanor Galloway called me about deer eating her cantaloupe soon after I started working as Wildlife Conservation Officer in the Colorado, Cortez district in 1964. As with many of her neighbors, a garden provided her an important income from the local markets. At that time the Division was not yet providing deer fencing to prevent crop damage.
So I got a kill permit from my supervisor, and Miss Galloway instructed me over the phone. I’m sure I understood her to say, “Go in through the first gate on your left after you cross the McElmo Creek Bridge and there is an electric fence and you go up the right side of the electric fence and shoot the deer.”
All deer damage control was done at night when the marauding deer fed on only the finest cantaloupe. I had an aircraft landing light mounted on top of the truck cab. When that spotlight hit on a deer, it froze in its tracks and was an easy target for a clean kill.
I followed Miss Galloway’s instructions, but did not see a single deer that night.
I went home and about five o’clock in the morning the phone rang and it was Miss Galloway, “Mr. Hinshaw, I know you meant to do me right, but you have done me wrong! You drove all over my cantaloupe patch and did more damage than the deer.”
Then it dawned on me what the funny popping noise was that I heard while I searched for deer. I didn’t know what a cantaloupe patch looked like, but I learned. I should have driven up the left side of the electric fence, not the right side.
I drove down and apologized. Miss Galloway gave me a cantaloupe, a watermelon, and some tomatoes out of her garden. Even though I had caused her loss, I experienced her understanding and forgiveness.
(A few years after I left Cortez, the Division supplied deer proof fencing for orchards and gardens for preventing deer damage rather than killing the animals.)
Story comment
There’s a time to overlook an offense, and a time to say something. Glen made a bad mistake, and it was important for him to know it so that he learned not to make that mistake again. Even though she was upset, Miss Galloway was kind in the way she let him know he made the mistake. Instead of defending himself and arguing, Glen took the trouble to drive over and apologize, and Miss Galloway forgave him. The relationship was restored.
What the Bible says
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). NIV
Today’s prayer
Lord, __(name)___ has offended me. Is this a time to overlook the offense or a time to say something? I need wisdom to know whether or not to let this go and what to say that is kind and respectful if it shouldn’t be let go. Amen.
Resource
This story is excerpted from Echoes From the Mountains: The Life and Adventures of a Colorado Wildlife Officer, by Glen A. Hinshaw
It was the spring semester of my senior year in high school in Oklahoma. My dad was in the Navy and had left for sea duty, shuttling between San Francisco and Japan. Mother had gone back to Illinois to care for my grandfather during the final weeks of his life. Seventeen years old, I was home alone.
Repeating Psalm 91
Although I would admit it to no one, I was afraid to go to sleep at night. I didn’t fully trust my little Chihuahua to keep me safe. Too ashamed to ask my friends to stay with me, I turned to the Lord for protection. Every night I repeated Psalm 91 over and over until I could peacefully fall asleep. Soon I had memorized this wonderful psalm. It has been a favorite ever since:
He alone is my safe place
We live within the shadow of the Almighty, sheltered by the God who is above all gods. This I declare, that he alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him.
He rescues, protects, shields, and shelters
For he rescues you from every trap and protects you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with his wings! They will shelter you. His faithful promises are your armor.
I need not fear
Now you don't need to be afraid of the dark anymore, nor fear the dangers of the day; nor dread the plagues of darkness, nor disasters in the morning. Though a thousand fall at my side, though ten thousand are dying around me, the evil will not touch me. I will see how the wicked are punished, but I will not share it.
Jehovah my refuge
For Jehovah is my refuge! I choose the God above all gods to shelter me. How then can evil overtake me or any plague come near?
Protection from angels
For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will steady you with their hands to keep you from stumbling against the rocks on the trail. You can safely meet a lion or step on poisonous snakes, yes, even trample them beneath your feet!
Rescue, presence, honor, salvation
For the Lord says, “Because he loves me, I will rescue him; I will make him great because he trusts in my name. When he calls on me, I will answer; I will be with him in trouble and rescue him and honor him. I will satisfy him with a full life and give him my salvation
(Psalm 91 TLB).
God’s promise to His children
God has promised His children divine protection in dangerous situations if we ask Him. Frightening circumstances can be golden opportunities for God to show us His loving care and powerful protection.
Today’s prayer
Heavenly Father, thank You for promising to answer me when I call to You, to be with me in trouble and rescue me. Help me not to waste time worrying about our protection but to trust You completely with our care. Amen.
Rudyard Kipling made up a story to explain “How the Camel Got His Hump.”
It seems that the Camel was a lazy beast who hid out in the desert one day to avoid the Man, who might give him some work to do. When anybody spoke to him, he wouldn’t answer. He just said, “Humph!”
What the Lazy Camel said
The first day the Horse saw him. The Horse was saddled and bridled. “Camel, come and trot with us,” he said. “Humph!” said the Camel.
Next day the Dog saw him. “Camel, come help us fetch and carry,” he said. “Humph!” said the Camel.
The third day, the Ox saw him. “Camel, come and plow with us,” he said. “Humph!” said the Camel.
What the Man thought
Now the Man thought that the Camel couldn’t work because all he ever said was, “Humph!”
So he gave the Camel’s work to the dog, the horse, and the ox. Were they ever mad!
So they found the Djinn of the Desert and complained, “We have to do all the Camel’s work. It isn’t fair. When we ask him to help, all he says is ‘Humph!’”
What the Djinn did
So the Djinn hunted up the idle Camel and asked, “Why won’t you work?” “Humph!” said the Camel.
“Watch out! You might say that once too often!” said the Djinn. “Humph!” said the Camel. And as soon as he said it, a great round Humph appeared on his back.
“There!” said the Djinn. “There’s your Humph! You have missed three days of work, so now you will have to live on your Humph for three days without eating.” And ever since then, the Camel has had a Humph – only nowadays we call it a Hump.
Kipling’s poem about the camel’s hump
Kipling wrote a poem to go with his story, and in my family growing up, we used to quote bits of it whenever somebody started getting irritable from too much book reading, TV watching or just sitting around.
The Camel’s hump is an ugly lump
Which well you may see at the Zoo;
But uglier yet is the hump we get
From having too little to do.
Kiddies and grown-ups too-oo-oo,
If we haven’t enough to do-oo-oo,
We get the hump –
Cameelious hump –
The hump that is black and blue!
We climb out of bed with a frouzly head
And a snarly-yarly voice.
We shiver and scowl and we grunt and we growl
At our bath and our boots and our toys;
And there ought to be a corner for me
(And I know there is one for you)
When we get the hump –
Cameelious hump –
The hump that is black and blue!
The cure for this ill is not to sit still,
Or frowst with a book by the fire;
But to take a large hoe and a shovel also,
And dig till you gently perspire;
And then you find that the sun and the wind
And the Djinn of the Garden too,
Have lifted the hump –
The horrible hump –
The hump that is black and blue!
I get it as well as you-oo-oo –
If I haven’t enough to do-oo-oo –
We all get hump –
Cameelious hump –
Kiddies and grown-ups too!
What the Bible says
Three thousand years ago, wise King Solomon wrote: “He who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys.” (Proverbs 18:9)
Today’s prayer
Lord, help me to find satisfaction in doing my work today. Amen.
“My leg hurts, Mommy,” whimpered 2-year-old Lewis Brown. His crying sounded like the fussing of a tired boy to busy Thelma Brown, shopping for groceries in Hazard, Kentucky with a new baby and her toddler Lewis. Later, though, as she put the children to bed, she noticed that Lewis was still complaining, and now he was limping, too.
Does my child have polio?
This was during the polio scare of the 1950’s, and thoughts of polio plagued Thelma’s mind as she fell asleep. The next morning, she made the long drive into Hazard to take Lewis to the doctor.
“Mrs. Brown, unless I make a painful spinal tap, I can’t tell for sure if the boy has polio,” the doctor told her. “Your family has already been exposed, so keep him away from others and make him walk. If he’s got the disease, that muscle must be kept exercised or he’ll lose it.”
”Probably”
Thelma guessed from the doctor’s words that he believed her son had the disease, but he felt Lewis could get better care at home than in the hospital in Lexington, 500 miles away where he would have to go if he was definitely diagnosed with polio.
It was a time of fear. Hospitals were crowded with polio patients, and people were afraid of catching the disease from them. Polio wards were so understaffed that polio patients had to care for each other. Those who were better, cared for those who were the most helpless.
Hard training for a toddler’s weak legs
For weeks Thelma forced Lewis to keep walking, crying inside herself as she did it. She hoped her seeming indifference to his pain would not leave a lifelong impression on her little boy.
Eventually Lewis was able to walk normally, but when he reached high school, the family realized that the polio had affected his arms. He was tall and fast and appeared at first to be a good candidate for playing basketball. His arms hurt too much, though, when he lifted them over his head, and he never was able to gain normal strength in his arms.
Years later, Thelma asked Lewis what he remembered about his illness. His only memory was about “the nice black man with the same name as mine who carried me up the doctor’s stairs in my stroller.”
A loving God and hard things
As Thelma reflected on this hard time in later years, she realized that God requires her to do hard things sometimes to exercise her spiritual muscles and develop her character, just as she made Lewis keep walking to exercise his physical muscles and avoid becoming crippled.
What the Bible says
"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:7,10,11NIV)
Today’s prayer
"Heavenly Father, thank You for loving me enough to discipline and train me through life's difficulties. Help me to understand that You are using the problems in my life to exercise my faith in You and to make me a stronger and better person. Amen."
There used to be a donut shop down the street from my friend Kathy’s house where her children liked to go to get a treat. One afternoon her two daughters asked her if they could go to the donut shop to buy a donut. Kathy looked in her purse. All she had was one dollar.
“Here’s a dollar,” she said, handing it to the girls. “You have an hour to get back before we have to run errands.”
This happened back in the 1990s when a dollar bought more than it does today. But even then a dollar was not enough to buy two good donuts. “That’s not enough money!” her children protested. “One donut costs 60 cents, and we each want a donut. We need $1.20.”
Opportunity knocks
“All I have is a dollar,” their mother said. “It’s a gift. Take it. Figure out a way to have a treat with one dollar.”
Her girls were upset, Kathy said. “They bickered, and they quarreled, and they dithered around until finally it was time for us to leave for running errands.”
If you don’t use it, you lose it
Kathy said she took the dollar back and told her daughters, “You need to learn to be grateful for what you have and use that. See what happened? You decided one thing you wanted, and then your mind was so fixed on that, that you wasted the opportunity you actually had.”
Gratitude multiplies opportunities
“What you wanted was a fantasy.” Kathy told them. “What you wanted wasn’t possible. What you had in your hand was a dollar. You could have gone to the donut shop with that and had a pleasant walk and half a donut each. Sometimes when you’ve gone down there, they’re taking away the old trays of donuts and putting in fresh trays. Then they give you one of the old donuts free. That could have happened.
“Anything might have happened. You could have had a fun adventure. Who knows what special thing could have happened on your walk?”
“What you wanted was a fantasy,” Kathy repeated. “The real thing was in your hand. And you missed it.”
Our children show us our own attitudes
“I do the same thing as my daughters,” Kathy said. “God gives me something, but my mind is so fixed on wanting some other particular thing, that I refuse to be blessed. I won’t be made happy. I’m too busy griping and complaining. I focus on what I want and ignore the real thing in my hand.”
St. Paul taught the early Christians: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).
Today’s prayer
Lord, I want to become a thankful, contented child of yours. Jolt me today to recognize when I am complaining about what I don’t have instead of making good use of what I do have. And open my eyes today to all the good gifts you are giving me so I can thank You. Amen.
Long ago a strange prophet named Balaam came from the land we know as Iraq. Although he had been hired to curse the children of Israel so they wouldn’t take the Promised Land from its pagan inhabitants, Balaam found it impossible to do so. God refused to allow it. Instead Balaam prophesied of Messiah: "I see him, but not in the present time. I perceive him, but far in the distant future. A star will rise from Jacob; a scepter will emerge from Israel" (Numbers 24:17 NLT).
Passing Balaam’ prophecy on to new generations, Gentile astronomers in the east carefully watched the skies for the special star that would signal the arrival of the Jewish Messiah.
A promised star appears
During the reign of Herod the Great, the long-awaited star appeared. Immediately eastern astronomers packed their bags and made the long journey to Jerusalem. Because they understood the star meant a new ruler, they showed up at the palace of the king. "Where is the newborn king of the Jews?" they asked. "We have seen his star as it arose, and we have come to worship him."
This news of another king threatened King Herod, for he had no legal right to Israel’s throne. Politics had put him in power. Herod wasn’t even a Jew, but rather a descendant of Esau. Immediately Herod called for the leading authorities of Judaism. "Where did the prophets say the Messiah would be born?" he asked.
"In Bethlehem" was the quick response. "Micah wrote, ‘But you, O Bethlehem, are only a small village in Judah. Yet a ruler of Israel will come from you, one whose origins are from the distant past.’ "
A wily king schemes
After questioning the astronomers about the exact time the star first appeared, Herod sent them on to Bethlehem. "Search carefully for the child,’’ he said. “And when you find him, come back and tell me so that I can go and worship him, too!" But Herod actually planned something else.
The astronomers went their way. Once again the star appeared to them and guided them to Bethlehem. It stopped over the house where the Child was. The men went in, fell down before the Child, and worshipped Him. Opening their treasure chests, they gave Him expensive gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Then, warned by God in a dream to avoid Herod, the men returned home by a different route.
A father obeys God’s message
After they left, God spoke to Joseph, also in a dream: "Hurry and escape to Egypt with the Child and His mother. Stay there until I tell you to return, because Herod is going to try to kill the Child."
Rising in the middle of the night, Joseph and Mary left with Jesus and remained in Egypt until Herod’s death. (Matthew 2:1-17)
When King Herod learned that the astronomers had outwitted him, he was furious. He ordered his soldiers to go to Bethlehem at once and kill all the baby boys aged two and under.
Today’s prayer
Dear God, help us to seek Christ that we, too, might worship Him. Amen.
It was night time in the quiet Judean hills surrounding first century Bethlehem. As a youth, King David had tended his father’s sheep in these same rocky fields, under the same bright stars. On this night shepherds were gathered around small campfires. Soon they would spread their tattered robes on the cold, hard ground to sleep. Their sheep were huddled together for the night, the newborn lambs snuggled safely within the flock. These particular lambs were destined to be Passover lambs. They had been born to die.
An angel appears
Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. The shepherds froze in terror.
“Don’t be afraid!’’ the heavenly messenger reassured them. "I bring you good news of great joy for everyone! The Savior – yes, the Messiah, the Lord – has been born tonight in Bethlehem, the city of David! And this is how you will recognize him: You will find a baby lying in a manger, wrapped snugly in strips of cloth!"
An angel choir sings
Before the shepherds could react, a vast host of angels joined the messenger. To their amazement, the angelic armies of heaven instantly filled the sky’s immeasurable expanse. In beautiful harmonies unknown to man, the heavenly choirs sang glorious praises to God for the birth of His Son in Bethlehem. "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace on earth for all those pleasing God," they sang. It was the most unusual concert ever heard on this earth. Then as quickly as it began, it was over, and the angels were gone.
Shepherds on the run
The shepherds looked at one another, stunned. When they were able to speak, they said, "Come on, let’s go to Bethlehem! Let’s see this wonderful thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."
Quickly they ran into the village of Bethlehem and went straight to the stable. There they found Mary and Joseph. And there they saw the Baby, wrapped snugly in strips of cloth and lying in the feeding trough of the animals, just like the angel had said. To think that this helpless newborn resting on straw was the Savior of mankind, the long-awaited Messiah, the Lord Himself was truly amazing.
Shepherds tell the news
The shepherds were so excited that they told everyone they saw what had happened and what the angel had said to them about this Child. And everyone who heard their story was astonished. Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and thought about them often.
The shepherds went back to their fields and flocks, glorifying and praising God for what the angels had told them and because they had seen the Child. (Luke 2:8-20 NLT)
Passover lamb and good shepherd
"Mary had a little Lamb," and He was born to die. His birth was first revealed to shepherds, men who cared for Passover lambs, also born to die. Shepherds were the first to worship the Baby destined to become the Good Shepherd.
Today’s prayer
Dear God, like the shepherds and the angelic choirs, I, too, praise You for the birth of Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for Your precious Lamb, born to die – for me. Amen.
© Paula Kortkamp Combs 1998
Mary was a young woman who lived in first century Palestine. She considered herself fortunate to be engaged to Joseph. He was not only a skillful carpenter, but he was also kind and thoughtful. Mary loved him deeply and knew that he loved her, too.
Wedding plans
Soon the customary waiting period of one year would be completed and they would be married. Joyously, Mary looked forward to their upcoming wedding. The whole town would attend the celebration.
Then something unexpected changed everything. God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth with stunning news for Mary. "Greetings, favored woman!" he said. "The Lord is with you!" The sudden appearance of this heavenly messenger in dazzling white robes startled her.
An angel announces a change in Mary’s plans
"Don’t be frightened, Mary," the angel told her, "for God has decided to bless you! You will become pregnant and have a son, and you are to name him Jesus. He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!"
Puzzled by these amazing words, Mary asked, "But how can I have a baby? I’m a virgin."
The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby born to you will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God. What’s more, your relative Elizabeth has become pregnant in her old age! People used to say she was barren, but she’s already in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God."
Mary agrees
"I am the Lord’s servant," Mary responded, "and I am willing to accept whatever he wants. May everything you have said come true."
The angel left and Mary hurried to the hill country to visit Elizabeth. No one else would understand the angel’s extraordinary message. Mary must share this exciting but frightening news with her. Maybe Elizabeth could advise Mary how to explain this pregnancy to her parents and her beloved Joseph.
And Elizabeth reassures her
When Mary arrived at the home of her relatives, Elizabeth cried out with joy. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, she exclaimed to Mary, "You are blessed by God above all other women and your child is blessed. What an honor this is, that the mother of my Lord should visit me. When you greeted me, the baby in my womb jumped for joy the instant I heard your voice! You are blessed, because you believed that the Lord would do what he said." (Luke 1:26-56 NLT)
Today’s prayer
"Heavenly Father, thank You for the unending wonder of the Christmas story. Help me to trust You with childlike faith as Mary did. I praise you because nothing is impossible with You. Amen."
© Paula Kortcamp Combs 1998
Life in first century Palestine was hard. The Jewish nation found itself squirming under the heavy heel of the Roman Empire. The laws of the land were foreign laws, imposed by foreign rulers and enforced by foreign troops. The Jews hated Rome’s cruel domination and longed to be free of oppression.
God’s ancient promises
Since ancient times, Israel’s prophets had spoken of a coming deliverer. Every generation of Jews looked expectantly for the promised Messiah. Through Malachi, the last prophet in the Old Testament, God had said, "I am sending you the prophet Elijah before the great day of the Lord arrives. His preaching will turn the hearts of parents to their children" (Malachi 4:5,6 NLT).
But four centuries had passed since then, and Messiah had not come. Nor had there been any further word from heaven. Had God forgotten His people and His promise?
A four century wait
One day as a great throng of worshippers prayerfully waited outside the Temple, an old priest named Zechariah entered the Holy Place to burn incense. Suddenly an angel was standing next to him at the altar of incense. The old man was frightened.
But the angel said, "Don’t be afraid, Zechariah! For God has heard your prayer, and your wife, Elizabeth, will bear you a son! And you are to name him John. You will have great joy and gladness, and many will rejoice with you at his birth, for he will be great in the eyes of the Lord. He will be a man with the spirit and power of Elijah, the prophet of old. He will precede the coming of the Lord, preparing the people for his arrival. He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children."
Zechariah doubts
Zechariah couldn’t believe his ears, for the angel’s words echoed the well-known prophecy of Malachi. But he and Elizabeth were both well past the time of life for having a child. Doubt filled his mind. How could the angel’s message be true? “How can I be sure of this?” he asked.
The angel replied, "I am Gabriel! I stand in the very presence of God. It was he who sent me to bring you this good news! And now, since you didn’t believe what I said, you won’t be able to speak until the child is born. For my words will certainly come true at the proper time."
Zechariah must wait
Instantly Zechariah lost his ability to speak. After finishing out his Temple assignment in silence, he returned to his hometown. In spite of Elizabeth’s age, she did become pregnant, just as the angel had said. The old couple rejoiced.
When Elizabeth delivered a baby boy, family and friends joyously gathered to celebrate his surprising birth. Everyone assumed the child would be named after his father, but Zechariah wrote on a tablet for all to see, "His name is John." Immediately Zechariah’s power of speech returned, allowing a torrent of praise and thanksgiving to God for this miracle baby to burst forth.
Zechariah believes & prophesies
Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he prophesied, "You, my little son, will be called the prophet of the Most High, because you will prepare the way for the Lord. You will tell his people how to find salvation through forgiveness of sins. Because of God’s tender mercy, the light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace." (Luke 1, NLT)
Zechariah understood that his newborn son would grow up to be the forerunner of Messiah. This child of miraculous birth was destined to prepare the Jewish nation for the arrival of their long-awaited Deliverer. Now that Messiah’s forerunner had been born, could the birth of Messiah be far behind?
Today’s prayer
"Dear God, how faithful You are to do what You say You’ll do! Help me to believe Your promises, even when they sound impossible. Amen."
© Paula Kortcamp Combs 1998
In the mid-1960s, with lots of faith and seven children, the Brown family moved to Illinois from the Kentucky hills. In Kentucky, the parents had assisted in the work of a children’s home. But when new directors came in with a different set of philosophies, the Browns felt it was best to move on. A friend offered a job in Illinois, so they came.
Three of the children were their children by birth, and three were orphans whom they had adopted. The seventh was 16-year-old Veda who, after hearing that they were going, simply told them, “If you all are leaving, then I’m coming with.”
No money for Christmas
Thelma, the mom, knew that the startup salary their dad was getting was not going to be able to cover Christmas presents. She told the children that any presents they received would have to come from the redemption of the coupon books they’d filled with stamps from the local stores. They accepted the news easily enough. Then she told them that she wasn’t planning on baking cookies either.
But cookies for an old drunk
“No cookies! Oh, Ma! We’ve always taken cookies to people.’’ Her oldest son, Lewis, was really disappointed. “But, Ma,’’ he said, “at one of our bus stops on the way to school, there’s this old shack where an old man lives. The kids say he’s mostly drunk. But I bet he’s lonely and would like the cookies.’’
So Thelma relented and baked some cookies. On Christmas Day, the boys and their dad delivered the cookies to the old man. It was a grand surprise. He was so delighted with their gift, he looked for something he could give them in return. All he had was a calendar he’d gotten from the liquor store. But he wanted them to have it as evidence of his deep appreciation for their visit and the cookies.
And kindness year round
“Kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the dumb can understand,’’ is one of the quotations from Uncle Ben’s Quotebook. And the Bible says, “If you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly’’ (Romans 12:8 NLT).
Today’s prayer
“Dear God, you made man in your image. Help me to remember that you care how I treat others. Amen.’’
Part One Story: The Pilgrims endured seven weeks of storms during their harrowing trip across the Atlantic Ocean in 1620 on their overcrowded boat, the Mayflower. Finally, they landed at Cape Cod.
They had to reassemble a 30-foot boat so that 16 men could scout out the land. The men’s good news was that they found a large iron pot containing 36 ears of corn, giving the Pilgrims their first tough taste of the food that would keep them from starvation in years to come. Their bad news was that Indians had shot arrows at them, and war cries could be heard piercing the night.
Building a town
Cape Cod was a deep harbor, so the Mayflower pulled in and stayed nearby, providing shelter and protection while the settlers laid out streets and built a common house in an open and easily defensible field. They erected a palisade around the area using wooden poles with sharp pointed tops. The soil was rich and at least 20 acres had already been cleared and made ready to plant. They recognized this to be God’s divine provisioning love. There were four spring-fed creeks, and they had their first taste of fresh water. People in England normally drank beer because of cholera and other water borne diseases.
The terrible winter
Although the Pilgrims took lemon juice to prevent scurvy, they were weakened by their trip. People started dying. They couldn’t stop work to recover from colds, which often turned to pneumonia or consumption. Between the time they landed in November until March, nearly half their people died. They lost 13 of the 18 wives. Only three families remained intact. At one point, only five were well enough to care for the others.
Keeping on
Even the ship’s crew became ill. A boson who had scoffed at and abused them was ashamed to receive their help because he had never known compassion. He said, “…you, I see, show your love like Christians indeed to one another, but we let one another lie and die like dogs.’’
All of this difficulty strengthened their resolve, unified them and hardened their bodies, but their hearts remained soft and grateful towards God. Daily prayers were part of their routine, plus Sunday worship.
The surprise visitor
One day in March, while the men were having a defense meeting, they were startled out of their seats by a warning cry, “Indian coming!’’
Up their main street and into their common house walked a tall, loin-clothed Indian who loudly proclaimed, in perfect English, “Welcome! Have you got any beer?’’
(To be continued.)
What the Bible says about hard times
The Bible says, “Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer’’ (Romans 12:12 Amplified)
Today’s prayer
Thank You, Lord, for knowing and caring about me when I feel helpless. Thank You for preparing a way through my difficulties. Knowing that You know gives me hope. Amen.
Resource: Most of the information for this story is found in The Light and the Glory by Peter Marshall and David Manuel, a fascinating account of the early history of America.
(story continued from part 2)
The pilgrims were stunned to hear their Indian visitor’s perfect English. The beer he requested had run out, so they offered him brandy, roast duck, cheese, pudding, and biscuits with butter. He enjoyed it all and seemed familiar with it.
His name was Samoset, chief of the Algonquin tribe. He had learned English from fishing captains and had even traveled with them up and down the coast. So he was able to tell them about the various tribes. He said the area that they were settling used to be occupied by the Patuxet tribe, which relished killing white settlers. Four years earlier, a plague had wiped out the whole tribe.
Squanto loses everything
Samoset knew of only one Patuxet, Squanto, who had survived. Before the plague came, an English sea captain had taken Squanto to England so that Squanto could learn English in order to help the British learn about America and its tribes. While Squanto was returning to America, an unscrupulous captain captured and sold him into slavery in Spain.
Fortunately, some friars bought him for $1400, and then introduced him to faith in Jesus Christ. Later, Squanto worked for a wealthy English merchant until he could book passage back to his homeland. Six months prior to the Pilgrims’ arrival, he returned to his people. He found nothing but bones. The Massasoit Indians found him in a state of devastated depression and took him in.
Squanto adopts the Pilgrims
Samoset went to Squanto and told him about the Pilgrims. When Squanto heard of the settlers’ dreadful health and their ignorance in adapting to a new land, Squanto returned to his boyhood home and adopted the Pilgrims as his family. Without his wise help, they could not have survived.
He taught them to hoe the ground for a corn field, plant each mound with four or five corn kernels, lay three dead fish on top for fertilizer, and then guard the field against wolves for two weeks until the fish decomposed. He taught them how and when to fish and hunt, which berries were safe to eat, which herbs were for healing, and how to plant pumpkins, tap maples and refine maple syrup, and – most economically profitable – catch beaver to sell the pelts.
Surprise guests
Because of Squanto’s help and the summer’s good weather, the Pilgrims could face their second winter with thanksgiving. They invited an Indian chief to their celebration, but he brought 90 more people, and they arrived a day early. The few remaining wives must have felt overwhelmed and feared their year’s supply of food would be consumed in a day. But they prayed and offered what they had.
Instead of losing food, they gained, for the Indians brought wild turkey and deer. They also taught the pilgrims how to cook hoe cakes, make cornmeal pudding with maple syrup, and pop popcorn. Thanksgiving became a three day celebration with races, wrestling, psalms, prayers and feasting.
What the Pilgrims believed
The Bible says, “This is from the Lord and is his doing; it is marvelous in our eyes’’ (Psalm 118:23 Amplified)
Today’s prayer
Thank You, Lord, for Your marvelous works in our country’s history and in my life. Amen.
Resource
Most of the information for this story is found in The Light and the Glory by Peter Marshall and David Manuel, a fascinating account of the early history of America.
Shortly after Tom and I married the day after Thanksgiving, 1965, the army sent us on the last troop carrier to Germany. A few days out to sea a hurricane hit our boat during a meal. Cups of hot coffee careened across the table, and tureens full of hot soup tossed high. Miraculously, no one was injured.
Although Tom was one of the rare ones who did not get sick in body, I cannot vouch for his head. Grabbing the rails to keep himself from falling overboard, he lurched to the top deck to watch the waves rise above the four-story high ship and crash down upon us. Excitedly, he returned to tell me about it and was met with a moan. I lay in our private room, listening to the groans of the troops jammed into a common space just one deck below us. With what feelings I had left, I felt sorry for them.
Double-loading the boat
Today I laugh at that trip, but our ocean experience was nothing compared to the Pilgrims’ voyage to the New World. Because one of their boats was unsafe, they jammed nearly two boat loads of people plus their supplies into one boat, the Mayflower. They set sail in August 1620. When bad weather hit, all 102 passengers had to cram into a small space below deck, far worse than what our group suffered.
There were no windows, and the hatches had to stay shut to prevent flooding. At times the ship tilted until their single light source, a smoky lantern, hung completely sideways. No meals could be cooked, and children were constantly crying. If you’ve ever used an unclean port-a-potty or helped someone who is vomiting, you can begin to imagine their misery.
Washed overboard
After twelve days of storm, John Howland could stand no more. He decided to get some fresh air on top deck and was immediately washed overboard. Due to the ship’s extreme tilt, a spar rope dipped into the water, and he was able to hold on until the crew rescued him. Normally a person could not live more than four minutes in cold North Atlantic water. Howland was blue when they pulled him out, but he survived.
Mocked by the crew
The pilgrims prayed and sang psalms daily, to the annoyance of the mocking crew. One sailor regularly taunted the passengers, calling them “psalm singing puke-stockings.’’ Waving burial bags in front of them, he announced he would sew them into the bags and toss their carcasses to the fish. One day he suddenly became ill. His was the first and only body shroud to hit the water. After that, the crew paid their passengers greater respect.
Seven weeks of storms
The hurricane we experienced tossed us about for only four days, but the Pilgrims had to endure seven weeks of storms. During the worst time, the cross beam holding the main mast cracked, causing the deck to sag into their already low ceiling. They could have been crushed, or the ship could have broken apart. They prayed my favorite prayer: “Lord, save us!’’
Saved by a screw
A man named Brewster remembered that his printing press had a huge iron screw. Frantically they searched through supplies, found it, and screwed the beam back together. Finally, they heard the long-awaited cry, “Land Ho!’’
Waiting to land
When we landed in northern Germany, everything was organized and prepared for us. Not so for the Pilgrims. Scouts had to find a suitable place on land before they could go on shore. Both Tom and I had sick headaches that lasted the length of our travel time until we got used to land again. I hate to think how bad the Pilgrims’ headaches were. They had no aspirin, a longer, rougher ride, and had to remain in the boat three weeks waiting. (Story to be continued).
What the psalm writer said
“Call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me’’ (Psalm 50:15 NIV)
Today’s prayer
Lord, thank You for being with me during my troubles. Help me to be helpful to others during their times of need. Amen.
Resource: Most of the information for this story is found in The Light and the Glory by Peter Marshall and David Manuel, a fascinating account of the early history of America.
© Rami Scully 1998
(Parts 1 & 2 stories: I was teaching in a Christian high school in N’Djamena, the capitol of Chad, when civil war erupted. The teachers and students all had to flee the city. I had a traumatic time getting my younger sister and two brothers out of the city, along with my aunt, cousins, older sister, and my sister’s seven children. We fled 350 miles south to my parents in my hometown.)
When we finally reached Moundou, people were fighting there, too. Everything was shut down throughout the country. Soldiers were shooting civilians, raping the women, extorting food and money, and plundering the goods and property of fleeing refugees.
Losing the school
We completely lost the school term from February to November, but we thought it was important for the students to get their education even with war going on. We believed education would be the solution to end the war in Chad. If people are educated, we thought, then they can learn to sit down and talk about what is good for the country instead of just killing each other.
Re-opening the school
Because of the fighting still going on in N’Djamena, we transferred the school to a village down south. Then we had to call all our students back to open the school. We made announcements over the radio to try to contact them. They didn’t all come back because of the whole dangerous situation. It was hard for parents to let their kids go away. But some came back, and we started the school.
The teachers’ financial sacrifices
All the teachers made sacrifices to keep the school going. The financial situation was hard. What little money we could collect every month, we divided among us. Each received the same amount. It was not that great, but we shared and made sacrifices to make it possible for the school to continue.
The teachers’ personal sacrifices
Many of the students had no one to take care of them and no money to pay for housing or food. So each of the teachers took care of two or three students. They lived with us, and we met their expenses. I had three kids with me. It was important for me to help those kids keep going in their education. I knew that without support, they would have to drop out.
I’m happy I did that for those kids. Today one of them is a high school teacher. Another one is married with children, and a third one is working as a telecommunications technician.
Restoring the school
The school is still in operation today back in N’Djamena. All their buildings survived, although they were damaged – all the roofs were gone, and so were all the doors, windows and equipment. The church rebuilt everything.
The ancient example
“All the believers were of one heart and mind, and they felt that what they owned was not their own; they shared everything they had” (Acts 4:32 NLT).
Today’s prayer
Dear God, thank you for sending a spirit of love and cooperation to this group of teachers and students so that they were able to work in harmony. Please work in the hearts of the Chadian people so that they will be willing to cooperate with each other to maintain order, freedom of speech and freedom of religious belief in their country. Amen.
Resource: BBC’s timeline for Chad 1946 to 2017, with pictures: https://grondamorin.com/2017/04/30/bbcs-timeline-for-chad-africa-from-1946-2017/
(Part 1 story: I was teaching in a Christian high school in N’Djamena, the capitol of Chad, when civil war erupted. Gunfire sounded day and night, and there were dead bodies all over the neighborhood. I knew I needed to get my extended family out of the city. My two younger brothers and sister and my cousins lived with me. One of my brothers was in the hospital recovering from an appendectomy. He and my aunt, who was with him, as well as my older sister and her seven children were trapped in the central city, where the gun fighting and bombing were worst.)
N’Djamena is divided into two parts. In the northern part live people who are originally from the Islamic northern tribes. In the southern part live people from the Christianized southern tribes. The civil war in Chad was ethnic, religious, and all those things together. So if you were from the wrong tribal background in the wrong part of the city, your life was in danger. It was not just a matter of avoiding soldiers in uniform. Anyone might shoot you. Some of my friends were shot before they got out of the city.
My sister’s escape with her seven children
My sister’s seven children were traumatized because their neighborhood was especially targeted by the bombing. Four days after the fighting began, when the first cease fire was called, my sister just took the children and walked to my house, five miles away. It was so terrible for them. They left home bare-handed, with only the clothes on their backs.
My aunt’s escape with my brother
My aunt was in the hospital with my younger brother, taking care of him. It was only five days after his surgery, but the two of them also walked six to seven miles to my house. There was no way you could get a car.
When they all arrived safely, I was finally able to sleep for the first time in four days.
Help from Missionary Aviation Fellowship and the Red Cross
We called Missionary Aviation Fellowship to ask for help for my brother. MAF said they had to fly to the south, and they agreed to save two places for that brother and my younger sister. The Red Cross helped us take them to the airport, and MAF flew them down to a southern hospital.
Trucking home
After several days we were able to pay for a truck to get the rest of the family out of the city. We packed light, bringing only what we could hold in our hands. We switched trucks two times on the way. We rode 350 miles all the way to my parents’ home in the back of trucks, packed in with dozens of other refugees.
When we reached our hometown of Moundou, people were fighting there, too.
TO BE CONTINUED
What the psalm writer wrote about trouble
“I took my troubles to the LORD; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer” Psalm 120:1 NLT)
Today's prayer
Thank You, God, for your servants who risk their lives to help strangers who are in trouble. I pray that the people of African nations at war today like Somalia, Sudan, and Nigeria will be willing to take risks, too, to sit down and agree to bring justice for all and to come to peace with each other to unite their countries. Amen.
Resource: Listen to the sounds of Chadians singing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=137g96x4xQQ
When civil war erupted in Chad in February 1979, I was 29 years old, teaching in a Christian high school in the capitol city, N’Djamena. The central city was being bombed, and we heard gunfire all day, all night. There were dead bodies all over the neighborhood.
Figuring out how to flee…
We had to shut the school down, and the students and teachers had to flee for their lives. For me, fleeing was complicated because I had so many in my extended family to help move out.
…with my younger siblings and young cousins…
At that time in Chad, not many kids had the opportunity to go to high school, because all the secondary schools were in the big cities. Children from villages and small towns, like my younger siblings, had to leave their parents and live in the city with relatives. So I had my two brothers, my sister, and my cousins with me.
…with my brother in the hospital under a bombing attack…
One of my younger brothers was in the hospital at the time. He had a narrow escape. On Sunday he had exploratory surgery followed by an appendectomy. Monday morning the war started, and his part of the hospital building caught fire when a bomb exploded. He was transferred to the part of the building that wasn’t burned, but it was four days before we first knew that he was alive.
…with my older sister and her seven children trapped under fire
My older sister’s situation was bad, too. She had seven children, ranging in age from two to 17. Her husband was in Europe at that time, and the family lived a few yards away from the house of Hisseine Habré, the prime minister. The war traumatized her kids, especially the youngest ones, because the regular army targeted their neighborhood. The army even dropped bombs with airplanes.
For years a rebellion against the Chadian government had been simmering in the northern part of the country. Then Felix Malloum, the second president of Chad, signed a peace agreement with Habré, leader of the rebellion, and named him prime minister. Habré still wanted the power, however, and with the help of Western troops that were stationed in Chad, he started the civil war.
What could I do?
I could not sleep. What was happening to my sister and her children? What was happening to my brother and my aunt, who was staying with him in the hospital? With all the shooting, we could not travel to the hospital or to my sister’s house to help the family or find out if they were still alive. TO BE CONTINUED
What the psalm writer wrote about disaster
Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me,
for in you I take refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.
2 I cry out to God Most High,
to God, who vindicates me.
3 He sends from heaven and saves me,
rebuking those who hotly pursue me—
God sends forth his love and his faithfulness. (Psalm 57:1-3)
Today’s prayer
Merciful God, I pray for the families in Sudan, Uganda, Nigeria, Central African Republic and other African countries at war who are facing danger today. Give them calm minds so they can think clearly. Amen.
Resources: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=137g96x4xQQ
This story and others by Nodji (Néaouguen Nodjimbadem) as told to Becky Cerling Powers are told in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family.
"Grandma, Grandma! Can we play the shell game?” seven-year-old Nathan pleads. The shell game is Grandma Cummings' version of "Hide the Thimble." Grandma's rules are simple: one person hides the shell while the finding people are in the next room. The small ivory colored Cape Cod souvenir sea shell must be "hidden" in full view of finders of all heights. No one should have to touch, move, crawl under, or stand on top of anything in Grandma's kitchen to spot the shell. The lucky finder becomes the next hider.
Hiding
"Okay, Nathan, you be the first hider," Grandma says. Timmy, Keith, David and Grandma go into the living room while Nathan hides the shell. They are certain that Nathan has been plotting his hiding place for some time because in just a few seconds he calls, "Ready!"
Finding
The finders enter the kitchen. Nathan's eyes sparkle and he bounces from foot to foot with excitement. "You'll NEVER find it," he announces. They look and look and soon David spies the shell, hidden as a cap on a white candle.
Hiding
"Good job, Nathan! That was a clever hiding place! Okay, David, it is your turn to hide the shell." All of the finders exit and David hides the shell… "Ready!"
Finding
The finders return. David has clearly done a good job of hiding because the finders make several passes around the kitchen. No shell. Finally, with the help of clues from David, Timmy finds the ivory shell carefully placed on the cream-colored pages of a cookbook. The markings on the shell blend with the appearance of the pages.
The game continues. Timmy hides the shell as a button on the wicker chair pillow. Keith hides the shell on the floor as a white flower in the rug under the dining table.
The game goes on
Each time Grandma suggests quitting, the boys say, "Just once more… please, Grandma." So they play again.
Playing a simple, made-up game costs no money and brings great pleasure to Grandma and her grandsons. Is there any greater joy in life?
A happy family
The Bible describes a healthy family this way: "Blessings on all who reverence and trust the Lord--on all who obey him! Their reward shall be prosperity and happiness. Your wife shall be contented in your home. And look at all those children! There they sit around the dinner table as vigorous and healthy as young olive trees. That is God's reward to those who reverence and trust him. May the Lord continually bless you with heaven's blessings as well as human joys. May you live to enjoy your grandchildren! And may God bless Israel!" (Psalm 128, The Children's Living Bible)
Today's prayer
"Dear God, thank you for the blessings of families... grandparents, parents, children and especially thank you for the joys that grandchildren bring to grandparents. Amen."
© 1998 Jennifer Cummings
My husband’s parenting training began in college, babysitting his older brother's children. One Sunday morning he learned that you should always check the baby's diaper when he gets up from a nap.
Dennis was on childcare duty while his brother and sister-in-law were attending mass. When little Paul woke up, Dennis didn't bother to check on him because Paul didn't fuss. In fact, from the contented noises issuing from the bedroom, it sounded like the little guy had found a happy way to entertain himself.
Brown fingerpaint
Indeed he had. When Paul’s mom came home and checked on him, he was happily finger painting his crib bars, the crib mattress, and himself with the brown muck leaking out of his diaper.
Diaper changing is supposed to be the ugly, gross-out task of being a parent. And sometimes it is. But the Colossal Messes of Diaper Days, while tending to produce outstanding memories, actually involve a minor percentage of diaper changing experiences.
The way you do it gives a message
The most important thing to remember is that diaper changing is a social activity. And the way parents relate to babies while changing their diapers helps to build the foundation of their child's sense of self worth. In turn, the child's sense of self worth is key to his or her future ability to relate to other people.
If parents treat diaper changing as disgusting, babies and toddlers may take in the unintended message that they themselves are disgusting. When parents gripe and complain while changing diapers, children conclude that they are an unwanted nuisance and that their basic needs make them unlovable. "It is not O.K. for me to have needs," they may unconsciously decide.
On the other hand, when parents' attitude toward changing diapers is cheerful and matter of fact, and when parents use that time to show love, they help their children to feel worthwhile and to develop a warm sense of security and belonging.
Here is how to make the most out of the diaper changing routine:
Love your baby with your words
Babies are naturally wiggly, and they get squirmier as they grow and develop. Use songs, love talk and happy talk to distract your little one.
You can develop your own talking games, too, as your child's speech develops. (Remember that from about 8 months on children can understand almost everything parents say.)
I used to distract our super-wiggly toddlers by asking "Where's your nose?" and "Where's your chin?" Pointing to each body part kept them happily occupied while I speed-changed them.
Love your baby with your eyes
"A child uses eye contact with his parents (and others) to feed emotionally," says child psychiatrist Ross Campbell in his book How to Really Love Your Child. So look directly into your baby's eyes when you talk to her, smile at her, or say "I love you" during diaper changing.
Eye contact is one of your child's main sources of emotional nurturing throughout childhood.
Love your baby with your touch
Kiss, cuddle, hug and pat your baby after diapering him – and before as well, unless he is too squishy to risk it. Babies and toddlers need lots and lots of close, loving, physical contact with their parents.
Love your baby with firm limits
Even a baby needs to know that certain kinds of behavior, like pulling off Mom's glasses or rolling over, are not acceptable during diaper changing. When parents deal lovingly but firmly with unacceptable behavior, it helps children begin to develop the self control necessary for healthy relationships in the future.
© Becky Cerling Powers updated version 2019
I remember the day my mother and I surprised each other with an Avon perfume sample. In my memory the incident happened in the summer, and I was about eight years old. That meant my mother would have been pregnant with my brother Roy, her fifth child.
The Avon lady’s visit
I was playing dolls at my friend’s house when the Avon lady called. My friend and I watched the sales presentation, and the Avon lady kindly offered us each a perfume sample.
I was thrilled. A sophisticated, grownup lady’s gift! I could give it to my mom! I was so excited, I left my friend and ran home.
Planning to surprise my mom
In my mind, I rehearsed the way I would present this special gift. First, I would find my mom working somewhere in the house. (She was always working.) Then I would keep the perfume hidden behind my back while I sang a song I had learned. Then I would hand her the perfume. She would be astonished. Her eyes would light up, and she would put the perfume in her dresser drawer. Then she would wear it on Sunday when she dressed up to go to church.
Giving the gift
So I found my mother, as planned, and told her I had a surprise. She laid aside her mending to give me her full attention, while I hid the gift behind my back and sang my song:
“Because I love you, Mother Dear,
Each day I’ll try to be
As gentle, loving, good and kind
As you always are to me.’’
With a flourish, I handed Mom the perfume.
The surprise was on me
She burst into tears.
I was horrified.
“Why are you crying?’’ I asked.
She just cried more.
Finally she said, “Honey, I don’t feel like I’ve been very gentle, loving, good or kind lately. I feel like I haven’t been the mother I want to be for my children.’’
Mom’s gift
What a gift my mother gave me with her tears that day! Children see their parents as godlike, but that day my mother let me see how human she was. That day my mother let me look straight into her soul, to see how much she longed to get her mouth in sync with her heart, how much she yearned to match her attitudes and actions with her desire to love her children well.
And I felt so beloved! I felt so cherished!
What Jesus said
Two thousand years ago, Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven’’ (Matthew 5:3 NIV).
This is a truth of the spiritual realm, a mystery that I experienced that long-ago day when I gave my mother the Avon perfume sample. For when Mom revealed to me her poverty, she made both of us rich.
Today’s prayer
“Dear God, help me to see and admit my lack so that I can reach out with empty hands to receive Your supply. Amen.”
© Becky Cerling Powers 1998
“Mom, come look!” our three-year-old Andrew called in a soft, awed voice.
It was a hot summer day, not long after our family moved out of the city onto the beautiful desert mesa in New Mexico. And I was so glad I went to look right away!
The rattlesnake
For there on the patio lay a coiled rattlesnake, preparing to strike our curious kitten.
Andrew didn’t understand the danger. He thought this was another fresh experience for him to enjoy in his new desert home. I yelled and grabbed him and ran back into the house.
Kitty in danger
Our other two children quickly came to the patio door to see what the commotion was about. We all stood at the sliding glass door watching the stand-off between our kitty and the rattlesnake.
“Jesus, save our kitty!” the children pleaded, between cries of “No, Butterscotch, come inside!”
Kitty rescued
Without asking permission (I would have said “NO!”), our 11-year-old son Matthew took action. He quickly stepped onto the patio, swooped up the kitten in his arms – just inches away from the rattler – and ran back toward the house. With a sigh of relief, he slipped inside.
Then Matthew, whose father has taught him gun safety and marksmanship, shot the rattlesnake with his dad’s shotgun from the safety of our kitchen window.
Saved for love’s sake
When someone we love is at risk, we can act in totally selfless ways, like Matthew did when he saved his cat. Jesus did that when he died to rescue us. The Bible says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (2 John 4:18 NIV).
Today’s prayer
“Dear God, show us how to love each other in fearless and unselfish ways.” Amen.
Resource: If you liked this story, you can find it and more like it in My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family, compiled and edited by Becky Cerling Powers.
The patient in Room 116 was a handsome, rich young Mexican architect who kept ending up in the hospital because he was depressed and he drank too much.
The architect came from a prominent family in Guadalajara and had a big house, fancy cars, and a great future. Yet he was very unhappy.
Special treatment for a grouch
I noticed that Mrs. G, our nursing supervisor, showed special interest in this patient. Going far beyond her normal duties, she personally gave him his medications, carried his food trays to his room, and cheerfully answered his call bell herself.
And he made lots of calls. He was a grouchy, demanding patient.
“Why is Mrs. G taking care of the patient in 116 herself?" I asked another nurse. "Is she a friend of his or a friend of his family?"
The nurse laughed. "Well, the patient certainly wouldn't think of her as a friend," she said. "Mrs. G knows who the patient is, but he has no idea who she is. In fact, he and his family might be pretty upset if they knew who was taking in his food trays and giving him his medications."
"Why is that?" I asked.
Getting Away With Murder
"Because a few years ago," the nurse explained, "that patient killed Mrs. G's young nephew."
“What?" I asked. "How did that happen?"
"A few years ago," my friend explained, "this patient was the leader of a college group playing tricks on new students. The older boys were drinking too much, things got out of control, and somehow they drowned Mrs. G's brilliant 18-year-old nephew in a campus fountain."
"That's terrible!" I said. "Why isn't this patient in prison?"
"Well, the victim's family did not have the money or political connections to take the older students to court,” she explained. “And the students were from well-to-do families. They used their wealth and influence to protect their sons from legal action.”
Living with loss
“Mrs. G's sister suffered a nervous breakdown from the terrible grief of losing her only son,” she went on. “It has been a very painful experience for the family."
"Then I wonder why Mrs. G is showing him such kindness," I said. "Now, he is at her mercy. She can get back at him. What if she told him who she is? Or, what if she makes a ‘mistake’ with his medications? Who would know?"
A strange opportunity
I watched and listened. In the end I came to understand that Mrs. G had decided long before to leave her nephew's tragic death in the hands of God. In her view, nursing this patient with kindness was a God-given opportunity to show her forgiveness directly to the one who had caused her family such pain. So she chose to repay evil with goodness.
I don't know what ever happened to the guilty architect. I've heard stories of people like him who have eventually come to peace with God and then turned around and helped others who were hurting. I don't know whether or not he ever did. As with everyone, it was his choice what he did with God's gifts and opportunities, and he may have chosen to reject them.
Peace in the midst of pain
I do know what Mrs. G's life was like. She had peace and joy; the architect had neither. Mrs. G could have been eaten up with bitterness. Instead she was happy. She had chosen to deal with her hurt the better way… God's way.
Like Mrs. G, we all have a choice of how we react when others hurt us. We can hold on to our bitterness and be miserable or, like Mrs. G, we can let go of our pain and look for ways to show kindness to those responsible for our hurt.
A friend once said, "Bitterness is like holding a hot coal in your hand. You mainly hurt yourself."
What the Bible says
St. Paul taught the early Christians this: "Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. Instead, feed your enemy if he is hungry. If he is thirsty give him something to drink. Conquer evil by doing good" (Romans 12:19-21 TLB).
Today’s Prayer
"God, I accept that Your way is the better way of dealing with hurt. Help me to let go of bitterness and trying to get back at others. Instead, help me to show them kindness so that I can enjoy Your peace in my heart." Amen.
Resource: To order Paula Kortkamp Combs’ Bible studies in English and Spanish, go to this link:
https://www.amazon.com/Paula-K-Combs/e/B00KGNRWZW?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_20&qid=1569165484&sr=8-20
© Paula Kortkamp Combs 1998
The year was 539 BC. Ancient Babylon, located in today’s Iraq, was completely surrounded by the Persian army. But King Belshazzar wasn’t worried. The great Euphrates River ran right through the middle of Babylon, providing plenty of water. Also, the city had a twenty-year supply of food stored away. And finally, the city walls were 300 feet high. Who could possibly conquer Babylon?
In a show of contempt for the enemy camped outside the walls, Belshazzar threw a party for one thousand guests. The mood of the arrogant king was "Eat, drink, and be merry!" With the assembled nobles and their female companions following his example, the banquet was soon out of control.
The drunken Belshazzar then revealed his special contempt for the God of the Jews. He ordered wine to be served in the sacred goblets stolen years before from the Jewish temple in Jerusalem. These gold cups had been dedicated to Jehovah. Belshazzar and his mocking guests now dared to use them to drink toasts to the many idols of Babylon, thereby blaspheming the Lord God.
Suddenly in the midst of their rowdy laughter, the fingers of a hand appeared, mysteriously writing on a wall. Panic gripped the revelers. All color drained from Belshazzar’s haughty face. His knees knocked; his legs gave way.
Quickly the king sent for his astrologers and fortune-tellers, but not one of them could interpret the writing on the wall. In desperation he sent for Daniel, an elderly Jew who had previously served honorably in high governmental posts.
Daniel looked at the strange letters on the wall. "King Belshazzar," he said, "you have defied the Lord of heaven. As you and your guests have been drinking from God’s holy cups, you have been praising gods of silver and gold that can’t see or hear. You have not honored the God who gives you the breath of life and controls your destiny! So God’s message to you is this: “God has numbered the days of your reign and has brought it to an end. You have been weighed in the balances and have failed the test. Your kingdom has been divided and given to the Medes and Persians."
Unknown to Belshazzar, the Persian army had dug a canal north of the city to divert the waters of the Euphrates River. While the drunken party was in progress, the water level receded enough for the soldiers to enter the city through the riverbed. That night Babylon fell with little bloodshed and Belshazzar died.
Food for thought: The dictionary defines blasphemy as any irreverent word, act, or writing concerning God. We blaspheme God when we use His name as profanity or when we show a lack of reverence for Him and His holy Word.
Worth repeating: The third of the Ten Commandments is “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.” (Exodus 20:7 NIV)
Today’s prayer: "Dear Lord, I recognize that You alone are God. Show me if there is any irreverence toward You in my attitudes or words. Help me to always honor Your holy name. Amen."
Resource: To see Paula Kortkamp Combs’ Bible studies in English and Spanish, go to this link: https://www.amazon.com/Paula-K-Combs/e/B00KGNRWZW?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_20&qid=1569165484&sr=8-20
© Paula Kortkamp Combs 1998
© Paula Kortkamp Combs 1998
I grew up curious about my mom’s older cousin Laura Richards. Throughout childhood I heard bits and pieces of her story: how she started an orphanage on faith in China in 1929 and saved the lives of over 200 children through famines and wars. And how after Mao Tse Tung took over China, his government forced her to leave the country in 1951 and killed her Chinese husband.
Mom explained that Laura couldn’t tell people her what happened because it was too dangerous – people might be killed or sent to prison if the wrong people heard or read her story. This political background intrigued me.
By the time Laura died in 1981, I had a journalism degree, a husband, and three children. People began giving me little caches of Laura’s old letters and memoir notes. Her stories fascinated and inspired me. I thought My children should know this story because Laura is their relative. But the more I learned, the more I realized that many people would find Laura’s story compelling.
Laura was unusual because gave up the things that people normally rely on. She received no salary from a church or missionary agency, and she did not advertise her orphanage needs. She believed that when she tried to seek God’s kingdom first instead of her own, like Jesus said, then she could trust God to provide what she needed.
She lived her life with the same uncertainty and living conditions as poor Chinese peasants because she wanted them to see for themselves that the message of Jesus wasn’t just religious talk, but that God loved them and would really help them just like He was helping her to take care of the orphans.
It was hard for me to get time to research and write Laura’s story because I was homeschooling three kids and because my husband’s mom needed a lot of help with his dad, who had Alzheimer’s Disease. But I kept on with the writing project because the story was changing me.
For example, Laura trusted God for practical things, like: “We’re out of food. We need breakfast but there’s nothing to eat.” So she would call the children together and they would pray for breakfast. And breakfast would arrive on time. This kind of thing happened over and over.
Laura’s example gave me the courage to agree when my husband wanted to start a full-time home business. I learned to pray for practical things like Laura. Our income was irregular. One month we’d get paid and then if nothing else came in, we had to live for two months on what we’d been paid.
In this situation I lost Dennis’ paycheck. It was all we had to live on for a month or more. I looked and looked but I could not find it. So I stopped and prayed, “Please help me find this paycheck. Open my eyes to see it. What should I do to find the paycheck?”
I had a strong impression that I should clean the house. So I told the children that instead of having home school that morning we would clean house. And I told them to keep their eyes open for Dad’s paycheck while they cleaned.
I went to the closet where I was saving a stack of newspapers for a neighbor who collected them for the Boy Scouts for recycling. I thought, It’s time to take these newspapers up to Mrs. Shockley. So I got a bag and picked up a six- or eight-inch pile of papers from the top of the stack to put in the bag.
And there was the missing check!
The check had become mixed in with the newspapers, and it was laying at the very place where I picked up the paper pile. To me that was a clear answer to prayer. Why else would I pick up those newspapers right at that place?
Worth repeating: “One generation shall praise Your works to another and shall declare Your mighty acts” (Psalm 145:4).
Today’s prayer: Lord, help me to recognize and give thanks for Your works in my life and help me use the opportunities that come up today to tell younger or older generations what You have done. Amen.
If you would like to know more about Laura Richards and the Canaan Home children, go to the Bookstore and order Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage by Becky Cerling Powers.
© Becky Cerling Powers 2019
Growing up in Illinois as an only child, I looked forward to holidays when my cousins from Iowa came to visit. Nancy and Mary were fun. We loved to play hide-and-go-seek in my grandparents’ creaky old house and scare ourselves with ridiculous spook stories. One memorable, snowy day we foolishly lay under a sun lamp for a winter tan and ended up with our faces burned and our eyes swollen shut. We got in trouble for that, but other adventures turned out better.
Then sadly, my cousins’ parents divorced, and our good times together ended.
Promise Broken
Grandma Kortkamp was distressed by the separation within the family. "Honey," she often said to me, "Promise you will always keep in touch with Nancy and Mary." Solemnly I promised.
My cousins and I corresponded well into early adulthood, but then, as time went by, addresses and last names changed. Other priorities claimed our attention, and we lost contact. I often wondered about my cousins. I always felt a pang of remorse that I’d not kept my promise to Grandma. If only I had answered my cousins’ last letters back in the 1970’s, we wouldn’t have lost touch. But now I didn’t know how to find them.
Then in January 1997 my mother received a note postmarked from a town we’d never heard of. It was from Nancy. She and Mary had found Mother’s address on the Internet and wanted to hear from us.
Promise Kept
Thrilled, I immediately I sat down and wrote. How grateful I was that God was giving me a new opportunity to keep my childhood promise to Grandma. My cousins and I began communicating several times a week through email, sometimes several times a day.
The last time we saw each other we were just children. Now we are mothers and grandmothers ourselves. It has been a great joy for us as adults to build a new relationship. And yes, we have even met together for several reunions in Iowa. We treasure our moments together with a deeper realization of just how precious family relationships are.
Our grandmother was a woman of prayer who invested countless hours praying for us, her grandchildren. Although she died 45 years ago, her prayers are still bearing fruit in our lives. She always prayed that Nancy, Mary, and I would have a close relationship so that we might encourage one another spiritually. After many decades that prayer has now been answered. Prayer is the most worthwhile investment we can make in our family’s future.
Worth repeating: "The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results" (James 5:16 NLT).
Today’s prayer: "Dear Lord, thank You for the power of prayer. Help me to invest in my family’s future by faithfully praying for each member. Thank You for answering our prayers in Your perfect way and in Your perfect timing. Amen."
The Africans say that once upon a time the ostrich’s neck was short, like any other bird’s neck. His neck became so long, they say, because he was foolish in his choice of friends and stubborn about listening to advice. For, you see, the ostrich wanted to be friends with the crocodile.
“Leave him alone,” warned the monkey. “You can’t trust him. He ate my brother’s baby last summer. “
“What do you know?” retorted the ostrich.
“You are a foolish bird,” the elephant said. “Just watch the way the crocodile lies in wait for little creatures. He has a bad reputation, and he has earned it. Stay away from him.”
But the stubborn ostrich paid no attention.
One day, the crocodile was hungry. “OOOH!” he moaned. “I have a terrible ache in my jaw. Help me, Friend Ostrich!”
“How can I help?” the ostrich asked.
“Look inside my mouth,” the crocodile said. “Find the tooth that hurts.” He opened his jaws wide, and the ostrich looked inside.
“Put your head in farther,” the crocodile said. “The tooth that hurts is way in back.”
But when the ostrich thrust his head all the way in to the back of the crocodile’s long mouth, the crocodile suddenly popped his jaws together.
They played tug of war all day, and I assure you, the game was not fun for Ostrich. As he pulled and kept pulling, his neck stretched longer and longer.
Finally, the crocodile grew tired and gave up. He let go of the big bird’s head. Ostrich raced away, with his long neck bobbing.
Ostrich’s neck never returned to its former size. Now whenever he stoops his head to take a drink in river or pool, he can see the reflection of that long, long neck. It reminds him to pay attention to good advice, and stay away from “friends” like Crocodile.
Food for Thought: Why is it foolish to hang out with untrustworthy people?
Worth Repeating: The Bible says, “He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded” (Proverbs 13:13 NIV)
Today’s Prayer: “Lord, help me to be friendly and kind to everyone, and yet be cautious about who I hang out with for friends.” Amen.
We’re all tired by late afternoon – kids, Mom, Dad. Everyone’s blood sugar is low. Everyone’s cranky. Everyone’s tired.
It takes all your energy and willpower just to be patient with anyone and talk nicely.
It’s the worst time to make an important decision – like what’s for dinner.
But there are two good solutions for avoiding Suppertime Stress: knowing ahead of time what you’re going to serve for dinner and ensuring that the supplies for making it are on hand.
#1: The 1st solution is the 10 o’clock rule.
Decide what you will make for dinner by 10 a.m. if you will be home during the day. That way, you can thaw meat or other frozen ingredients. And you won’t have to make the decision when you’re tired.
If you won't be home during the day, decide by 10 p.m. the night before. That way, you can start any frozen ingredients to thaw in the refrigerator overnight, and you won’t have to make the decision when you’re tired.
Simply knowing what you’ll make for dinner ahead of time avoids Suppertime Stress.
#2 The second solution is to make a Favorite Family Meal List (and eventually a Master Meal Plan).
The 10 o’clock rule is a breeze when you use the second solution: check the Favorite Family Meal List and/or the Master Meal Plan.
First, list all the main meals your family likes to eat. Keep it somewhere handy and add to it as you try new recipes they enjoy.
If that seems like too much, write down 7 meals your family likes (spaghetti, tacos, etc.) and tape the list inside a kitchen cabinet. Then, as days pass, jot down more meals as you think of them. Eventually, you will have a usable list for making a master meal plan.
Place your list inside a 3-ring binder and use it once a week or once a month to plan your meals for the week or month.
Keep the binder with your recipe books. As you develop a system that works well for you, you can add other ideas and organizational features over time.
In my 3-ring binder, I keep lists like these:
Before my husband started his own business, he was paid once a month.
I used the master list to make a monthly meal plan.
Then, I made one major grocery shopping expedition after payday based on the monthly meal plan.
Today, a lot of grocery stores will deliver groceries.
That saves even more time – as long as you know which meals you plan to make for the week or month.
(You’ll also save time shopping if you train your family to keep track of supplies they are running out of on a list posted somewhere handy, like the refrigerator.)
If you bog down on making a weekly or monthly meal plan, you can still use your Favorite Family Meal List to help you decide what’s for supper. By 10 o’clock!
The hardest part of meal preparation is deciding what to serve.
When everyone is tired and hungry, late afternoon is the worst possible time to face decisions.
If you already know what you’re going to serve, you can pitch in and do the work without having to think clearly.
A lot of family life revolves around food:
Streamlining the daily process of feeding the family makes life smoother.
©2025 Becky Cerling Powers
Becky Cerling Powers is the author of Sticky Minds: Quick Reads for Helping Kids Thrive, a Bathroom Book for people who want to be better parents but live such busy lives that they hardly have time to figure out how.