My husband, Dennis, and I began our married life in southern Germany, where he was stationed by the Army. At first I was excited to be living in a foreign country.
But it was also unfamiliar and even scary. I was afraid to go anywhere all by myself. What if I got lost? There were no cell phones then. If I wanted to phone my husband for help, I had to use a public pay phone. But the instructions for using the pay phone were in German and I didn’t know enough German to understand them.
Lonely and unfamiliar
It was lonely, too, being so far away from my family and friends. While my husband worked long hours, I was isolated in a German neighborhood where I couldn’t speak to my neighbors. Where I didn’t understand the customs, like bringing a basket to the grocery store instead of expecting the store to give me a plastic sack.
Culture shock hit hard.
Missing single life
Marriage shock hit hard, too. I was used to being independent, living and working where I chose, managing my own schedule, paying bills with money I earned myself. Suddenly every aspect of my life depended on the work schedule, salary, and choices of somebody else.
I didn’t want to tell Dennis that I missed my independence. He’d be hurt. So I felt guilty and disloyal and tried not to think about it.
Transition to a new life
Actually, in marrying Dennis and moving to Germany, my gains far outweighed my losses. My transition to married life and our cross-cultural adventure would have been easier if I’d known enough to admit the value of what I had lost, so I could move on. Running away from admitting and grieving my losses just kept me confused longer.
Like most people, I thought of grieving as something people only do when someone they love dies. Now I know that life is full of other kinds of losses that also must be acknowledged, mourned, and worked through. Our children shed their childhood and leave home for college and faraway jobs. Our parents age and lose their health. Dear friends get left behind when we move or start a new job.
So instead of rushing on as if nothing important has changed, I need to acknowledge that something has ended. Then I need to grieve the loss – express it, put words to it, even cry about it.
Created with feelings
God has emotions. When He created us in His image, He created us with emotions. And those feelings give us important signals about the state of our souls – about what is going on in our innermost self.
Feelings can be confusing. The week our daughter moved into a college dorm at age 16, I felt very proud of her. But I was a real grouch with the rest of the family. Finally, one day after I blew up at my husband when he asked me to run an errand, he asked, “Is this really about me asking you to run an errand on a busy day, or is it something deeper?”
After a bit of resistance, I realized he was right. I wasn’t upset about errands or schedules. I missed my daughter!
Recognizing clues
Crying over my husband’s request was unhelpful. Shedding tears over Jessica’s move, though, helped me begin to accept the new situation. Crying helped, but only when my tears were directed at the true source of my grief.
Then I could also recognize and truly give thanks for all the positive aspects of the new situation. We made it! She graduated from homeschool early and could go to college on a scholarship!
When I learned to grieve and give thanks at the same time, it brought me into balance.
Then it became conceivable to recognize and acknowledge the potential in my life for new possibilities as a result of the change. My schedule freed up. My writing stretched in new directions. My daughter and I let go of our adult to child relationship and moved into an adult to adult relationship. In this way, I could move forward with gratitude.
What the Bible says
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).
Today’s prayer
“Dear Lord, I need perspective. Am I facing a loss that I need to acknowledge and grieve? And what do I need to give thanks for in this stage of my life today? Help me mourn what I’ve lost so that I can receive Your comfort and give thanks for all You give me. Amen.”
© 2019 Becky Cerling Powers
Reprint with attribution only
For the next few months I will be posting stories that help us understand the Beatitudes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mountain. For faith-based family stories to share with friends and older children, check out Laura’s Children: the hidden story of a Chinese orphanage and My Roots Go Back to Loving and other stories from Year of the Family in the Bookstore.
Reflections for Parents in April, Week Two: parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
4/12/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Helping Kids with Math: parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
4/5/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Reflections for Parents in April, Week One: parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
4/1/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Trouble -- the doorway to God's Kingdom: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/25/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Honey Tree: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/23/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Watching for the Positives: parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
3/21/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Give Your Children Sticky Minds: parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
3/15/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
The Law of Kindness: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/12/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Laura Jane Cerling
Eyes in the Lookout: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/10/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Glen A Hinshaw
Focusing on the good stuff: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/5/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Joe Herman
The Grumble Family: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/3/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Anonymous
Being a Better Parent...One Week at a Time...in March
2/28/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Henry O. Flipper: a black history month story from the Story Powerline
2/24/2021 3:33:00 PM by: Randy Limbird
Preparing to Raise Teens: parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
2/18/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Neighbor Love: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/17/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
No Matter What, I Love You Every Day: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/14/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers and Robert G Cerling
Mental Maps: a faith based story on love from the Story Powerline
2/10/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Putting Myself in the Love Chapter: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/8/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Erik Powers
Reading to Babies: parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
2/5/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Being a Better Parent....One Week at a Time...in February 2021
2/1/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Resolving the Past: a faith-based story from the Story Powerline
1/22/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Sharon Withers as told to Becky Cerling Powers
God Sets the Lonely in Families: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
1/21/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Sharon Withers as told to Becky Cerling Powers
Keep Trying: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
1/13/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Laura Jane Cerling
Hooray for Mother Goose! Parenting Insights from the Parent Powerline
1/5/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Being a Better Parent....One Week at a Time...in January 2021
1/2/2021 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Working With -- Not Against -- Life Seasons: parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
12/28/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Why Play With the Kids? parenting insights from the Parent Powerline
12/21/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Breaking Barriers with Kindness: a faith based Christmas story from the Story Powerline
12/10/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Laura Jane Cerling
Shoe Shine Boy: a faith based Christmas story from the Story Powerline
12/4/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Ruben Fierro as told to Maria Luisa Navarro
Slow Down for Christmas: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
12/1/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Ruth & Boaz, Part 2: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
11/12/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Maria Luisa Navarro
Ruth & Boaz, Part 1: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
11/9/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Maria Luisa Navarro
Enemies No More, Part 2: a faith based Beatitudes story from the Story Powerline
10/30/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Enemies No More, Part 1: a faith based Beatitudes story from the Story Powerline
10/28/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Double Minded Doggie: a faith based Beatitudes story from the Story Powerline
10/22/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
The Father's Blessing: a faith based Beatitudes story from the Story Powerline
10/13/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Dad's Green Packard: a faith based Beatitudes story from the Story Powerline
10/10/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
Hill of Woman's Fidelity: a faith based Beatitudes story from the Story Powerline
10/1/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Retold by Becky Cerling Powers
In Praise of Naps: tips from the Parent Powerline
9/28/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Music Enriches the Family: tips from the Parent Powerline
9/10/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Pre-School at Home During Covid-19: tips from the Parent Powerline
8/21/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Parenting in the Mess: Tips from the Parent Powerline
8/16/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
The Way We Homeschooled, Part 1 Balance: from the Parent Powerline
8/4/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Grandpa Thure Cerling, Part 1: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
8/4/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Grandpa Thure Cerling, Part 2: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
8/4/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Temptation: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
7/23/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Glen A. Hinshaw
TALK: A Simple Way to Help Kids with School: tips from the Parent Powerline
7/21/2020 9:00:00 PM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Honest Abe Lincoln: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
7/14/2020 11:00:00 PM by: Randy Limbird
The Most Conscientious Hunter I Ever Met: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
6/24/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Glen A. Hinshaw
Washing Feet: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
6/17/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers and Lee Merrill Byrd
No Parking: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
6/10/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Ruby Bridges, part 2: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
6/3/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Ruby Bridges, part 1: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
6/2/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Raising Fluent Readers: tips from the Parent Powerline
5/29/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Unwanted Baby: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
5/26/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Eileen as told to Becky Cerling Powers
Family Funnies: Tips from the Parent Powerline
5/22/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Joey's Letters: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
5/21/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Lee Merrill Byrd
Alzheimer Valley: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
5/13/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
New Bride Confusion: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
5/12/2020 4:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Amaris Luz, Light from Darkness: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
4/28/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Lee Merrill Byrd
Losing Poetry: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
4/22/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Let Kids Cure Their Own Boredom: Tips from the Parent Powerline
4/15/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Naaman, Rich in Money and Presumption: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
4/14/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs and Becky Cerling Powers
David, Bathsheba & Psalm 51: a faith based story story from the Story Powerline
4/9/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
The Hundred Chart: math lesson tips from the Parent Powerline
4/8/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
The Beer Would Call Me: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
4/7/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Beatriz Balcort as told to Becky Cerling Powers
Turned Around: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
4/2/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Brian Bolton with Becky Cerling Powers
Toddlers Helping During COVID-19 and Beyond: tips from the Parent Powerline
4/1/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Elijah & the Captain of 50 Men: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/31/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Retold by Becky Cerling Powers
Fear in Residence: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/24/2020 10:00:00 PM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
Household Management During COVID-19 Time: tips from the Parent Powerline
3/23/2020 10:00:00 PM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Dreaming of Anita Jo: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/12/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
No Complaint Dinners: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/10/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Laura Jane Cerling
DIY Plumbing: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/5/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Jennifer Cummings
A Brother's Love: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
3/3/2020 7:00:00 AM by: Retold by Becky Cerling Powers
My Two Dads, part three: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/27/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Janimarie Rowe as told to Becky Cerling Powers
My Two Dads, part two: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/26/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Janimarie Rowe as told to Becky Cerling Powers
My Two Dads, part one: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/25/2020 7:00:00 AM by: Janimarie Rowe as told to Becky Cerling Powers
Grandma's Apron: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/20/2020 12:45:00 PM by: Jennifer Cummings
Colors of the Beetle: a retold faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/13/2020 12:00:00 PM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Cantaloupe Crop Disaster: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
2/5/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Glen Hinshaw
Afraid to Sleep at Night (Psalm 91): a faith based story from the Story Powerline
1/22/2020 6:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
How the Camel Got His Hump: a retold faith based story
1/13/2020 10:00:00 PM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Growing Up With Polio: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
1/9/2020 10:01:00 PM by: Laura Jane Cerling
All Things Bright and Beautiful: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
1/7/2020 6:20:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers, poem by Cecil Frances Alexander
One Dollar for a Donut: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
1/1/2020 6:00:00 PM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Star of Wonder
12/26/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
The Shepherds
12/24/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
Mary and the Angel
12/18/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
Zechariah
12/17/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
Christmas Cookies: a a faith based story from the Story Powerline
12/10/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Laura Jane Cerling
First Thanksgiving, Part 2: Beginning in Weakness (a faith based story)
11/28/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Rami Scully
First Thanksgiving, Part 3: Gifts & Gratitude (a faith based story from the Story Powerline)
11/28/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Rami Scully
First Thanksgiving, Part 1: Enduring the Sea Voyage (a faith based story)
11/27/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Rami Scully
Rescuing my Family in Wartime, Part 3: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
11/22/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Néaouguen Nodjimbadem as told to Becky Cerling Powers
Rescuing my Family in Wartime, Part 2: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
11/19/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Néaouguen Nodjimbadem
Rescuing my Family in Wartime, Part 1: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
11/12/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Nodji (Néaouguen Nodjimbadem) as told to Becky Cerling Powers
Preventing Parent Burnout: from the Parent Powerline
11/4/2019 5:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Grandma Time: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
11/1/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Jennifer Cummings
Safe Amid Snakes and Semi-Trucks: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
10/30/2019 3:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
The Love & Diaper (Nappy) Connection
10/25/2019 6:30:00 PM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Avon Perfume Surprise: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
10/22/2019 7:00:00 AM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Saving Butterscotch: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
10/16/2019 6:00:00 AM by: Karen M. Pickett Ward
The Patient in Room 116: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
10/8/2019 9:10:00 AM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
Belshazzar: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
10/2/2019 6:45:00 AM by: Retold by Paula Kortkamp Combs
My Mysterious Relative & the Missing Paycheck: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
9/26/2019 3:17:00 PM by: Becky Cerling Powers
Keeping in Touch with Cousins: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
9/24/2019 3:20:00 PM by: Paula Kortkamp Combs
How the Ostrich Got His Long Neck: a faith based retold story from the Story Powerline
9/9/2019 3:49:00 PM by: Retold by Becky Cerling Powers
When Life Goes Up in Smoke: a faith based story from the Story Powerline
8/20/2019 3:28:00 PM by: Glen A. Hinshaw
